Happy Late birthday to Dazai but I've been sick and so I have every right to be late.

Warning
First part of a two part
Lots of sex jokes

Dazai's P.O.V.

"You just got your cast off, please be more careful before we have to get it put back on," Chuuya remarked as I balanced myself on a small brick wall as I walked.

"Chuuya forgets that I, the great and wonderful Dazai Osamu, have almost perfect balance."

"Almost is the key word I'm worried about. Can you just get down from there before you fall?" He looked so small from this angle as he stared up at me, head tilted back.

I sighed dramatically. "Oh my! I forgot that Chuuya is intimidated by tall people!"

"How about I knock you down a few inches by putting you in a wheelchair?!" He exclaimed as I hopped off the wall, landing beside him.

I ran the fingers of my right hand through his hair. "I'd still be taller. A chibi is always a chibi."

He stared up at me, eyes narrowed threateningly. "Why the fuck did I start dating an annoying bastard like you?"

I smirked. "Because you like my dick."

"Right, at least it's nicer to me than that mouth of yours." He started walking again, but not before slipping his fingers between mine, intertwining them.

"Hm, is that any way to treat your boyfriend?" I smirked, bumping him slightly with my shoulder.

"It's better than putting a bomb under your ex's car," he muttered in response.

"Technically, we were still dating."

Chuuya rolled his eyes, unable to hold in a laugh. "Which just makes it worse, asshole!"

"Oh, but you love me, baby! You can't tell me other wise!" I chirped happily, squeezing his hand gently.

He smiled up at me, standing on his toes to leave a quick peck to my jaw. "I do love you. So much in fact, that I'm going to return you back to where I had picked you up."

I groaned, letting my head hang a bit. "I don't want to go back to work," I grumbled. "I want to spend the day with my chibi!"

"You can spend tomorrow with me. If I take today off, I can't celebrate your birthday with you."

I pouted. "But I want to hold you, baby! I finally got my cast off and now I have to go to work and away from my chibi for so long!"

"Don't you have plans with them tonight? I remember the weretiger talking to you about going out to celebrate."

It was true. The Agency members had asked if we could go out to celebrate my birthday tonight since I requested tomorrow off to spend it with Chuuya. It was still fairly early in the day, but not too many hours before getting off of work.

"Yeah, I know," I answered, still pouting a bit before a happier little thought came to mind. "But if you happen to get off work early, you should come to the bar and join us!"

He smirked. "We'll see. I don't want to wake up with a hangover and have to deal with you in the same morning."

I chuckled, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "You already do that on occasion."

He hummed, acknowledging the comment but not really answering. We continued walking, talking, joking, and picking fun at one another until we made back to the Armed Detective Agency building.

"Oh! Woe me for I must leave thy side of the most beautiful and deadly of belladonnas!" I dramatically threw the back of my hand over my forehead, closing my eyes and tilting  my head back. "I shall miss thy gems of the bluest of oceans and the deepest of seas!"

I opened my eyes and glanced over at Chuuya without moving my position. He had his arms crossed over his chest, one eyebrow arched with an amused smile as he watched my show.

"Are you done with the Shakespeare?" He asked, tilting his head to the side slightly.

I stared at him a few more seconds before shutting my eyes one more time and speaking a bit louder. "Woe me!"

"Osamu, you're such an idiot." I could practically hear his eyes roll, even though he sounded amused.

I gave him a smirk, opening my eyes and slipping my hands in my pockets as I turned to him. "But I thought you liked poetry? You use to like mine once upon a time."

He stepped closer to me, arms reaching up to wrap around my neck. My hands moved instantly around his waist, pressing his body against mine.

"I did and your paintings as well." He smiled as I rolled my eyes.

"I can't believe you remember my paintings."

His smiled widened, his arms pulling to try to coax me to lower. "It's hard not to when I have a few hanging in my office at headquarters."

I didn't answer him, instead choosing to dip my head down to capture his lips with mine. He returned it happily, a pleased sound in the back of his throat.

We stood like that for a moment, kissing sweetly on the sidewalk. However, all good moment have to end eventually.

Chuuya's lips parted from mine, only far enough to break the kiss but still close enough to feel his smirk.

"Go to work so I can go to mine." He patted me on the chest gently. "If you miss seeing me at all hours of the day, you shouldn't have left the mafia."

I snorted, rolling my eyes. "If I wanted to see a hat rack like you all day, I would have stolen you when I left."

