Unedited! Feel free to point out grammar mistakes :)

It's been days since the Drew incident and I haven't seen him since. He's even rearranged his schedule so the few shifts we did work together, we don't anymore.

I've tried calling him. Several times. I even went to his house, but no one answered. 

Luckily, he hasn't let our bad blood come between him and Audrey. They've been on one date since then, and I waited for him to walk her up. 

When she came up alone, my world came crashing down. I cried, full-on sobbed in the hallway.

You may be thinking I'm being dramatic but the guilt I'm feeling is actually soul-crushing. When I first met up with Harry, I didn't think it was going to last. So, I kept Drew on the side and led him on. That in itself made me feel horrible. 

But there's also the fact that I didn't even feel guilty until Drew pointed it out. In my mind, I was drunk and Harry was my soulmate. There was no better time to get it out of the way. I'd been so wrapped up in my bubble with Harry to even realize what a shitty person I've been. 

And now everything's crashing down. I hadn't even realized how much of an impact Drew had on my life until I lost him. He was surprisingly one of my closest friends - not that I had many. All my memories with Drew were good ones and I can't stand the idea of never making new memories with him. All of this because of a stupid mistake I made. 

I've ruined my relationship with one of my best friends. The worst thing is, it's in the past. There's no possible way I can fix it now.

I wish I could just explain why I did what I did. Maybe, just maybe, he'd think my actions are justified.

Now I'm sitting in my room, isolating myself. I've texted Harry and told him I won't be in the mood to talk for a couple days. He seemed concerned, but didn't press.

I'm glad. I just need to sulk alone.

Even Audrey's concerned for both of us. She's confronted me multiple times, but I'm too ashamed to tell her.

"Listen babe, I know we all have our secrets, but you need to spill. You're here, crying in your room alone. Drew's always crabby and in a mood, so something's happened between you both. Can you please tell me? Don't I have a right to know, as your best friend and his girlfriend?" She sits at the edge of my bed.

I ignore her 'girlfriend' comment. I know they're not at that level, but I also know what she means. What else can she call him? 'Dude that I'm soulmates with, but we haven't established our relationship yet?'

"I see your concern. Just know that it's something from the past that's come up and I'm ashamed of it, okay?" I mumble under the blankets. She sighs but makes no move to leave. I sit up, no doubt looking like a zombie. "I'm thinking of going to my mom's place for a little."

Her face softens, but she doesn't object. She gives me a sad smile and nods in agreement. "Okay."

I hide under the covers until she leaves. Tears prickle my eyes and I let them fall. No one's watching anyway.

Soon, my pillow is damp. I turn it over to the dry side, laughing at the symbolism. Why do I always take the easy way out? I could just change pillows, but I simply flip it over. It's the same with Drew. Instead of dealing with my issues with Harry, I lead him on, making him think I like him, even though I was off with another man.

I'm disgusting.

That, my friends, is where my good buddy alcohol comes in. 

I sneak into the kitchen and grab a bottle. I shamelessly chug until it's half empty. The bottle makes a noise as I slam it on the counter, followed by Audrey's door opening. 

She eyes the bottle, but doesn't say anything. 

I'm going to my mom's later anyway, this is the only time I can drink. 

She sympathetically smiles and retreats back to her room. Here I am, sad and alone. 

I drink more, not wanting to be sober. I can't stand myself right now. Even though Drew's a friend, he's a good friend. He's only been kind to me and I can't believe we managed to go from lovers to friends so smoothly. 

When the bottle's empty, I raid the cabinet to find something stronger. I pull out another bottle and smile at the label. 

I greedily open it and chug. I drink until I can't feel anymore. I drink until I'm sitting on the floor, not being able to distinguish my tears from sweat. 

"No, it's really bad," I hear Audrey say. I assume she's on the phone and I lay down, staring up at the ceiling. I've turned off the lights so my eyes don't burn. 

I close my eyes anyway. 

"Fuck," Audrey mumbles, nearly tripping over me. "What're you doing?"

