"Love is fire. But whether it's gonna warm your heart or burn your house down you can never tell." Jason Jordan

**

"...Ashes, ashes, we all fall down."

Laughing heartily, Annabelle straightened from her crouched stance for what she hoped would be the last time after having spent much of the afternoon falling and standing in child's play,

"And now I shall rest my bones for my fortitudes are not what they once were. But you two continue on without me." She adjusted her coat just as Logan huffed; protest ready on his tongue,

"But Annabelle," he started and though only having just met, his female counterpart Emma, too voiced her objection,"Ring around the Rosie is always much better when done in a proper circle."

Looking down at the round flushed faces staring back at her, Annabelle giggled, "Oh darlings, perhaps after some rest, I will join you once more. But run along now, surely you can conjure up trouble elsewhere." Carelessly shrugging, the children sped off to the open Hyde Park fields, running in what to a world-weary mind would seem like aimless circles though their contentment spoke of it having much purpose; the fostering of innocence. They were in need of nothing, aside from each other and life was grand.

Locating a vacant bench, Annabelle sat alone on the dank seat ignoring the dampness seeping through her skirt; little displeasure compared to the tribulations of the morning. Pity that the day, while cold, was so blessedly beautiful, she thought letting her head fall back. Not because of its splendor as that would have been a grave contradiction but rather at not having been able to enjoy every last ounce of its brilliance, instead spending those first hours of day on vicious encounters, painful revelations and crushed illusions. Quite the morning it had been indeed...

The trees hushed calmly as the frigid December air swept through, taking from the little comforts given by the serene landscape. Burrowing deeper into her coat, Annabelle sighed, accepting the futility of her action. While the cold indeed rendered its numbing effects, it in no way was the nature of her sorrows; shrinking deeper into her coat would do nothing for the discomfort afflicting her bones. No, that carried an entirely different name-

Guilt?

Precisely. But wait-- Did Mrs. Hawkins not deserve and too bring upon her own head all the distress and culpability befalling her? Annabelle closed her eyes briefly. Yes, yes she did but God, what of Nathaniel's pain? What of his distress? How was his heart fairing with it all? Thinking of her husband's woes, Annabelle could not contain the singular nauseating sensation clenching her stomach. Was freedom truly to be so bittersweet?

But in recognizing her guilt, Annabelle also found it to be oddly accompanied by no other than worry. No doubt, Nathaniel had reason for which to be solemn but in settling back, Annabelle's thoughts retreated to the moments just before her departure to the park. Yes, there was much reason for concern because though Annabelle knew not exactly what, she was certain that something within Nathaniel had undoubtedly changed...

Annabelle groaned, stepping from the comforts of a warm bath; nothing better to rid the anger just previously experienced with Mrs. Hawkins. Surely she did not wish to break free of Nathaniel's kiss, but the need to cleanse the secret from her skin was overwhelming. Wrapping a towel about her body, Annabelle dashed to the door wanting nothing more than the safety of her husband's arms and sound of his affectionate words. But in opening the door, her very breaths were stolen. In the shadows, somewhere deep in his mind, Nathaniel sat winding a tattered crimson ribbon slowly about his finger; his thoughts seeming to retreat deeper with each rotation. In the faint hue of the fire, a single tear glistened, streaming slowly along his clenched jaw-all in heaven.

Slowly, Annabelle moved towards him, her own heart breaking with each step. God, how could she ever alleviate his pain? Quietly she called, "Nathaniel..." but his consciousness remained claimed, the winding unstopping. Stepping closer, Annabelle's throat swelled, perceiving the look in his eyes having changed alarmingly. While before it had been one of shameful acceptance, of blind loyalty, a deep dread now claimed his soul; sorrow and the greatest of disillusionments lacerating him. What on earth brought about such a change? Surely her accusation had held a rather passionate conviction, but not at all to account for the alteration in his stare which was one of...of full awareness as if having been presented with infallible proof. But what proof did she ever offer if not the words from her mouth being her only evidence?

Slowly brushing a finger along his tense brow, Annabelle drew him from his reverie, "Am I not to share in the weight of your burdens, dear husband?" She smiled softly, continuing her rhythmic strokes as he gradually surfaced, "What claims your mind?"

