"Good day," I told the nurse at the front desk. "You know where I'm going," I laughed. I grabbed the handle of the door but to my surprise it didn't budge. I looked towards Ruth, who was the one on duty at the moment, giving her a confused look.

        "Oh! Ross," she startled, quickly shuffling around the desk to stand infront of me. I wondered what she wanted, as I was late and in a hurry to talk to Amanda as much as possible before visiting hours were over. She was short, even in heals, and had to look up when she addressed me. "Amanda..." she started, giving me a concerned look, "she's not in there."

        I felt my heart leap, but immediately crash back down into my stomach. I knew there was only two reasons why she wouldn't be in there, and the look of pity Ruth was giving me didn't give me any hope that she had woken up. I braced myself, feeling the blood from my face drain away and the sting of tears threatening to spill over my eyelids. I couldn't believe I hadn't been there for her; I only blamed myself for this.

        "She's not gone yet," Ruth quickly explained, seeing the fear and sadness in my eyes. A small flame of hope relit itself and I was eager for her to continue. "She has a ruptured spleen," she explained, "the size of the rupture isn't very large, but there is massive amounts of internal bleeding. She's in surgery now."

        I took a slow breath and sat down in the nearest waiting room chair, not trusting my legs to hold me up. I felt numb, but at the same time heavy, like a ton of bricks had just crashed down on me.  "Well..." I gulped, "what does this mean?" I asked her.

        Ruth looked apprehensively at me, debating something with herself. "Ross, I'm sorry," she said delicately, "they arn't sure she will make it."

        I was grateful for her the kindness she had shown me, but soon bitter hate replaced everything I was feeling. How could she possibly feel sorry, she sees this everyday. She didn't really care; she didn't even know her.

        I mentally kicked myself for being so stupid. I didn't know her either. I should be feeling as generically sympathetic as the nurses here. So why did I feel like someone had just punched me in the gut and then ripped my heart out, leaving a gaping, bleeding wound? And what made it worse was the fact that I may never know what she is like. I'll never see her eyes, her smile; I'll never hear her laugh or say my name. I won't know what kinda food she liked or music she listened too. She'll never lay next to me and tell me her dreams and aspirations.

        Ruth stood there silently as I stared at the floor until I heard something buzz. The nurse looked at the pager at her hips and, hesitating to look back at me, left soon after. I sat there, thinking about Amanda's lifeless body, cut open on an operating table. I wanted to be there for her, to tell her it was alright.

        To tell her goodbye.

        I shot up and quickly made my way to the bathroom, feeling tears running trails down my cheeks. I pushed through the door and into the quiet room, wiping my nose with a sleeve and walking over the the sink. I held my breath as I splashed cold water onto my face, but nothing stopped the quiet sobs that escaped me as I watched the water drip off my chin and hair in the mirror. Gripping the sink to support myself, I tried to calm myself down.

        At least it wasn't someone I knew, someone I cared about, like Smith or Trott. I didn't know her, and as much as I wanted to tell myself I had gotten attached to her, this would be so much worse if I had known her before the accident. She has a family that will mourn her, friends back in the states that will hear of this and feel a million times worse than I am now. I didn't know her. It's just some girl.

        It's just some girl...

        "It's just some girl," I sobbed, falling to the dirty floor. I repeated the phrase over and over, ignoring the pain in my knees and the cold water that soaked the collar of my shirt.

        "It's just some girl," I whispered, the sentence becoming a chant. I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling as if I were about to fall to pieces if I didn't physically hold myself together.

        "It's just some girl," I told myself, not feeling anymore convinced that it was true. My body was trembling as I drew in shaky breaths between coughs and sobs.

        I let out a low moan, feeling more and more distraught. I didn't know why I was being destroyed by this girl who had never said one word to me. I cried even harder, not caring who heard nor bothering to contemplate why I was acting like this. "Please," I mouthed more than said, begging Amanda, "Please don't leave. Don't go."

