"DON'T EXPECT THINGS TO CHANGE WHEN YOU WON'T"

DEAR LORDS,

If you're reading this, probably I'm dead or you found letter because I'm very careless or I gave it to you which I know I wouldn't but anyways. If it's the first guess, I'm so sorry for causing you this much pain. I couldn't just come up to tell you guys I had cancer. You guys always look up to me and I wouldn't give up the wonderful times I've spent with you guys. Those happy smiles and giggles we had I just couldn't spoil the fun.

Felix keep being you and please move on. I miss you too bro, keep mum and dad safe for me. Love you forever. We weren't the prefect twins pair but whenever we needed each other, we were always together. I'm sorry I broke that bond. You are the most important person in my life, never forget that.

Louis, you always had a way to bind us together, make us smile even in the toughest situation. I appreciate you for that. I don't really know what you're into but I'm sure it's great.

Scarlet, the queen of the squad, keep the boys intact. I'm sure your gonna kill the world with your fashion just keep slaying. Susan and Dolores, don't mess with my brothers hearts, love them even tho they might be assholes.

Carson, even tho I only met you a month and few weeks ago. I saw more than a normal 'will boy' in you. I thought you will be normal bratty rich kid. I could remember your face when we all met, you gave off this 'who the heck are this people' vibe. Sorry for being a dickhead to you then. Keep THE LORDS save for me, keep our friends together.

It will sadden me if we all broke down because of me, so keep up without me, I lived a good life no regret. Till we meet again friends!!!! Love you all... don't really like being touchy but maybe just this once.

Your friend,

Franklin sin.

All this seem surreal. But in the midst of it all, reading that letter made me nostalgic. In the void between trying to accept this or I couldn't. I stretch it back to Felix but he just whispers.

"Keep it" he voiced broken. If that's what Felix wants me to do I'll do it for him.

"Wanna talk" I said with all the courage I could muster, sitting next to him.

"There's nothing to talk about?" he said glancing at me with his left cornered eye.

"You knew he will die soon"

"yeah, are you gonna shout cause I didn't tell you guys, listen he wanted us to be together, he didn't want to jeopardize us all into seeing him as a sick patient even tho he is" Felix screams at me and a little of me got fretful.

"I wasn't gonna shout, I was gonna appreciate you, you kept that thought for a long while, just waiting for the day he will be gone and now he is, it still hurts. I could never know how that feels" I said as my voice cracked in between as my throat hurts all over again. Was I really gonna cry again?

His hand rested on my shoulder making me to look at me intently.

"Thank you Carson" he said smiling for the first time to me. For a mere second I saw the splitting image of Franklin. I was glad that I could at least see another part of him, Felix.

Soon after I went home, so really Franklin was gone and there's nothing I can do about it. It all brought me to that night, when we sat on the pavement and talked.

'if something was to happen to me, what will be your reaction?'

Thinking about it, you got my reaction Franklin. I ran through the street in my nightwear, broke my phone and my parents are probably mad at me. What am I even saying they are definitely mad at me!!!

But it's all worth it, I miss you man!

I got home and lucky for me; my dad already went to work. It was only my mother at home. She was gently about the whole scenario earlier so I explained it to her.

She gladly agreed to get me a new phone as long as I promise to never react like that.

When he got home, at the dining room, he didn't ask about this morning, I figured mum already told him.

But I was sure he would have given me the 'I expected more from your son' or 'you're a will, will's don't behave like that' but he understood and that made me feel a little pleased I guess.

*******(2 weeks later)

I still continued to go to school, same as the squad but we didn't hang out after school anymore and even tho we tried.

It didn't just feel right so we just end up just going home. I for one felt bad about it, the lords used to be my safe heaven, where I can be free and just when I found my people.

'Keep THE LORDS save for me, keep our friends together'

That's what Franklin wrote in his letter concerning me. To keep the crew together but how could I do that when no one wanted to be together again.

Luckily the hospital orphanage got a huge charity from a business man. So there was no need to venture for them. Once in a while I visit them and never was there a day they didn't ask about Franklin.

I couldn't just tell them that he was dead. They look up to him, I figured they will realize it or think he travelled.

I came to a decision to stop going there at a point, see all those children with their tiny bodies and cute eyes, I couldn't stand lying to them so it was better to avoid it.

Presently, I was in the saint Gabriel mortuary at Leftwrith Street. I alongside the squad, Franklin parents and a few family friends. All dressed in black and the atmosphere just did right to set everywhere on a foggy cold mid morning. The grass green and fresh, it felt Hard to breath but I promise I wasn't gonna cry again.

I scanned everyone faces as expected gloomy or either crying or between sobs. It was still unbelievable. But it gets to a point, you try to move on but every time you think about it. It hurts like it all happened yesterday.

After the burial ceremony, there was a gathering in the sin's house, as much as I wanted to go there. I knew where I had to be. I went to the mortuary particularly to where Franklin grave stood lofty and unsullied.

"I miss you man, why did you have to go" I said talking to the inanimate engraved stone. I just stayed there, hands in my pockets looking at the grass below me thinking so his under there, alone and I'm sure its super quiet and tight.... I was being delusional.

I heard footsteps behind but I didn't want to turn back, then the person stood beside me. His dark skin glittering in the afternoon sun, his loosen black tuxs he wore then the bottle of wine he held.

"Didn't expect to see you here Felix" I said honestly surprised.

"I wanted to share one last drink with my bro" he said placing the bottle of wine down as he sat down and I followed suit, he brought out three little shot cups pouring out the liquor into them. Thereafter, he lifted his glass in a toast posture.

"To you Franklin" he said in a whisper smiling faintly.

"To Franklin" I said too taking my glass in one go and damn did my throat burn up. But it was sweet once it went down.

"Why aren't you at your house?" I asked once the silence became unbearable.

"I couldn't stand it, it's a bunch to people telling me sorry and stuffs, I don't need their pity" he said leaning his head a little to scrutinize me.

"You" he asked.

"Oh nothing, I just don't belong there" I answered wearily.

"So where do you belong" he asked.

"Honestly I don't know, since Franklin passed the squad has not been the same and it hurts me you know? When something good just comes to you, you have this assurance it's never gonna go but then it just shatters in seconds and it's as if no one cares" I said ironically hurt, anger I don't even know my feeling anymore.

"But I care"

"thanks Felix"

" I'll try with the squad, me and you but I won't assure you we will be back...people have their time to process death, let them process even if it might years, you have to learn to let go"

"If I let go...what will I hold on to again?" I said my eyes teary.

"Yourself, scarlet I know your love for her is genuine so focus on not losing that" he said pouring himself another glass.

"perhaps, we need to move on with our lives, we were kids and we had hopes and dreams but as you grow older, you need to let some go..."
"but it was Franklin wish for all of us to still be together" I said hoping Felix will stick with me.

"if you want to hold on to it, your choice. But I'm not" he said with finality evident in his voice.

I couldn't believe Felix didn't want his own brother wish to be fulfilled, maybe he had his reasons but even tho, it was disturbing....

I later left for home; many things Felix said today roamed my mind

'if you want to hold on to it, your choice. But I'm not'

Could he really be that resistant? I had school tomorrow so I had to call it a night rest.

"my life is far from perfect"

Authors note: hey lves, so this a little tribute to Franklin on my part. RIP Franklin.
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Total: 1699 words