Expecting his answer to be that of doubts of her accusation, thoughts of his mother, or a confusing merger of the two as would be a natural prospect, Annabelle was silenced when Nathaniel simply replied,

"The flashbacks of a fool..." then with no further words, rested his head on her stomach. Bemused, Annabelle thought to ask but with a slow breath, Nathaniel sluggishly pulled back and rose.

Pausing for a moment, he drew her in, a soft lingering kiss pressing against her temple, "The day seems unseasonably lovely. Perhaps you can take Logan to the park?" though his tone suggested it was not a question. Curiously, Annabelle nodded,

"You mean not to accompany us?"

Fully embracing her, he rested his head on hers, soft rhythmic circles tracing her back, "Certainly, but the coach will take you there first and I will follow after..." he tensed, the stroking ceasing, "There is something I must do first." Of course there was, Annabelle knowing fully well what he was set to undertake-his mother. With a final kiss, he strode to the door and stopped, turning to gaze at her in thoughtful silence. A weakened smile suddenly blessed his lips when with a piercing finality he said,

"I always have loved you Annabelle."

The world stopped. What? It wasn't she didn't understand his words but rather the definiteness in his voice unnerved her. But before she was able to ask, he turned and closed the door.

"Glorious day, is it not Lady Hamilton?"

Startled, Annabelle jumped to her feet, the deep voice tearing her from thought. Spinning, she encountered a red haired man, his appearance slightly disheveled, though he was not a vagabond of any sort. Fastening her gaze on him, Annabelle straightened, refusing to show her worry though her insides rattled alarmingly.

"Who-who are you?" she stiffened, her conscience complaining, not again....

After Lockley, the presence of any man that was not Nathaniel thoroughly wrecked her. It was silly as she knew she would be meeting a many of men in her new life as countess, and she certainly could not entertain the idea that each one meant to kill her-

But was Mrs. Hawkins not capable of anything?

Indeed. But this man would not be as stupid as to hurt her in a public place, would he? Whispering past, her conscience offered familiar words....

What the missus has promised will quiet my conscience for all the days of my life...

Hell, coin would silence a desperate man's reason as well wouldn't it? Stepping back, Annabelle cast a frantic glance about the park. Though not many, a good number of visitants still remained out for a promenade. Annabelle eased, but not much. Not until this man rid himself from her presence. And where on earth was Nathaniel?

Noting her hesitation, he spoke, "Forgive my manners, they seem to be swirling somewhere along with the rest of my senses. Too much brandy I'm afraid." He chuckled and bowed slightly, "My name is Richard Hamilton."

Good God! Hamilton? As in-

"William Hamilton's cousin, your husband's cousin." He clarified. So he was the man Nathaniel spoke of! Nathaniel mentioned Richard being at the house but upon Annabelle's leaving for the park, Washington stated Richard had excused himself upon hearing the scandal brewing upstairs...oh Christ. Deeply mortified, Annabelle flushed,

"Of course, of course." She sighed heavily, her hands still trembling, "I must apologize for my behavior Mr. Hamilton. The past few weeks have my nerves in quite a tangle and..." she trailed off, utterly embarrassed, "I suppose no amount of explaining will forgive my actions, first impressions are rather unforgiving."

Richard placed a gloved hand over his heart, "My dearest Countess, many who have weathered far less than you are in worse form so your apologies are not needed. For what you have experienced, you are faring rather well."

Annabelle managed a weak smile, "As well as I can for the moment." Then she forced herself quiet. Surely he heard enough of her rant that morning to then have her delve into another. No, no. And besides though Nathaniel trusted this Richard Hamilton a great deal, Annabelle still found his presence quite unsettling. Could she really trust this man? Truth being she no longer knew who to trust. Did Nathaniel not trust his own mother? - But no! She could not continue with such paranoia! Gripping her coat tightly, she sought to fight the uneasiness claiming her; her hands refusing to still-blasted suspicion. But enough! Annabelle forced her gaze toward Richard,

"Did William send you? Is everything all right? He was to meet me here but-"

"Indeed he asked me to pass and make certain you were all well." He confirmed much to Annabelle's ease but then added, "Though I stay of my own accord as there is much we need to discuss."