I smile, not opening my eyes. She pulls me up, never getting off the phone. I follow her, mostly because I can't stand by myself. 

"Yeah, I'm pulling her into bed. It's getting worse. She's been drinking all day." 

I squint and read the time on my clock. It's been hours since I've opened my first bottle. When she forces me into bed, I don't object. It actually sounds good now.

"My pillows wet," I mumble, sleeping on it anyway. 

She scoffs and tucks me in. After a goodnight kiss on the forehead, she leaves and quietly closes the door behind her. 

~~~

A loud pounding wakes me up. I sit up and stare at the door. It takes a minute for me to realize the sound isn't actually there, but in my head.

I groan, applying pressure to my temples. The light floods in through my window, making the room way too bright for my liking. 

After much contemplation, I get up and close the curtains. Then, I venture out into the kitchen to see a very happy Audrey.

"Mornin' sunshine," she chirps in front of the stove.

I grumble some harsh words and walk right past her, grabbing yet another bottle of alcohol. I can see the hurt in her face, but she masks it quickly.

Instead of leaving, I take a seat at the counter and take a big swig, the liquid burning as it goes down. 

"I'm going to make some pancakes," she offers me some. 

I quickly shake my head no. She ignores me and continues mixing the batter. When she has her back to me, I escape back into my bedroom. Breakfast cooked by Audrey is basically poison. I might feel like dying but that's not the way to go.

The floor is oddly comforting. I sit against my bed, my head barely being supported by the mattress and my legs straight in front of me. I close my eyes and take another sip.

The cure to a hangover is just more alcohol, right? Can't get hungover if you don't stop being drunk. 

Okay, maybe I should lay off the alcohol.

My door slams open and Audrey stands there in all her glory. She's no longer acting nice. No, she's fuming. 

"You need to sober up and get your ass to your mom's place," she hisses. I'm taken aback by her sudden tone change. 

"But I can't think there," I whine. 

She glares and puts her hand on her hip. "I know."

I feel myself sobering up from her stare. I quickly get up and pull out a duffle bag.

"Fine," I dramatically sigh. "I can see when I'm not wanted." 

I glance back at her, expecting to see guilt. Instead, she seems satisfied. Rolling my eyes, I pack whatever clothes I think I'll need for the next couple of days. Once I'm done, she grabs my bag and hands me a pill. I take it and swallow it dry.

"Good girl," she smiles before walking out with my bag. I follow her out to her car. She tosses the bag in the backseat and starts the car. I lazily get in, not feeling the best.

We pull into the familiar neighborhood and I sigh again. She glances over at me, but refocuses on the road.

I never thought I'd feel so weird at my own house. As soon as she dropped me off and dipped, I knocked.

"Hey," Lily says lamely, letting me in. 

"Hey? You didn't miss me?"

"I knew it was a matter of time before she kicked you out," she says nonchalantly, glancing at my bag.

Although her teasing's harmless, I'm already in a bad mood and it makes it worse. 

Instead of saying something I'll regret, I push past her and up to my old room. It smells clean when I open the door, meaning my mom probably cleaned after I left.

It looks more boring than before. My walls are no longer covered with pictures and all the personality from the room is gone. 

I huff and lay down, not wanting to deal with my problems anymore. 

Whatever alcohol I consumed before coming was still running through my veins. I grab my phone and go straight to my call log. I click on Drew's name before I chicken out.

It rings a total of three times before sending me to voicemail. "Still ignoring me," I groan before powering my phone off. 

My eyes feel heavy and I decide to take a nap. What else could I do?

~~~

"Yeah, she's here," I hear Lily's voice in the hallway, her footsteps retreating to her room. I open my eyes and my vision takes a couple seconds to adjust to the darkness of the room.

I sit up and glance at the clock. It's 8 pm now, meaning I've basically slept the whole day. My hands reach around the bed, looking for my phone. I realize I never switched it back on. The apple logo flashes on the screen and I wait for my messages to load.

I skim through the notifications, waiting for his name to pop up, but it never does. I ignore the disappointment coursing through me and ignore the rest of the messages. I tuck my phone under my pillow and lie down, staring at the ceiling. 

