“No answer, Halfling? Are you fearful you made the wrong choice?” His Black Essence chuckled dryly, tauntingly.

“My choice?” I exploded, “You let it happen! You could have stopped Kala'el from killing Her Grace but you chose not to. I’m not surprised about you,” I snarled at the Blue Essence, “You would look the other way it was for the benefit of the Unseelie. But you,” I pointed an accusatory finger at his Black Essence, “You knew what Kala’el planned and you let it happen! How dare you ask me about choice, what about yours?” my voice wobbled under the strain of fury.

“Lower your hand, Halfling. This was all your doing.” The Black Essence laughed and sadly, he was right. Funny thing about pointing your finger at someone…four more point right back at you.

"You bastard--"

Ivan gripped my shoulders, keeping me from approaching The Essences any further. As it was, if I were to dare another step, I’d be right at the altar able to peek under their hoods.  It was a stupid move on my part; they could have just snapped off their hoods and blinded me forever. But I was already blinded, the black of rage was all I saw, guilt fogging my reason.

Setting me beside him, Ivan didn’t return my stare. His jaw clenching tightly, he simply let his hands fall away from me. I looked for traces of pain on his features, a reaction—anything at all. Save for the tear he spilled upon her Grace’s death, there had only been unperturbed plains and contours, nothing to validate any pain…and then he inhaled. The strain of every taken breath and slow release betrayed him. He was holding it together somehow, swallowing the rage for my sake. I wished he didn’t.  

The Blue Essence held up a hand. “Kala’el’s choice was to uphold the safety of Queen Alistrina.” His voice was a faint ballad, whisking all around me. The gentle vibrations knotted in my stomach violently. Sadly, as it always goes, when things are bad, that’s when all the depressing songs come on the radio. Well, His Blue Essences’ voice was a country love song on a rainy day after finding your boyfriend in bed with another woman…typical for an Unseelie to be deceiving.

“You actually believe him? He killed her Grace under some pretext and you’re buying it? You’re just as guilty—”

“We do not exist to make things happen nor keep them from happening, Hallfling. We are the order. Our purpose is to keep the balance in our world and nothing more. You were given a choice and you made it. What you saw in the illumino is the consequence of your choice—of the code you follow. The code of your ancestors,” he swept his hand, gesturing to all the blue robed Fae.

The horror of what his Blue Essence was saying cut deep, but he wasn’t finished. “My child, you have chosen Passion against honor, against duty. You have chosen the way of our people, the way of your father….The Unseelie way.”

That was a damn lie. “Screw you and your riddles. I am nothing like Xanthus and his people. I will never be Unseelie.”

“It’s too late,” Ivan’s voice came in low but I heard it, his tone calm as it was certain. Releasing a shuddering breath, he confessed, “You already are.”

I stared at him. I didn’t answer immediately. I just stared unable to say anything. Not because of what he said. But because something bitter sank within me. It wasn’t anger. Anger was warmer. What I felt was icy. What I felt was toxic and it ran slowly through me, piecing things in my brain together in a manner that made sense…but I didn’t want it to. It was cold truth.

I didn’t want them to be right as much as a secret part within me finally understood. When I lay down at the Temple, I had already been walking the fine line between Seelie and Unseelie.  Choosing Ivan over the Temple was where I slipped off the line, diving headfirst into the deep blue Unseelie oceans.

Ivan stepped closer—

“Don’t,” I flinched, stepping back. “You said we chose what side we are on. You said that regardless of what my father is, the choice was mine to make –”

“Yes, it is a choice." His Blue Essence cut in, "Not one made by our words, but by our actions. Ivan, do us the honor of reciting the four pillars of the Unseelie code and perhaps then your common will understand her true place.”

“I don’t want to hear any code--!”

Ignoring me, His Blue Essence sat back motioning for Ivan to begin, the charms of his bracelet tinkling an melody to movements.

Ivan stepped closer to the thrones, “My Essences, she is still young and won't understand—”

“Recite the code.” His Black Essence snapped dryly. It wasn’t a question.

Defeated, Ivan stepped back. He didn’t look at me, whether it was shame or anger, I didn’t know. “The Code of the Unseelie: Change is good,”  Ivan started, pained and hoarse. I didn’t want to hear those blasphemous words but clearing his throat Ivan kept on, “Glamour is free,”

Lifting his eyes, Ivan’s stare met mine for a moment of infinite silence. Then, “Honor is a lie,” He paused, paling. Shaking his head slowly, a solemn shadow swept over his eyes. The stress of the next words weighed heavy on him, but it was more. His look was that of facing reality, of accepting a truth he’d pieced together a long time ago but had swept it under the rug, hoping it wasn’t true. What he was witholding and too afraid to tell me, that last code, was what I needed to know. That last code that Ivan had yet to tell me was the key to my true being.