        The door opened and I didn't have time to react before I heard a "Mate, are you okay?" and then felt arms around me. I looked up in my pathetic state to see a man about my age, maybe a bit older, with blue eyes and light brown hair, squatting down next to me.

        I quickly gathered myself, using my shirt sleeves to wipe my face as he helped me up off the blue tiles. "Yeah," I said, trying to look somewhat less disheveled, "I'm fine thanks."

        The look he gave me was full of concern, and showed that he didn't believe me. "What's wrong?" he asked, his arms still gripping my shoulders to support me.

        "My..." I started, not knowing what to call her. She wasn't my girlfriend or even a friend, and that thought brought fresh tears to my eyes and knocked the wind out of me yet again.

        "Woah, woah," he exclaimed, gripping my arms to keep me stable, "Let's find you a seat." He wrapped an arm around me and lead me back to the waiting area.

        It took me a while to calm down enough to talk, but I had finally managed to choak out my story. He seemed trustworthy, and I wasn't about to come up with a complicated lie to sound less creepy or pathetic at this time. He sat quietly through it all, not pushing me when it was too painful to go on and I had to stop for a moment.

        He took a slow breath and forced it out though tight lips. "Wow," he said when I was done, "And you stayed with her for all these weeks?" I nodded my head slightly. "Now that's devotion friend..." he said.

        It didn't make me feel any better to talk about it, and though I wasn't crying anymore, I felt like I had gotten worse. He looked down at his clasped hands and gave another sigh. "Well listen," he said suddenly, sitting up, "You don't know if she's gone yet, so you have to keep hopeful." I looked up at him, and he must have seen it in my eyes that hope was the last thing I was feeling. "If you kept hopeful while sitting next to her for months, then you can keep it up for a few more hours..." he told me.

        A nurse walked over to us and we both lept up, but she was looking at the man. "James?" she asked, and he nodded. "It's almost time now, you can go in if you would like," she told him, walking away from us. He began to collect his things.

        "Time for what?" I asked, confused.

        He looked as if he tried not to crack a grin, but then his face split in a huge smile; I still appreciated his effort. "I'm about to be a dad," he told me.

        I was shocked, not even considering until this point that he had his own reasons to be at the hospital. "Congratulations," I said quickly, "and good luck." I extended my hand towards him.

        He shook it and then pulled me into a one armed hug. "You too," he told me over my shoulder, "More than one miracle is allowed to happen tonight."

        "Thank you," I said as he walked away. He gave me a nod and disappeared through the hallway to the maternity ward.

---------------------------------------------

        I was trying desperately to distract myself while I waited. I had texted Smith and Trott both about the situation, in case they called or visited the apartment and found me gone. I also tried editing, but that proved difficult, as I couldn't really sit still or concentrate enough to get anything done.

        I suddenly thought of Nick's youtube channel, and I felt compelled to watch his videos. He always made me laugh, and whenever I was down all I had to do was watch a few of his playthroughs and feel better. Unlike editing, watching videos required no effort on my part. So I tried incredibly hard to laugh or feel happy, but his usually hilarious jokes seemed dry and lifeless in my ears. I couldn't possibly feel happy with the news I had just received, and as much as I tried to divert my attention, I was acutely aware of every second that ticked by without answers.

        I was about to close my laptop and go find a drinking fountain when a video on the sidebar caught my attention. It was another update video, but older, and Nick was accompanied by someone else in the thumbnail. My hands shook as I clicked the video, convincing myself that I was just being stupid and irrational.

        But I wasn't. It was her. I watched her still face as the video buffered, but I knew that this was the face I had been seeing everyday, waking and asleep.

        She had brown eyes.

        "Goodmoring!" Nick said into my ear buds as the video played. He was always really estatic on his vlogs.

        "Hiii," the girl next to him sang.

        "So, as the title says," Nick continued, "We have big news!" Him and Amanda both raised their arms and cheered. "Make sure you edit something in right there," Nick said, turning to Amanda.

