As I stared at the drop from the canyon and waterfall, I couldn't believe Tiger had talked me into this. My heart pounded in my chest, and I inhaled slowly as water rushed past my outstretched legs. How deep was that pool we were tumbling into?

"You've got this, Goanna!" he cheered from behind me, where he stood in a black wet suit and teal helmet. Easy for him to say. He hadn't tried this slide of death yet.

"Lean back, cross your ankles, and don't forget to scream." Our guide smiled cheekily at me from a little further down the rock, where he was harnessed with a camera to capture my terror.

I counted to five as I exhaled, crossed my legs, and hesitantly released my death grip on the rocks keeping me from tumbling down this waterfall. With another push from my shaking arms, I shot forward feet-first. The solid foundation beneath me disappeared in seconds. As I catapulted into the air, my stomach plummeted faster than me. I hardly had time to scream before the pool engulfed me in bubbles.

The water's icy chill penetrated my full wetsuit. With a few arm pulls, I surfaced and glanced back at Tiger who was lining himself up for the same stunt. The group opposite us called me over. Despite my still racing heart, I grinned at Tiger and gave him a thumbs-up before swimming breaststroke to the other tour participants. They stood in a narrow section of the gorge where the rock wall closed in enough to balance on the ledges.

Tiger's yell registered just before the splash. My head shot back and I released a breath of relief as he surfaced. Unlike on Mount Bruce, his smiles and laughs throughout the day showed a much more relaxed side of him that almost made up for my heart's constant state of fear since the safety briefing this morning.

He caught up with me in the water as we neared the meeting point. "How was it?"

"I'm living, which is more than I expected," I replied. He laughed at my dramatic answer. "You must have enjoyed it. You're grinning like a fool."

"It's incredible. I feel so alive and free. Thank you for doing this with me."

"It definitely helps you stay focused on the present."

His grin faded a little. "Are you enjoying yourself?"

"I will be now that that's over. I'm ready for tubing down the gorge."

Our other tour guide offered me a hand to pull me out of the water. I did the same for Tiger before we wedged ourselves into a narrow gap, backs against one wall and feet against the opposite.

"We have another waterfall to descend before that. You're all doing great though." Another excited scream and splash followed our guide's words. Only two more people had to slide down the waterfall. From this angle, the four-metre drop made me shiver beneath the wetsuit.

"Another slide?" I asked.

The guide shook his head. "Abseil, with ropes, harness, and the works, just like we practiced."

I gulped and nodded.

"You'll be brilliant. Don't worry," Tiger whispered. He offered me his hand, and I held it. A wave of calm washed over me like the water hitting the turquoise pool far too low beneath us.

"First time canyoning?" Shelly, one of the Queenslanders on the tour, asked.

"Yes." Tiger and I answered in unison. When I released his hand, he looked down with a furrowed brow.

"I cliff jumped and white-water rafted around Rotorua, but this is way more demanding. Thank goodness we had a rest day after Mount Bruce."

"Good onya! Those falls will get your heart racing. We did it on holiday three years back." Shelly looked at her girlfriend. "You two have been busy," Shelly said.

"It's mainly her. I've only been in Northern Territory and the Kimberley and the Pilbara regions."

"Did you meet travelling?" Shelly's partner asked.

"Four days ago in the campground, or three and a half if you take the time of day into account," Tiger said.

"Four days? You're joking."

It was hard to believe since everything felt effortless with him. From reviewing our bucket lists in the shady nooks of the gorges to cooking ultra basic meals together, we fell into a comfortable rhythm. Our conversations were genuinely interesting, and zero awkward tension arose unlike when I was around other guys and they'd slip in pickup lines and comment on my looks.

"What can I say? He's a fascinating guy."

As his cheeks reddened, the last members of our tour swam up, and the guides reviewed the safety procedures with us once more.

"Any brave souls willing to go first?"

Thinking of his adrenaline earlier, I shouted, "Neil," to the amusement of the group.

He chuckled and whispered, "Payback for the waterfall?"

"Most definitely, but I'll be right behind you."

Neil and I scrambled over the stream to the front of the pack with cheers of encouragement from our companions. The first guide demonstrated how to push off the rocks and lean back as if he was on an invisible comfy sofa instead of relying on nylon rope not to plunge into a head injury. The second guide clipped Neil in and helped him get into position. He repelled down the red rocks with the waterfall at his side. Each time the guide dropped him another meter, my stomach clenched. Soon he made it down to the small rock pool where our rubber inner tubes were waiting for us.

"You're next, sweetheart," the guide called. I took a deep breath as I met him on the precarious ledge to get attached to the ropes. "She'll be right. Just breathe." He tugged on the harness and carabineers to make sure everything was secured. "Ready?"

I held onto the rope, planted my feet, and nodded, yet the first drop still made me shriek. I walked down the rock wall with all my senses on high alert. Water fell carelessly beside me, the lucky substance with no bones to break on its descent.

"Relax, you're doing great," the guide coaxed.

When Tiger cheered me on, a bit of my tension evaporated and this horizontal walking affair got easier. I dared to look down, and I'd nearly reached our landing point. Once I arrived and had some help out of the harness, I stumbled toward Tiger with jelly legs. He reached out his arms, which I unceremoniously tumbled into.

"You're shaking," he whispered as I wrapped my arms around him.

"Sorry."

"It's okay. Stay here as long as you need, okay?" His tone was so genuine like he could sense the fear still echoing in my bones. Each breath I took against his chest filled me with peace.

I met his brown eyes with a small smile on my lips. "Okay."

We cheered Shelly and the others down the waterfall abseil before I got my coveted tube ride through Red Gorge. The sunshine kissed our moist skin as if acknowledging the work it had taken to reach this point.

"Red Gorge, ladies and gents, drink it in. Only the bold get this view," our guide hollered from further up the river.

Tiger splashed me with his hand paddle. "Thanks for doing this with me, Goanna."

I laughed at his goofy smile. "You've already thanked me."

"I know, but it really means a lot. Before this, I felt like... I dunno... like a fragment of a person, someone my friends and family judged and pitied, but being here, repelling down waterfalls with you. I'm invincible, strong, whole."

Whole.

My chest warmed for him. I'd spent months fixated on its antonym: broken, or worse, defective and damaged. Words my ex had put in my head by passing off his expectations as normalcy and my needs as callous. My heart knew what Neil wasn't admitting and how despairing it was. If the cost of dismantling that pain was facing my fear of falling, I'd gladly pay it because no one deserved to feel that low. Especially not Neil.

"You've seemed whole to me since we met."

His gaze rested on the orange walls surrounding us and the royal blue sky. "I haven't felt it."

"Then let's keep working on that bucket list till your self-doubt is a distant memory."

"Deal." 

I didn't have any pictures of Red Gorge itself since I was a little less brave than Sadie and Neil, but all of the spots in the photos are also found in Karijini and accessible without needing a guide and all the fancy gear, just some determination and rock hopping :) If you search for 'Karijini abseiling' or canyoning, you'll find the inspiration for their journey.

Thank you very much for reading. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.