Edited:

Jum'aa Mubarak!!!

Published: Friday, July 14th 2017 8:45 pm

Collided- Chapter Five

I know I said I didn't feel anything when seeing Mu'adh and I meant it. I meant every word. But it was different when I came face to face with Alia, my former best friend. Actually, she was more like my sister that I've always wanted. I love the sisters that I've been blessed with with all of my heart, but they have always been older than me and our bond wasn't as close as it was with Alia. We were close in age, liked most of the same things, were the same.

Just looking into her eyes brought back everything we went through, good and bad. She was always there for me and I always tried to be there for her when I could. She opened and closed her mouth as if she wanted to say something but came up short. The sound of a fan blowing caused a strand of her hair to fly into her face. I didnt know what to say either. The feeling I felt was uncomfortable considering the history I had with the two and the confusion and demand of answers from the others.

And so I did what I do when I want to avoid the problems I have and there seems like no other solution. Today has been stressful enough for me as it is without adding my current predicament into the mix. I didn't look back, I didn't say another word, I just left. I walked past Alia in a hurry and towards the doors to the building and inhaled the fresh air that awaited me. I couldn't breathe in there. It felt like I was being suffocated and would pass out in there. The amount of people and the commotion in the building caused it to continue to get hotter in there.

A lot of people had now started to exit the parking lot and the building quickly, leaving me and a group of people talking just standing there. They rushed towards their cars in hopes of not getting stuck in traffic, but it was no use. The parking lot went straight into a busy street and even more cars going both ways. Spotting a bench nearby, I sat down and finally allowed myself to breathe. I slumped my shoulders in defeat and let out a deep breath.

My momentary second of peace was short lived as Inayah burst through the doors and began searching everywhere for me. Her head turned so much and so fast that I thought it would break, but eventually she stopped when she saw me sitting down.

She slowly walked towards me with a deep frown, then slowly sat besides me.

"You okay?" She asked after a few minutes of us just sitting and watching the cars and people move around. She didn't face me or even turn her head in my direction, like she knew I wasn't up for a face to face discussion.

I shrugged softly. "I don't really know."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

She sighed. "I'm working with little here, Jamila. Can you at least tell me why you ran out like that? Is it something bad?"

"Look, Inayah," I sighed and shut my eyes. "They just are a part of my past. Bad and good."

"And that's why you didn't want to come today..." She stated slowly as if just realizing my hesitation in coming tonight. I wanted to avoid thinking of my past, but I ended up going right back to it. "I understand that you don't want to talk right now and I get it. I wish you would talk to me like we usually tell each other almost everything, but I won't push you."

I smiled. "Thank you."

"But I am going to want to know sometime soon!" She added with a chuckle.

"We'll see," I said more to myself than her. I opened my eyes. "We will see."

***
February 16th 2018

About a week later I found myself sitting in the back of one of my classes trying to keep awake. Professor Kane continued to go on and on about the importance of essays and using correct grammar. Her voice resonated around the room making it hard for me to fall asleep, but not impossible. Going to sleep two hours before class was not my brightest idea, but it was either that or fail one of my classes. That was not an option.

        "It's college, people!" Professor Kane called out causing my eyes to open back up. I hadn't even realized I fell asleep that quickly or that she and half the class were turned around to stare at everyone sitting in the back. They must have had the same idea as me–going to sleep. She sighed for what seemed like the thousandth time today and turned around to her desk. I slumped down in my seat a little to try and shield the eyes looking back here away from me. Some decided to turn back around when realizing that we weren't all that exciting to look at.

        One girl had even started to drool on her notes. I jumped in my seat from the thudding sound coming up front. Professor Kane stood behind her desk with her hand on her hips. The book she had just dropped down on said desk stood out from the rest that were neatly placed there. Despite the sudden loud noise, only a few people woke up from their slumber with groans and wide eyes. Another guy I recognized as Ted from the campus bookstore continued to get comfortable on the book he was laying on.