"Why didn't you? All you had to do was ask me and I would have followed you anywhere."

It was true, he would have, has told me countless times that he would. Thinking about it now, why didn't I ask him? It was something simple to do, and if he said no, then that would have been his answer, right?

"You know, if I had stayed in the Port Mafia, I probably would have killed Mori and took his place as the boss," I said, slipping my arms from around Chuuya and placing them in my pockets.

"Really now? And what position would you have placed me in?" Chuuya asked, crossing his arms.

I gave him a mischievous smirk. "Preferably bent over that lovely dark mahogany desk as I–"

Chuuya slapped me across the back of the head, only hard enough for it to sting a bit. "Not what I meant, perverted bastard!"

I looked at him again, rubbing my head. "But you never specified what type of position, my love." He gave me a glare and I raised my hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay. You would have most likely became my right hand slash bodyguard."

"So, basically what I do now, but actually getting paid for it?"

"I pay you in love and affection," I answered with a smile, leaning down once again so I could be a little more at eye level with my boyfriend.

He rolled his eyes once more as he shook his head, a smile raising at the corners of his lips. He reached his hand up, cupping my cheek before giving me one last peck to the lips.

"Fair enough, now go to work," he replied, stepping away from me as he readjusted his hat, vest, and short jacket. "I'll see you tonight."

I pouted but straightened up with sigh. "Fine, I'll see you later."

His smile began sweet, gently making him appear much softer than his usual expression. This was the expression of the Chuuya only I got to see in privately, early in our mornings and late in our peaceful nights.

He has no anger or rage boiling within him, nothing at this moment was making him snarl or growl and bite, it was just us.

His lips were also moving but as soon as I was blinking back to reality, I only ended up changing the tail end of his statement.

"–If I get off early enough, okay?"

My mouth hung slightly agape as I tried to process what he had said, leaving me completely at a loss.

"Uh, could you repeat everything you just said?" I confessed with a slightly nervous laugh, scratching my cheek with an innocent smile.

He cocked an eyebrow. "Were you distracted or something in the last few seconds?"

I beamed, "I mean, when a certain very hot redheaded male happens to be standing in front of me, it's very hard to not be distracted, my love."

He opened his mouth to say something, but probably thought better of it, shaking his head.

"I'm not touching that." He looked at me again with a deep sigh. "I said that I love you and that I would call you if I get off early enough, okay?"

I nodded, "Alright, I'll be awaiting your call then." I reached out, flicking the brim of his hat up a bit to tease him. "I love you, baby, I'll see you later."

He smiled, leaning up to give me one last kiss before turning and making his way towards mafia headquarters. That also meant that it was my cue to head into the door and get back to work.

Did I want to? Not really. Did I have much of a choice? Also a no.

Am I only really going to work because of the possibility that I could be denied sex with my chibi tonight? Shamefully so.

With a sigh and no Chuuya in view anymore, I opened the door and headed inside. I went up the stairs to take my time but eventually was walking into the Agency's office.

Kunikida looked up from where he was standing next to Atsushi's desk, a scowl already crossing his face.

"And where the hell have you been, Dazai?" He aggressively glared, eye already twitching with annoyance before I even spoke.

I raised my right arm. "I went to get my cast removed and then Chuuya and I went ahead and got lunch before returning to enemy organizations for who are still in a truce for some reason."

"Well, that truce has kept our office from being raided every week," Yosano replied, leaning forward on the palm of her hand as she rested her elbow on her desk.

She smirked at me, "You should have started to fuck Chuuya earlier."

I opened my mouth to speak but held off on it as I crossed the room where Kenji sat at his desk, happily examining his plant.

I placed both hands over his ears, making him look up at me as I looked at Yosano again, giving her a smirk of my own.

"If I had known that it was such a hassle for the Agency to be raided by the mafia, I would have continued to fuck him back when we were eighteen," I whispered over to her, hoping not to be heard by Kunikida.

Unfortunately for me, Kunikida happened to be behind me when I spoke. He grabbed me by the collar of my coat and vegan dragging me off towards the tech room in the corner.

"I think you and I need to have a little chat about the some of your vocabulary around the office." As soon as the door was shut, it was all over for me.

*****

I rested my face on my desk, an ice pack on the back of my head from how many times Kunikida had hit me. I didn't see why I was the one that beat when Yosano was the one that started the conversation.

"Uh, Dazai, are you already?" Atsushi asked from beside me.

