The conversation with Lisa earlier drove his body to lie in the fresh snow. It's what quiets the world and calms the heat in his chest. She wants me to be closer...and appa said there's always a way out. He'd been thinking about the possibilities of ending this obsession he has for her until she bravely stated what she wanted. With the determined gaze in her bright, mesmerizing eyes, he swore it felt like time had stopped itself.

That girl is smart. She observes...and listens. She's certainly not as shy as she seemed...and I know for a fact that I'm not good at small talks. If I decide to do this, there will probably be streams of words flowing out of my mouth and she'd probably ask me to stop. What'll happen then? She'll hurt me by not wanting to have anything to do with me...and the probability of her hurting all of us is high. What if she tells someone? 

Jungkook realized how unsuspecting he had been in all the times he's been crushing on Lisa. He thought she was something - definitely! - but none of it had proven to be true. She's more aware than any of the towners he had ever came across...and her silence didn't quite match the personality he had in mind. At this point, he is sure that he knows as much about her as she does about him. They're both clueless at what the other is.

So then...what's with this attraction? What exactly draws me in - needing to be close to her as she does with me? She's beautiful...and the way she smirks her brave, clever comebacks or even just a simple grin is just...aishh...what is this I'm feeling??

"Kook,"

He looks to his right and found Taehyung standing on the green grass not far from him. 

"I'd ask you why the sudden change of season...but I have a guess,"

Jungkook sits up and dusts the white damps off his hands. The flakes and powders have stopped falling on him since he laid on the small, bed of snow he created, but the cold remains the same. 

"Yeji told me she bumped into you," The elder came to sit beside him.

Oh yeah, it didn't even crossed my mind! "I was with Chim. We were going to the florist but we bumped into Chae and...well..."

"Ahh...he'll be over the moon for the next few months!" Taehyung sighed a knowing laugh, shaking his head slightly. "She told me she saw you talking with Lalisa..." Haistt...that girl can't keep her mouth shut! "...wanna tell me what's that about?"

"Depends...are you gonna report on me?"

The cousin frowns. "Is that what you call it? You know we're only looking out for you,"

At this moment, Jisoo and his father's words came into mind. "I've done nothing but follow behind...I've never gotten myself into trouble at the town...I mind my own way, even when the path was given - chosen by you guys. I don't know what else I can do to get you guys to trust me,"

"We do trust you. It's only normal that we stick together, on things that matter to us,"

These life reminders are exhausting but all Jungkook could do now is to exhale the tension. Lisa telling him that she wants him close warms his heart - a little too warm maybe, that a patch of snow on the spring grass is required. Thank goodness for it too since this topic could've ignited the bitterness in him!

"You know...you've always been the odd one out among us," Taehyung continues when he hadn't respond. "You view things differently...like when the fire happened and you're the only one who believed it wasn't Yoongi hyung's fault. You were the first to sense that something was wrong with Hobi hyung when he got into that accident. Hell, you're the only one who was born under the warm sun!" He laughed, slapping Jungkook's knee. "You're the only Hyeon among our generation for crying out loud - of course everyone feels a little protective of you!"

"Everyone means well, I know," He nods with a slight sad smile. "It doesn't make me feel good though," 

It's a complicated fact to be living with...and an absolute ambush at that. He never asked to be any of these things and most of the time, he only felt fear. Fear of serving either 'not much' or 'too much'. Jungkook's been told that his powers are the most among many generations before him but he still can't understand why that is. 

"Something's bothering you. You've been putting yourself in this bubble for weeks now, I just wanna understand why,"

"I just have things on my mind,"

"Would it hurt to talk about it?"

"It will...definitely,"

He could feel Taehyung staring at him patiently as he throws his gaze to the crescent moon in the dark ocean sky. If I cry, the sky cries with me. When I'm happy, the ground brings life. And when I get so angry...so damn angry, people's lives are at stake. Most are known...but one bears a secret. I can't even be close to the one I like - what kind of life is this? Everything in my vision responds to me...except for her.

"If I'm entirely honest...I feel so little, all the time," Jungkook sighed in his smile. "I like racing cus I felt a little free. I like noona's coffee cus it's bitter...makes everything feel a little bit normal. I handled everything fine and I keep hoping that when appa and eomma is no longer around, I won't feel so bad for so long. I imagined that you guys felt the same way...and I trust that you guys will be there with me no matter what. But lately," He looks back to Taehyung. "Lately I've been feeling like you wouldn't,"

"What makes you say that?"

"If there's a certain thing that I do...and I really wanna do it...you'll probably shut me out like you guys did to Yoongi hyung,"

"Kook -"

"And I get it - we're supposed to protect our own. We need to keep doing what we do best to survive but...like you said, I'm always the different one," 

"Tell me what it is and we'll figure it out,"

"You'll report me or even if you don't, Joon hyung can read it from you,"

"Hyung can only read what's fresh in the mind and in case you forget, I have a pain-in-the-ass sister who's already giving me headaches on a daily basis. I doubt that your problem is bigger than that," Taehyung chuckled.

