T H E       P A S T

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Incheon

Winter of 2006

Winter.

Hyuna associated the season with white snow made up of countless ice crystals , hot coffee cups nestled between her glove-clad hands while snuggled up in her room reading a book or writing in her diary.

She also associated the cold season with Christmas; her favorite holiday.

Growing up, Christmas holiday at the Kims consisted of countless snowball fights wherein her older brother and his obnoxiously irritating friend and their neighbour, Park Jimin teaming up against Hyuna only for Jimin to end up betraying his best friend because of her secretly bribing him with something or the other.

The holiday also meant Hyuna's mother baking her signature three layered cake in four different flavors, with Hyuna acting as her mom's sous chef and Jimin and her brother trying to steal the homemade chocolates and cookies they made.

Christmas meant that Kim Hyuna had a long week she could spend with her usually busy father, who always took a weeklong leave from his precinct during that time of the year to spend time with his family.

However, that one particular winter season when Hyuna was fifteen and Jimin was sixteen, everything changed.

Hyuna didn't really like high school much. It wasn't as if she was a social pariah or didn't have any friends because she had plenty. She was even one of the popular girls, mostly because of the fact that her brother and his best friend were practically royalty in their high school.

It was a fact which made her quite bitter because she hated that she was just Park Jimin's best friend's sister and not Kim Hyuna.

However, her sulky and miserable mood vaporized(partially, if not completely) the instant she saw his beautiful and angelic face in their school's corridors.

He had started making her feel as if her heart was sprinting and representing their country in the Olympics whenever she stole a glance at him.

It was a secret of course, the only secret she wanted to carry to her grave and didn't jot down anywhere even in her diary because she was afraid of being found out.

She was in denial at first. She didn't want to acknowledge the emotions brewing inside her whenever she used to see his eyes crinkle as he smiled.

The first time she discovered this startling revelation was a normal Monday, maybe sometime during the week after her thirteenth birthday. She was almost on the verge of fainting because she had skipped breakfast, late for school as she was.

He steadied her by grabbing her elbow as she wobbled out of the school bus. The sun shone behind his mop of brown hair and his dark eyes hidden behind gigantic black framed glasses, eyes glistening with a spark which made her breath hitch in her throat, the dark orbs so alluring, lined with a hint of brown.

She could even see the inky curls of his eyelashes as he blinked.

Maybe the red blush which dusted her cheeks back then was because she wasn't quite used to being in such proximity with a boy, their chests almost touching. Or maybe it was because she wasn't used to him being so nice to her.

One thing was quite clear though. From that day there was no turning back.

At some point during the seasons that passed, Hyuna decided to come to terms with the fact that she had feelings for her brother's best friend, the very boy who loved to tease and make her life hell with his pranks as they grew up together. 

Hyuna had managed to keep this a secret ever since her little epiphany of love towards a certain Park Jimin.

However, all of that changed during the winter break of 2006.

It was a warm morning for mid- December, the sun for once had decided to grace people with a few warm rays of sunshine peeking out from the blue-grey sky.

However, the warmth wasn't quite enough to melt snow which lined the driveways of people. It was Christmas Eve after all.

Jimin was at their house as usual. It was a common enough occurrence ; the fact that he was a sort of permanent fixture in Hyuna's house was known by everyone and while a part of her secretly enjoyed him hanging out at her place, she was always very vocal with expressing her displeasure at his visits. 

The very day the boy had arrived from Busan and moved into the house across theirs years ago when he was seven; Hyuna's brother and Jimin had become the best of friends while playing together at the park and discussing about their favorite cartoons. Since then, the duo were inseparable. 

"Mr. Park Jimin, your family will forget your face at this rate."

Hyuna grumbled as she adjusted the ornaments which decorated the huge green christmas tree placed smack dab in the middle of their living room. She was adding a few final touches to their tree to be ready for the evening party.

"This face is unforgettable, trust me love." Jimin languidly stretched his legs on the sofa where he was sitting, waiting for her brother to change his clothes so that they could go out.

"Keep telling yourself that. Being delusional is hardly something to brag about but you look stupid doing it and thus it pleases me." Hyuna retorted with a scoff.

"Lie all you want to but I know what pleases you is looking at this delusional face."

He piped up but she didn't reply as she feared the hot flush on her cheeks would give her away instantly.

