Prelude

I was running again. Arms out, frantically trying to feel my way through the darkness. It was chasing me. What was? I had no idea. But I couldn't let it reach me. The air grew thick, my lungs closing in on me. Relieving me of my ability to breathe. As I gasped, I shot my hand out in a final cry for help. The floor shifted and gave way below me. Dropping me into the black abyss, the scream remained in my throat as I free fell into the void. This is how it ends Ruth. The only person I had to blame was myself.

I gasped, shooting out of bed. Shivering from the cold sweats that had drenched my pillow. "Fuck." I whispered, touching my face, to make sure I was truly awake. Trying to swallow, I reached for the glass of water I left on my nightstand ritually. One would think these sleeping pills would actually help me sleep.

The lukewarm tap water slid down my throat, not so much quenching my nightmare driven thirst but calming my nerves. Sighing, I put the glass down and instinctively reached for my phone. 4:17. Of course. That's what I get for forcing sleep in the middle of the afternoon.

I squinted and sat up straighter. It was no longer the time that had garnered my attention. No. It was the ten missed calls. And from whom?

I blinked in surprise as the name David Herman illuminated my screen. David? What in the world? Why would he possibly---

I almost jumped as my screen light up again. Another phone call from David, this time prompting me to accept or decline the call.

My heart betrayed me as it skipped two extra beats. A call in the middle of the afternoon from your high school sweetheart? Or should I say ex-high school sweetheart. The first real love of my life, who was no longer in my life. I could deny it all I want but just seeing his name across my screen affected me in a way it shouldn't after all these years.

Accept.

"Hey." I brought the phone to my ear.

"Ruth?" His voice was just as low. A soothing, calm mellow voice that seemed to drip with honey every time he used to say my name. This time it wasn't honey. It was a cautious tone one would take with an unpredictable child.

I couldn't really blame him, could I? I mean after how things ended between us.

"Hey David, wassup?" I replied. "Long time." I sat back on my headboard and crossed an arm over my belly. "Was not expecting to hear from you."

There was a pause. A hesitation on his end. Again that cautionary approach caused me to sit up once more and frown. "David?"

"Ruth, you need to come home." He whispered. His words hung like windchimes in my ear. "There's been an accident."

Those windchimes hammered violently in the wind as I gripped the phone tighter. "David?"

"It's your-----it's your dad and brother." His voice cracked. Had he been crying? "I'm---it's really bad. Please just----"

"What are you saying?" I cut him off abruptly. "David? What are you saying? My dad and brother what?" I could feel my stomach rising to my throat. What was going on? What were the voices in the background? Was he with people? What did he mean home? Wasn't he in LA?

And when he spoke again, my mind seemed to have short circuited most of his words. I heard accident, I heard tractor trailer, I heard his plea to come home. "Please just get here. I don't want to tell you this on the phone. Are you with somebody? Is somebody there that I can talk----"

"Are they okay?" I cut him off again. My voice did not sound like my own. It was smaller. More fragile than I let people hear. "Is dad okay? Isaiah? Are they okay?"

Have you ever received bad news that caused your stomach to flip and sink into itself. It was his lack of confirmation that created chills to run through my spine. My heart once more skipping a necessary beat. "David?" I whispered, my bottom lip trembling. "Say something. I need you to say something. Are they okay?" Before he could answer, I felt the tears gathering in the corner of my eyes. Filling up along my lower eyelids, threatening to spill over.

"...I'm...I'm at the hospital right now---I'm..." It was the pain in his voice that caused my tears to fall. "I can't do this...." His voice trailed off.

"Ruth! Ruth sweetheart this is Brenda! Brenda Herman. Are you able to get a flight out here?"

I couldn't speak as I tried to process exactly what was going on.

"Look Ruth, I'm so sorry. We've been trying to reach you. Isiah is in critical condition, if you can find a flight out here right away that should be great. Do you hear me? Ruth are you there?"

I nodded, even though I knew she couldn't see me. "Yes." I swallowed hard. "Yes ma'am."

"Look we're going to be right here okay. We're going to stay on the phone with you if you need us to. We're over here praying and watching over little Isaiah. You don't worry about that. You just concentrate on getting that flight back home now. You hear me Ruth? You understand?"

I nodded again, still frozen on my bed. "Dad?" I croaked, feeling my throat tighten up.

That hesitation again caused my heart to drop into my belly.

"You just focus on getting here okay. I'll give you back David----David! David! Here---here come talk to Ruth. Come say something."

