(pov: instead of being a Theatre Kid 😒😒😒professor hidgens is an  a l p h a  gamer)

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS, spoken]
This is humanity's eleventh hour!
And I've prepared something for the occasion

(sung)
It's an exploding creeper,
a real exploder
An exploding creeper, aw man
A pickaxe to mine them
when they come a-crawling
A big time minecraft mine
With the sword and the pickaxe,
we'll kill the zombies
Spotlight on Mr. Epic Gamer
So fill up your bucket
Gonna kill exploding creepers for you

[EMMA, spoken]
Professor, please, if they find us they will kill us!

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS, sung]
An exploding creeper is something you die from
A real annoying mob to shoooooot
Creates panic all over, that seeps in and out of your pores,
They'll take your stuff when they get yo-ou
It'll terrify humanity in a single explosion
No exits, this isn't a ru-use
So  s m a c k  those frickin noteblocks
Run before the skeleton gets you

(spoken)
This parody's pretty good, huh? I bet you didn't know I was also an alpha gamer. In fact, while I've been preparing for the apocalypse I've also been designing my own intro... Do you mind if I give you the pitch?

[EMMA, spoken]
We don't have time—

[TED, known epic gamer, spoken]
Fucking go for it!

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS, spoken]
The theme song's called: Mining Boys: A Minecraft Song. It's the story of a group of old college chums. Sure, they found success in the business world. Still, they can't help but long for the simpler times, making minecraft animations in 2009 . But those glory days? they're gone for good!

Or, are they? This here, is the finished chorus!

(sung)
Diamond swords,
I'm up to my ass in mobs
What are these creepers?
Cave walls are crashing and I'm at the edge of my wits
I just can't take it
When all I want to do
Is mine in a cave with Steve
And Steve
And Steve
And Steve
And Steve
And Steve
And—

(spoken)
Ring, ring. The phone rings. I answer it

Oh, hey Steve. I'm swamped, with business. Stocks, bonds, golden parachutes... Remember those days on our shared Minecraft server, Steve? Last week feels like ages ago

What? Today? After work? On our minecraft server? The old mining grounds, eh Steve? Just you.. and me... and Steve... and Steve... and Steve, and Steve...

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS & TED, spoken]
And Steve

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS, spoken]
Five o'clock. I'll see you then, Steve...
I'll see you then

(sung)
All I want to do
I​s mine in a cave with Steve and—
Five o'clock can't come soon enough
Five o'clock can't come soon enough
Five o'clock can't come soon enough
I can't wait to play with
my bo-oys

An exploding creeper,
a real exploder
An enderman to rule them all
They'll throw us their diamonds and all of their ores
The world will come tumblin' down
Fortnite, move over
Your new competition's in town

["STEVE", spoken]
Hey Henry!

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS, spoken]
Steve! Is that really you?

[EMMA, spoken]
Professor, no! That's not Steve!

["STEVE", spoken]
Been a long time...

["STEVE", spoken]
Hey boys, wanna' ride that minecart around?

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS, spoken]
Steve! You haven't aged a day! Is it five o'clock already? It must be!

["STEVE", spoken]
Come on, Henry. We've got some catching up to do

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS, "STEVE" & "STEVE", sung]
Mining boys,
we're up in our ass in mobs
What is this creeper?
Five o'clock can't come soon enough
Five o'clock can't come soon enough
Five o'clock can't come soon enough
I can't wait to play with
my bo-oys