She didn't turn towards him when she heard him get up and walk towards her. Her eyes suddenly found the gold and silver bells and balls and tinsel on the tree very interesting as his breath fanned the strands of her hair on the back of her head,

"This one should be placed here." He said, extending his arm and adjusting the said ornament on the tree.

His proximity clouded her mind and her senses, the familiar scent of his which she adored overwhelming her olfactory senses but in a good way.

However, it also made her thus lose her balance on the small wooden stool she stood on, making her body sway slightly.

Thankfully she didn't fall and regained her balance because she hopped down and hurriedly backed away from Jimin, making him frown at her in confusion.

"You almost made me fall!" Hyuna glared at him and his frown deepened as she huffed.

"Sorry."

His statement made both of them widen his eyes, because Park Jimin never apologised. To anyone, especially her who was usually the victim to all his and his best friend's schemes and pranks.

So, to change the topic, Jimin pointed up at the mistletoe topper which Hyuna had used and placed on top of the christmas tree rather than the usual glitzy star or angel.

"What's the deal with the mistletoe?"

He chuckled and Hyuna just shrugged and looked away to hide her blush. She had read about this in a novel, where the protagonist kissed her crush under the mistletoe under a christmas tree; like it usually happened in young adult romance novels.

Hyuna hadn't realised she had decided to use the idea too, she had unconsciously used the mistletoe topper this year.

But then again, maybe her doing so had to do with the fact that she had been staring at Jimin on the sofa from the corner of her eyes while working.

"Aww, has our Hyuna grown up? I'm guessing you want to kiss your crush tonight at the party..." Jimin drawled, his words making her blush several shades deeper and curse her pale skin which she inherited from her mother.

"Hey, let's go!" Hyuna's brother decided that moment was the best to make his descent from the stairs which lead to his and her rooms on the floor above.

"We're having an early dinner today because of the party so come back soon."

Hyuna reminded her brother who gave her a thumbs up over his shoulder as he slung his arm behind Jimin who sent her a two-fingered salute with a grin for a goodbye.

A few hours later, Hyuna was sulking as she nursed a hot cocoa in one corner of their crowded living room, her eyes straying again and again to the couple sitting side by side an chatting animatedly on the sofa.

Their parents always held a big Christmas party at their house and one could find all their neighbours at the Kim's on Christmas Eve.

The aforementioned couple consisted of Jimin and his high school girlfriend who Hyuna hated with a vengeance for obvious reasons even if the said girl was very sweet and friendly.

Park Jimin was a popular student in their high school, who even though had girls ready to line up for him but he had been dating Lia for quite a while; a couple of months because usually the boy couldn't date a girl for more than a week or two.

Thus, the fact that Jimin was still dating Lia made the girl more and more unlikeable in Hyuna's eyes, even if she always felt that her barely subtle animosity towards her crush's girlfriend was unwarranted, especially because the girl had always been polite with her.

Hyuna sighed, springing up from the chair she had chosen to seat herself in one corner of the room. She felt as if needed to go and search for her father's hidden stash of wine if she had to watch Jimin bestow his angelic smile on someone else.

Although Hyuna never did quite like the tangy bittersweet taste of alcohol which she had once sneakily tried  after catching The Kim-Park BFF duo (and later tattle telling on them) so she would probably just get another cup of cocoa. 

Stepping into the kitchen, she found her brother reaching for something in the fridge.

"Hey! Want some?" 

He had an evil glint in his eyes as he extended a couple of chocolate cubes to Hyuna. She eyed it along with the small tray in his hand suspiciously, wondering why on Earth her brother was being nice to her because the Kim siblings had a reputation of fighting with each other like cats and dogs. 

"Where did you get this? I know we distributed the batch mom and me made among the neighbours." Hyuna asked suspiciously, cocking an eyebrow.

Her brother grinned at her smugly as he proudly revealed that he made it himself. 

Hyuna should've seen the red flags risen in her mind then because her brother being the lazy ass he was, wasn't someone who would go to the trouble of making chocolates himself when he could just go and buy them from the nearest store. 

He wasn't really that big on Christmas spirit and even if he was, the boy would've probably burned the whole kitchen down if he decided to try his hand at  making homemade sweets.

However, Hyuna didn't realise it at that time. She just furrowed her brows as she saw him pop one of the cubes in his mouth and groan in appreciation. 

When she kept on staring at the cubes and his face, he simply shrugged and decided to walk away. However, Hyuna stopped him midway and snatched the chocolate mini tray from his hands. 

