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The first person I call in the morning is Lily. I explain that we have to meet and that I'm coming home. 

I anxiously pace around the bedroom until Harry wakes up. He feels around the bed for me and shoots up when it comes up empty. I can practically see the relief on his face when he finds me walking. 

I don't blame him for being nervous. I have a past of being rash. He's experienced some of the darkest times in my life, so it's fitting that I'd go out and risk my life again. Maybe drown my sorrows in liquor.

Honestly, I'm numb. I'm so shocked to see his face after years, I can barely process it. Up until now, he's been a blurry image in my head. The memories we shared are slowly disappearing. I don't even know how I feel about all of this. But, I owe it to Lily to tell her first. It's her father too and if he's roaming the streets of Florida, it's better she hears it from me.

"Can you take me to my mom's house?" My voice is raspy and dry. All the crying has left me dehydrated. He nods and runs his hands through his hair.

"Let me just get ready." 

I nod and walk into the kitchen. A cool glass of water feels likes honey as it slides down my throat. I'm well aware that my face is blotchy and my eyes are puffy, but there's no use in cleaning up if the odds are I'm going to cry again.

Harry's boots are heard in the hallway. He jingles his keys and I somberly follow behind him. He starts the car and gives me a worried glance. "Are you okay?"

"I'll explain when we get there, I don't want to repeat the story twice."

I can tell he's shocked that he's invited to the conversation between Lily and I. It's true that it's personal family matters, but Harry's here to stay and he deserves to know everything. There's no reason to hide anything from him. I trust him completely.

The drive to my old home is silent. He parks on the side of the street and lets me linger in the car before I have the guts to get out.

Lily anticipates me and opens the door as soon as we get out of the car. Worry is shown on her face, and it only worsens when she sees my state.

She lets us in and we take a seat on the couch. The tension in the air is thick.

"Is mom home?" I ask. I rather not tell her like this, not to mention Harry being here would start another conversation I'm not ready for. 

"Nope, working," Lily confirms. "What's wrong El? You're scaring me."

I sigh. Time to let it out. "I saw dad, Lil."

Harry tenses next to me. Never in a million years is this what he would have thought. 

"W-what?" Lily speaks after the initial shock wears off. 

I nod, anger starting to boil inside me. "I saw him with his wife. They're rich Lil! They're so fucking rich and mom's here overworking herself for a damn paycheck!" My voice gets louder as I finish my sentence. 

She seems speechless at my confession. 

I continue my rant. "He didn't even bat an eyelash when he saw me. He knew it was me, I know. He saw the stupid necklace he gave me. He didn't even try." Tears pool in my eyes and I furiously blink to rid them. I have no luck and they fall faster.

"He didn't care?" She squeaks. She sounds hurt, too.

"No," I spat in disgust. "God knows how long he's been in town. I think he's been living here for a while."

"And he's never once tried to reach out," she says, more to herself. "He really doesn't care..." 

I stand up and start pacing. "He's such an asshole! You should have seen him with his wife. It was so disgusting! And now that he knows we're here, I'm sure he's gonna want to reach out. I swear if that bastard tries to get into our lives..." 

"Should we tell mom?"

"No," I snap, whipping my head toward her. "It'll just hurt her in the end. She doesn't deserve that."

Lily nods slowly. I sit next to her and pull her into a hug. She seems just as devastated as me. She sits numbly as I squeeze her tightly. 

A tear escapes her eye and she furiously wipes it. "I need to lie down. If mom asks, I'm sick, okay?" She escapes my grip and runs upstairs, taking two steps at a time. 

I sigh. I wish I could say something better, but I'm so torn up by the situation myself that I can't comfort someone else.

I'm a sucky older sister. 

"It was your dad?" Harry pipes up. I nod, leaning into him. 

"I'm so fucking angry Harry. I bolted when I saw him, but I should have forced him to give me answers. Instead, I was pathetic."

He shushes me. "You weren't pathetic, you were shocked."

