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[ flashbacks (before the breakup) ]

! a/n : holy fucking shit i said i'd finish this at december 31 but now it's literally jan 1 and i have two chapters left 😀

somewhere around 6pm, i called hendery to accompany me in a bar just to let out my inner heaviness that felt like baggage to bring for a week-long trip. he was really helpful things like that, especially when i was not in the mood for nags like my best friend's whenever i do even the tiniest of wrongs in the rant.

he was not down for it until i offered to pay for all his drinks.

"what is it this time?"

i sighed when he asked, mind messed up.

because what was it really? what was the reason of these bursts of emotions? why was i feeling like this? i could only think of something so vague.

"donghyuck," i answered.

"anniversary plan, ain't it?"

"what anniversary?"

"december 13." he stared at me, judging. "man, you've bugged me for your monthsaries these past three months but you don't even seem to care for the biggest thing."

oh fuck.

"i just . . . " i took another shot. liquid courage. "i don't think i love him as much now, dude. i'm . . . falling out of it? we're . . . you know . . . not good for each other. i'm not feeling that— that— uh, that 'spark'. is he even feeling it now too? mom doesn't even l—"

halfway through my stuttering that i hoped made even a little sense, i noticed hendery staring at something behind me. from his face, it was obvious he was horror-struck.

"is something wrong?"

i looked to where he pointed. soon enough, i mirrored his expression.

"haechan?"

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i followed you in the street as you stormed out of the bar from the immense shock you felt after accidentally hearing that conversation. hendery was left by himself, but at this point, i couldn't care less.

why were you there? why were you drinking? how could such a coincidence come upon me? well, that didn't matter now.

i uttered, "i'll explain."

somehow, that made you turn back. not in the mood i wanted you to though, but it was enough. at that moment, the tears you held back were evident. those eyes alone had already expressed your rage with big hints of pain.

"what's there to explain?"

i placed a firm grip on your arm to stop you from walking further one more time.

"wait!"

"what do you want from me, mark?" your voice cracked, it triggering your stream of tears that rested above the lower fold of your eye. "why still run after me? why not break it off if you'e so out of love?"

i stood there, silent.

"and you really had to tell your stupid friends first, huh? for what? to paint me as the shitty guy? to make them think that you were nothing but perfect?"

"no! no, of course not."

you pushed my hand away, jaw clenched.

"fuck off," you said.

i could not do anything but run after you until your forceful closing of the home door when we got there, me desperately knocking as if it would make any difference. as if i deserve any chances.

then, in my head flashed the possibilities including ten's look of disappointment, your parents' betrayed reactions, and my sleepless nights with the guilt polluting all of me.

i was wrong. so wrong.

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