“There are four codes Ivan…what’s the last one?” I demanded.

“Charlotte, I’m so sorry,”

I held up a hand.  “What is the last code?”

Ivan took a moment. It was the longest second of my life.“Passion…over duty.”

The world faded, leaving Ivan’s words and me. Was there anything else to be said? No.

Could I deny it? No.

Was it true?

...yes.

In the face of Kala’el’s illumino, all I could think about was Ivan.  Truthfully, In seeing her Grace lifeless on the stone slab, servants dying at the hands of the beasts… all I had cared about was how much closer I was to passing my test, to reaching Ivan.  And I’d reached him. Closing my eyes, I could still feel his love humming through me. Those moments, those passionate moments we shared in his study, they had sealed the deal.

Because whereas Ivan loved me and died for me, to keep me safe so that I could fulfill my purpose, I had chosen him over everything else. While he had been Seelie enough to kill Maris at a time when he loved her just to protect Queen Alistrina because it was his duty, I looked past Kala’el’s illumino and beyond protecting Her Grace.

Passion over duty was my crime. I didn’t need a trial, I’d long sentenced myself. I was guilty.  I’d embraced passion wholeheartedly, the memory of that passion haunting my skin. Now I had to pay. My punishment: Life. I paid with Her Grace’s life, the life of the Temple servants and my own. No, I didn’t die but Ivan was my life and Xanthus now had his body which made Ivan as good as dead.

 My body accepted its crime as did my mind, but my soul refused. “I can’t be… I can’t be Unseelie,” The words escaped my mouth in prayer, the truth of it all caving my chest.

Firm hands cradling my face brought me back to present. “Charlotte, listen to me. Seelie or Unseelie, it changes nothing. We are all born of both, with their natures running through us. It is our choices and how we choose to live that defines where we belong. Every Fae deals with the uncertainty, with the fear of not knowing what side we will ultimately serve.

"We have all been where you are now and the confusion can devour you. It was foolish of me to not prepare you for this. I thought by honing your powers and never giving you the chance to experience the Unseelie way, I was protecting you.  I wanted—needed you to be Seelie. I was scared,” he cut himself off, squeezing my shoulders tighter; “I was scared that if you experienced what the Unseelie have to offer, I would lose you. I thought that just as Maris had lost her way, you would too."

Ivan shook his head, his damp black hair falling into those beautiful eyes, “But I can’t hold you back anymore. The way is dark and the emotions darker, but only in navigating through them will you truly know where you belong. You are Unseelie now, but you will learn how to silence those urges and over time you will find your way. All of us here have existed for more years than your mind can comprehend Charlotte. We’ve had time to embrace our true natures until the other side no longer tempts us. Now it is your turn.

"The path is for you to find for yourself, by yourself. No one can show you and I refuse to be the reason you don't find it. This is about you, only you, but I will be waiting for you on the other side Charlotte. For as long as it takes, I will wait.”

"Wait for me on the other side?" What about the whole journey I had to travel? What about the middle of the road where things normally fall apart before shaping themselves back together somehow for the big finale? He couldn’t be saying what I thought he was.

The pale blue of his eyes confirmed my greatest fear. It was exactly what he was saying. He was letting me go. He was letting me go long before the credits to our perfect little nightmare romance rolled.

“No,” I breathed, “You’re not --–you’re not doing this. I know you’re hurt over what happened and I can’t begin to explain how sorry I am about your mother—"

“This isn’t about my mother, Charlotte,” Ivan took a step closer, his feet edging on the crack that ran along the floor between us. Though standing right in front of me, the split on the floor made it feel as if Ivan and I were on different continents, Seelie on one side, Unseelie on the other and a black ocean in between us. He was so close, yet so devistatingly far.

“Charlotte, my mother died with integrity, upholding the code of our people. I will never mourn her death; doing so would be an abomination, an insult to her sacrifice. This is about you understanding why she died. This is about you reaching the place where you too would die for your honor, to protect your people, human and Fae alike because it is your duty. Your purpose is great Charlotte, since the day you were born it has been to save our worlds—”

 “I never asked to be a savior!”

“It isn’t fair but it is your destiny and you need to own it. It is who you're being called to be. If need be you need to let me die if in the end you will fulfill your destiny and keep your honor.”

A choking sound exploded from my mouth.  “Honor? How am I to honor a race that wants me dead? How can you expect me to risk losing you, what I love most, for them, over a fight that isn’t mine! You are mine!" I jammed my finger into his chest. "I fight for you, I fight for us.”

Anger slurring my words, I spun around to the assembly of invisible eyes staring at me. “They hate me Ivan, they’ll kill me the moment they can and you want me to give you up for them?”

