I stare into the mirror

I never like what I see

I can't find my self worth

My worthless is rooted so deep

I know God sees me

And he feels my pain

But sometimes I want just to scream out

Would the walls then shake?

I put my hand to the keyboard, just praying to make another word

I need my writing, like I need air

It's the only thing that gives me worth

I feel the crushing darkness suck me under once again

All I want to do is break from those chains

And take another breath I coach, and breathe in

I hate these cavernous walls the icy veins of anxiety that creep in

I hate this disorder I have that makes me hate my own skin

The devil knew tricotillomania would be his ultimate weapon to use

Because when it kicks in it takes every bone in my body just to rise—

My self esteem left bruised

Yet, still I bare my teeth and tell him he won't win

Give him the finger as he hisses, "I'll be seeing you later,"

As only a human with no immortal might

It takes folding my hands in prayer to keep going another day

Another night

To not hide away from the world

Or to not isolate inside

Only because of God do I once again breathe another day

And live to fight refusing to give over my life...