I wiped my face and willed my hand to pull my covers back as I climbed out of bed.

"Ruth---"

"Is dad dead?" I whispered, looking at my hand trembling before me. I knew the answer even before he answered. I knew it from the first hesitant breath he'd taken on the other end.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

Knowing it was not the same as hearing it. My legs gave way and I sunk to the floor, ignoring the pain on my knees. Mouth open, I stared across my bedroom as I tried to breathe.

"Ruth."

Wake up Ruth. Wake up. I was still dreaming. That was the only logical explanation. I had somehow found myself in a state of inception. But there was not a tilt to get me out.

They're okay. They have to be okay. Dad was superman and Isaiah, my precious brother that I teased to no avail was just a kid. I'd managed to convince myself on the flight back home after a couple pills to calm my nerves and a full glass of wine. They'd gotten it wrong. It wasn't them. It wasn't dad and Isaiah. There is no possible way. There just wasn't. I was going to see them, and we would laugh at the misunderstanding. My mind felt foggy but at least I'd managed to calm down. I don't even know how I did it. Booked the flight, packed a small carry-on, caught an uber, boarded the plane and made it back here.

Legacy Falls, Texas.

Small little hick town with postcard views.

Legacy Falls had always been a beautiful place. Bad things didn't happen in beautiful places. It was going to be okay. Everything would be just fine.

Rolling my carry-on past the gate, all it took was one look at my high school best friend for my composure to crumble. The perfectly laid out lie I had been able to tell myself on the plane ride over here, seeped through my fingers in the cruelest of ways.

Waiting for me a couple feet from the gate was Yalinah. Her massive wavy brown hair cascaded down her shoulders and over her chest. She wore a tan flowy maxi dress and white sandals. She smiled sadly as soon as she saw me. Her green eyes puffy and red.

"Ruth." She called out, waving at me as she stood slightly on her tippy toes. "Hey..." She whispered pressing her lips together and holding her hand to her chest.

Seeing her, seeing my best friend from this small town created waves of emotions to pass through my veins. I could see in her eyes and the crook of her smile that the news was bad.

Beside her was Sam. Possibly my favorite human on the planet. Sam had shoulder length blond hair pulled back in a ponytail. Blue eyes and infamously tanned skinned. He smiled at me and waved also. He managed to look a little older with his white pollo shirt and khaki shorts. A big difference from his ripped up jean shorts and half unbuttoned shirts he used to wear.

Even the golden boy always filled with positivity looked at me with a sadness in his eyes.

This was too much.

 No.

Yalinah rushed forward and almost crashed into me. I released my carry- on and wrapped my arms around her body as she hugged me tight. Her face pressed against my neck.

Please....please give me good news.

My lips trembled as we held each other tightly. My eyes closed momentarily as I cherished the hug before opening them again.

We slowly pulled back and I stared at my best friend. She was only an inch or two taller than me. "Hey hun.....please...." My voice cracked as I tried to talk. I wanted her to deny everything I had heard. I wanted her to tell me it had all been a mistake. That the Hermans did not know what they were talking about. That it was not my father and brother. They had mistaken them with another family. I needed her to say something. Anything.

But she cupped my face and I saw the tears running down her cheeks as her bottom lip quivered. Instead of responding she threw herself on me again, engulfing me into a tight hug.

I squeezed my eyes shut as pangs of pain ripped through my heart.

"We have to go to the hospital." She whispered in my ear and pulled back. Holding me at arms length. "We have to go...Isaiah....Isaiah's in the hospital..." Her mouth trembled as she talked.

I shook my head as Sam came forth. I turned to him as he pulled me into a hug.

"It's so nice to see you." He whispered, rubbing my back softly. "I wish it was under better circumstances." He reached out and took my purse from my shoulders and grabbed my carry-on.

"Sam..." I turned to him. Sam who always had great news. Sam who could make me laugh in a heartbeat. "Sam..."

He lowered his gaze from me and swallowed hard. He looked up at Yalinah. "We should hurry..."

Yalinah nodded and put an arm around my shoulder, keeping me close.

"No, but you guys don't understand." I whispered as we started walking. "You---you don't...like it can't." I chuckled through my tears. "It can't be them---"

Sam shot Yalinah a painful look and turned his back to us. "I'll...I'll put the stuff in the car. I'm just---just right out front."

