❤︎ Chara's List of Emotions ❤︎
Red: Anger
Blue: Sadness
Light Blue: Loneliness
Yellow: Happiness
Green: Envy
Blue-Gray: Guilt
Aqua: Self-Consciousness
Pink: Love
Black: Fear

• • •

She didn't speak to him.
She didn't look at him.
She didn't even acknowledge him.
     But she thought of him everyday.

     She thought of how all of his physical attributes were unappealing, yet she yearned. How his SOUL must be a rainbow instead of completely white because the way he makes her feel has no other description. How she'd been experiencing this emotion for months and hardly noticed. And of course about how much redder her face is likely going to get.
     She wanted to hide it from the world, to seal it away in a box of shame and confusion. But feelings cannot be manhandled, only eased or suppressed or ignored—the worst option, really.

     It was only a matter of time before Frisk caught on. Nobody is sick for over a month after all.
     Chara will admit it was tiring, maintaining the delirious facade, but to face Papyrus again seemed far worse.
     Eventually Frisk dragged her out, she didn't scold or reprimand, there was something, similar to the slyness but with hints of understanding. She rambled giddily of heat and ice pops, of salted water and sandals. Chara ignored most of it, too shaken by fear from the idea of hearing Papyrus' annoying voice and the possibility of being less than twenty feet from him.

- - -

    Chara now glances at herself through the window in the back of the car. Though she has permanently pink cheeks, red is much different, it was like a stain, calmness the remover—something she didn't have.
     Had Frisk gone through this with Sans? She couldn't imagine it. Frisk was always so collected and hardly broke out in tears or erupted in anger. She forgave and forgot and smiled until her cheeks burned. She was honest and trusting and unafraid even when she was. She likely confessed one day, while the sun was setting and his eyes were only on her. He probably accepted without thinking of timelines or resets, and kissed her under the orange sky.
     When Chara swaps the scenario, when she places Papyrus and herself there instead, she melts. He calls her beautiful, he strokes her hair and compares her eyes to spaghetti sauce, he pecks her softly and tells her he loves her.
     She says it back. Chara says it back.
     She says: "I love you too," sure and determined and everything swells. In delight instead of fear. Under the sun rather than the moon so her vision isn't distorted.
     Chara comes back to reality, not panting as if she clawed her way out of a nightmare, just.. still. Part of her wants to go back and relish in the dream, another, more powerful side, treats it as a nightmare she already knows it isn't. Chara closes her eyes and desires the sting of fresh tears, because it's distracting.

     "CHARA? IS EVERYTHING OKAY? YOU'RE NOT SPEAKING VERY MUCH... ACTUALLY NOT AT ALL!"
     She keeps her eyes glued to her reflection. Chara doesn't want to ignore him, it feels wrong, but she also can't bring herself to speak. Anything she might say would probably come out a jumbled mess of stuttered words, creating more confusion and more questions that would stress her out until she cracked. A crack eventually splits all the way through.

     Multiple strands of hair are non-consensually tucked behind her right ear. She makes the ridiculous mistake of flinching and looking to the side only to see Papyrus, who is staring right at her from the spot she'd internally begged he wouldn't take as they piled into the car.
     His hand still lingers behind her ear, and slowly begins trailing to her cheek. Chara didn't think the heat would get worse but it did, it erupted. She can't see it, but she knows her face is inflamed, and she knows Papyrus can see it too.
     In fact, he seems a little taken aback. Chara is very pale, always has been. To be this red must look unnatural. Does that make her feelings obvious?
     Nope, no.
     One thought and it's already too much.
  "SORRY, I JUST WANTED TO SEE YOUR FACE,"
     Definitely too much.
     Chara wants to cry, but that would only makes things worse. Frisk would get involved and then Sans would get involved and they'd probably know instantly what was going on. They both pay too much attention, and the idea of Sans' reaction fills her with panic.
     Chara moves away from his hand, impossibly closer to the window, shying away like a little girl and pulling the hood of her sweater over her head. Light pink, a color she subconsciously picked because she's probably secretly a masochist. Papyrus knows that she knows what the color means, and she tends to wear her emotions to give him better understanding. She'd been wrapped around his finger for ages and never noticed. It's hilarious that she once called Frisk simple minded and naive.
     Speaking of Frisk, it was her idea to take this torturous family trip. After dragging Chara out of her room and going on and on, words upon words with an excited smile that Chara had tuned out with the complexity of her thoughts. She let Frisk's voice in for a moment and heard beach and trip and everyone and it'll be so much fun!
     All Chara could imagine was awkwardly sitting on hot sand with her hoodie on over her swimsuit because the flush spreads down her neck and tans her shoulders. She can see Frisk and Sans splashing in the cold ocean water, and because Papyrus is the way he is, he'd bug her to join them. Which also implies that he'd be talking to her and looking at her and existing next to her. And that was a giant no.