A soft knock comes from my door and I close my eyes, pretending to be asleep.

"Hey honey," my mom's soft voice says before fully opening the door, letting the light from the hallway flood in. 

I squint while sitting up. 

My mom takes this as an invitation to sit on my bed. She smiles and strokes my hair. "I'm not going to ask what happened because that's between you and Audrey." I don't correct her, but give her an appreciative smile. "I just want you to be okay."

"I'm not, but I will be," I reply with a raspy voice. Drinking and crying are not a good combination and my throat feels like sandpaper. 

"Okay," she smiles and pats my shoulder. "How long are you planning on staying?"

I only shrug in response. I truly don't know. 

She seems a little frustrated with my response, but doesn't push it. "I'm making dinner. Come down if you want. If not, the leftovers will be in the fridge. I expect you to eat." Her tone switches from soft to stern and I'm glad. Tough love is never wanted, but much needed. 

The weight shifts off the bed and she walks to the door. "Thanks," I whisper as she leaves. 

I'm surrounded by darkness once again. I lie down on my back. 

What if Drew and I don't patch things up? Ever? It'll certainly ruin my life. Not only will it be awkward at work, but Audrey will eventually have to choose sides and that's not fair.

Who would she even choose? I'd wanna say me, but I'm beginning to doubt that. I haven't been the bestest of friends lately.

Besides, soulmate bonds are much stronger than friendship. She'd probably leave me for Drew in a heartbeat if he asked.

Would he ask?

No, wait. I need to snap out of it. Why am I thinking of making her choose? I would never do that to her. Never in a million years.

Once the house is dark and quiet, I sneak down to the kitchen to grab those leftovers my mom was telling me about. 

"Hey," Lily chirps through the darkness, making me jump.

"Jesus, Lil. Why are you sitting in the dark?" I flip the lights on to see her chilling at the table.

She shrugs and puts her head down. "I'm just bored."

I walk around her and find the food my mom made. I make a face as I realize it's pasta. 

Don't get me wrong, I love the Italian goodness. But, I guess I just expected a better meal since I'm home. Pasta is lazy.

"I told her to make something else, but she was tired," Lily explains after seeing my grimace. I nod, understanding. I go to heat up the pasta and sauce.

"How is she?" 

She sighs. "The same. Nothing's changed. Still busy working."

I laugh. I can't imagine my mom doing anything else. 

The shrill beep of the microwave breaks me from my trance and I quickly rush to stop the obnoxious noise. Lily cringes at the volume, but watches in amusement as I scramble around. 

Finally, I grab my bowl and sit across from her. "And how are you?"

"Good."

I raise my brows. "Good? That's it?" 

She gives me a tight-lipped smile and nods. Lily is the type to talk your ear off, so her silence is eerie. 

I don't push it though. If something's bothering her, she can tell me if she's ready. 

We sit in an awkward silence, the only noise coming from my fork occasionally tapping the bowl. Eventually, Lily gets tired and hits the sack. 

If I was in a better mood, we'd talk the whole night. I have to fill her in on my life. She'll kill me when she finds out her favorite ex-band spent the weekend in my apartment and I didn't invite her. Maybe I can keep that detail to myself.

She's also the only person I can ask for advice from. Audrey can't get in the middle of this, and Harry isn't the best person to rant to. He's way too biased against Drew to even hear me out. Besides, he's busy with whatever bimbo he's set up with.

I try to push the jealously down but man she's feisty.

Anyways, Lily would be great to talk to. I just need to be in a better mood when I rant, or else her advice will set me off, like a ticking timebomb. 

I pick at my food for a little, not being able to finish. I eventually wrap the bowl and put it back in the fridge. I can always eat it later. 

Even though I've slept the whole day, I'm exhausted. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I'm out.

A/N: Hi!! I kinda, sorta hate this chapter! I just needed to get it out of the way. I know Ellie's overreacting a little but she feels so shitty about cheating on someone, especially when she didn't even feel guilty about it at the moment.

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