That's partly true. Out of all the female siblings among his cousins, Yeji is the most rebellious and reckless. In action and spoken. 

"You need to put her in place. She kept hovering -"

"She's out of control. I can't do any good with her anymore...the only thing that's giving peace to appa and eomma right now is that she's always around us. I told them that it's only cus she likes your face," He laughs, shaking his head slightly.  

"You should count your luck that I didn't take any advantage over it,"

"Why'd you think I'm sitting with you here now?? Bro, my ass is wet!" The elder gestures to the damped pants from the snow. "Now are you gonna tell me or what?"

Jungkook laughs as he plays with the lump of snow in his palms - thinking if it's a good idea at all to tell the cousin. Jimin only knew so brief about the walk-and-talk with Lisa since he was busy flirting with his ex-girlfriend...and the brother is too transparent that Namjoon didn't even have to held a hand up to read him! And while Taehyung is not as close to him by blood, he is slightly more sensitive than the other and he would make a great advisor to have around.

"I didn't know it then but I'm more sure of it now...that I can't stay away from her," He sighed.

"Her...as in -"

"Lalisa," He waved a hand and the snow melted as quick. "I tried, but I couldn't. My mind kept going in circles and I...I need to know why,"

"Kook...remember what hyung said -"

"It's different, this is not me trying to fool around with her like you guys did," 

Taehyung looked a little taken aback but eventually shrugged.

"She's...different. I can't read her and I can't charm her. Like I can't use any of my powers on her, only around her. I don't know why,"

The elder frowns deeply. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I tried it a couple of times but she managed to pull herself away. I can't help but think that it means something,"

"Why didn't you tell us? Hyung could've find something out -"

"I'm not sure he will...not yet maybe. He'll only say the same, that I need to stay away and I can't. It's depressing, as you can see," Taehyung nods mutely as Jungkook prays internally that his decision to open up about this won't fall short. "You won't tell him, right?"

...

Lisa stares at the static nothingness of her bedroom ceiling. Any forms of life coming from outside has been blacked out in her mind as all she could think of was how idiotic she had been with Jungkook. 

That teasing glint in his gaze and his mischievous smile always made her head spin. Perhaps that was the source of her reckless emotions. No...it was his grey eyes. Every time they appeared, she felt a little like falling. In those very short moments, she'd feel like the entire world had shut itself down. Why is that?

She remembered the sudden switch to browns in his eyes when the red-haired girl appeared. Yeji...calling him 'oppa' with a deep frown on her fiery face - as if she wanted to light fire on both of us when she saw how close we were from each other.  Lisa remembered throwing her face away, feeling embarrassed over what she had done.

Why did I say I wanted him closer when I knew he has a girlfriend? Where was my brain at that point?? Even now, as she tried hard to push the guilt and remorse deep down in her psyche, she still feel like a disaster. And maybe...a little sad.

Her eyes hurts to see him walking over to the girl, but her heart hurts even more that she allowed herself to be truthful to him. Sure, he whispered 'I'm sorry, let me handle this for a second', and yes, he did came back to her awkward shifting with the same warm smile as before but Lisa can't help but feel a little stupid over it. 

Perhaps she seeks his mysteries a little too much that she forgot to acknowledge the wisdom in all of the love and pain poems she had read before. The red flags and its vileness for one's heart...the long suffering in all that's temporal - those things were written for a reason, don't they? From the myths of Greeks to the modern women, countless have rejected the same discipline that clearly, she herself had forgotten.

But Lisa hadn't knew anything resembling this. She never experienced such loss or burdened baggage. All that she knew were the things she had read or watched...or witness from her parents or the rest of the elders around her. Briefly she wonders if they all started the same way as she does.

The butterflies roaming in her stomach every time he smiles. The invisible halo on him every time he speaks - she couldn't tell if anything wasn't real at all. The way her heart and skin burns wild whenever he gets close enough...and my need to be there as if it's a dynasty he's allowing me to enter...only me.

The thought made her throat feels a little dry, so she got up and make her way downstairs. As she reaches the foyer of the house, a sound of her father's rattan chair creaked a little. She found her mother with a glass of water in her hand, eyes twinkling as if she's happy to know that her daughter can't sleep too.

Lisa went to get herself a drink before she came by. "Why are you still up, mommy?" It's already one in the morning.

"I like to sit in the quiet sometimes...some nights when I couldn't sleep," Her mother smiles squeamishly. "And it's my luck tonight - come sit with me and enjoy my view!" 

