Being at home has never felt like this.

It has always been a place where I can relax, where I am accepted and loved for exactly who I am. But this weekend, this visit is nothing short of hell. The rigidity in my posture is something I can't shake and my hands seem to tremor with every movement.

Amyas throws me encouraging glances every now and then from across the dinner table, and that gives me the strength I need to speak up.

"I've met someone." I blurt out, interrupting Luka's loud chomping beside me.

"Really? How thrilling. You should teach Walter, he's not left the house for two years." Luka says dryly, mouth still full of food.

Walter glares at him while West chuckles.

"I meet new people all the time." Walt mutters.

"Doesn't count if they don't exist." Luka says.

"At least my friends enjoy my company. What did George throw at you last week? A cabbage?" Walt says.

Luka's cheeks burn a slight pink.

"It was a cucumber, actually." He says matter-of-factly.

"Appropriate." West mumbles as Walt rolls his eyes.

The rest of dinner follows these lines and for once, I am eternally grateful. No one had really cared at all, I had worried for nothing. Or at least, that's what I had thought.

As I mooch into the living room after dinner, I stop suddenly at the sight of Everett on the sofa. Alone.

It's a suspicious sight.

He usually has one of our younger siblings fawning over him, doing their best to try his patience in the oldest game we know. But not tonight. Tonight, he's alone.

I know that I'm walking dangerous territory by staying in here. I'm a talker, I like to chat and catch up and I know without a doubt that I'll end up talking about Blue. It is so much safer to do introductions in person, where they can really get to know Blue. I bite my lip, shuffling backwards quietly as I attempt to escape the silence.

I curse lightly when I knock into the table next to me, rubbing my leg with a wince. When I glance up, Everett's gazing at me.

"Hey, Grey. Come sit." He invites, waving me over.

I hum unhappily under my breath, but nod as I come to sit by his side.

I fidget unbearably, my lips pursing together as I try to relax.

Of all my brothers, I want Everett to know the most. I want him to be proud of me, I want him to share in my overwhelming happiness. The only thing that stops me is the tiny seed of doubt. The whisper that echoes in the back of my mind, reminding me how awful life might be should Everett be disappointed. Should he not approve.

But he knows I'm biting my tongue. I can tell he knows.

And instead of looking at me persistently, or hounding me, he simply waits. He's leant against the back of the sofa with a care-free ease that is driving me bonkers. His gaze flickers to his phone carelessly, every muscle in his body relaxed.

I don't want to do this now. It'll be better if everyone's together, with mum around. Not here. Not Everett alone.

But every second of tense silence that passes somehow makes it worse. His unerring patience always guarantees him his reward, and in the end, I am putty in his hands.

"So, you've met someone." He says gently.

"He's my boyfriend." I say, a small thrill jolting down my spine at the word.

I stare at Everett, wide eyed as he turns to face me. His lips are already puckered into a smile, but there's an edge in his voice. It makes me shift in my seat. I should have known that it would never have been that easy, that of course Everett would be cautious and curious.

"What's got so you fidgety?" He asks, my cheeks warming instantly.

"Um..."

Everett hesitates for a moment, a calculating look shining in his dark eye. It makes me nervous again.

"Tell me about him?" He asks and I sigh.

"He's amazing. I've always found him attractive, but we've only been together for the last few weeks. It's going really well, Everett. And I...I know that you'll love Blue once you've gotten to know him, I know that I already..."

"Wait." He demands, interrupting me with a voice that has chills running down my spine.

It's calm and so collected, but I know better than to believe it.

Everett doesn't lose his temper often, having had the rigorous training of essentially rearing five younger brothers, but make no mistake, it's there. I tread carefully now, knowing this calm is merely a shallow pool hiding devastating riptides.

"Blue?" He asks and I nod, biting my lip.

"The guy at the coffee shop? The one who verbally abuses you?" He demands, a heartbreaking disappointment flooding his voice and I wince, exhaling shakily.

"The thing about that is..." I begin, but Everett's already shaking his head.

"No."

I freeze, staring at him. It feels like, suddenly, everything is happening in slow motion, my stomach churning as I process that one word.

"What?" I whisper.

"No. You're not dating him." He says simply, looking away as though the conversation is finished.

"Why?"

Everett whips around to look at me with an appalled expression.

"Because he treats you like shit, Grey. He's verbally abused you for years! Have you lost your mind?" He asks in an infuriatingly reasonable tone.

I shake my head, pursing my lips.

"You don't know..."

"I know enough. You're not dating him. End of discussion." Everett says calmly, standing up with a devastating finality.

I feel my whole world begin to crumble as I gape at him.

"You don't get to decide that! You're not my father for god's sake." I argue, my voice climbing uncharacteristically.

Everett laughs humourlessly.

"I don't need to be to know what's good for you. Did you honestly think that I was going to be happy about this? When you're dating a guy who is never going to be good enough for you? Come on, Grey, are you so desperately lonely that you're stooping to these lows?" Everett mutters.

But every word cuts like a knife as my eyes sting with tears.

I'm offended on so many levels, but my anger and hurt is choked in my throat, preventing me from speaking out. Because this is Everett. He might not be my father, but he is my eldest brother; the one person on Earth that has always put me and my brothers first. We live our lives in the shadows of his sacrifices, the gratitude we feel, unspoken, but weighing so heavy on our shoulders.

All I want in the world is for him to be happy, and at one point I gave up everything to make it so. My loss, my sacrifice overwhelms my aching heart all of a sudden and I crack.

"I gave him up." I choke.

Everett glances at me, stilling in place when he sees the tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Grey..." He says, but his tone is exasperated. He doesn't understand.

"NO!" I shout, and his eyes widen.

"I gave him up. I loved him and I gave him up, for you." I say.

I watch as Everett's expression melts into something akin to horror as comprehension settles in the air around us.

"I did it because I love you. I want you to be happy, more than I want anything else in the world, so I gave up my happy." I say, desperately clutching my chest, unable to stop the words I never intended to share.

"You don't have to give up anything! You get to keep him! All you have to do is be happy for me. Why can't you be happy for me?" I beg, shaking my head.

Everett's expression is crushed, pulled together with so much concern that he appears to have aged a decade and the thought makes me sob harder. I have never wanted to be a burden to my family, least of all Everett, whose existence I have already made harder than it ever needed to be.

I turn away, running up the stairs and away from the curious gazes of my siblings.

"Grey!" He calls, but I ignore it.

I slam my door closed behind me, sinking against the wood until I'm settled on the ground.

Only then do I really let my sobs escape my chest, my head cradled in my hands as I swallow the sounds of my sadness. The shame of my outburst flows through me, and I ignore the tentative knock on the other side of my door, knowing it'll be Amyas. I can't bare to face him.

I want to forget. I want to rewind the clock and pretend that this never happened, that I had never said a word.

But I can't, and the more I think of it, the more I despair.

Because Everett's right. It doesn't matter how much I love Blue, or how he makes my heart burn. The thought of my family, of Everett, disapproving, tarnishes that bright flame until it's nothing but a soft, grubby ember at the base of the fireplace.

My family mean everything to me, they always have, and they are the only constant I've ever known. When Everett said 'end of discussion', it was true, regardless of whether we agree or not.

Because I'd never risk losing them.

_

A/N

I'm sorry about making you wait for this update! It just wasn't quite working and, if I'm honest, I'm still not super happy with it. But I can't tinker with it all year, so.

I hope everyone's having a great weekend!