The brief, one minute conversations Naiya and I have in the mornings aren't really doing it for me. I want to see her more than that. Zach is still failing to give me her phone number and I'm sort of running low on options. So on Friday I ask the only thing that comes to mind.

"Are you going to be at Zach's party tonight?" I ask, trying not to sound too eager or desperate. His parents won't get back until Sunday. I think it's kind of ironic how Naiya is staying over at Zach's because her parents are gone and Zach's parents end up travelling a lot too. I guess they have each other to keep company.

Naiya looks away and shrugs which sends a wave of butterflies through my stomach. "I don't know. Why are you asking?" Another wave.

I bite the inside of my cheek for a moment before shrugging and looking towards the ground. "I was hoping I'd see you there. Maybe this time we can actually talk." Instead of me being passed out the whole time.

Naiya stares at me for a moment and I can practically see the gears in her head turning. "Maybe," she says finally, which isn't the response I was hoping for.

"I'll be looking for you," I offer as I start to turn down the hallway to my first class.

Naiya laughs and shakes her head. "I'll see you later, Easton." I watch her as she disappears behind the corner before I turn around and make my way to my first class. With her responses, I have no idea if she's actually going to be at the party or not. My guess is that she won't be.

After school, I decide to head over to Ace's. If I went home before going to Zach's, John would probably end up taking away my keys and locking me in my room.

Ace and I just play Super Smash Bros. until it comes time to leave.

"We need to get everybody together and do a tournament again," he suggests as he turns off the console.

"Agreed." I stand up and stretch my arms out. Honestly, I'm feeling like a nap might be a better use of my time than going to some party. "But you're not allowed to use Sonic."

"What? Why?"

"Cause he's annoying."

"He's only annoying because I keep beating you."

"Try beating me without using Sonic next time."

Ace groans. "Let's just go already," he says, running upstairs. I follow after him. I want to thank him for letting me come over, but I don't. I should have, though.

When we arrive at Zach's party, I immediately scan the room. His house looks different than it does during the day. He's taken out most of the decorations in the living room, which is just a few vases or lamps. His family is pretty minimal when it comes to interior design. A bunch of food and drinks are set on his kitchen counter and already I can smell the familiar stench of teenage sweat.

As Ace and I try to locate the rest of the group, my gaze wanders over the faces surrounding me.

"Looking for someone?" A voice suddenly asks. I swivel around to see Dylan, trying to hide my disappointment that he isn't the person I was hoping to see. "I thought she didn't like parties." Dylan hands me a cup before sipping a bit of his own drink.

"Doubt she'll be here," I say back to him with a shrug, taking a swig of whatever he gave me. The drink is putrid, as always.

Ace, who was looking confusingly between us, suddenly inhales. "Naiya?" He asks, a hint of a snide smile across his lips. "You still talk to her?"

"Every morning, dude," Dylan interjects, glancing at me for a moment. He's wearing the same smile Ace has.

I swig down some more of my drink. "Okay I'm leaving," I say, turning away from them. Can at least one person cheer me on here? Now that I think about it, the only reason Naiya would even show up in the first place is because I asked her to. So the verdict is, she either likes me and shows up or she doesn't.

I gulp down the rest of my drink. I stare at the empty cup for a moment. It feels kind of nice to be worrying about something else for once. It's the whole reason why I even bother to come to these stupid parties. Just to forget everything for one night.

As I make my way to Zach's backyard, my heart skips a beat. I see her face, illuminated by the porch lights and speaking to someone beside her. It's a girl I don't recognize. Maybe someone from one of her classes.

I start to approach her and I can feel my hands start to inch their way to the bottom hem of my shirt. I rub the cottony fabric in between my fingers. Suddenly I'm aware of how dry and foul-tasting my mouth is. I shouldn't have drank that stuff.

Naiya's gaze turns to me and she immediately smiles. "Hey Easton," she greets as I near her. The other girl looks at me, then back to Naiya, and then leaves.

"Hey," I say back, offering up a smile. "You made it."

She gives a short laugh. "Yeah. I did." Naiya pulls her lower lip between her teeth and I watch for a moment. She's nervous too.

"I promise I'm not gonna bust my chin open this time."

"Let's hope not."

I swallow. It seems harder to make conversation now that we have the time to make it. "So... Have you tried the drinks in there?" I hold up the cup in my hand. I'd already gotten another one.

Naiya shakes her head. "No no. I'm not into that."