"God, I hate him so much. Why? Why didn't reach out?" My voice cracks. "Did we mean nothing to him? You know, all these years, I thought I was chill with him. I didn't hate him, he just existed as a thought. But seeing him last night... it reminded me that everything's real. He left us. He walked out with no hesitation." I take a shaky breath. "God, I'm so weak. He walked out on us and I'm the one craving his attention. A simple smile would have been better than nothing." 

Harry rubs in my back to comfort me. I sigh, not even knowing where to go with this. 

We sit like this for some time, but I realize it would be better to leave before my mom shows up. I call out to Lily and tell her we're leaving. Within seconds, I can hear her thumping down the stairs.

"Wait El," she calls out as she comes into view. She stops at the foot of the stairs and anxiously looks at me. "I want to meet him."

"Absolutely not," I say harsher than intended. I can't trust the man, and I know she'll only be set up for hurt if she does. She's more gullible than me, she's sure to be roped into his lies. That is, if he even lies about his intentions. For all we know, he might not even want to come back into our lives. Both of the situations seem rather horrid and I know Lily won't be able to handle it. 

"Why not?" She's obviously frustrated by my answer, but I can't tell her the truth. It'll hurt her even more to know that I think she's emotionally vulnerable to people she shouldn't be. 

"Because I said so." I hate when my mom uses this phrase, but at this moment, I understand why she does.

"Ugh," she groans, turning around to go back upstairs. "You're the worst! Just because you don't like him doesn't mean I won't!" And with that, she slams her bedroom door, indicating the conversation is over. 

Harry is on standby, holding his opinions back. I can see he doesn't agree with my methods, but he doesn't attempt to argue. 

I storm out of the house. If Harry wasn't behind me, I would have slammed the front door while at it.

The ride home is awkward to say the least. I'm so engrossed by my rage that I don't focus on the silence. My mind is reeling with a million thoughts. I can't focus on one. 

Instead of driving home, we pull into a familiar lot. The cafe.

"What are we...?"

Harry sheepishly smiles. "I owe someone an apology. I went off on him last night because I thought he was the one who made you cry."

Despite the mental turmoil, a laugh escapes my lips. "Poor Noah."

"You don't have to come inside if you don't want..."

"I do," I muster a small smile and climb out of the Range Rover. He follows suit, cautious of my actions. I don't do much to prove I'm stable, but I'm not having another breakdown either. At least I hope. 

The chime of the door goes off and Noah doesn't instantly greet us. I assume that he doesn't think I'd show up after the disastrous night. I walk up to the counter and wait to order. He casually strolls over and punches something in the register before looking up.

"Ellie Belly!" He squeals, practically leaping over the counter to hug me. I welcome his embrace even though I can't match his mood. "I didn't expect to see you here." His eyes then go to Harry and they narrow.

"Just the usual for me and Harry will have a black coffee." I rather not have confrontations right now.

Harry steps closer and pulls out his wallet. "How much will it be?"

Noah stops for a moment and contemplates his answer. "Twenty dollars."

My jaw drops open. "Noah!" 

He doesn't even give me a second glance. Harry sighs before pulling out a crisp twenty-dollar bill. He reaches out to give it but pulls it away before Noah can grab it. "If you take this, you'll forgive me for lashing out on you."

Of course he can get forgiveness without even apologizing. Noah hesitates but Harry's intense stare breaks him down. He nods and snatches the money before either can change their mind. Harry nods in acknowledgment of their silent deal and pulls me over to the barstools. 

Noah makes our drinks and I rest my head on the counter. The cool feels good against my thumping head. Harry rubs my back, soothing me.

Our drinks are placed in front of us. I notice Noah upgraded my size today. Knowing my state, I'll need it. 

"How are you?" Noah gives me a genuine look of concern. I nod, not saying much. "If you wanted to know, he did ask me about you again. Made it seem like he was concerned about you as my girlfriend so he didn't ask any personal questions." 

At least he acknowledged my existence. Unless... he truly only saw me as Noah's girlfriend and wanted to make small talk.

Harry tenses at the word girlfriend. He mutters, "so I don't exist to your mum and your dad thinks you're dating someone else," under his breath. I pretend not to hear. His comment offsets me, but I'm not ready to have another screaming match today. 

Noah gives me sympathetic eyes before moving on to another customer. 