Discuss? Annabelle paled. Laughingly and thankfully not the least bit offended, Richard dismissed her palpable anxiety, "Christ girl, calm yourself. I mean no harm. I simply wish to talk."

Rubbish, Annabelle's fearful half whispered despite her attempts to reign in her fear. Did not Mrs. Hawkins wish to talk that dreadful day at the pond? Did not Lockley talk to her moments before withdrawing his pistol? Rubbish indeed! Annabelle cleared her throat, standing sharply "I was not aware we had any business of which to speak of sir so if you'll excuse me-"

Richard took hold of her hand, preventing her from turning, "Madam please wait-"

"Release me!" Annabelle demanded through clenched teeth, raising her closed parasol higher, "Or so help me..."

Richard smirked, obediently releasing her, " You've quite the fight in you. I'll be sure to place my bets on you if a quarrel ever arise between Will and yourself...but countess, please calm yourself. At least hear my plea before bludgeoning me with your parasol...please?"

Annabelle gulped, her fearful half still on high alert but reluctantly she lowered her parasol. Motioning to the bench, Richard waited for Annabelle to sit, to which after she reluctantly did, he then joined her.

"Well then Mr. Hamilton, what of this plea?" she asked unable to keep the edge from her voice, all the while praying that he indeed wanted to talk and nothing else. Settling back, Richard looked out to Logan with deep affection, then turned to Annabelle,

"I, my Lady, seek your forgiveness on some matters that have weighed upon on my heart for some time."

Forgiveness? Annabelle stiffened, echoing her mind, "My forgiveness? From what I know, you have done nothing of which to need my forgiveness-"

"Perhaps not directly," he revealed carefully, "but it requires your forgiveness all the same. You see Lady Hamilton," he paused cautiously, "I am as much to blame for your life being what it was." Good God!

But before panic rampaged, Richard thankfully continued, "As I am also to blame for Nathaniel being thrust into the shoes of a dead man..." Annabelle remained silent, Richard gathering her lack of knowledge,

"Nathaniel hasn't ever told you how he came to be, well, William Hamilton has he?"

Annabelle shook her head, explaining, "He refuses to discuss any matters in detail when in the house. Today was supposed to be our first day out together but..." she trailed off.

Richard nodded, understanding fully. "Then allow me to shed some light on the subject after which you can choose whether to grant me your forgiveness or utterly hate me and in turn bash me with your parasol to which sadly, I will not prevent you." Annabelle stiffened though his humor did draw a slight smile from her lips. She agreed to his request.

Richard's eyes seemed to mist over with memory then pressing a finger to his lips pensively, he drew a deep breath,

"One of the most common misconceptions is that all people of status are blissfully happy, content in every sense of the word; that they are in need of nothing, want of nothing other than to indulge in the fineries of life. While that prejudice may be true for some...it certainly was not that way for me. Status was my downfall, the downfall of my entire family. You see Countess, I was but nineteen at the time. A wild one I admit and sadly traces remain to this day," he chuckled but dimmed instantly, "But while wild in my vices, I can assure you I wasn't ever cruel and neither were my intentions."

Annabelle stiffened. Whenever a conversation warranted an introduction, she normally saw it as the prologue to a tragedy. Nevertheless, she listened,

"Mrs. Hawkins had just come on as Will's governess and well, with Nathaniel there, I must say I felt a bit admired; with both William and Nathaniel looking up to me, the outcast of the family. After suffering years in the shadow of my older brother, I was finally the esteemed one." He frowned, as if his own words seared him, "Uncle had just purchased a property outside of Essex, for what purpose evades me as there were countless others in his ownership, none of which he tended with any regard. "He added as an afterthought, waving his hand dismissively,

"As is common, Uncle went to survey the land. My father not being much to aspire to, I greatly admired my uncle and envied Will at times for having him for a father. So naturally, I asked to accompany him. Well, upon hearing of my going, Will begged to go as well. Nathaniel had to come with Mrs. Hawkins being Will's governess for the most part..." For the most part?

