1. I'll never forget the first day I met you but, I'm trying.

2. Go ahead tell them everything you know, it'll only take 5 seconds

3. Girl: Your fat
You: I'm sorry my stomach isn't as flat as your chest.

4. You should use glue stick instead of lip stick.

5. Quick - check your face, I just found your nose in my business.

6. Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

7. I'm busy now, could I ignore you another time?

8. Annoying person: How much do you love me.
You: Count the stars
Annoying person: But it's morning
You: Exactly

9. God made coke, God made Pepsi, God made me so sexy. God made rivers, God made lakes, God made you, well everyone makes mistakes.

10. If you were twice as smart you would still be the dumbest person I know.