        "On it," she nodded. A cartoonish unicorn pranced across the screen, trailing a rainbow that said BIG NEWS. Fireworks burst in front of their faces and a generic fan fair followed. They both laughed and Nick continued. "I am here today with my lovely editor, Miss. Amanda Romeo," he said motioning to her with his hand, "who is the one working hard behind the scenes to get these videos out to you and run the servers and live streams."

        She smiled brilliantly. "He locks me in his basement until I get it done!" she exclaimed cheerfully.

        He shushed her, "We live in a dorm, there is no basement," he added quietly. Their joke brought a small smile to my shocked face. "Anyway," he said, "since we are graduating in a few months, we now have the dilemma of finding a place to live. Sadly, were going to be splitting up." They both made exaggerated pouts and stuck out their bottom lip.

        "Now I know what you're thinking," Amanda said, raising her hands in front of her as if to quiet a crowd, "but have no fear! The videos will not be stopping and I will continue to edit and run the servers."

        "Yes! I'm moving to Arizona to work at an independent gaming company there!" Nick told the viewers, "and Amanda will be across the pond in..." He looked towards her.

        "Bristol!" she finished for him, "I'll be continuing on for my masters at the local college there."

        "But that won't be the only thing your doing there, right?" Nick asked, smiling as if he already knew what she was about to say.

        "I'll be doing an internship at Yogtowers!" he shouted happily, "It's a two year program that I wrote with Lewis, so for all you yognaughts out there, keep an eye out! I'll probably pop into a few vid..."

        I slammed my laptop shut, feeling like I couldn't breath. My heart pounded and the contents of my stomach turned to water. I must have heard it wrong, or it was the wrong person...

        But he had said her name. I knew it was her. She was supposed to work with us; she was going to do the job that Richard was doing now. No...no, no, no, no, this was all wrong. It couldn't possibly have worked out that I had been in the right place, at the right time, for things to have all ended up here.

        She had to wake up now. She had to survive. There were too many coincidences. It was, dare I say it, fate.

        I leaned my head into my hands, taking large gulps of air. I didn't think I had any left, but new tears blurred my vision and dripped onto the floor between my knees. I prayed, not believing any of it, yet continuing. I begged every God I knew; she couldn't die, not after all of this. She was supposed to have come to the office and worked along side us.

        Would I still be infatuated with her if it had happened like that? If she had just graduated college, that would make her around 21 or 22. That's young for me, very young. And I wasn't looking for a girlfriend, I promised myself that I would take a break from the drama for a few years while I settled in to my new apartment and new job. Would I think of her as just another silly fan, a kid who got lucky?

        No...no I couldn't. Even before she got hit, I knew there was something different about her. I had seen it, right?

        The thoughts jumbled up until my head ached. The next thing I knew, I was being kicked by the tow of a boot, and Smith and Trott were towering over me.

        "Ross?" Trott asked, "Are you okay?"

        I stood up, preparing to tell then what I had found out, but at the sight of Trott and Smith's concerned face, I broke down again. Falling into Trott's arms, I silently cried into the shorter mans shoulders. I didn't care how sensitive or pathetic I seemed, I just needed the comfort of my two best friends.

        Trott patted my back. "I'm sorry mate," he soothed.

        Smith also planted a hand on my shoulder. "Is she..." he started, not wanting to finish his question.

        I knew what he was asking. "No," I sniffled, removing myself from Trott, "Not yet..."

        They both took seats on either side of me. I took a deep breath and started telling them about the surgry and the video. They both had horrified looks on their face as I told them about the internship and how she was supposed to be in Richards place.

        "What are the odds..." Trott said, mystified. It was exactly how I felt.

        "There's no way she's going to die Ross," Smith told me. I flinched at the word die and he grimaced before continuing. "You two were meant for each other. She'll wake up," he said definitely, convincing himself more than me.