You know that control you so desperately want,
and you know the control you so lack over the chaos around;
The need and longing for control will lead you to close and open that door,
Over and over again,
You might ask what might a silly door being closed perfectly just til it feels right has anything to do with control over your life;
I know it won't fix my life and it's problems,
But it will help with the unwavering feeling or anxiety,
and the feeling of needing some sort of control;
You see when you find your life spiraling out of control any little thing you can have control over makes you feel as if maybe your life isn't spiraling out of control;
Plus, not to mention,
When your life is as chaotic and anxiety and stress drenched and ridden as mine;
It only makes those voices and doubts and worries louder;
Those comfortable and anxiety filled thoughts can rule your life,
Trust me,
When your hands are red and bleeding you will want to give up,
But then you will remember your sense of purpose and that sense of purpose will over ride the pain and bring a sense of joy;
When you lose that sense of purpose and hope is when everything goes to shit,
That's when you lose the fun in your life,
That's when you lose your hope,
God forbid don't you isolate yourself,
It's even harder to pull yourself back up then,
But once you do pull yourself back up
It feels like you're feeling roses for the first time,
But then you have to fight for another reason and purpose,
Finding that reason can be hard,
And breaking the self loathing can be even harder,
But when you find it,
When you find your hope and self love,
You'll start feeling like your getting some where,
And hold on til then and fight,
Because it's all you can do.