Flashbacks of a Fool

When Annabelle meets William Hamilton, Earl of Lanceford, she quickly recognizes him as Nathaniel Hawkins, a boy from her past. The boy who promised to come back for her.  But he now has a new name and a new life as the Earl of Lanceford. Confused as to the change and ashamed of what she has become  Annabelle decides not to reveal her identity and forget all about their past love. 

Brooding William Hamilton, Earl of Lanceford, believes Annabelle to be a simple servant girl—a stubborn but beautiful one. He doesn't remember her as the young girl whom he promised to come back for when he was better known as Nathaniel Hawkins. So when Annabelle is appointed as a nurse for his son Logan, the earl finds himself torn. Will he be able to keep the promise made to a love from his youth or will he lose his heart to the beautiful nanny?  

Finding themselves caught by events that ultimately unite them, will the secrets they keep to be together, be the ones to tear them apart?

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Prologue-

Summer 1828

Violent thunderclaps roared through the dense, dark forest rendering what had started as a glorious summer night, a terrifying nightmare. Annabelle screamed, her small fingers gripping Nathaniel's slightly larger hand even tighter as together they ventured through the forceful, veiling rain. Shrinking closer to her companion, her heart thundered in horror at the shadows cast by the faint light of her lantern and the frightful branches grazing at her skin. A sharp scoff drew her from cowardice.

"Typical for a girl to be scared." Nathaniel snipped coldly over his shoulder, refusing her a glance. Holding his lantern higher he uselessly surveyed the blackness of the night; the lanterns pitiful glow brightening but the very hand grasping its handle.

Annabelle replied, "I'm not scared." though her voice wobbled terribly, betraying her spoken affection. Hearing Nathaniel snort she readied her defense, intending to blame her quavering voice on the cold rather than her crippling fear of thunder. But in recalling the circumstances surrounding their nightly escape, Annabelle shook her head and yieldingly pressed on.

A sharp crackling cut through the sky, a deafening boom closely following. Startled, Nathaniel roughly jerked Annabelle's arm nearly dropping the lantern that now quavered in his hand.Annabelle grinned.

"Typical for a boy to be scared." she taunted lowly in shy retaliation, but in crossly pulling her forward, Nathaniel conveniently ignored her. Continuing their treacherous trek through the downed trees and muddy earth, the two children finally reached the safety of their trusted fort.

Swinging the rickety wooden door open, Nathaniel stepped aside and for the first time in all their years of friendship held it open for Annabelle to enter. She paused. Regarding the flustered boy with a gentle bemused glance, her head canted. Could it be she was falling ill or was the boy that relished in stuffing frogs down her dress actually doing something, dare she think it, gentlemanly? Shocked, yet pleasantly flattered, Annabelle colored, biting back any words that would take from the rather gallant display. Nathaniel however wasted no time in sabotaging the unusual courteous gesture.

"Well?” he blustered, motioning irritably toward the darkened shelter. “Are you going to enter or do you plan on being struck down by lightning?"

What? Eyes narrowed in shocked disbelief, Annabelle scoffed. “Someone clearly needs to work on their manners now that they’ll be living with those of status." she royally brushed past into the damp shelter. Setting the lantern beside the door, Annabelle strode across the hay blanketed room, falling at her usual straw pile tucked within the shadowed recesses of the small room. The door soon closed with a curious gentleness. Nathaniel however never joined her, instead lingered behind facing the dampened closed door.

Sitting in silent wait for but a second, Annabelle fiddled irritably with her cold fingers. Why on earth was he not joining her? Employing the aggravating mockery that so often bothered Nathaniel, she dramatically sighed, "Well then, do you intend on standing there all night or do you--"

"Are you going to spend the entire night questioning everything I do? If that's what I wanted I would have asked my mother here and not you!" He growled over his shoulder, unmoving.

What on earth! "Nathaniel Hawkins! You have been unusually cross this entire day, completely intolerable! If it weren't for your leaving tomorrow--"

He raised a single hand, much to Annabelle's dismay. Whenever the irritating gesture was employed, he clearly called for a truce and though he wished to quarrel no more, it in no way retracted from Annabelle’s displeasure of never getting the last word!

Ear-splitting thunderclaps raked through the forest; the fort walls vibrating unsteadily. Forgetting all anger, Annabelle shrieked instantly dashing to the comforts of her friend. Gripping tightly at his shirt sleeves to steady her trembling hands, Annabelle surrendered to the dampness of Nathaniel’s back, cradling her head between the blades of his broad shoulders.

"Aren't you going to say something clever?" she whispered against the rise and fall of his rhythmic breathing. Coiling further into him defensively, Annabelle closed her eyes savoring the tender moment before Nathaniel would undoubtedly utter one of his usual ridiculous comments.

....But the comment never came.

Embracing Nathaniel's rather strange silence, Annabelle remained; relishing in the warmth penetrating through his moist shirt. Dragging in a slow breath she let the warmness infuse her, relaxing her tense and frigid bones. Slowly her tremors ceased...but the shaking continued. Only it wasn't her own trembling. Muddled, Annabelle lifted her head.

"Nathaniel?" she paced carefully around him—Good God, "You're crying!"

