TWO YEARS AGO

The best times in my life had been filled with moments of family, friends, and an unhealthy amount of Rafael Giovanni. The only guy who even remotely understood my situation excluding my brother, father and the countless amount of uncles I have. Everything was going well, I hadn't been on the verge of death in a while and I wasn't failing my college classes. Thankfully.

It was more than everything I could ask for. My current favorite thing to do was lay in bed and watch Rafael sleep. Creepy, I know but it was the only time that he looked peaceful and I needed to enjoy it while I could. Of course he felt me watching him, he always did.

"Why do you enjoy creeping me out?" He asked. I smiled and brought my hand up to his jaw. "I enjoy annoying you."

His eyes opened and shined brightly at me. Then I felt it happening, my nose began to itch. I held my breath trying to avoid it from happening but it suddenly slipped. It wasn't a cute little sneeze, it was a loud obnoxious sneeze; the kind that makes you pee a little. There was a loud thump after and when I opened my watery eyes, Rafa was on the floor glaring at me.

"Sorry?"

"Figlio di puttana." He growled.

"Don't be mad at me, you're the big bad mafia guy who gets scared of sneezes." I accused.   

Rafael stood over me, rolling his eyes. "You need to get out of bed, your father wants to see you."

I looked over at the clock on the nightstand, 9:53 AM. "Do I have to? Can't I just sleep for a few more minutes?"

"We both know that a few minutes will turn into an hour, that will mean my head at the end of your fathers gun. You know how he feels about punctuality."

I wrapped the covers around myself, creating a cocoon. "I'm hibernating."

"In the summer? You're not even an animal." He pulled the covers away.

"Papa told me I could be anything I wanted to be, now let me stay in bed Rafael!"

He stood there for a moment before smirking, causing me to raise my eyebrow. Rafael grabbed me by my waist and pulled me from bed. I kicked my legs and tried to pull his arms away, which made me fall to the ground. I tried to crawl back to our bedroom but was once again attacked.

He grabbed my feet and pulled me to the door before picking me up and carrying me to the car in my pajamas.

PRESENT 

I had never been fond of being alone. It was something I completely dreaded, but now it seemed like it was all that I ever wanted.

Being in contact with anyone other than my family put me on edge. I had friends, but they slowly disappeared after I married Valentin. Most of the time I sat at in the house alone, at first it was okay. It was a big house, and I was able to decorate it however I liked. Once I finished decorating, everything became mundane and I would almost never leave. The exception to the rule was that whenever Valentin left for a business trip he allowed me to stay with my brother.

Although he didn't go on long business trips often, these were one of the times he had. I sat in my brothers office waiting for him to arrive and greet me. Alessio was always busy nowadays. I'm surprised he still had time for his girl thing. I wasn't sure if they were dating but it would definitely be something different for Alessio.

The sound of the door opening, made me raise to my feet. A smile rose on my face as Alessio walked in with Elena and Rafael.

I opened my arms to greet my brother with a hug. "Who the hell are you?" Alessio asked.

"Are we going to play this game? It hasn't been that long since I've seen you." I said chuckling.

"Look at you Alessandra. You barely weigh a thing." He said.

I swallowed harshly, the smile on my face wavered but still remained. "Well, Valentin thought that I was gaining too much weight and I realized that I had been stress eating. I decided to loose a little weight."

"A little weight?" Alessio scoffed.

"Anyway, are you guys ready? Val is in the car." I said holding my brothers hand, and pulling him toward the door. We all drove in different cars toward the club, my heart was in my throat. There were so many different ways this could go horribly wrong. Rafael was coming with us to begin with, and there was no question on how jealous mafia men could get over what they considered their 'possession'. Val knew of the history between us, he never spoke on it and he forbid me to even breathe Rafael's name. 

A hand made its way to my thigh as we parked, Valentin turned his body toward mine and looked directly into my eyes. "Behave Alessandra, don't screw this up for me." Despite being married into the family, pleasing my father and brother was something that Val had always aimed for. Whenever we were around either of them, his habits changed; not that he was that much kinder. 