“Then do it for your kind, for the humans. Who will protect them when the veil breaks? Think of Tom, of Casey, damn it Charlotte think of your mother! She died to give you a chance. Xanthus won’t rest until he’s found you, until he’s destroyed you. You can’t hide anymore. You won't be safe until you do what it is you are meant to do. Whether with me or without me, you need to embrace your purpose, find the map and destroy it. You need to fight! It’s the only way you will ever be free." 

For a moment I understood him, his blinding belief in me almost...inspirational. His reasons were valid as they were honorable. I knew why I had to find the map and destroy it. If the veil wasn’t ever found, I wouldn’t ever have to worry about it falling. Only Queen Alistrina knew where it was hidden and she’d never want the veil torn. Fine, I got it.

But then reality doubled back and slammed me against the solid wall of truth. Ivan was leaving me to walk the dark way of the Unseelie, alone, all based on some notion that I would find my way out…

“What if I never find my way out? You’ll risk losing me for honor?” This was me, angry. It was me, tired. “What if get stuck or better yet, what if I want to stay? What if I walk the Unseelie way and find that I am like my father and that it’s where I belong, what then?”

Ivan stared at me evenly, red defeat in his crystal depths. His lips slowly twisting into a smile…he took my hands and stepped over the line.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. If I did, I would die.

For me Ivan crossed the oceans between us to my territory…to the Unseelie lands. He would embrace the Unseelie way just to be with me. He’d killed Maris to honor his people yet, for me, he would turn his back on everything he believed and betray the Seelie. If that wasn’t enough to force me through my dark path of Unseelie, I didn’t know what was.

Cradling my face in his hands, Ivan kissed me once. “I told you I’d do anything to get to you, to be with you…anything.”

I nodded, trying to frame something to say but then releasing me, Ivan stepped back and turned to the Essences. “My lords, if your decision is to restore my soul then I am prepared—my common and I are prepared.” 

“Ivan—”

“Your common’s petition is to the satisfaction of our ancestors. May your renewed lives honor their memories.” The Essences spoke in unison, cutting me off. Simultaneously lifting their hands, they whirled their wrists, the beautiful jewels strumming a lethal song.

From a pinpoint, swirls of smoke materialized out of thin air. Moving at faster speeds, the black clouds folded and unfolded into themselves, exploding into vertical tornadoes—portals.  Howling gusts of wind whipped all around us, brushing my hair into my face.

The violent winds sent me stumbling back, tugging me away from Ivan.  But then I smelled it. It was the dry scent of the desert, the singular smell of sand and heat, of open spaces…of Shongopovi. I could smell home anywhere.  Entranced, I looked into the black cloud, seeing exactly what I thought I would. No wonder the bounty hunters didn’t find my body. It wasn’t at the temple or in the sands…I wasn’t even in Hillenia.

Lifeless, I lay in Kheelan's arms, surrounded by Seelie Fae, their robes a giveaway. They stood rigidly, the sun dawning behind them making them more beautiful than I could stand. Somehow my body had been teleported back to Earth but not Ivan’s… why? I also wondered about Maris but remembered she could only manifest in the Temple.  Looking closer; around my neck was the necklace Robert had given me. Between Ivan’s seals and the Dine magic, I was protected from Maris taking over my body. It was of little comfort, but comforting nonetheless.  

Looking to Ivan, a cloud had exploded beside him as well.  Peering within his, the images twisted within me. Blanketed by a sheer golden sheet, his body lay in a white altar, two bounty hunters guarding him. Xanthus wasted no time getting him back to his kingdom.  The immaculate surroundings screamed of Xanthus.  The white walls, white altar, white floor—it was all a mockery. There was nothing pure and unblemished about Xanthus and now Ivan’s body was trapped in his frosted nightmare.

Still, hauling in a breath, Ivan moved toward the portal.

“Don’t do this, Ivan. There has to be another way.” This was me, pleading. Holding empty hands out before me, I needed Ivan to take them and step away from that portal.

It was so cold. Ivan wasn’t gone yet and I was freezing. If it hurt that bad having him there, it would kill me to see him disappear into that cloud. Ivan held me tightly to keep me from shivering, but it was useless as snow began to whip around us from within his portal.

Manically, he smoothed down my hair, stroking my face to calm me. “We have to—“

“No, I’m done with duty! I don’t care about the rest of the world; I don’t care about code,” my voice crumbled. I was back to my terrible two’s and this was my melt down—my breakdown. I should have known. Kala’el said he was going to break me. Well, there I was, broken.

Coaxing me into looking at him, Ivan held my face keeping me from looking away. “You have to care about the world, about Hillenia and the human realm. If you only knew,” his voice faded into a smile I didn’t understand, “If you only knew of the beauty waiting for us on the other side, of the beauty our love will manifest—do it for that promise.”