Richard went on, "Stuck in the country with nothing to do, we were restless and as the oldest of the group, I suggested we ride to town and find a bit of excitement; mind you Will's father strictly forbid it, but what are rules to a group of rambunctious young lads?" he chuckled lightly, sorrow then instantly claiming his brow, "Always looking to stir up scandal of some sort, I decided on a place of which in your presence I will not utter..."

A brothel, Annabelle thought with much disgust.

"We remained there until late and needless to say the boys were quite beside themselves, altered by their first time having brandy and seeing women in other than ladylike states. Renting a coach would have been ideal but with our funds stuffed in every bodice from London to Bath, it seemed punishment was in order by the heavens, damned carnal pleasures. And so we set off on foot." He patted his lap, color rising in his face, "...I should have known with our appearance alone what a grave mistake that was, not to mention in our drunken states but I needed to get the boys home.

It didn't take long for a group of men to corner us....and believe me when I say their intentions were quite clear. Sparing you tragic details, I was able to hold my own losing only trivial possessions; a pocket watch, some coins... Nathaniel too recovered unharmed." He paused for brief moments, a lengthy sigh giving way, "but Will was never much of a fighter; no, much to prim and proper to throw a blasted punch, the brandy further hampering what little skill he did have. By the time Nathaniel and I fought off our share and reached him, he had lost a lot of blood, limbs were broken...face unfathomable... " Annabelle cringed, trying to rid her imagination of the details spared by Richard's silence. It went without saying; William had been beaten...Christ. Clenching her coat tightly, she awaited in silence the remainder of his tale.

"I would have sent for help, but I panicked and could only think of the trouble that waited. In sheer desperation,' he cut himself off, struggling, "And in no way am I proud of what I did next, we dragged Will's body to a stable, for some shelter, or what little it could offer. Nathaniel urged me to get help but I needed time to think."

Lord! Did they not get the boy a doctor--

"Realizing there was not much we could do, Will having been beaten to an inch from death, I left Nathaniel alone with Will while I rode back to the house thinking to ask Mrs. Hawkins for help. How could I possibly tell my uncle that his only son, the heir was closer to death than I was to my next breath? But fortune not being an ally, upon arriving, I encountered my Uncle greatly cross. Naturally he asked for Will especially it being the hour that it was but in seeing the blood on my garments he seemed to have known." A wobble overtook his voice, "He did not get angry though and at the time I failed to understand. He simply dressed and returned with me to the stable requiring Mrs. Hawkins to come. The whole way there I begged him for forgiveness but he never once uttered a word. Can you imagine? The one person I admired, that accepted me into his home, I failed in such a way?" He shook his head and pressed on,

"But his mind worked furiously ...frighteningly feverishly. Not daring ask what he thought, thinking it to be solely of my punishment, I remained silent. But upon arriving, I understood the reason for his silence; contingency planning." His voice trembled in disdain, "Had I known my uncle's reaction, I would have let Will die with the title before revealing what had happened. Perhaps then I could regard my Uncle's memory with an ounce of respect." Richard practically spat.

"If Will died, my brother would inherit the title. And If there was one prospect not wished to be seen in my family it would be for Tom to inherit the earldom. No, no, it would be for the destruction of the Hamilton name entirely...but even I, a mere drunkard would have allowed that travesty to occur in place of what actually did befall and mind you, my brother is a vile, vile man." Richard took another moment, Annabelle suddenly aware that just as she recently freed her soul of secrets, Richard seemed to be en route to his own freedom and who was she to prevent him? So in silence she listened,

"Upon arriving and assessing the magnitude of the situation, my uncle without so much as giving Will a second glance, turned to Nathaniel and demanded he undress."

What? Annabelle stared blankly.She had to be mistaken. It couldn't be what she heard...

"He ordered me to do the same with Will and demanded I dress him in Nathaniel's garments. It seemed crazed at the time but in noting Will and Nathaniel's uncanny similarity, same age, same stature, eye color, hair color...save for Nathaniel's slightly thinner frame..."

Dear God, he could not be serious...