        "Will someone please wake up Mr. Walsh? How am I supposed to teach you about the difference between there, they're, and their if you're sleep?!"

        "Ted," The girl who was drooling earlier shook him awake, then used her hand to touch at the ends of her mouth. Her face made one of disgust. "Ew..."

        "Now that you are all awake, I–" Professor Kane began to say but was cut off by her own glancing at the clock. "It seems our time is up. The assignments for the three research papers due by the end of the semester are on the board. Read the instructions carefully and actually try. Dismissed."

That's all it took for me to grab my bag and rush down the stairs, practically running half of my classmates over. As tired as I am, I could never be too tired to leave a classroom and head home. But the sad part about today is that even though it's the last day of classes, I still have work a few hours tonight. Luckily we hired a few more people to take the long and crazy hours off of people like me, but even that doesn't cheer me up and give me enthusiasm to go in today. Especially because I've been moved to the register, the toughest job. One would think that all you had to do was take orders and collect money from the customers, but when you throw rude, slow, and angry college students into the mix, the job gets difficult.

Before going outside, I pulled out my umbrella from my bag and raised it. Thankfully today the weather decided to let up from the heat and allow the clouds some time to shine. I've always thought of myself as a sunshine and bright sunny skies type of person, but lately I haven't. It's only February meaning it's not going to get fully hot until at least a month or two, but this year the weather decided to prove every newscaster wrong. But at least they say it's going to get cooler for the next couple of days, hopefully weeks.

        After adjusting my bag so that it was backwards and across my chest, I simultaneously stepped outside and raised my umbrella to shade myself and everything my bag contained from the incoming rain. The last thing I need right now are wet books that I barrowed from the library. Not only are they expensive to buy, the librarians always tend to give dirty looks when you walk inside with the books in hand in shame. Never again.

        It seemed as though I wasn't the only one who had the idea of walking into the nearby town square and to Lou's deli. As expected, the line was pretty long and the staff was running around trying to perfect orders and wait on tables. A sigh of relief escaped my mouth once I sat down in the back at one of the tables we set up the following week. We all agreed that sitting in those uncomfortable stools on our breaks was anything but a break, so new ones from outside were brought in.

        "What are you doing here?" Brenda walked  out from the storage closet with a box in hand and looked at me in confusion. "You don't have a shift today."

        "I always have shifts on Friday," I stated, remembering my schedule from the past year. Every day except Sunday, Saturday and Wednesday I would come into work. "Did you dye your hair?" I asked, gesturing to her light hair that I somehow I have never seemed before.

        "No I didn't, and no you don't," She deapanned, grabbing the new scheduling sheet from the billboard and walking over to me.

        "This is weird, why isn't it black?" I asked, taking a closer look at it once she had gotten close enough to take a seat besides me. She grabbed a lock of her hair with her fingers as if to examine it.

        "Actually I wore a wig for the last few weeks in honor of one of my cousins."

       "Why?"

       "I really don't want to talk about it," She said softly, grimacing at probably a memory that came from her cousin. I left it alone at that knowing how it is to not want to tell certain people certain things. Sometimes it's too painful and the thoughts hurt too much. So like then, I remained silent. "We switched you from Friday to Saturday," She told me, tracing the dates on the calender with her finger. "We went over this at work last night. You were there."

        "Wow," I placed a hand on my head from my lack of realization and cursed to myself. "I was here but I wasn't really..." I moved my arms around as if to make my point, "...here."

        "Understandable, it was another busy day," Brenda waved off and sat the list down. "You can stay if you want, but we're not that busy that we need extra help. Call it an extra day of studying if you will."

        "Or sleeping," I pointed out and she laughed.

        "Yeah, that too. Just remember tomorrow at noon you come in."

         "Trust me," I stood up and placed my bag back across my chest. "I won't forget."

***
February 18th 2018

I have never been one to concentrate very well while studying. A simple cat commercial or me tapping my pencil on my book would distract me. This actually proved why my grades are the way they are. They aren't bad, but they aren't good either, which makes me wonder why I was so adamant on attending college in the first place. School has never been a great place for me and I always felt out of place. The better choice would have been a school specific for photography or graphic design, my passions.