I groan and slam my head on the counter much harder than I intended to. I welcome the pain. It eases the throbbing from my headache, giving me another feeling to focus on. 

My head lifts and lowers to repeat the action, but my forehead meets Harry's hand instead of the smooth granite. He hisses in pain and recoils his hand when I lift my head up. I apologize profusely.

"Stop doing that. You're killing your brain cells," he says between clenched teeth. I grab his hand and plant a kiss on the injured part. He winces but doesn't pull away. "You're lucky you're cute."

I would usually make a smartass remark, but I don't have the energy in me. 

We wrap up our business at the coffee shop and I promise Noah I'll keep in touch soon. Harry drives us home and all I can focus on is my dad. 

Why did he ask Noah about me? Was it truly just small talk? Or was it more?

Did he seem disappointed when I left?

No, I remind myself, he doesn't love me. If he truly did, he would have come back for us. He wouldn't have just left like that. 

When we reach home, I head to the bathroom to take a shower. Yesterday's filth lingers on me and I want nothing more than to erase it. 

My foggy reflection stares back at me. I wipe at the mirror to get a better look at my face. My eyes are still red and puffy, but I look better than this morning. My gaze wanders to the silver chain around my neck. I yank it off and throw it in the corner of the bathroom. I don't want a constant reminder of him. 

My hand instinctively goes to where the necklace was. I touch the area, feeling empty. My hand falls to my side, realizing that this is it. The final straw. I will not let than man manipulate me. 

A knock jolts me out of my internal monologue. "Everything okay in there?" Harry's concerned voice rings in my ears. I unlock the bathroom door and tighten the towel around my body. His face softens and he gives me a small smile before his eyes trail to my neck. His brows furrow slightly and a frown takes over his face.

I push past him and into my bedroom. He follows behind me, probably dying to ask about the necklace. I'm a little shocked he even noticed. Well, considering I wear it every day, I guess it's noticeable.

I change into sweats and a baggy t-shirt. When I appear out of the closet, Harry doesn't hesitate to hide his distaste. "Really?"

"What! I'm comfortable," I argue. But, I know he couldn't give less of a shit about what I wear. He's worried. Worried I'm going to fall into my depressive episodes again. I don't blame him either. It's a toxic pattern in my life.

He doesn't have to worry though, at least not until I get my hands on alcohol.

I take a seat on the bed next to him. "So, when are you heading back?" I'd do anything to shift the conversation away from me.

His face contorts into disbelief. "You're kidding, right? I'm not leaving you." I let out a small laugh, but it's anything but happy. I can't help but remember all the times this has happened. I always seem to hold him back. He'll sacrifice his career for my happiness.

I want to argue, that I can handle myself, but it'll come off as unappreciative. It's not even true. I can't handle myself. He's my rock, my support system. He's one of the only people who'll hold me as I cry and not even question why. He'd go and threaten the cause of my sorrow without even confirming it's true.

I desperately need him in my life. So bad, that it scares me. I'm beginning to depend on him and I fear I can't live without him. I had never had this sense of dependability and swore it would never happen, yet here we are.

It's overwhelming really. The love that I feel for him often overpowers all my other senses. I could never be mad at him for long. Even the slight fear I had felt from him has completely dissolved. 

And you know what the scariest part is? I'm not even sure he feels the same way. 

That's mainly the reason I haven't confessed to him yet. I know we're soulmates and such, but that doesn't always guarantee love. Maybe he's just sticking around for the fun of it. Maybe he doesn't feel the same way I do, or not to the same extent. I can't confess because I don't know what'll happen if he doesn't feel the same way. If he's going to leave me eventually, I'd rather delay the process.

I don't tell him he should go, regardless of how I feel. For once, I'm allowed to be selfish. I want - no, need - him here. 

"Okay," I sigh, resting my head on his shoulder. I can tell he expected me to put up more of a fight, one he'd gladly fight for me.

He tests the waters with me. "Okay? That's it?"

"Yes, and it won't be it if you keep pestering me," I tease. I even put on a smirk to make him think I'm okay. 

Fake it till you make it, right?

He kisses the top of my head and holds me close. That's all I truly need right now.