Chapter Twelve

Kelly

He throws me on the bed and takes his t-shirt off. It's surreal and happening so fast, his lips and his hands showering all over my body. I've thought of him in ways I couldn't admit to myself let alone anyone else. Everything we are doing is premeditated, it's either I have thought it or dreamt it. He helps me with my shirt but doesn't take my bra off. I'm going out of my mind waiting for things to go a lot faster.

He covers my lips with his mouth, his silence driving me crazy. I can feel his hands move in between my legs.

I wake up.

What. The. F*ck.

I have just had a sex dream about Sonny 'freaking' Davis. Before I know it I'm throwing my blankets away. I need to change my sleeping place from the lower bunker to the big bed or the upper bed on the bunk bed. What is going on with me?

When I start remembering how my hand ran into his hair that's when I quickly get up removing the rest of the blankets from my body.

Oh no.

Graig is in the kitchen (for a change) doing the running around.

"Morning Kelly!"

Lil Nate's voice fills the room.

"Morning Nate."

I still feel like a creep -joining the table, harboring thoughts of an intense dream (like if I make any move I might get caught). Without a thought, I take a large sip from the coffee Craig just placed in front of me.

Wait did I just...

I nearly spit it out.

He laughs and goes on to put a plate of toast and eggs in front of me. "What are you doing?"

"Giving you your breakfast." and asks Nate to go collect his school bag.

"I know it took a while but I'll be starting a new job soon. Just outside of town as a mechanic. I want to let you know I'll be getting the groceries, rent and bills around here and I want to say thank you for bearing with me"

Talk about dejavu, Kadja told me the same news weeks ago only it was about her new job at Percy's.

"You know ... we don't have to be at war. We could be friends... I had a tough upbringing too, was part of a gang ... "

"I'm going to prepare for school."

He scoffs. "Apart from being with your sister what have I ever done to you?"

"You mean apart from drinking my milk or staying in the house I help pay rent, I really can't tell. You pulled my sister back into drugs and the convicted for domestic violence thing just makes me trust you waaay less. I don't like you and never will."

"Alright, fair enough, let's start from there. I'm the adult here and I am willing to reach a compromise. I must admit I admire your candor. For a pretty little girl you got something tough in you I used to think it was just the baggy clothes."

Is this his attempt at bonding?

"Was that your boyfriend the other day? He has a good left hook."

"So do I."

"Whoa settle down."

All I'm doing is losing my patience in this room.

"You're right not to trust me and very intelligent too. Look I was a mess. Any bad name in the dictionary, I was. Right now I'm trying to put my life together and I have been working through it. I have never taken drugs alone or with your sister since I left prison. Yes I have stayed with her the whole night because she needed me as her sponsor to not relapse Just like you I want what's best for Kadja and believe it or not lil Nate."

He almost has me then I remember who I am. Yeah right.

"You and I both know no one really changes. I've done bad things too. You need to leave."

There is a pregnant pause. He seems defeated. "I can't. I want to stay with your sister."

Well that settles it.

*****

"It's an easy slip in slip out situation. No one will see you."

Matt puts the pink boxes of merriment in my locker.

"Why?"

"Look for some weird reason the football squad like the black girl with the caramel tone." He gives me his jerky laugh.

"Shut up."

"Come on girl I'm just goofing around with you. Just please go. It's not like they ask you for anything other than the pills right?"

I sigh.

"Right. Don't give me that look." I take the boxes. "None of them are my type anyway."

"Oooh what's your type? Mr. Brown over here?"

"You play too much." I move the boxes of merriment from the locker to the bag. The problem is when Matthias is around I'm filled with nostalgia; he is a constant reminder of the gang. I can't help myself, All I want to do is find closure.

"Did you know Murphy, Dre and Bun where planning on leaving?"

Matt steps away from the locker his smile slowly fading.

"Why do you care so much? They're gone. They chose to go. I'm just glad I can study in peace. All these could have, would have, should have's... Save them for never."