What was I even thinking when I decided to move here for school? Riverside felt suffocating and I had to get out, but why was this my first choice? Believe it or not I have actually been asking myself this question for a year and a half. The first six months I was here I was feeling my new life and how it was turning out. I was staying with my family and going to school. I even got closer to a friend, but it never felt enough or complete. Ever since then I have questioned what I was even doing with school and possibly dropping out of it.

I always knew that school is not for everyone, but I never thought that feeling would come to me. I don't even want it to go away either.

The front door opened revealing my sister, Zak, and Mina. They each had a good number of bags in their hands as they made their way to the kitchen. My eyes lit up behind my reading glasses and I stood up, my messy bun moving around as I skipped to the kitchen.

"Yes, food," I grinned excitedly and pulled one of the bags to me to open up. Both Tehreem and Noor had been working the last few weeks non stop leaving the kitchen almost bare. I had begged Tehreem many times to let me do the shopping, but after a small incident with the kids and ten bags of candy and snacks, I was banned from shopping unless completely necessary. Noor had gone out of town yesterday for a business trip and Tehreem had just gotten a few days off of her busy schedule before she had to go back for her regular shifts.

Every day you could see the exhaustion on her face from the double shifts they had her working at the hospital, but thankfully she now has a break.

"Well hello to you too," Tehreem paused opening up her own bag to watch me in amsuement. "Jamila!" She exclaimed when I pulled one of the plastic bags open, completing bypassing the knot it was in. "I do reuse the bags around the house, you know."

"Sorry!" I cringed, realizing my mistake after I had done it. "I'm just really hungry."

Tehreem smirked at me, placing a hand on her hip. "And what do you call the chips and soda on the table by your schoolwork?"

"A snack?" I questioned, shrugging unsurely, but I know that that is the definition of unhealthy. Since Tehreem had started working at the hospital, she has been very stern on eating right and using less soda, candy, and chips. I go against everything she stands for.

She shook her head at me and went to grab another bag to open, but sucked in a deep breath of air. I looked up as she pulled her hand to touch her lower back with a grimace.

"Tehreem?" I called out in sudden panic at the look of pain and irritation on her face. "Tehreem what's wrong?"

"My back is hurting again," She groaned. "This isn't the worst the pain has been. I would give it a four on the pain scale."

"This isn't anything to joke about," I moved around from the spot I was standing to stand over her. Her face had softened up a little but her hand remained firmly where it was. "Have you seen one of the doctors at the hospital about this?"

"It's nothing that anyone needs to worry about," She straightened out her stance and picked up the bag of seasonings that had dropped to the floor and continued to try the knot. "

I have never seen her in this type of pain before. It's one thing to witness a minor injury like stubbing your toe, but this was like nothing I have ever seen before. It was like she was used to it though. Like she was using everything in her not to break or show weakness in front of anyone, especially her kids. She's taking the route of a mother.

"I'll be fine, finish opening the bags," She used her other hand to push me back in the direction of the bags on the table. She glanced quickly at two of her children sitting in the front room and frowned. "Let's just keep this between us?" She proposed.

I followed her like of vision to Zak and Mina. I did but I didn't understand why she wanted to keep this low and not say anything. She is hurt and she needs help. But then again, no mother wants her children to worry about her when she can try her best to protect them.

"Okay," I agreed, but I still felt against this.
***

A/N: Omg, we're finally at chapter five! I am so excited that I don't even know how to type. I'm just throwing words together! But if you're still reading up till this moment and are reading this, THANK YOU! YOU ARE THE REASON I DO THIS AND I LOVE YOU ALL!!! Mwah!

Also, what did you think of the chapter? Do you agree with how Jamila reacted at the game? How about how Tehreem wants to keep her pain quiet? Other thoughts?

My eighteenth birthday is coming up and I'm so excited!!!!!!!

Now I'm done...lol

Please...

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