"I gathered his plan and it must have been the shock that turned me into a damned obedient cur as in my right wits I wouldn't ever have agreed. How could a man claim to love his son but so easily toss him aside on accounts of a title?" Annabelle could hear the unshed tears in Richard's voice, as too the disgust and disillusionment; her sentiments equal in nature. Looking away to hide her own tears, Annabelle found herself missing Richmond more than ever before. Never as a child did the worry of some blasted title weigh upon her head, about being replaced as if never having existed all on accounts of a fortune and a name; what a lonely existence. And looking at Richard she finally understood-a great misconception indeed.

"At first Nathaniel refused, naturally, but Uncle's irritation was swift as were his threats. He encouraged Nathaniel's decision, warning him of how his mother would lose her position and he in turn would be blamed for the incident and the magistrate called. At my age I knew better, but Nathaniel was much younger and still dazed by the incident as was I. Thinking he did it to spare his mother, he agreed. And Mrs. Hawkins..." he scoffed bitterly, "She never uttered a word, instead urging Nathaniel to listen. What type of mother would agree to such madness knowing the truth? Letting her son sacrifice his life over lies?"

Annabelle remained silent, knowing exactly what type of woman would allow that; an evil one blinded by greed.

"Everything after was a nightmarish blur. Uncle provided Mrs. Hawkins with the needed funds for lodging. A nurse was hired and not even a day later did Mrs. Hawkins then allow for Nathaniel to be shipped off to Hampshire. Uncle had property there, unattended personally for a number of years so it suited our deception perfectly." He clarified absently. "Nathaniel was beside himself. And I, fully knowing the truth, told him it was temporary...I lied..." he trailed off before uttering once more as if confessing to the very Lord, "I lied."

Richard paused, taking a moment to look at Annabelle, whose eyes were round with shock. What on earth had he just said? Unable to breathe, feelings swirled within her from anger to pity to sadness. Just thinking of poor Will and his last moments; did he realize what had been done? How he had been simply replaced as if a son's love were interchangeable? Her soul stirred.

Richard noted her stare, "The guilt was overwhelming my Lady, please do not think otherwise."

"I do not blame you." And as much as she tried, she could not keep the edge from her voice. Richard smiled wearily,

"But you do. Your stare betrays you as it is the same look that stares back at me when I seek my reflection hence my deep love of brandy; I can't quite see myself too clearly after a few tosses." He smiled then quieted. His deep blue eyes darkened,

"So you see my Lady, upon Will's rather tragic death, Nathaniel was in turn imprisoned in this life and it was my entire fault. Uncle forbid Nathaniel any contact with anyone, keeping him out of sight from family and from society for a good time under pretense of disease and whatever other lies Uncle could work up until Nathaniel emerged as William. Then once my uncle passed..."

"Nathaniel inherited the title." Annabelle whispered sullenly. Her chest caved in contemplating how to respond. Richard's remorse was palpable but there was no way to look beyond his words. Looking away, she suddenly wanted to be far from there; Far from Richard and his revelation and in Nathaniel's arms. God, how he must've felt during those moments; so alone, so scared...confused and trapped.

Annabelle swallowed the knot in her throat, wishing the tale would have been another--

But would it have really mattered?

Annabelle paused. Would it have mattered? And in replaying all of her life in fragments of memory Annabelle gathered her answer; No, it wouldn't have mattered because regardless of the tale, all would have led to the same dreadful conclusion. Whether at the hands of consequence from Richard's actions or those of Mrs. Hawkins schemes, or under the threats of William's father, Annabelle realized with a pained certainty that it had been their destiny; her and Nathaniel's separation having been preordained and secured by various channels none of which they could control. Being angry at Richard would do nothing more then add to her already wearied spirit, especially when in looking at Richards guilt stained demeanor, it was clear his own personal blame was enough to carry him through the ages. No, her blame was not needed, neither were her judgments; those were reserved for God.

Casting aside her resentment and embracing her liberated soul, she said, "If it is my forgiveness you seek, I am afraid it will do you no good as it is not my forgiveness you should pursue. Pray, and ask of your mercy there because as for me, you needn't worry. My favorable opinion of you remains unchanged." Annabelle offered a weak smile, feeling as if her words washed some of the anger from herself.