Shocked, Annabelle stood wordless watching his shoulders rise and fall in restrained tremors; eyes shut tightly as silent sobs wracked his frame. Never could she have anticipated such a heartbreaking sight. While a crying form was not in the least bit peculiar, Nathaniel never cried! Knowing him better than anyone in her nine years of life Annabelle could count on one hand the times the fourteen year old boy had cried: Twice; once when his father passed and the other just then, before her. Bracing, Annabelle swallowed deeply placing a gentle hand on his shoulder,

"Nathaniel?"

"Yes Annabelle I'm crying! I bet you're thrilled you'll have something to torment me with and spread about our friends."

Meeting his pained glance, Annabelle barely shook her head and in bending slightly, squeezed between the door and Nathaniel. He didn't move though bid to look away but her soft hand pressed against his damp cheek forbade him. Cradling his face against her open palm in utter wonder, Annabelle lightly brushed the disheveled locks covering the face she had long since come to admire; her fingers lingering for but a moment before resignedly tucking the rogue hairs behind his ear. His saturated black hair magnified a small map of freckles that kissed his cheeks, a journey Annabelle could not, would not refuse. As Annabelle trickled her fingers along the freckled trail and down the path of his jaw, Nathaniel closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, his warm breath tickling her nose. And in that moment, tracing his delicate features, Annabelle was able to for the first time admire the beauty possessed by her best friend. She knew of his handsomeness but to truly see it, to admire it with her very own fingertips…a smile crept slowly onto her lips.

"Do I amuse you?"

Blinking up, Annabelle met crystal blue crimson stained eyes coupled by a gentle smirk. That was the Nathaniel she knew, her Nathaniel. The one who would bring about her girlish tendencies then tease her for them. The one who would knock at her window each morning welcoming her to start another day—

Her own smile slowly faded.

Indeed he was her Nathaniel...the one she would probably never see again. Faced with the crippling reality, Annabelle traced the delicate lines of his smile determined to etch its soothing memory into her mind. Then, and only in that moment did Annabelle realize that If it weren't for that smile she would not have been able to stand.

Overcome with silent emotion, Annabelle blinked back her own tears. Bidding to lower her gaze, a cool touch tilted her head back and in meeting Nathaniel's eyes, she became the one being traced. Trailing his fingers down her nose, whispering past her lips, Nathaniel cupped her chin. He searched her face in painful awe until meeting her eyes once more--

"Oh Nathan,” sorrow burst through Annabelle’s words, "I am so sorry.”

Broken with emotion, she abandoned him, crumbling onto her mound while shedding girlish tears into the shadows of her hands. "It must be hard enough for you. The last things you need are my foolish tears."

Suddenly, the warm arms she never realized she wanted or needed so badly embraced her. Smoothing down her hair, Nathaniel chuckled weakly.

"I need your foolish tears Annie. Makes me think you'll actually miss me."

"Don't flatter yourself—oh!" She jumped as thunder roared overhead.

"Come." He whispered, leaning back and ushering her down by his side. Turning to face him, she mirrored him until together they lay side by side, face to face; their breaths slow and steady. Taking hold of her hands between them, Nathaniel squeezed them gently all but breaking Annabelle's resolve to cry no more.

Deeply aware of the emotions set to overtake her, Annabelle strained through the tears, saying, "I thought you were happy about going."

"I was...I am," he said softly, pushing wet strands back from her eyes," My mother is as happy as I've seen her since before my father passed..."

"And that's a good thing!” she forced a slow smile. “Furthermore, you'll be living in a mansion and in the company of Earl’s and Countesses. Why, you might even get to sneak into fancy balls. I hope you're satisfied because I'm utterly jealous." she pouted playfully.

A slow grin curved his lips. "I suppose that makes it a bit better then." he chuckled. Together they laughed until it all simmered into mirrored smiles and beyond her best attempts, Annabelle began to sob. Pulling her closer, Nathaniel rubbed his cheek against her damp hair all the while stroking her back soothingly. Gripping him tighter, heat flooded Annabelle’s cheeks as her throat swelled in realizing she couldn’t ever let him go…but she would have to.

"Don't you forget about me Nathaniel Hawkins." she whimpered into his chest unable to pull him any closer but finding him entirely too far away.

Laughing lightly through the knot gripping his own throat, Nathaniel struggled to control his crumbling strength swearing, "Never Annabelle." Pressing back, she gazed at him with pleading eyes that would haunt him for the rest of his days,

"Will I ever see you again?"

His defenses shattered. Desperately drawing her into him, he buried his head in her damp hair inhaling her sweet scent, finding life dependent solely on the sweet fragrance, "I will come back for you Annabelle," he swore with suffocating desperation, "You wait for me because I promise I will come back for you." Holding her close as she dissolved into painful sobs, Nathaniel repeated his promise over and over in prayer until gradually her cries became hushed whimpers.

Kissing her head lightly, he embraced her all the more. "Typical for a girl to cry." he spoke softly into her wet curls making her laugh in between girlish sniffles. And in shutting her eyes against his chest, Annabelle whispered,

"Typical for a boy to break my heart." to which then in silence, they remained together until drifting off to sleep.

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Credits for the cover are as follows: Thanks to Astarael for putting together this beautiful cover as well as struckdumb.deviantart.com; iardacil-stock.deviantart.com; night-fate.deviantart.com