"You don't want to anyways. It's disgusting," I tell her, which isn't a lie. We stand there for a minute before she picks back up again.

"So," Naiya starts, glancing around. "Zach tells me you're pretty new to the town." Did she ask Zach about me?

"Yeah. I moved here in... November." I take moment to think about it. Has it already been four months? "But I didn't start school until after winter break." You know, for only being in school with them for a couple months, I really am grateful for Zach and the gang. They took me under their wing practically the moment I stepped through the school doors and treated me like I was one of them. I'll have to thank them sometime.

"How come?" Naiya asks. It's an innocent question, but it catches me off guard. There was a lot going on after the incident, trials and crap. Things were intense for a while. But Naiya doesn't need to know all that.

I shrug and look away for a moment, trying to come up with something to tell her. "It was just a busy time," I end up saying. It's a pretty vague answer, but Naiya doesn't question it. She gives me a nod. Her expression is one both confused and somehow understanding, like she knows I'm hiding something. I guess it's pretty obvious.

Aware of my uncomfortableness, Naiya changes topics. "I can't believe Zach does this like every weekend. His house always looks so clean when I come over and stuff."

"I mean, there's not too many people that show up to these things. And I guess he likes cleaning?" We laugh at the last part. His room is always clean when I come over so I know he isn't cleaning the house just to cover up his tracks. Besides, with the amount of people that show up, it isn't like a full on rager. Just a good amount of people that make the house full and they're all people Zach knows personally. All in all, he keeps everything manageable.

"I guess so," Naiya comments, smiling wide at me. "He's a little weird like that."

"Very weird," I add with a laugh, just as my phone rings. I sigh when I spot the name.

Naiya notices my reaction and asks "Who's calling you?"

I turn off my phone and stuff it back into the pocket of my jacket. "Just my dad," I tell her honestly.

"Shouldn't you answer then?"

I shake my head. "I probably should, but I'm not going to." I smile at that part, partly reassuring her that it's no big deal but also partly trying to ease myself. I'm not supposed to be here and I know John is getting sick of me not listening to him. It's probably only a matter of time before he decides to bust on over to Zach's house and demand I go home with him.

Naiya isn't totally reassured, though. She shifts her weight and I can tell she's a little uncomfortable. I can't help but feel a little disappointed by that, even if I know she doesn't mean it. Everything Zach and my friends keep telling me about how I'm not really that good of a guy is getting thrown back into my face.

I try to keep the conversation going. "So you're on the dance team?" Immediately, I see some tension release.

"I am," she admits with a relaxed smile. "But the season is almost over so we haven't been having too many practices."

"That's cool. So you can kind of relax now."

Naiya nods. "Yeah, I guess. I just don't know what to do in my freetime now." She laughs at the last part and I add in a chuckle as well. She's more at ease now that she's talking about dance. I get the sense she likes talking about it, like how I love talking about soccer.

There's still a lot more I want to learn about her.

"Well... If you're ever bored, just call me up. We can hang out." I almost choke out the last sentence. Again I feel the worming in my stomach. The drinks I've been chugging probably hasn't helped with that.

Naiya looks at me for a moment. She probably only does so for a second, but it somehow feels longer than that. She's examining me or something. I know she is. I can see the gears spinning on the side of her head and the smoke billowing out from the top of her. Naiya wants to know if I'm worth getting to know, that there's someone real behind my silver mask.

I've never called it that before. A mask. But the longer I think about it, the more I can feel the bitterness of the cold metal resting against my cheeks. The more I can feel the metal clamps cling to the corners of my lips, forcing them into a smile. A cold, metallic smile. I'm trying to fool everybody. But I think, in some ways, I'm trying to fool myself too.

"I can't call you if I don't have your phone number." Naiya says it so nonchalantly. It's barely flirting but it isn't awkward either. Just matter of fact. Either way, I feel a rush of relief, like I had just found out I passed a test or something. In a way, I guess I kind of did.

The metal clamps of my mask lift my lips into a smile. "Here." I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out my phone. My fingers feel swollen as I scramble to type in my password and open up a new contact page for her. I find it funny how hard I struggled these past few days trying to get Zach to give her number to me. This way is better.

Naiya hands me her phone and we simultaneously punch in our numbers. Right as she's about to hand my phone back, John calls again. I take the phone and end the call. Almost immediately after I did that, he calls again. I end it. He calls again.