"I truly do wish that were the end of my tale..." Worry rose within Annabelle. What more could he possibly add to an already horrid revelation? He glanced out at Logan and the world seemed to disappear beneath Annabelle's numb legs. It couldn't be that he was-

"You hired Janet."

He remained silent, never denying the accusation. God on earth...Annabelle knew of what happened, one of the few things Nathaniel did reveal of his life, but she never imagined it would have been him, the one person Nathaniel trusted more than, well, than his mother. Her silence must have spoken of her sentiments as Richard then said,

"Had I not persuaded them into joining me that night he wouldn't have ever lost his name and in turn, you. I was guilty, I am guilty. He wouldn't ever have forgiven me and in the muddle that was my life, that our lives had become, full of secrets and lies...casting blood aside, Nathaniel was my brother and forgive my selfishness, but I needed him. Did I not fail him once upon Will's death? But then, upon arriving in Richmond and finding you gone... ...my Lady if you could only fathom my desperation; Apologies would no longer pardon me as I was the cause of Will losing you. I thought that if perhaps I found someone who looked like you, who could substitute you in some way then it would help Will cope-but I should have known better as all my decisions seem to birth great deals of trouble. So you are wrong dear Countess, I do have a great deal of business to settle with you as with your husband; A great, great debt indeed."

Dear God. But in recalling her previous epiphany, Annabelle wished for no more resentment, no more anger. Did Nathaniel not accept her words for her to then deny Richard's plea? No. And in holding strong to her previous answer, she said, "You were a friend to my husband in his times of need so if my forgiveness is truly what you seek, then it is yours. Your debts are forgiven you." And in patting Richard's hand, she settled back. It was done. The secrets, the lies, the schemes, all of it. And while believing her freedom bittersweet, Annabelle sighed in realizing that regardless, it was freedom.

The silence that stretched between them was long and cold as the tragic tale swirled about their respective minds. Together they sat in moments of infinite silence watching Logan and Emma squeal in delight, though never once sharing in their mirth. No, in place of laughter, they mourned in stillness the loss of Will, the loss of Nathaniel, the loss of their own selves in ditches of consequence, graves of fault and trenches of sacrifice dug by the very hand of fate.

**

The day slowly crept toward darkness, but Nathaniel never joined them. Accepting that perhaps he wished to be alone, Annabelle refused the shelter of a coach, rather enjoying the last of the glorious day before entering the uncertainty that waited upon reaching Hamilton Hall. Allowing Richard to escort her and Logan home, Annabelle carelessly swirled her parasol in her fingers, falling into step with Richard who carried a weary Logan. In silence they strolled, burdens no longer afflicting their souls; listening to Logan's sweet voice singing,

"Ring around the Rosie, a pocket full of posies..."

Annabelle smiled, relishing in his innocent bliss but also in the spring of hope that swelled within her. Gazing up at the deep blue sky stained with waves of crimson left behind by the setting sun, Annabelle for the first time that day, experienced peace. Slowly, the great fire that had ravaged her life was easing, purifying her soul from all the lies, the secrets, the deceit, the shame....

"Ashes, ashes..."

She smiled. Nathaniel would soon experience the same. His fire would too cleanse his spirit and set him free. But in feeling Richard stiffen under her hand, Annabelle lowered her gaze from the glorious sky to find Hamilton Hall consumed by a blazing fire.

And as her breaths ceased, Logan's sweet voice ushered her into a world of blackness,

"We all fall down."

**

So.....thoughts?

This was a pretty big (and long!) chapter as far as learning of how Nathaniel became William Hamilton. And of Richard's debt but it was needed. And a lot of you were right so good job :)

I'm not to sure about this chapter but am I ever? so I'll probably go back and edit but yeah.....

As always, a huge thank you for all the comments on the last chapter and remember to vote and comment :)

Question: I am thinking of changing the cover. So do you like the one on the last chapter or the original (which isn't mine but the cover to a movie)? Let me know!

<3Thanks for reading!