Ellie's P.O.V

I wake up in white silk sheets. For a moment, I'm in heaven. 

Except for these damn jeans. 

Once I realize I'm not in my bed, I shoot up. I look at my surroundings and realize I'm in a hotel room. 

Oh my gosh... what did I do last night?

I panic and find my phone on the bed. During my frantic search, I realize Harry's sleeping on the couch.

Okay, I'm not naked, and Harry isn't even in the same bed as me. I probably didn't have sex... right?

I notice Harry's tall body squeezed onto the couch. Guilt washes over me because I'm the reason he's so cramped. He looks so beautiful. His soft brown curls flop over his eyes. His lips are curved into a smile, as if he's dreaming about something amazing. 

I can't help but smile at his perfect face.

Once I snap out of the trance that is Harry, I check my phone. I have a couple of texts from Drew, mainly asking where I went after the party. 

The party that I can barely remember.

I open up the twitter app and scroll through my feed. Once I'm done, I click on the trending tab.

For some reason, #HarryStyles is #3 on trending. I click on the link and the first thing that pops up is a picture of Harry carrying me into the hotel lobby.

My heart sinks.

My dumb ass decides to keep scrolling. I see all of the tweets from his fans.

Let's just say they're not positive.

My anxiety begins to skyrocket when I see the death threats directed to me, the "mystery girl." I forgot how vicious and mean girls can be online.

I keep reading until my eyes fog up with tears. People are so mean and hurtful. They don't even know the story behind these pictures.

Harry must have woken up during this because he quickly walks over to me. Tears begin trailing down my face as I keep looking at the tweets. 

With his brows furrowed, he grabs my phone out of my hand and sees what has me in such distress. Once he realizes, he puts the phone on the table and gets in the bed with me. 

I can't stop crying. I never liked having attention on me. I didn't even want people to know about Harry and I.

His strong arms wrap around me as he whispers comforting words into my ears. "Shh baby, it's okay. You're okay. They don't mean that stuff."

I know he's right, but I don't know what to think. If this is what a life with Harry is, I don't think I can handle it.

A deep part of me knew Harry was worried. I know he thinks I'm fragile and will break easily. He's not wrong, these few tweets have me in tears.

"I want to go home," I whisper once I'm calmed down. He nods and gets up, giving me his hand. "No, I'm going alone," I add. The disappointment is very visible on his face. 

What else am I supposed to do? If I'm seen with him, people might find more stories to post. I can't risk that.

I don't think I can risk being with Harry. 

He reluctantly puts his hand down and gives me space to get up. Once I'm up, he pulls me into a hug. 

Our last hug.

I squeeze him back, knowing I'm way too comfortable with him. I don't want to let go, but I know I have to. 

He strokes my back, still trying to comfort me.

I eventually let go. I grab all my stuff and walk out of the room, never looking back.

Tears keep spilling out of my eyes. Once I'm out of the building, I see a driver holding a board with my name on it. 

Of course, he hired me a car to get back home.

I walk past the driver, pretending like I'm not the one he's waiting for. Instead, I opt to walk home. I rather die than take handouts from Harry. 

I regret not having my headphones on me. Music is much needed to block out the noises of the traffic. 

I walk in silence, thinking about those posts about me. Most were slut-shaming me, while others called me ugly in various ways. I even received death threats. 

