Trigger warnings
-Angst
-Self harm

John's POV
1 week later,
August 27,
Tuesday,
12:35 pm
Lafayette and Hercules arrived 2 days later and had to make up for their missed time. Turns out Lafayette's flight was delayed and since Hercules decided to stay with him over the summer, he was stuck too.
It's fine though, 'cause currently we were in their dorm room. They managed to arrange with the college to be together, I'm not sure how.
Alex also has been focusing his time on work and Jefferson's little gang. Something is odd... I feel like Jefferson is planning something. I feel like he is toying things around.
Something is up.
And I don't like it.

I snapped out of my thoughts when Laf poked me in the face. I looked up and rubbed my cheek, giving a confused look. "You spaced out." Herc pointed out, he had a concerned expression. "Oh sorry, just stuck in my thoughts." I replied, looking away.
"Mon ami, this is frequent. What is wrong?" Lafayette placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. I glanced at him. "I'm fine." I had a cold tone in my voice as I spoke.
"Lies, tell us." Hercules scooted closer.
I snapped.
I looked at them and jumped up into a stand. "I'M FINE." I said sternly, their expressions shocked and quite fearful, I never spoke like that.

Before they could say another word I stormed out of the dorm, tears rolling down my cheeks. I soon reached my dorm and barged in, startling Alexander who was at one of the working desks doing homework that probably wasn't due till next month. I ran into my room and locked it, sliding down the door as I sobbed into my hands. I got up and walked over to a drawer in my bed, digging around a little before grabbing a tiny medical box and pulling out a razor. I added 1, 2, 3... and before I knew it I made 9 cuts.

I heard my door unlock with a click then a squeak as it is pushed open. I turn to see a certain Hamilton holding a bobby pin, standing in my doorway. He had a relatively stone face besides the worried look in his eyes, he quietly gasped when he looked at my arms. Alex ran to my side and looked at my arms that slowly dripped drops of blood. He gave a confused look, which I only replied by looking away and sobbing more.

I wouldn't be able speak to save my life, because if I tried, it would have caught in my throat. Then I would be sent on a spiral of coughs and heaving for air.

Alexander walked to the bathroom, grabbing an aid box. He soon came back, cleaning and wrapping my arms. I hissed at the pain from the pressure on the cuts. He gave me a sorrowful look before bringing me into a tight hug.

The one question I was dreading was spoken. One single word that everyone asks when they want to know. They want to know the reasoning or the motive behind something, so all they do is say one word.

"Why?"

I looked at him, tears dropping down my face like a faucet. "Because I'm nothing." I replied, besides my lack of emotions in my tone there was still the breaking in it. As if my heart was speaking as it was shattering, the pieces echoing in my empty body.

Alexander held me tighter, he brought me onto my bed after a while of standing and hugging. He then cleaned up the scattered items and tiny drops of blood. Alexander came back, bringing me into a hug again. We ended up in the position of me in his lap as he held me close, I felt so tired and worn out, yet so warm and comfortable in his arms. I was just about to pass out right then and there.
.
.
.
So I did.