I groaned, turning my head slightly to look at him with a frown. "Kunikida's an abusive mother!"

"I'm not your mother!" He yelled from the desk in front of me. "You just tend to get on my nerves more than anyone else here."

"My poor head says otherwise!" I whined, planting my face back in the wood. "Kunikida should buy me my first drink tonight."

"You're talking into the desk, Dazai, no one can hear you," Yosano's voice spoke from above me as the cold pack was removed from my head.

I raised up, sitting straight. "I said Kunikida should buy my first drink today."

He looked at me from across the space before pushing up his glasses with a sigh. "I guess, I was a little hard on you. I will buy your first drink." His eyes narrowed. "However, we have about three more hours until then so you had better get some work done."

I smirked. "Aye, aye, Momma!"

He rolled his eyes as I took one of the case binders on my desk and started going through it.

Before long, three hours is up and I'm already tired of paperwork and ink pens. A few of the members had left an hour earlier saying how they were going to go make sure that we still had the reservation at the bar.

I wasn't allowed to move from my desk unless I was going to the restroom which still felt like a short leash since Kunikida watched me until I made in through the door.

Now, everyone that was left was packing up and heading out, telling me they'd see me at the bar. The last people left in the office was Atsushi, Kunikida, and myself.

"Can we go now? I'm tired and this chair is making my back hurt!" I whined, leaning my head back.

"Then get your ass up and walk around for a bit," Kunikida said looking at his watch. "Atsushi said he had to grab something for Doctor Yosano in the infirmary then we can leave."

I groaned but pushed my chair back to get up anyway. It was good timing as Atsushi walked through the door that connected to the other Agency offices, he messenger bag strap being slung over his hand to rest on his shoulder.

He looked at us as he closed the door behind him with a smile. "Are we ready to go?"

Kunikida nodded as I slipped my arms through my coat sleeves, walking around the desks. Kunikida walked out the door first, followed by Atsushi and myself before turning the lights off and locking the office door.

We took the elevator down, the ride short and quiet before getting off on the first floor. We exited the building and started towards the bar we were to meet the others.

As we walked I got a little curious. Turning to the grey haired boy, I asked him, "Hey, Atsushi, what was Yosano needing you to get from the infirmary?"

His eyes widened before he turned his head to look at me with a nervous smile. "Oh, she just needed me to grab some painkillers since I was heading back to the office anyway. She said something about how she planned on drinking until she couldn't remember what happened tonight."

That sounded like Yosano but I wasn't completely convinced. I knew when Atsushi was hiding something, he was  terrible at lying and had a terrible poker face when I came to trying to hide it.

So the question now is, what was he hiding?

"Dazai, stop interrogating the poor kid. He already has to deal with your shenanigans at work." Kunikida said without turning to look back at us.

I pouted, raising my hands and lacing them behind my head as we continued on. "Fine. I was only curious and a little suspicious since she always carries painkillers on her."

I watched from the corner of my eye as Atsushi's eyes widened before almost running into the back of Kunikida as he came to a sudden stop in front of us.

He turned around looking at me like I had just shared the most phenomenal thing he's ever heard.

"Does she really? How did I not know this? She doesn't carry her medical bag often when she's not working!"

I arched an eyebrow, smirking at his reaction. "I was kidding, Kunikida. I trying to tease Atsushi."

The blond male hit me on the head before turning back around grumbling about stupid lies and tricks.

I chuckled, looking at Atsushi again. "Don't worry, if I'm to know whatever it is then I'll find out when it's time."

That seemed to give him some relief as we started following Kunikida. We soon arrived at our destination, a large restaurant known for its wide selections of foods and drinks.

Walking in, we're greeted by a beautiful hostess, a warm small on her face.

"Hello and welcome!" She chirped happily. "Do you have a reservation? If not, I'm afraid to inform you that we have no available seats or tables tonight."

"We have a reservation for the Armed Detective Agency," Kunikida answered, showing his badge to the hostess.

Her smile widened. "Oh yes, I was informed that there was to be a few more to arrive for that reservation!" She stretched out her hand, inviting us to continue. "Yuji will be your server tonight! Please follow him to your tables!"

We thanked her, following the man that introduced himself as Yuji. He lead us into the restaurant to a corner with the familiar faces of my coworkers.

"Look who finally showed up! Akiko said we couldn't order anything until you got here!" Ranpo spouted with a whine, waving his arms in the air like a child.

