"My dear little Yibo, it's been seven months already... without you. people say time flies but seconds mean hours for me. it isn't like i have something to be ungrateful about but...

i'm doing fine, eating well and trying to have good rest too. Like you asked me.  it's hard sometimes cause of my busy schedule. i became face and spokesperson of more famous brands. they treasure and understand me. you know it was so hard to get used to everything again after the time i spend there, all in calmness and laziness. conferences, meetings and shootings everyday, taking too many pics. my eyes started hurting and watering again, it was almost healed there in your village. the offer your aunt called me about is film, there is something Imn't happy about, i have to kiss a girl... don't be angry ok? i know you'll pout your red lips and scold me in mind... i miss teasing you...

one more thing, what made me so happy is music show, i have chance to sing with very famous jiejie, she is too sweet and lovely, treats me like kid  actually everyone does here. you told me i'm big baby, not only with personality also face too. Guess you're right. it feels like family here, i'm receiving too much love and respect. my singing skills are getting better too, the most important is i can express my feeling through the song. 

about the scandal, i stopped being too decent and made issue in court, against the people who kept harming me. not only for me,  i can handle it, but they touched my friends and parents too, i can't tolerate this anymore. 

i heard you're fine,  from your aunt. she isn't saying much, i understand... what can i tell you more?"

Zhan put down pen and wiped tears, blurring his vision, how many times was he writing this? without sending and just saving it? but something what he really was willing to say was different

"there was one song in show called "Tempting heart", which especially reminded me of you, of us... the lyrics was like i was talking at you, telling about our love Yibo

"How long have I never seen you?

I thought you were there

In fact you're just deep inside my heart

Accompanying my breath

How far is the distance?

I thought I can't smell you

Who knows your shadow is so long

Once I turn around I see you

Let the past go

It's too late to love you from the start

As if clouds are covering the blue sky

If we can't be together forever

Give us at least

the courage to miss

The right to hug

So that you understand

The trace of my heart moving

Always wish to see you again

I even attempt to inquire your news

In fact you're just living in my body

Guarding my memories"

why i feel like this lyrics was written about us? everyone thinks my tears during singing was part of show and acting, but no one knows i was truly mourning our love, our pure love...  you're here, existing in me, in my every breath. sometimes i woke up at night and look  for you next to me, it is too empty, my home and heart without you. can i see your lovely and sparkling eyes again? touch your soft lips, feel your warmth, hear your happy  laughing which only exists for me. 

i miss just sitting next to you, without talking only listening each-other's heartbeat, i'll never send this letter to you... i won't make you feel same pain as me, if, maybe you already forget me, i wish you did... it's so late but i realized my silliness, too late but now i know that nothing and no one is more precious than you and our love for me... if i can go back... if i can"

*****

"Zhan gege my love, it's me your little Yibo. yes i changed, now i even would love to hear you calling me little or kid, nothing matters as long as you're with me. 

it was hard but i tried to find new friends, you know i can't make you upset. you're right not everyone is fake, they love and support me. my life doesn't feels too empty anymore, i'm studying so hard, not to disappoint mom and you, my dad in heaven too. sometimes hanging out with friends, i got to know about being very weak drinker, they told me i was acting so silly and unreasonable, calling someone's name with sobs, we both know whose...

i started swimming again, at first i got very scared but mom was next to me, you know what she said? "think about Zhan, like he is standing there and willing to hold your hand" and you healed me again. 

now i'm listening music, actually only your songs. your voice is too angelic, it makes my heart melt and more in love with you... i regret not asking to sing for me, while you're here, i'll do if we meet again someday.  i love watching your satisfied and happy face, your cute giggles during interviews and bts, the way they're treating you. i know the best, what you deserve.

about your upcoming movie, i see you have three female partners, yes i'm silly but this fact makes me too jealous, don't let them touch you like i did, don't smile at them the same way you're at me. if they touch your lips, i'm going to erase it with my long and hot kisses, if we meet again..."

Yibo lay on the bed and hugged the pillow, buried his face in it, low sobs could be hear in the room. yes his life wasn't empty but his heart was. this room, this bed, everything around him was keeping memories of Zhan.  Yibo missed Zhan welcoming him with bright smile, after coming back  from college, the hug from behind, when he was reading book or doing his homework, his sweet and naughty whispers, making Yibo shy and excited. 

"do you still remember me?  are you missing me? Zhan sorry for my silliness, if i can go back... If i can change anything.  but it's too late already. why my heart feels so uneasy? hope you're ok, please be ok..."

*****

breaking news:

"famous actor and singer Xiao Zhan fainted on the stage while his performance. he was immediately moved to the hospital, nothing in known yet. his fans are gathered together, praying for his fast recovery"

Another sad chapter 😓 i don't know why i love suffering myself and you😞
Bear a little more 😉😊

I know show "Our Song" was before scandal, but i had to change real events for my story