It was freezing cold, and I was really wishing that I had a decent coat on. The soles of my old boots were already wearing out, so I knew I couldn't just keep walking with no where to go. I sighed in frustration and saw the cold air in front of me like smoke. I need a smoke. I quickly rummaged through my pockets and found about a half a pack of cigarettes, but no lighter. I cursed remembering that I had left it in my room.

As I continued down the streets I was able to notice some things. Usually I had a plan, to go beat someone up or look for trouble, but right now I was just walking. Without a purpose. There were plenty of families walking down the busy sidewalks and the streets were filled with cars. People were flowing out of buildings and stores. That's when I remembered, Christmas was in a few days. We never did anything for Christmas. I remember when I was younger Ma used to make a meal, but that was about it. My old man would always says nothing was ever handed to you in life, especially if your life wasn't worth living.

I felt sick watching the other families. There was a little girl holding who I assumed was her Dad's hand and her Mom was on the other side with shopping bags. I snorted with disgust and walked faster, hoping to come up with a plan.

I knew that going back home was not an option. I made it pretty clear that I didn't want anything to do with that place and it was damn true too. I was interrupted by my thoughts when I felt something brush up against my leg.

I looked down and saw that it was the little girl.

"S-sorry," she said quickly.

Her mom grabbed her arm. "Don't talk to strangers," she said to the girl. I noticed the way she looked at me up and down. I probably looked like shit.

"Yeah you probably shouldn't talk to strangers," I said with a smirk. "I'm bat shit crazy, even got a fully loaded heater on me."

The mom shook her head and pushed her daughter along. I snorted. She probably thought she had my whole life figured out. A no good punk kid with no direction, no future. I knew it was true, but my father taught me to never give in. Always get the last laugh, that way you don't get hurt. No one can touch you.

After that I made a promise to myself: Never let anyone get to you again. Protect yourself and always fight back. I learned that already, but I knew know just how important it was.

I also knew not to get attached to people. They don't last too long in New York. I learned that the hard way.

"Hey Winston!" John Peters sneered. He grabbed my shoulder. "Whatcha got there?"

"That's none of your damn business," I growled. I was starving and all I wanted to do was eat. We were in the alley and I had just stolen some food from a convenience store. Most kids stole drinks, cancer sticks, and blades and I did too, but I really just wanted something to eat. We were running low on money and the little we had Dad spent on himself.

Jim saw the chips, bread, and lunch meat in my hands and snorted. "Is THAT what you picked up from the store?" he asked.

My best friend, Dean, rolled his eyes. "Naw man, he picked up some broads." Jim furrowed his brows in confusion which caused me to snicker.

"Can't you see all that junk he's carrying?" Dean asked pointing to the chips, "You know not all broads have that much junk!" We both laughed, and Jim gritted his teeth.

"Whatever. That's as close as your going to get to touching a girl's junk," Jim said. Then he smirked and added, "Aw, you gotta steal food since daddy won't feed you, huh?"

I threw the food on the ground. "What the fuck did you just say?" I had a horrible temper, but I really didn't care.

"Hey Dal, take it easy he's just trying to get to you," Dean said.

"Yeah listen to your boyfriend Dallas," Jim teased.

I leapt on him and punched him hard in the face. Fights were rough in New York, and Dean and I were some of the best fighters. I pulled out my blade and slit Jim's side. He cursed and then pulled out his blade.

Dean was quick to defend me, he punched Jim in the gut, and swiftly took the blade that he was holding. While Jim was on the ground, Dean kicked him hard. Then he turned around to face me.

"I didn't need your help," I said and began to pick up my food.

Dean laughed and joined me, "You'll always need my help."

I smirked and began to stand up, when I saw Jim from behind Dean

It all happened so fast. Jim quickly grabbed the blade back from Dean and stabbed him hard in the side.

"DEAN!" I yelled out, but it was too late. He was laying in the alley, blood pouring from his side. His body was limp and lifeless.

I snapped and all hell broke loose on Jim. I beat him as hard and as painful as I could. I probably would have killed him too if the fuzz hadn't shown up. That was the first time I was arrested. I was 10.

After that, I knew I couldn't get attached to people like I did with Dean. It's a part of life: some live longer than others and there's nothing you can do about it. So why go through the trouble to care for someone?

A/N
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I never said earlier but italics means a flashback, pretty sure you guys figured that out. Anyway, please comment I want to hear what you guys have to say. Corrections, improvements, thoughts stuff like that. Hope you liked this chapter there will be more to come!

Stay Gold my loves! <3

-GoldGreaser83