It was chocolate after all, and how else to nurse her wounded heart if not by consuming sweetened confectionery to increase her carb intake?

What naive Hyuna failed to realise, despite of all the signs being there like how her brother suddenly turned very sweet and offered her chocolates when he didn't even like sharing anything with her; was that eating those chocolates would lead her right to the path of regret.

And shame. Mortification, absolute humiliation.

Because those weren't merely chocolates. No, they had a high amount of alcohol content in them. 

Hyuna should've realised something was wrong the moment she ate the first one and unlike normal chocolates which left this silky sweet aftertaste in her mouth after melting deliciously on her tongue, the cube of chocolate left a tang of bittersweetness instead. 

Yet she didn't notice anything, mainly because her thoughts were occupied by a certain dark eyed boy who wore black rimmed glasses on the end of his nose and a turtleneck sweater; one whose smile made his eyes disappear and her heart overreact.

This was thus, how she found herself finish the whole tray of chocolates.

Which was certainly not a good idea, if you fast forward to an hour or so later.

Hyuna felt her head spin, thoughts becoming muddy and jumbled as she wobbled out of the chair she was sat in and  towards the christmas tree, lit up and in the middle of the room. 

Most of the people had left to gather in the dining room and help themselves with the assortment of food her mother had prepared, and she thought she could hear some bustling in the kitchen which would be her mother or brother but she was too far gone to care. The living room was empty and so was her heart.

She plopped down on the floor, just near all the gifts under the green tree which was twinkling with tinsel and ornaments and lights. 

Her eyes landed on the mistletoe topper and she sighed, feeling hot tears suddenly drip and blur her vision, making her eyelashes stick together for unknown yet known reasons.

A face flashed in her mind, the face of her crush with a girl who was clearly not Kim Hyuna, making a clawing feeling arise inside the pit of her stomach. 

Hyuna was not a silent bawler. She wasn't those classic young girls of novels or TV shows who wouldn't even smudge their makeup while crying because she was a messy crier along with being very vocal about it. 

Her nose usually became red and starting running, and that coupled with her raccoon eyes was certainly no pleasant picture.

Hence, she really knew fate must've had it out for her because that was the moment when she saw someone extend her a hand.

The arm led to a face she was quite familiar with. A face which had been irritably starring in her dreams quite a lot these days. 

Park Jimin.

She took his warm hand but didn't get up, she pulled him down next to her instead in an act of bravery she wouldn't have committed if not for the awful lot of alcohol swimming in her system.

 "Woah! Hey you..." he trailed off when he saw her face properly. He had heard her cries but he didn't really think or know that she was actually crying; her face all red, tears streaking her pale cheeks.

"Hyuna." He whispered her name softly. He didn't ask her why she was crying. No, he politely tugged on her hand and put an finger below her chin to raise her reluctant lowered eyes to meet his.

Hyuna blinked a lot, the pounding and chaos in her head miraculously halting for a moment as she peered into his eyes behind lenses, as she stared at his beautifully handsome face- the way that his mop of dark hair almost fell into his eyes but not quite, the way that his eyelashes dusted his cheeks as he blinked and the way his plump lips looked so kissable...

Before she realised what she was doing, Hyuna leaned towards him, making his eyes widen like huge golf balls.

 She giggled at the silly thought which popped into her mind; one which made her speculate whether his marvelous eyes would pop out of their sockets as her nose almost touched his.

Hyuna closed the gap between them after staring into his wide eyes for a brief moment which lasted just a second, her lips finally brushing against his soft ones.

Christmas eve of 2006, with the snow gently falling outside the fogged up windows and the famous mistletoe topper above their heads as witness, Kim Hyuna shared her first kiss with a boy she liked.

***

Seoul

Summer of 2012

That particular summer was a perfect fit for a summer romance.

Hyuna was young and just about to start her second year of college. The summer break of 2012 was eventful in many ways in her life- Her brother got street casted and dropped out of college to pursue a career in modelling in his last year, she got a part time job in the college library and  had a secret summer fling.

The summer break felt like it lasted for ages. Hyuna didn't want it to end. 

Summer of '12 for Kim Hyuna was filled with summer parties in her college dorms because she was one of the people who didn't go home for the break; a summer of enjoying Seoul for what it had to offer before her term started; a summer filled with crescent moon eyes crookedly grinning at her, cotton candy soft hair brushing and tickling her face as she nuzzled into the mop of hair of her lover.