"Come on you mean to tell me after six years you are not in the least bit bothered? We did everything together."

"At some point we had to go our separate ways. The glory days can't be maintained forever. The fire eventually burns out. This was for the best for everyone."

Yeah easy for him to say, I'm the one who keeps seeing Murphy in these corridors sliding across these floors like he owned the place. He always did like to show up with something new like a leather jacket or a set of airpods. 'I'm stunnin' he would say.

How we would review a new album during Mr. Fountlery's class. Bun always being the first one to catch the lyrics he would spot the quotes. Dre was always caught in the undertones, each time he would come up with an in-depth analysis for the reasons why the music almost did it for him but never could. In reality melancholy was all he wanted.

"Are you okay?"

I close my locker.

Shit. My eyes are watering. "Yeah, Why wouldn't I be?" What else can I say, I live in a world where I am not allowed to feel.

Nearly half of Coverton high footballers stay up town.

They like to throw the most outlandish parties and brag about them at school. This little box here 'the box of merriment' wrapped like a present, is a necessity. You wouldn't have thrown a party if a member of Dem squad doesn't grace the occasion with one of these. It has been a Coverton high school party tradition for years now, whatever happened to mascots? I don't know.

Not that it could have changed anything, the house party I am assigned to belongs to none other than Sonny Davis, the boy of my dreams, I mean, literally.

Apart from the program (and my dreams) we don't see much of each other and honestly I'm okay with that.

The truth is everything between us is a mess -we are uncomfortable around each other. I for one personally can't stand how my heart flips out on me whenever he is around; the drum is so hard it hurts. The same when I noticed him in the crowd with other football heads just now and when he looked at me with his usual contained self I about explode. Trust me I want 'it' to go away, whatever 'it' is.

Just like Matt said 'easy slip' I leave the boxes of merriment with Reynold, get the money and leave just as fast - d*mn that was intense.

Now back to the tutoring program.

"I never pegged you for a party person."

"Oh we are pegging each other now, didn't get the memo."

"You know you don't have to... Do that."

"Do what?" I look at him, "Sell drugs?"

"Yeah, you have so much potential. You can go to college figure out something you want to do for the rest of your life. You can't sell drugs..."

"Wow, yet another guy who knows what's best for me because I have zero intelligence to figure it out on my own."

"Look, sorry I don't mean to..."

All of a sudden he is interrupted, "Hey-"

We both look up. It's Aaron Wailer, the druggie from eighth period and also Murphy's former customer, just my luck. I knew it was only a matter of time before something like this would happen.

Reluctantly, I acknowledge him. "Hi Aaron."

"Do you er happen to know where your boy Murphy is at?"

"No." I say it in a low voice knowing full well that he hates hearing the word no. he starts scratching his arm. At this point I am expecting anything.

"Your boy er left with some bags. 15 k worth of merchandise, mine... Did he tell you that?"

Well looks like I will have to say "No.," again. 15k, is he serious?

From here it's clear that he is going to start some trouble.

"You're meaning to tell me he told you nothing?"

Well I've ran out of no-s so I say, "Yes."

"Kelly don't f*ck with me. I know your little bi*ch a**knows where the f*ck Murphy is. You are in on this. I swear ..."

"Look Aaron, I don't want any problems with you. Okay? Murphy is gone and I don't know where he is."

"Well you're going to have to find out you lil bi*ch. You and your crew think you can..."

"Hey," Sonny speaks at the same time I'm rising from my chair.

"What did you say to me?"

"Kelly please..." Sonny gets up trying to diffuse the situation.

Aaron is laughing. "What are you going to do? No gang around here to save princess Kelly."

I give him a blow to the face. "The f*ck." He checks his nose oops it's bleeding.

"You filthy lil...!" He starts coming for me.

Sonny blocks him; Aaron pushes him out of the way.

The guy is a foot taller than me. But it is what it is. I'm going to have to take it ...before I know it Aaron is on the ground and not by my hand.