"Maybe you should just answer?" Naiya suggests on the fifth time.

I sigh. In most cases, if this were to happen I'd probably just turn my ringer to silent. But tonight, Naiya is watching me. I also know for a fact that John is on his last limb here.

A rock falls into my stomach. I suddenly remember something John said to me a while ago.

"We have the power to allow you to stay, Easton," he had said. "But we also have the power to make you leave. I love you, son, but I've lived without you for eight years. Don't think that I'm unable to do it again." That was the second time I've ever heard him say he loved me, the first being the day he left.

John took me in because he feels bad, I know that. He feels pity for me, but I think mostly he just doesn't want to feel guilty.

"You're probably right," I tell Naiya, biting the inside of my cheek for a moment. "I'll be right back." I turn away from her and walk around the corner of Zach's house. I answer John's call and lean up against the side of the house, staring at the dark forest in front of me. Out here, hidden in the shade with only the fading light from around the corner to see with, I find myself both comforted and frightened. The dark can hide me from the world, but it can also hide the world from me. All I have to do is trip over one rock or root, hidden by the inky blackness, and I'd lose my grip.

"Stop calling me," I start out with when I pull the phone to my ear. Even though I can barely see my outstretched hand in front of me, I can clearly see John's fuming tomato face.

"If you don't come home right now, Easton, there's going to be huge consequences." I can almost feel the drops of spittle landing on my ear.

"I can't go home." I swallow. "I can't really drive right now."

John inhales sharply. "Then I'll come pick you up."

"Just let me do what I want." I'm surprised to hear that I'm not raising my voice in the slightest. "This is my life. You can't keep controlling me." I'm basically just spitting out whatever lines I've heard from movies scenes where the kids are arguing with their parents. It's all bs anyways.

"I'm tired of doing this every freaking day, Easton! You are driving me up the wall here!" John pauses to let me interject, but I have nothing to say. "When you come ho-" I decide to hang up on him and he doesn't try to call me back.

I stand there for a while, staring at the dark outlines of the trees in front of me. The trees are only slightly less black than whatever's behind them. I feel like I should be livid. I should feel like punching the wall or screaming at the top of my lungs. But instead, I don't really feel anything.

I start to wonder whether the Tin-Man in me has finally started to cut away my limbs. Am I losing my sense of emotion? Why am I not angry?

I guess that's the issue, right? I go to these parties because they're fun. They get my mind off of things. But maybe a part of me wants to go to them because I like getting in trouble. I like the attention it brings me but I guess I also like the anger. All that pent up rage inside of me, I need somewhere for it to go. I'm afraid if I hold onto it for too long, I'll lose my sense in the world. Maybe a part of me likes yelling at my dad, too. He deserves it, I think. He deserves every cuss word that slips off my tongue, every F I bring home on a test, and every stupid party I get wasted at.

But right now, I don't feel angry.

Naiya's on her phone when I walk back around the corner again. She looks up at me, her brows contorted. "Everything good?" She asks. I give her a thumbs up and keep walking. Can she see me shaking? Can she tell my mask is broken?

I walk straight towards the kitchen, grabbing a cup of the putrid drink. I gulp it down and even before I finish the first cup, I'm already pouring myself a second one. To be frank, I'm scared.

It's been happening for a while now, I guess. With every disobedient action I make, they start losing their effect. The rush of anger, the sweet relief after. Everytime I do something that should evoke anger, I get less and less mad. The problem is, I can't even feel anything at all right now.

I feel like I'm spinning in circles. Usually the emotions inside of me are pounding against my chest, demanding to be free from their cages. But sometimes, if I look past the mirage, I see that the cages are nothing short of empty, a layer of dust collecting on their floors.

How can I feel so much and so little at the same time?

Dylan's calling my name. At first, I don't realize it. It sounds like a faraway echo, a whisper caught in the wind. But now I hear it as clear as if he were right beside me. I turn my head to the left and Dylan is there, his face contorted in an expression I can't name.

I stare at him for a moment and without warning, I throw up all over his white sneakers.

I stand there in front of him, eyes wide and body trembling, absolutely petrified. I don't want to lose myself. I don't want to fall in the dark. I don't want to lose my grip on the world around me.

I'm terrified that one day, my silver mask won't just be a mask anymore. One day, it might become a part of me.

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Thank you for reading!
Likes and comments always appreciated.

As always,
xoxo. Emmy