Park Jimin.

It was bound to happen. The two had decided to never mention about what transpired between them that drunken christmas years ago; a wordless agreement they had mutually made without even talking about it. 

Seasons passed, their lives went on and so did high school; with Hyuna's embarrassment at having kissed a taken boy quickly fading along with her tucking away her crush into an abandoned corner of her heart, one where she seldom lurked. 

Lia and Jimin breaking up before the New Year which came after the  eventful christmas was a news that did briefly spring up hope in her heart, but when Hyuna saw Jimin go back to his new-girl-each-week ways, she gave up by consoling herself with the fact that the beauty of one-sided crushes is that she has control on when to end it.

Or she thought she did. 

Because a summer night years later made all those memories and feelings which she had locked up flood her once again.

That summer she learnt the previously unthinkable possibility of Park Jimin reciprocating what she felt for him.

Kim Hyuna had just been asked out by the Australian exchange student in her department, one who was staying back for summer classes too. She hadn't seen it coming, so she had given him an affirmative response.

She didn't realise that the news would reach Jimin. He wasn't even in her department, he was majoring in Business Studies.

And apparently, Jimin was not happy.

"We need to talk." was what he had gritted out to her as he grabbed her wrist to drag her away when she came out of the lecture hall after attending one of her summer classes. 

He had been standing there waiting for her, leaning against the wall, his cotton candy locks falling into his eyes which he impatiently pushed back with his ringed hands. 

He wore a striped top and jeans ripped at the knees and incited many looks from the female passerbys because he was Park freaking Jimin, someone who could make anyone fall for him with his charms.

"What's your problem?" Hyuna huffed out in vexation when he led her to the fire escape stairway and closed the door. 

"You're going out with Adams." Jimin stressed on the surname as he narrowed his crescent moon eyes which disappeared just like they did when he smiled, but this time with an emotion completely different from the one when he grinned.

"His name is Ethan. And even if I am going out with Ethan Adams," Hyuna corrected Jimin, scowling as she continued, "what's that got to do with you anyways?"

"Well, everything!" Jimin raised his palms up in the air. "You just can't go out with him specifically." He stressed on the last two words but Hyuna was confused.

"Care to explain?" She raised her eyebrows at him but he just glared at her. 

"This is quite hypocritical of you, " Hyuna huffed, "you and my brother dearest are known as the two playboys of our campus, ones who change girls every week and I can't go out with a decent enough handsome guy?"

 Hyuna sighed after a while when she realised she wasn't going to get an answer from him. She told him she would talk to him later when he was being sane and reasonable as she walked away, clutching her books and notes.

However, that later came much earlier than expected for her because that night, Jimin showed up on her dorm room doorstep.

"Jimin, what are you doing here–" 

Her words were cut off when he grabbed her face with his ringed fingers and crashed his lips down on hers.

His sweet plump lips were the same as she remembered. They moulded with hers perfectly as he kicked close her door and before she knew it, her pale fingers had knitted themselves in his light pink hair locks, his hands sliding down from her face to her waist to leave no space between their bodies.

Hyuna didn't want to leave any space between them too. She tugged him as close to her as possible. 

It felt natural as the duo found themselves tangled up on her messy bed, most of her books pushed away and on the floor. It felt natural when Jimin peppered her body with hot kisses; when sweat clinged to their bodies as he made love to her. 

During that euphoric moment when Jimin snuggled his face up against her neck and whispered sweet nothings in her ear, Hyuna felt that maybe, just maybe the two of them were meant to be. 

Her feelings had never gone away, they had just been suppressed by her for so long that the moment their lips met again, the emotions she thought had fizzled out bubbled up to the surface.

She didn't know when Jimin had realised he was attracted to her, when did he start having feelings for her was an unknown mystery to Hyuna but when she saw the look in his dark eyes as he gazed at her and cupped her cheeks, she didn't care.

The moment was right. The timing was finally right.

Just before falling asleep, just before succumbing to slumber wrapped up in his arms, Hyuna thought she heard him whisper something unintelligible in her ear, tickling her with his breath but she brushed it away as incoherent sleep talk.

That summer night Hyuna and Jimin realised that they simply couldn't stop their feelings from simmering over; couldn't stop the inevitable.

They couldn't help but fall.

Together this time.