I turned to Yalinah again. "Yali----"

She shook her head and hugged me again as we walked. "It's going to be okay." She whispered. "It's going to be okay Ruth, and we're here for you. We're all here. Let's go to the hospital." She hugged me tighter and laid her head against my shoulder. "Ruth my love, I'm so sorry...I can't...." She trailed off and simply held on to me. I could feel her body shaking.

My mind was no longer in a haze. It had just stopped. It had stopped completely to the point I was unable to process anything else. I physically could not get my mind to move past this moment. It was as if I was on the outside, watching my body go through the motions of climbing into Sam's truck. Of having Yalinah fasten my seatbelt and put my head on her shoulder. I felt hollow. How could I feel so empty? Even as she held my hand and whispered words of comfort, I could not feel it.

My father was not dead. He was not. He was going to die old and grey in his bed after having lived a successful life. Isaiah and I would be there by his side. Isaiah who would've grown up to be the most amazing man. How? How can they expect it to only be my brother and I? What did we ever do to become orphans on this earth? Death on impact? No. Why were they lying to me? Everybody just needed to stop. Just stop!

I gasped and leaned forward, away from Yalinah. Grabbing my head and lowering it to my lap. I pressed my face against my thighs, for comfort. Please just stop. I could feel Yalinah's warm hand on my back rubbing slowly in circular motions. I tried to pray for the first time in a long time.

Please God. If you're there. If you ever loved me. Please let this be just a horrible nightmare I can't seem to wake from. Let my family be okay. Please. Please, I'm begging. Do not. Do not do this again. Please do not take my father away from me too. Why must you hate me so?

As soon as Sam sped into the emergency lane of the hospital. I had already unbuckled my seatbelt. Without hesitation, Yalinah yanked open the passenger door and we both climbed out.

"I'll park and meet you two inside." He called out as Yalinah closed his door. She nodded at him and grabbed my hand as he sped off.

Turning around we, both dashed for the hospital entrance. My breathing once more picking up pace as a slew of horrid thoughts rushed through my mind. And as I squeezed Yalinah's hand as she talked frantically to the receptionist for the past, I knew this was my fault. This was my fault. It had to be. I was a horrible human being. I was a disappointment. I was living a lie. It's because of me. All this, everything. Why was it not me----

"Ruth?"

I spun around to the low voice down the hallway. To the man just a couple feet away, dressed in crisp skinny black pants, a white v-neck and all black sneakers. His usual encouraging smile was replaced by a nervous pressing of his lips together. His light brown eyes that always shone bright was clouded over, glazed in water. His brows were furrowed in concern as he stared at me. Clenched jaws only enhanced his defined features.

"David." I whispered, releasing Yalinah and rushing towards him. My feet were already moving before my brain could register what I was doing. My arms automatically lifted and wrapped around his neck. His arms wrapped around my waist protectively as we pulled each other into a tight hug. My head buried itself in the crook of his neck as I inhaled the wonderful subtle scent of his cologne. "What happened?" I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut.

He would tell me. If nobody else would dare be honest with me. David would. My precious angel would tell me the truth. But David only tightened his hold on me. Squeezing me more as he inhaled sharply.

"David." I whispered, pulling back slowly. My lips trembled as I looked into his glossy eyes. Why wasn't he saying anything? He was scaring me. This was scary. Say something. Please....please.....this can't be happening. My bottom lip shook as I grabbed his arms to steady myself. "...and I—Isaiah" I cracked.

It was the lone tear that escaped his left eye that caught my attention. I watched it roll down his cheek, before disappearing underneath his chin.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered, cupping my face and pressing his forehead against mine. "Ruth, I'm so sorry." David repeated as he kissed my forehead and pulled me close.

I didn't hear what he said. I slowly pressed my head against his beating chest. He didn't say anything....what is he apologizing for? What is he apologizing for? David.....David please.....The softest of gasps escaped my closed mouth as I squeezed my eyes shut. Warm tears raced down my face. "No." I cried shaking my head. "No. No...." They were wrong. David you're wrong.

My body shook as my cries got louder. Why couldn't I stop. He held me tighter as if trying to shield me from the hurt.

No.

"Oh my God, is that David Herman?" A teenage girls' voice squealed excitedly.

"See, I told you he was in town."

"Oh my God, did you hear what happened?"

"It's so not true."

"He's so hot."

This wasn't happening. I was dreaming! Of course I was dreaming. So why couldn't I wake up? Why couldn't I----why couldn't I breathe? Help! Somebody help me! Help!

"RUTH!"

I could feel his hands digging into my arm as he shook me. But I felt my own body give up on me and was in no position to resist it.

I wanted to die.