"That's because he's the guest of honor, it would have been rude for us to be eating while he waits for his meal to be prepared," Yosano replied before smiling at me. "Well, are you just going to stand there? Have a seat."

I took my coat off, folding it and setting it next to me as we took our seats in our reservation booths and tables. Apparently, it had been decided for me to have one side of a three seater booth to myself with Yosano, Ranpo, and Kunikida across from me.

It seemed odd but honestly it was kind of nice to have a whole seat to myself. Yuji took our drink orders before hurrying off.

The restaurant once use to be bar but eventually was turned into a family bar and restaurant. It was a good upgrade for the place since it makes better profit now then before.

"So, Dazai, got any plans for your birthday tomorrow?" Yosano asked, leaning her arms on the table.

I smirked. "Chuuya took tomorrow off and so we're going to do some things and just hang out, I guess."

"It's hard to imagine a Port Mafia executive going on a normal date," Kunikida stated crossing his arms.

"Even mafia executives are people too, Kunikida," Ranpo replied as he nibbled on a piece of candy he pulled from his pocket. "That's like saying they're only emotionless and cruel beings of destruction."

Well, some of them can be, but Chuuya was far from emotionless. If here was anyone in the Port Mafia with a heart, it was Nakahara Chuuya. He saw his subordinates as valued members to the organization.

There have been many people that Chuuya had tried so hard to save that it nearly killed him with guilt when they ended dead by his orders. I remembered there being nights that he refused to sleep because of the deaths of the men under his command.

"Chuuya's supposed to join us tonight, isn't he? When we arrived we told them that we had one person that would be joining us that didn't have work with us." Yosano voiced.

I sighed, giving an unsure chuckle. "He said if he got off early enough he would, but Mori tends to have him working hard days before his off days."

The raven hair woman frowned. "Sounds like Mori. That poor kid is probably wipes sleep from his eyes as when he leaves that building at night."

She wasn't wrong. Chuuya usually arrived home with sluggish, tired movements on his late nights. Those were nights we reheated leftovers or ordered take out from wherever restaurant that was still open.

It made me feel bad for my chibi, working himself dry to come home tired just to rinse and repeat the steps the next day.

"Yeah, he deserves his days off." I pulled my phone from my pocket, opening my messages with Chuuya.

[Dazai]: Baby!!! Are you off work yet?!

[Dazai]: We made it to the bar and Yosano informed them that you may be coming.

The dots on the bottom showed that Chuuya was replying to my messages.

[My Lovely Slug<3]: Love, I'm sorry, but I'm a bit busy right now and can't really reply.

I frowned, feeling rejected. I couldn't blame him though, I knew how demanding Mori was. If Chuuya didn't get a certain amount of work done before leaving, he would end up having to either go in the next day to finish or have more work when returning back to headquarters.

[Dazai]: Alright...

[Dazai]: I'm going to go ahead and order you something to eat. If you don't make it, I'll bring it home so you'll still have dinner.

He gave me a quick reply.

[My Lovely Slug<3]: Thank you, Osamu. I love you and I'm sorry.<3

I smiled, knowing he felt bad.

[Dazai]: It's not a problem. I love you, baby. Don't overwork yourself. (>;-;)>

I slipped my phone into my pocket, lacing my fingers together and resting them on the table.

"I take it Chuuya may not be making it?" Kunikida asked, probably guessing from the look on my face.

I sighed. "Yeah, he's pretty busy, but I'm still going to order him something so he'll at least have dinner if he doesn't make it."

"That's sweet of you," Yosano smiled as she leaned back. "Some people would be bitter about their significant others bot coming to their birthday celebration."

I gave her a heartfelt smile. "He works hard. I love teasing him, but I would never make it seem like he's forced to be here just because I want him to be."

Our server returned to our reserved area with a few others to help him pass out our ordered drinks. After finishing Yuji asked for our orders.

I ordered myself a sea food crab plate and ordered Chuuya a creamy french pasta dish that he had mentioned wanting to try making.

Once our server had the orders, he hurried off again.

I raised my drink to my lips, taking a sip as I looked across the table at the other three.

Ranpo had ordered himself a milkshake, it looked like a neapolitan at first glance but I could see the pistachio right under the whipped cream, making it a harlequin.

Kunikida had ordered one of less alcoholic drinking on the menu, probably to make sure that everyone remained safe and behaved while in the restaurant.

Yosano got one of the red wines, the color of crimson, like blood. She loved her wine, something that Chuuya and her had very much in common. I could see them talking about brands and flavors for hours, both taste testing just to talk about it.