Papyrus doesn't bother her for the remainder of the trip. She feels his stare though, invading and leaving burns wherever it landed.
     She then feels nothing but dread when the car slows and comes to a halt. Arrival at the beach means forced interaction. Forced interactions means talking. Talking almost always means Papyrus, who only provides turmoil for Chara's over-burdened brain.
     Chara's easy conclusion is to avoid him. They roll out towels patterned with shapes and fruits and put up the umbrella. Sans pulls out the cooler and hands them all waters that have their names written on them in colored sharpie. Frisk helps Chara put sunscreen on her back because she's always been one to burn rather quickly. In more ways than one.
     Papyrus tries to talk to her constantly, but she won't even let him begin. Anytime he comes close she runs off, to assist Frisk or even Sans with any task, no matter how simple.
     She doesn't meet his eyes, won't sneak a glance whenever she turns her back on him. There's no need, because she knows he's frowning and can't stand being the cause of it.
     When everything's set up a chill washes over her. No more distractions. Maybe she can sit under the shade of the umbrella and watch them bound through the water as a child would.
     "Take that hot sweater off Chara, you're going to boil," Frisk says, slipping off her sundress and tossing it onto her towel.
     "I don't want to. You all can go get in the water, don't worry about me," Chara replies, turning to find a spot in the shade. Frisk is right. The fabric of her sweater is already sticking to her sweaty skin, but she can't bring herself to remove it, not in front of them. Not in front of him.
     Frisk sounds worryingly irritated. "No, you're not doing this. Participate. Have some fun." Never mind, this isn't irritation, this is her "you should've known what I was going to say" tone. Chara has to swallow her groan. She doesn't want to cause a scene. Sans and Papyrus have already gone in, but they will come over if they remain here arguing for too long.
     Frisk should thoroughly understand discomfort. The scars have healed, but she use to never wear short sleeves. When Sans discovered them, it was emotional. At the time, Chara hadn't known what 'emotional' was, just that it was tiresome.
     Does Frisk not see that she is going through similar issues? Less serious, she knows, but what about benefit of the doubt?
     Frisk must hear her thoughts and reject them, because in an instant she removes her sweater without asking, but with little struggle on Chara's part. She does hug herself when it's gone though, disliking the scratchy feeling of her one piece and the loss of her sweater's protection.
     It's yellow with lighter frills on the edges. Frisk picked it out, apparently seeing Chara in a new light since she used to only purchase somber colors for her other half.
     It might as well be aqua or even orange, a color Chara paired with her newfound horror, embarrassment, as Frisk called it. Frisk, who was now dragging her towards the ocean and surely towards her demise.

     "Isn't the water nice?" She asks and Chara feels and incredibly strong need to glare the sharpest daggers into her flesh, but her face remains neutral.
     It's cold and shells pierce her feet no matter where she steps. The tide is too high and she feels any second she'll be wiped out and probably drown.
     Chara's unsure where the sudden pessimism came from. Maybe it's because Papyrus is wading towards her struggling form and there's not much she can do to get away.
     "ARE YOU DOING OKAY CHARA? CAN YOU SWIM?" He reaches out to mostly likely help her, but nowadays his touch is like fire so Chara quickly slinks away.
     "Yes, I can swim," now please go away. She says it urgently, and despite the fact that Chara doesn't want suspicion, she rushes him away.
     Of course, it doesn't work.
     "GREAT! WE SHOULD PLAY A GAME!" He turns to Frisk and Sans, who are aggressively splashing each other. "WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK?" Sans stops first, receiving a face full of salt water. Frisk cheers in victory before turning to face them.
     "A game?" Her face lights up. "We should play shoulder wars!"
     "Wouldn't that be a little unfair? You'll be getting the short end of the stick." Sans informs, nodding at Papyrus then looking down at himself.
     "Height has nothing to do with it, we're still going to win." Frisk holds her chin up high as she speaks before hoisting herself onto Sans' shoulders.
     Apparently height has everything to do with it, because all Chara has to do is extend her leg in a swift kick that collides—gently—with Frisk's head before she hits the water.
     It's an accident, really, because Papyrus' hands are on her legs and she's sitting on his shoulders and they're really really close. Chara feels dizzy with heat, and then Papyrus has the audacity to look up at her with that adorable grin.
     "YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT THIS CHARA! I.." His smile fades suddenly, but their eyes remain locked. Chara has to shift uncomfortably before he returns to his senses.
     "SORRY, YOU JUST LOOK REALLY NICE."
    Too much. Way too much.
    Chara forces her way out of his grip, falling into the ocean back first. As she gradually sinks, Chara lets out a shrill scream beneath the water's surface, face similar to that of a cherry tomato.

•  •  •
Author's Note

Guys I did a thing! An update kind of thing! Yaaaaaay
Final chapter is next.. but who knows when that'll come out.. err hopefully less that four weeks from now.. haha

Hope you enjoyed! Byeeee!