A tug at my back startled me. Wispy vines detached from the portal, wrapping their black arms loosely around me. We were being forced to go back to our worlds, forced apart to face fate.

Ivan pulled me closer, “I can’t say anything more but you need to do this and I will suffer the wrath of your father to see you succeed. Now go, Kheelan will protect you. Stay safe and listen to him, trust him. And Elena, you will need her on your side. She has all my notes; I left everything ready for you. Train hard, Charlotte. Train as if I were over your shoulder every moment,” his voice faded with a broken smile. The smile withered, “And Maris…don’t trust her or anyone else, ever.”

His words were fragments stabbing me. I shook my head not wanting to hear anymore but he kept on. Cradling my neck firmly, his eyes bore into mine. “And whatever you do, do not come for me.”

“Ivan—” 

His lips silenced me, violently robbing all words. Pulling away with a lingering kiss, he shook his head. “Do not come back for me.”

Falling away from me, where he once held me throbbed with pain. They were lacerations of longing and denial, of a truth I wasn’t prepared for. Like those last moments of life where your entire existence flashes before your eyes, I remembered every kiss, every caress, every fight, and every whispered word against our skin. I remembered our love.

Holding my stare Ivan stepped back, further away from me and closer to portal that was set to separate us maybe forever. I made to move for him, but the closer he moved toward the cloud, the more my portal sucked me back. We were linked. If Ivan went back, so would I. There was no way I could reach him again, to touch him, to feel him one last time…

The rushing wind blew the hair from my face, my vision of Ivan undisturbed. For an eternal moment, time paused.  We stared at one another, our respective fates waiting at our backs. But that second was ours. Memory of it was all we would have to hold on to in those moments of darkness and pain that were sure to come, of guilt and regret, of hopelessness, of defeat… of loneliness.

His eyes a glittering gray, Ivan hauled in a deep breath. He didn’t exhale right away and I knew why. Embracing our silent language, he held the delicate air within him like hands wrapped around the thinnest of glass. Thing is, if you hold glass too tight it can shatter.  I was the fragile glass and Ivan held me, but he was letting me go. He refused to be the one to make me break. I would have to fall and break on my own. I would have to learn how to take my pieces and rearrange them, organize them and put them back together on my own.

I had to grow up and learn how to fix myself, not into a person of Ivan’s liking but into the type of person that I needed to be in order to save our worlds. Into the type of human and Fae I was destined to be. I would piece myself together the way I wanted to be.

Upon exhaling, Ivan would be telling me that he loved me that much, enough to set me down whole, knowing I would break but trusting that I would be human enough, Fae enough, woman enough to put myself back together and save the world. That was the definition of our love.

Closing his eyes, Ivan exhaled.

“I know,” I barely whispered, emotions spilling from every word.  “Me too.”

Knowingly nodding, Ivan stepped closer to his portal, the vines tightening around my waist pulling me back to mine. But then he hesitated. He was losing resolve. But before fear could change his mind---our minds, I gave him a weak smile, outstretched my hands and fell back into my fate.

**

Crashing with a gasp, fire blazed through my veins. A blistering wave of fiery needles stabbed me, each of my limbs coming to life in an instant. My body arched in response to the sudden rush of air forcing back to my lungs. My chest locked from the shock of oxygen, a primal reaction sending my hands clawing at my chest.  Strong hands forced my arms into submission, pinning them at my sides as my body writhed in pain. They were saying things but my thundering heart rendered their coaxing words static to my ears.

One of the hands released me, an open palm then pressing on my forehead. Coolness washed through me, dissipating my erratic heartbeats into a soothing, constant melody.  Surfacing slowly, the beats of my heart normalizing as best they could, I could hear more.

“Breathe Charlotte,” said a distorted voice, “It’ll hurt but it’ll pass, you just need to breathe.”  Hurt was an understatement.  Acid blazed through my body, my blood shooting back through my labyrinth of veins.

Gasping desperately as the cool wave brushed aside the burn, I managed few deep breaths, trying to survive my resurrection. After a few more moments I was finally able to gather a proper breath.

Blinking open, I met crystal blue eyes brimming with worry. "Morning, sunshine."

I exhaled. "Kheelan." 

                                                                              ***

Thoughts? You know you want to comment and say "whoa" or "shut up, that did not just happen." lol And vote!

The last few chapters have been very informational and not much action BUT they're reeaally important positioning chapters that needed to happen. As you can tell, Kheelan will be a major player and really important for Charlotte. I'll be exploring his character a lot more too which is exciting. And I am pumped for the next chapter where there will be action :)

External link to the right as well!

<3Thanks for reading!