Tori's Point of View

The music from the bar thuds against the ground as we get close. It almost feels like the earth might split beneath our feet and swallow us whole. Despite that, the pulsing beat makes me excited to get inside and dance.

Glancing over my shoulder, I smile at Jude and grab his hand. I pull him through the open doorway and walk through the standing area of the bar. To the side of the room is a free table. We weave through the clusters of people to get there.

I place my purse on the table as Jude walks around to stand on the opposite side. The table isn't the best and the chairs are missing. However, I didn't come here to sit, I came to dance. My smile isn't contagious for Jude, he just stands there with a sour pout on his face.

"Lighten up, have fun," I tease.

Raising my hands in the air, I move my hips from side to side to the beat. I run my fingers through my hair, then shake my head. My hair flops into my eyes, so I push the strands behind my ear. Jude rolls his eyes and huffs.

"This is my cue for drinks." Jude nervously laughs.

"Fine, go," I dramatically yell. "But I'll be waiting for you." I wink.

With a chuckle, Jude shakes his head and looks away. He steps away from the table and heads towards the bar. I watch his back fade into the clumps of people filling the space. It's only when he reappears after, I smile with happiness.

Jude places two drinks on the table. A vodka lemonade with a lemon wedge, along with a tall frothy glass of beer.

"Thank you, babe." I take the drink from the table and sip on it. The vodka infused lemonade tastes amazing, but the ice in the cup freezes my hand. So, I finish the drink and place it on the table with a smile.

"Did you just finish that?" Jude asks, a mask of shock on his face.

"Um." I bite my lip and blush.

"Tori!"

"Come on, Jude!" I yell, smacking my hands on the table.

"Ay, don't rush me now, girl." He laughs.

"You're so slow and I want to dance." I pout.

Jude frowns with annoyance as he takes his drink. He quickly devours the drink which earns a smile from me. When the glass is roughly slammed onto table, it causes my glass to shake from the movement.

"Let's dance," announces Jude.

Jude walks around the table to grab my hand. He leads me onto the dance floor just in time for a new song. This song is a faster tempo which is great for dancing. Jude stands behind me with his hands on my hips. We bop from side to side as Jude runs his hands along my waistline.

When the song ends, the DJ stops playing music. I scan around the room and notice the band set up on the corner stage. An older balding man takes the microphone in hand to introduce their act.

Not bothered by the performance, I let Jude lead me away from the dance floor. We snag two prime seats at the bar due to everyone migrating to the dance floor to watch the band.

"Four tequila shots, cheers." The young bartender nods his head and prepares the drinks.

The man grabs four shot glasses from the stack and places them on the bar top in front of us. He then grabs the bottle of tequila from the back shelf and pours it. The liquid spills on the bar, but he doesn't seem fussed about it. Once the drinks are poured, he places pre-cut lemon slices on top.

Jude hands his bankcard over to pay. When the transaction goes through, Jude pockets the card and does a shot with me.

We each grab one shot glass and clink it together. On the count of three, we drink the shot and bite onto the lemon. I slam the glass on the bar and grin through the horrible taste plaguing my mouth. I glance over to see Jude shaking his head with disgust, his tongue sticking out of his mouth.

"Next one?" I giggle.

"Okay." Jude and I grab the last shot and clink them together before drinking. When we're finished, the bartender takes the glasses and cleans off the bar top from the previous spill.

The performer on stage sings, so I swivel around on my stool to watch. I'm surprised by the choice of song, a modern pop anthem instead of a classic rock track. The man's voice is off key and they're out of time.

Instantly, the crowd starts booing the act and demanding they leave the stage at once. This bothers the singer, but it doesn't make him stop from performing the song. He belts out the lyrics, which has me cringing in my seat.

Once the song is finished, the lead singer rants and cursing about how hard he's worked to perform tonight. However, this doesn't earn favours with the crowd. A team of security swoop in to escort the man off the premises.

The band disbands from the stage which allows the DJ to take over the music once more. Good music plays through the speakers and their shoddy performance is long forgotten.

Hopping off the stool, I grab Jude and tug him back onto the dance floor with me. I feel alive with the sound of the music and the energy buzzing around me. It's been awhile since I've been able to get out and do fun things.

I've been riddled with guilt, sadness, and anger for too long. It's exhausting being confused and overwhelmed by these emotions. I welcome this buzzing change and direction in my life. After a few traumatic moments in my life, I feel as if I'm finally getting the chance to correct my wrongs and move forwards.

Being good isn't easy, but being bad isn't desirable either.

Jude stands in front of me and raises my hands above my head. As I move my hips around, he runs his hands down my arms, over my sides and onto my waist. Smiling, I lean in and press my lips against his.

One hand cups the side of my cheek, the other tugs on my hair, which sends goosebumps running along my arm.

I grin into the kiss, then jerk backwards to keep dancing. As I take a step to the side to swirl around, I lose my footing and fall to the ground. Embarrassed, I scramble to my feet and move away from the place I fell.

"Come on, we should get you home." Jude securely wraps one arm around my waist to help guide me. Instead of following, I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him again. I love the way his warm lips brush against mine.

"Please, can we stay?" I beg with a cute expression.

Jude shakes his head and laughs at me.

"Let's blow this place off." He shrugs his shoulders. "We'll have fun elsewhere." When Jude tries to drag me away, this time I follow him to the exit. The prospect of taking our fun someone else is exhilarating.

When we step outside, I'm tugging my jacket closer to my body. This flimsy coat and the rips in my denim jeans aren't preventing the cold chills whipping around us. I step closer to Jude for his body warmth, which somehow does the trick.

As we're walking down the path, I trip over the uneven paving which sends me rushing forwards. I put my hands out to balance myself and somehow save myself from face planting the ground. A bolt of laughter consumes me when the almost accident is avoided.

