"Should all oppressed people be allowed refuge in America? Johanna will take the con position.  Clove will be pro.  Clove, two minutes."

"So. O.K.  Like, right now, for example, the Haiti-ans need to come to America.  Some people are all, what about the strain on our resources?  Like, when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right?  I said RSVP because it was a sit-down dinner.
But people came that, like, did not RSVP, so I was, like, totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day, it was, like, the more the merrier.  So if the government could just get to the kitchen, and rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haiti-ans.  May I remind you that it does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty?"

"Whoo!"

"Yeah!"

"Thank you very much."

"Johanna, reply?"

"Mr. Haymitch, how can I answer that?  The topic is Haiti, and she's talking about some little party."

"Hello! It was his 50th birthday."

"Whatever.  If she doesn't do the assignment, I can't do mine."

"Ladies. So, does anyone have any further thoughts on Clove's oration?  Elton, comments?"

Yeah, I can't find my Cranberries CD.  I got to go to the quad before somebody snags it."

"I'm afraid I can't permit that.  Any further insights?"

"I have an insight, Mr. Haymitch."

"I'm all ears."

"O.K., like, the way I feel about the Rolling Stones is the way my kids are going to feel about Nine Inch Nails, so I really shouldn't torment
my mom anymore, huh?"

"Yes, well, it's a little off the subject of Haiti, but tolerance is always a good lesson.  Even when it comes out of nowhere.  And with that in mind, I'm going to distribute your report cards.  Now, is there a Finnick Odiar in this class?"

"Mr. Hall, the buzz on Finnick is that his parents have joint custody.  He'll be spending one semester in District Four and one semester here.  I think it is a travesty of the legal profession."

"Thank you for that perspective, Clove.  Could all conversations please come to a halt?  And could the suicide attempts please be postponed till the next period?"

Suddenly, a dark cloud settled over first period:

"I got a C in Debate?  Glim?  Did you get your report card?"

"Yeah. I'm toast. How did you do?"

"I totally choked.  My father's going to go ballistic on me."

"Mr. Haymitch was way harsh.  He gave me a C-minus."

"He gave me a C, which drags down my entire average."

"Bye."

"I'll call you."

Isn't my house classic?  The columns date all the way back to 1972.  Wasn't my mom a Betty?
She died when I was just a baby.
A fluke accident during a routine liposuction.  I don't remember her,
but I like to pretend she still watches over me.

"Hey, Mom. 98 in Geometry. Pretty groovy, huh?"

Yuck! The maudlin music of the university station?  Wah wah wah!
Yuck! What is it about college and crybaby music?"

"Hey. Who's watching the Galleria?  The flannel shirt... Is that a nod to the crispy District Five weather?  Or are you trying to stay warm in front of the refrigerator?"

"Oh, wow, you're filling out there."

"Oh, wow, your face is catching up with your mouth."

"I went by Dad's office."

"He is not your dad. Go torture a new family."

"Just because my mother marries someone else doesn't mean he's my father."

"That's exactly what it means."

"I hope you're not thinking of staying here."

"I sure want to.  I got a place near school."

"Shouldn't you go to school on the East Coast? I hear girls at NYU aren't at all particular."

"You're funny."

"Hey! You just got here, and already you're playing couch commando."

"In some parts of the universe, it's considered cool to know what's going on in the world."

"I so need lessons from you on how to be cool.  Tell me that part
about Kenny G. again."