So, why was it she wasn't drinking it as soon as it was set in front of her? She had pulled her phone out at some point and was texting someone with a smirk.

I whirled my whiskey in its glass, shooting a smirk of my on at her. "Who's got you looking so smug? Find someone to your liking that you've been talking to?"

She looked at me, her smirk only widening. "A hot friend of mine was modeling some clothes for me to look at."

"They must have been something to give you a look like that," I laughed.

"You'd be on your knees if you saw them."

I shook my head. "I don't know, I'm very faithful to my chibi. Not sure just anyone could sway me like he can."

She shrugged, her phone disappearing as she took hold of her wine glass. "Guess you're right. Chuuya does have a nice ass."

Kunikida and I both nearly choked on our drinks at the comment, him from confusion and mine from trying not to laugh.

It was no secret that Yosano was interested in Chuuya and my sex life. She's even asked Chuuya about it which always leaves him flustered and red faced. It was a fun topic, especially since I knew she wasn't trying to steal him from me.

She tended to drift a bit more towards females, most of them masochists that enjoyed her sadism, but she didn't deny a man that obviously knew how to please her.

Even if she tried, Chuuya had made it clear that he wasn't sexually attracted to women, which apparently entertained her even more.

"I don't think it's appropriate to talk about another person's partner in such a way in front of them," Kunikida stated wiping his mouth with a napkin, face red while Ranpo sipped his milkshake with a smirk on the other side of the raven haired woman.

I smiled over the rim of my glass as I heard a shuffle from behind me.

"Are you okay, Kunikida?" I heard Atsushi ask with concern. "Did you drink go down wrong?"

I waved his question off. "He's fine, he was just caught off guard by Yosano and I talking about how nice Chuuya's ass is."

"Uh huh, I'm going back to my booth now to avoid getting caught in this conversation," he answered, quickly retreating before another word is said.

Yosano and I laughed, silently enjoying the torment and corruption of the children.

"Anyway, how about we move the conversation back to something more appropriate?" The blond male suggested after clearing his throat, a sign of discomfort.

"Fine!" Yosano and I said crestfallen, taking a sip from our drinks.

The conversation changed to other things from there, cases that we've been working on, what plans everyone had for their next days off, random topics that ended with most of us finishing our drinks and having to get refills.

After at least the second refill, our server was returning with his helpers, our meals being placed before us as they were handed out.

"Who ordered the Creamy French Pasta?" A young lady asked, holding the plate on her tray.

I looked up at her with a smile. "Just set it by me, I ordered it for someone who hasn't arrived."

She gave a smile, setting the plate down by mine before taking her leave.

It seemed a bit lonely sitting there. I knew it wouldn't go to waste since I would be taking it home for Chuuya when I leave but I felt odd to have his dinner by me without him here.

I got use to eating dinner with him every night for the last three months we've lived together. I always waited for him to get home before thinking about eating until we both made an agreement on what to eat.

"Hey, Kunikida, let me up," Yosano said, motioning for him to move. "I need to step outside for a minute."

I noticed that she had her phone out again. I gave her another smirk. "Calling your friend?"

She looked back at me as she step out of our booth. "Something like that, you just eat and drink, don't worry about something you'll know about later." She gave me a wink before walking off towards the front.

I chuckled, already knowing she'll tell me. We continued our conversation as started eating. It didn't take long for Yosano to return, a bright falsely innocent smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she slid back into the booth.

"You're up to something," I said narrowing my eyes.

"What gives you that idea?" She played it off with a shrug.

I chuckled, raising my glass to my lips. "I'm a detective, it's my job to know when something is suspicious."

She waved her hand dismissively. "It's nothing. Just a little present that I had delivered here for you."

I arched an eyebrow, not completely understanding what she was implying.

But it came together when I felt a pair of hands run over my shoulders and down my chest, a wall of warmth against my back as a pair of lips and teeth started to nip at the hinge of my jaw, just below my ear.

A soft purr in my ear and a sweetly, devilish voice whispered, "What do you think about coming home and having some fun with me tonight, handsome?"

There be part one of two! Next chapter will have NSFW.

I am definitely enjoying the bestie vibes I'm giving Dazai and Yosano. Their personalities fit as the type of best friends that are dangerous when together.

I hope you enjoyed this part and part two should be out very, very shortly.

I hope everyone has aw wonderful morning, noon, and night! Bye... for now!