Joke 1:
*WINS AN OSCAR*
Me: I'd like to thank my legs, for always supporting me; my arms, who are always by my side and lastly my fingers, I can always count on them.

Joke 2:
Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. "Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I dont know or cannot answer, then youre worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then youll come with me to Hell." The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates teachings." With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared. The mathematician then asked,"Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too. The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?" The Devil inspected the seat and said,"The third hole from the right." "Wrong," said the idiot, "its from my asshole." And the idiot went to heaven.

Joke 3:
Equation

Men = eat + sleep + earn money

Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,

Men = Donkeys + earn money

This means,

Men - earn money = Donkeys

In other words,

Men that don't earn money = Donkeys

Joke 4:
A new study found that more than 11 million people have quit Facebook in the last three years. And unfortunately, none of them were your parents.

Joke 5:
Be Good

FATHER: Now son, be good while I'm away.
SON: OK Dad. I'll be good for ten dollars.
FATHER: That's too much son! When I was your age, I was good for nothing!

Joke 6:
When a boy complements a girl:
Everything about you is perfect - your lips, your skin, your eyes, your body. Perfect! You're lucky to be born beautiful, not like me, who was born to be a big liar.

Joke 7:
Ways to murder English

The following below are ways people kill English daily...

1. Don't dare talk in front of my back.

2. Stop making noise like empty sardine tins of milk.

3. Take 5cm wire of my length.

4. All of you stand in a straight circle.

5. Be quiet, the principal is just passing away.

6. I have 3 daughters, they are all girls.

7. Did you see me on the radio yesterday?

8. Both of the 3 of you, get out of my class.

9. The son of the man is a boy.

10. This is your permanent place, sit here for the mean time.

11. Take the lead and follow me.

12. I would rather kill myself than commit suicide.

13. She is a boy.

14. I saw you last night early this morning.

15. Why should I shy, am I a children?

16. Please increase the volume of the window, heat is happening to me.

17. You are such a good girl my boy

YOU CAN ADD YOURS BELOW...
Or here--->

Last Joke:
...and then the devil said, "Lets put the alphabet into mathematics."