I grab Jude's arm for support and snuggles close. He wraps his arm around my waist and kisses my cheek. I can see the laughter hiding in his eyes, despite that fact he didn't verbally laugh with me.

"Maybe those shots weren't a good idea?" asks Jude.

"Which ones?" I laugh. "The pre-shots, or just then?" When Jude and I get together, there's no stopping us.

"Both." Chuckles Jude.

"Shots are always a great thing." I grin. "But I always make bad choices."

"I don't know what to say, Tori." Jude squeezes my waist, but that isn't comforting.

"The truth?" I huff. "Everyone hates me because I'm a bad person. I thought I could live with everyone calling me a slut, a homewrecker, or whatever else. But I don't think I can anymore." I shake my head with regret. I'd pondered on my decision for a long time, I'd thought about the consequences too, but I never factored in how hard it would be.

Though, I get it. I made this bed and I'm forcing myself to sleep in it. But this isn't something I can tolerate for long.

"Why don't you tell people the truth?" he offers, almost like it's the solution for everything. I'm afraid it isn't, nothing is ever that easy in life.

"You know why I can't, Jude." I frown.

Sometimes Jude gets it, only to realise he doesn't understand the tough decisions I've had to make.

"People only hate you because you make them." Shrugging off Jude's arm, I pout. I realise it's all true, but it still hurts to hear, but I guess I'm not allowed to hurt, but I do.

"You don't hate me," I point out.

"That's because I know the truth," he replies.

Jude leans over and tries to grab my hand, but I pull back. I slowly pull my gaze from the ground and stare into his eyes.

"The truth is a dangerous thing, don't you forget that." I push past his and continue walking. When Jude grabs my hand, this time I let him catch it. He tugs me back to his waist to hold me close.

We stop walking and stand in the middle of the path. Jude hooks his hand under my chin and raises it up so I'm forced to look into his eyes.

"You can't let Blake live in fear for the rest of his life." His eyes are trying to tell me to be good, but I can't. I can't be good at this cost.

"All Blake needs to know is that he's the father, the DNA test can prove it," I say, breaking away from his tight grasp. I continue walking until I find myself outside of my home building.

I stop outside the doorway and glance at Jude. He's standing apart from me with a conflicted expression on his innocent face. My heart breaks once more. I know this look, I've seen it before but in a set of piercing green eyes.

"Please don't do this, Jude," I beg. "Just don't worry about it, I'll take care of it."

"How can I not worry? You're forcing me to lie to people!" His voice is low, but the anger still seeps in.

"Please, Jude, don't do this." The thought of losing Jude scares me. I can't go through this alone, not without him by my side. Jude has been my everything as of late, I can't do this without him. But I never seem to get a choice in these matters, everyone always ends up leaving.

"You can't live with yourself, well, neither can I. I'm following your orders because I owe you. But this is where I draw the line."

"What are you saying, Jude?"

"I'm saying we're over." Those words hit me like a bullet to my chest, an explosion erupting inside my heart. My breath gets caught in my throat and I don't know what to say in response. Jude leans in and presses a kiss to my forehead. Like the cold night wind, he floats into the distance without looking back.

My body trembles with emotion, a thick swirl that becomes unidentifiable. I'm holding myself together, barely. The cold air makes me alert to my current situation. Instead of standing outside, I head in doors.

I walk down the hallway and find my apartment room. The keys jungle in my hand, yet the noise sounds distant and elusive. When I open the door, I slip inside and press my head against the door.

The cool wooden object is a hard set of disbelieve, one I don't want to deal with. It was only a matter of time before Jude took a good look and found the reasons everyone else did . . . I wasn't a good person, I never could be.

My mind wanders to Logan. I wonder if he's looking down at me, I wonder what he's thinking . . . Is he disappointed I didn't turn out to be a better person? I bet he's disappointed in me, because I know I am. Better yet, I bet he's drinking tea in a sophisticated London cafe.

"You promised me always, Logan. I never imagined always meant you wouldn't be here, that raising –" There's a knock against the door which makes me jump back.

"Who's there?" I call out.

"Jude," I hear a reply.

My heart almost leaps out of my chest and I almost can't open the door quick enough. Jude steps through the threshold and grabs me in his arms. I don't hold back, fight, or move away, I hold him tightly.

"I'm a bad person," I whisper against the tough material of his jacket.

"You're a good person, even if you can't see it yourself," says Jude.

"No, no I'm not." I sob. "I tear people apart and I always manage to screw things up," I explain.

"Someone once told me people only see the world as black and white, yet there are few people who see the colour in between. I see the colour in you, Tori," says Jude. "I see the colour in your love for London, the care in your heart, and the determination to be good. Nobody can be perfect, we keep trying until good is enough for us."

His words make me cry because I know who he's talking about. Hearing those words makes me feel better, even if it's just a small fraction. Those words won't make Logan come back, but they make him feel as if he'd never left me, not completely.

"I love you, Tori, faults and all," says Jude.

I'd always love Logan, and there will always be a part of him inside my heart. However, there wasn't guilt about moving forwards. People would continue to step in and out of my life and sometimes my heart, but the important people stay. I never got the chance with Logan, but I know I can be happy with Jude.

"I love you, Jude." He leans down and kisses my lips.

For that moment I don't care about the bad things I've done, or what people might think of me. I embrace this moment with Jude because life is too short to let others dictate how we must be. We can only be ourselves and embrace the good and the bad, to keep working until good is enough.

I bet Logan is looking down at me with a smile on his face. Happy that I'm still here, taking life a few short steps at a time. I could see the beauty and colour, just as he'd seen it in everyone else.