30 jokes!
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1:Q: Why was the chef embarrassed?

A: Because he saw the salad dressing!
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2:Where do animals go when their tails fall off?
The retail store.
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3:What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus

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4:What does Batman get in his drinks?
Just ice.
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5:I'm a magical fairy. You can have two wishes.
What? But I want three wishes!
Very good, granted. You now have two wishes
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6:After many years of studying at a university, I've finally become a PhD... or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.
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7:Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars.
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Driver: Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that at the garage.
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8:A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle's house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: "Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!" The boy sagged in relief: "Oh, good that it wasn't new."
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9:I met two guys wearing matching clothing. So I asked them if they were gay. They promptly arrested me.
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10:I did a self-defense course. I wouldn't recommend anyone to attack me in slow motion now.
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11:Whatever you do, always give it your 100%. Unless you are donating blood.
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12:I fear my neighbor may be stalking me, he's been googling my name last night on his computer.

I saw it clearly through my binoculars.
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13:Why do people never eat clocks?
Because it's really time consuming.
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14:"Do you know how to make a dumb person curious?"
"No, how?"
"I'll tell you tomorrow."
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15:Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven "ate" nine.
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16:Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
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17:Q: Can February march?
A: No, but April may.
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18:Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.
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19:A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof he owes you the money?" asked the lawyer. "Nope," replied the man. "OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you," said the lawyer. "But it's only $500," replied the man. "Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!"
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20:Bob: "Holy crap, I just fell off a 50 ft ladder."
Jim: "Oh my God, are you okay?"
Bob: "Yeah it's a good thing I fell off the first step."
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21:Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church. One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, "Where is God?" The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, "Where is God?" The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet. Eventually his brother found him and asked, "What's wrong?" The crying boy replied, "We're in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him!"
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22:Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Big hands.
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23:A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
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24:A boy asks his Dad one day, "Dad, why is my sister called Paris?"
His Dad replies, "Because she was born in Paris."

The boy says, "Ahh, thanks Dad."

His Dad says, "You're welcome, Backseat."
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25:A husband and wife have four boys. The odd part of it is that the older three have red hair, light skin, and are tall, while the youngest son has black hair, dark eyes, and is short. The father eventually takes ill and is lying on his deathbed when he turns to his wife and says, "Honey, before I die, be completely honest with me. Is our youngest son my child?" The wife replies, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that, the husband passes away. The wife then mutters, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
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26:It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home. When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?" The baby mosquito replied, "It went great. Everyone was clapping
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27:Little Johnny's new baby brother is screaming up a storm. He asks his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replies, "He came from Heaven, Johnny." Johnny says, "Wow! I can see why they threw him out!"
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28:Q: Why are hairdressers never late for work?
A: Because they know all the short cuts!
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29:A kid asks his dad, "What's a man?" The dad says, "A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family." The kid says, "I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!"
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30:A man is fishing on a raft and suddenly it pops. The man is trying not to drown and yells , "GOD SAVE ME!" And so a ship comes by and the ships captain says, "Hurry sir grab my hand!" The man replies with, "No thank you, god will save me!" Then a second ship comes by and the captain says, "Sir hold on we're coming!" The man says, "No thanks god will save me!" And the same happens with a third ship. The man drowns and goes to heaven, where he asks god why god didn't save him. And god shouts, "YOU IDIOT I SENT THREE SHIPS TO RESCUE YOU!"
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