That was the end of the conversation before he opened his door. I took a deep breath, put on my game face and exited the car when Valentin opened the door. We all walked into the club, ignoring the flashing lights, the booming music, and the obvious stares. 

Making our way toward the VIP seats on the stage, I gripped Valentin's arm. When we took our seats, drinks were brought to us and almost immediately the men began discussing business. Elena and I sat there basically being arm candy, drink after drink. Eventually, my bladder was on the verge of bursting and I invited Elena to the restroom with me. It was one of those family restrooms where the toilet was in the middle of the room without any stalls.  

We locked the bathroom behind us and Elena stood awkwardly as I pulled down my underwear and did my business. I could understand why she was uncomfortable, this was only our second time meeting. "I'm sorry I dragged you in here with me," I laughed, "I just have this thing, where I need to take someone with me wherever I go."

Elena nodded and smiled at my through the mirror, I stood and went to wash my hands. "How is it going with my brother? I know how mafia men can be, I want to make sure you know what you've gotten yourself into before its too late for you." 

"Alessio is complicated to say the least, there are so many secrets. So many things I can and can't do and he always has this guy following me, but I guess you would know right?" She said rubbing her hand on the back of her neck. I could already see why my brother liked this girl, she was different. She was fragile, naïve, and clueless, like porcelain. Her eyes never met mine long enough to show how confident she was and I haven't seen her stop fidgeting since we left. 

I took in a deep breath and pulled my lipstick our of my purse, "I suppose so, which is why I want to say this to you. Alessio is just like Padre, he is just like our father. He is cold and ruthless, he says his family comes first but for some reason he chooses picks up the phone at the dinner table and will ignore everything else. If you can't handle that, I suggest you leave. Alessio has blood on his hands, he will kill, he won't care about your opinions. I'm not telling you this to hurt you, I'm trying to prepare you. So, I'm going to ask once, and one time only, can you handle this life?"

Deep inside my feelings were conflicted, I had always wanted a sister and Elena being around gave me one more person to spend my time with. It also meant there was another person who could be used as leverage and another person to protect. 

Elena finally looked me in my eye, and thankfully without hesitation she replied, "Yes." Granted the answer was tiny and meek, but an answer nonetheless. There was sometimes a subtle power with women like her. 

"Good, but if you hurt him, make no mistake, I will kill you Elena. Alessio might fall weak for you, but I will do anything for my family. I can be a cold bitch sometimes, but if I trust you, you'll have nothing to worry about." I smiled and opened the door so that we could leave and all I could think was, 'Off you go into a vicious cold world, goodbye sweet girl'.

We made our way back to being arm candy, and we left the club shortly. Back at home, as I dressed for bed, Val stood behind me, watching me in the mirror. "What's wrong?"

"I'm going out don't wait up for me."

I knew better than to question his whereabouts, even if I could I'm sure that I wouldn't want to know. He could be working like I would assume he was or, he could be doing less gracious tasks. He could be cheating and while on one hand, I'd want to know, on the other hand I knew that it would hurt. It would kill me, not only because I loved Valentin Bianchi, but also because I gave up everything for him. If he was cheating, there would be no divorce, I'd just have to quietly live with it.

So, I stood and followed him downstairs, I grabbed his coat from the coat closet and pulled it onto his broad shoulders. I looked into his cold eyes, and because I was insecure when it came to him, I asked, "You do love me right?" He looked at me, expressionless, and emotionless and replied with a squeeze to my hand. His wedding ring pressed into my hand, once again reminding me of all of my fears. The squeeze was brief, short and almost nonexistent, but it was an answer.

Valentin Bianchi didn't need me, but I needed him. I needed to know that this wasn't just a marriage. This was more than that, it was protection, and trust. Valentin was the air I needed to breathe, without him, I was nothing. Nothing but arm candy in this world dominated by men. He made me someone important and in the same way men loved their games and their trophies, he made me feel love. That kind of love was better than no love at all.