She sighed a smile before dragging the small cushion stool from the living area and sits beside her mother.

"Look at that," Her mother points out the window. The crescent moon shines brightly and beautifully in the darkness of night. The few lights of the town look like twinkling stars on earth. "I've been feeling more than blessed since we got here. You can't find this view anywhere in the city,"

"You are," It's all she could mutter since she felt the same.

Her mother turns to gaze on her. "We are..." Lisa felt the brush of the elders fingers in her hair so she smiles gracefully. "My beautiful Lis...you're the biggest blessing in my life, you know,"

She's quite used to her mother admiring her this way but for some reason, it sounds a little sentimental tonight. "I always try my best to not disappoint you,"

"Nothing you do can ever disappoint me or daddy, honey," 

Lisa pursed her lips, unsure on how to respond to it. If she's completely honest, it's sayings like these that burdens her. Her parents are always proud of her. Put her on the highest pedestal and figured that she'd forgotten the climb down. Only that she lived on her own long enough that it's probably the most that she remembers.

"Have I ever told you...what a bad mother I was?" 

The question caught her by surprise. Why would she suddenly say that?? Perhaps the expression on her face is obvious, seeing how her mother giggled after.

"My mother - your sweet granny - she was as typical as a wealthy woman would be. Beautiful, preppy and...boastful. She was also into superstitions. She'd go to the temple and asked for the day's lucks...met all these crazy women who are just like her - they have a group too!"

Lisa laughs along, recalling the old woman whom she only met four times ever since she could remember. She didn't know the lady personally well enough sadly, but she always felt like she did from the stories of her mother.

"She was so critical and finicky, the old wench! Everything on me and my sisters...everything that I became was her doing. Did you know that on the morning of my wedding day, she crossed out three tables of my guests to make more room for hers?" The sound of her laughter echoes in this high walls.

"Yes, you told me that,"

"She was a feisty one, but I have to admit that it helped getting respect in Buriram. Ahh...the town of happiness! Everyone's racing for it back in my days. How to earn more, achieve more...it's all we spoke about - how to be more so you could one day, eventually, embody the province's spirit! I can't remember ever despising it until I got pregnant with you,"

Lisa forced a smile - again, unsure of how she should be feeling to hear this.

"I was still young to her...and she had very little trust on me. She trusted her mythical, groundless group more, and she forced me to trust in them too. I don't think I've ever told you this...why I had to constantly send you away,"

Her chest suddenly feels heavy. "It's okay, mommy. It's not a bad thing,"

Her mother smiles warmly as she placed one palm on her daughter's cheek. "I'm sorry, my dear. I've lost so many years with you...over some crazy belief,"

Lisa frowns, not quite understanding.

"They told me that my child will bear a great burden...and the only way she can survive it is if she were to stand alone. They poisoned me with this tale for years, they said I'd be a terrible mother if I think of myself - as if it's my own selfishness to keep my own child close to me,"

What? But I thought...she and daddy - both of them said I couldn't go with them cus I needed school - that's all there was! What is she saying - a burden? What burden?? I never felt like there's any burden -

"I cried for so many nights until daddy can't deal with it anymore. He moved us away but I still can't get it off my mind. I fear...I fear if what they said will be true and I will lose you. I don't want to lose you...and I don't want to be a bad mother," The glint in her mother's eyes are hinting, and it makes Lisa feel like crying too.

"You're not, mommy! Never -"

"I gave you that name...Pranpriya...it means 'beloved soul'. These tellers - they told your granny to change it to Lalisa - the one who is praised. They said you are destined for greatness - to change a path of the unthinkable...and the only way you can do that is by us, letting you grow on your own. But no matter how much I try to convince myself all these years...you will always be my Pranpriya. My most beautiful, beloved soul! I'm sorry you had to be an adult sooner than you should have,"

A tear dropped unconsciously as she held her mother's hands and kissed them firmly. A whirlpool of emotions surround her shocked, heavy heart. Lisa finds herself recalling her own old memories. It's now weird to think about all her little experiences - one she thought she knew well and was what she believed was true. The many nights of missing an unknown something...even now, she'd feel the emptiness inside.

It's even weirder that she's living under some random superstitions made by a bunch of old and long-gone women, while she could have lived a totally different one with her parents. Imagine what that could be...imagine how much happier mommy could be? Then daddy won't have to build a home in some off-the-map village so she can be free of these thoughts. Was that why she drank so much before? Cus she felt like she's been a bad mother?

The worries are clouding her mind but no matter how idyllic the landscape she tried painting in her mind is, her intellectual can't help but embrace the reality that here, now, is where she's supposed to be. Perhaps it's the fact that her parents' decision to put her in boarding schools since she was little had done an amazing job at having her grasping this reality...or it could be that there's something else at work here. Fate...like what the books said.

...