I don't know how girls can do this. That too, for such an innocent gesture. 

~~~

Once I'm home, I go straight to my room. My mom's at work and my sister is probably still sleeping. 

I feel gross. I drank way too much last night and can barely remember what happened. I decide to take a hot shower to maybe feel better.

My phone rings continuously while I'm out. As soon as I dry off, I look at my notifications.

My boss called 3 times and texted to ask where I was.

Fuck, I'm working today.

I quickly message her back, apologizing and saying I'm going to be late.

I get dressed quickly and leave my wet hair out to dry. Times like this, a car would be nice. Luckily, I'm able to catch a bus to the mall. I'm about an hour late, and keep apologizing to my manager. She doesn't seem to mind too much, but I still feel bad. This is the first time I'm ever late.

Drew is not working today, which makes me a little glad. I don't think I would be able to handle this much emotional drama today. Audrey also called off work today. Guess I didn't get the memo to. 

Work is quiet, which is good for me. I sort out my thoughts.

Harry is my soulmate, and it feels good to be around him. 

But, I can't handle the attention that comes with being with him.

The most logical thing would be to not stay with him.

Is that even possible? I feel such a strong attraction to him. 

I manage to distract myself by color coordinating each section. I keep the dark shades together and slowly make the clothes fade to the lighter colors. It's very satisfying. 

I skip lunch to help make up for the missed hour. 

My shift breezes by. By the end of it, I don't want to leave. I'd rather be anywhere but alone with my thoughts. I figure I could utilize my employee discount. I shuffle through the donated clothes and try to find something that would be fun.

Sadly, I don't find anything. 

I know I have to go home, but I can't. Where else can I go?

I'm sure Audrey is nursing a terrible hangover and doesn't want company. I don't want to see Drew, ashamed of the gossip about me. I doubt he even reads that shit, but I still feel awful.

My phone beeps and I look down to see a new contact in my phone. 

H: why wouldn't you take the car I sent? 

H? There's only one person this could be. I think about not responding, but feel awful. He doesn't know how I feel, and he can't be a mind reader. I send a response, implying that I was in the mood to walk. After, I put my phone on silent and into my pocket.

I walk around aimlessly in the mall until closing. Once I'm kicked out by security, I don't know where to go.

Suddenly, I remember Drew telling me about this creek that was nearby. He said he discovered it when he got lost coming to work.

A strong urge tells me to go. 

Since the sun hasn't set yet, I decide it's a good idea. If anything, I'll get a sense of peace. 

I follow the directions that I remember Drew giving me, praying I don't get lost. After walking for what seems like miles, I finally reach my destination. He was right, it's beautiful.

There's a little stream that flows into a pond. It's not too big, but it's sure peaceful. I plop down in a clear spot and admire the view. I wish I had a picnic basket and blanket. 

I chill there until the sun begins to set. Once the pink hues appear in the sky, I know it's my cue to leave. 

Luckily I make it out of the forest before the darkness settles in. 

The streets are illuminated by orange lamps. An oddly eerie setting if you ask me.

I'm very used to walking in the dark, but tonight it feels different. Every girl fears walking alone, even if it's a little bit. Crazy things happen at night, and you never know who you might run into. I am the same. I always carry my keys between my clenched fists and have pepper spray on my lanyard. 

Except for tonight.

Tonight, I'm content if I die. If I disappear, I would be happy. It's selfish, but I don't care what anything thinks.

Lily, Audrey, Harry, Drew. None of their sadness matters to me tonight. 

I could peacefully leave.

I'm not a smoker, but tonight I pull out a joint. The sick smell of marijuana doesn't bother me. Not today anyway.

I light the joint with an old lighter I have in my bag. It was probably something Audrey forgot to take back. I stare at the red embers. 

I take a hit. Breathe in and relax.  

As I walk and smoke, I feel my joints relaxing. Once I feel a slight buzz, I put it out. I grab the burning roll and aim it towards my arm. I push it in, feeling the fire turn into ash. I dig it in and spin it around my skin.

"What the fuck," I hear before someone comes and grabs the joint out of my arm.

It's too late anyway, the fresh burn settles in. A reminder of the small amount of content I had with my life.

I don't even pay attention to the voice.  I trace the new circle pattern on my hand and stir the ash that remains around. The same person grabs my arm and inspects it.

My legs feel weak. I drop down onto my knees. I can taste the tears that fall down my face, but make no move to wipe them away. 

"I don't want to feel anymore," I whisper before I'm pulled into a strong embrace. My body remains limp, but he doesn't seem to care.