When I returned to the hotel, I made an effort to be quiet as I unlocked the door, in case Ito had fallen asleep. I patted her guard atop his shoulder strongly and nodded my thanks to him before I slipped inside. I found her asleep in the bed, the lights off, but the TV running through a movie with the volume down low. She had intended to wait for me, and though it wasn't late, it seemed she had felt safe enough in the environment I had provided for her to fall asleep without me. I felt like that was enough for me.
I got into the shower, washing the sweat from the training session off my skin and out of my hair as quickly as I could. Without bothering to get dressed after, I carefully slipped into bed beside her, rearranging her as she slowly woke so I could lay her down in my arms.
"Kazu." Her voice was quiet, breathy, and full of sleepy contentment as she acknowledged me. She made room for my body around hers, reached her arms over my shoulders and around my back to hold me.
I let my fingertips wander over her skin, tucked them under the waistband of her underwear, not stopping until my hand was flat against her skin. "I thought we were spending the rest of the night naked."
I abandoned my suspicions of her. I had experienced women faking an interest in me one too many times. I knew what it felt like to be used for my money, my status, or my body. She felt different. The expressions I witnessed on her face when she was lost in me; she couldn't fake that. The way she fell asleep in my arms; she couldn't fake that either. So I allowed myself to love her just the way I wanted to, to hold her close to me during the night because she was precious, and I wanted to protect her. By the time the morning light came in through the window, we were wrapped up together in pillows and blankets, and I had never felt so satisfied with any other moment in time in my life.
I woke slowly, not interested in moving from my position halfway under her, her face tucked into the space between my chin and collarbone, her arm and leg draped over me. I let her use me however she wanted. From the first time I slept beside her, just to offer her a familiar presence and comfort, she had been so peaceful. Even when she wasn't convinced she could trust me, her primal instinct told her otherwise. I had a feeling she knew I mutually loved her even before I realized it myself. She had hardly woken up after I got into bed with her, satisfied to let me do as I pleased, knowing I had her best interests in mind as well. I hoped she remembered it.
Shibuya belonged to Oda-kai as well, located right beside Shinjuku, and I was on my guard. I wore my suit, my pin, and I wore on my sleeve the knowledge that should anyone recognize what I was, it would put us in an unsavoury situation. I wanted to use the opportunity to lure out anyone following Ito, anyone in pursuit of me. I wanted to force them to show themselves because they couldn't handle how bold I was. That was part of me. The other part of me just prayed to have an uninterrupted day providing Ito with happiness.
"First, we get you a phone, okay?" I said to her, taking her hand as we exited the hotel. "It's important, and I'm sorry I made you go the night without one. Especially when I left for a couple hours."
"I know you had one of your men outside the door the whole time you were gone." She leaned over to peer at my face, smiling like she was in on a secret. "Thank you for making sure I was safe."
I simply smiled, trying not to look as embarrassed as I was, and draped my arm over her shoulders to invite her in close against me as we walked. My other hand was in the pocket of my pants, and she reached up to hold my arm in place. "I wasn't too worried about not having a phone." She continued. "I hardly noticed. The only time I worried was right after you left. I thought, if something happened, you wouldn't be able to call me. But then I told myself you would obviously call the room."
"I wouldn't have." I didn't want to put ideas into her head about the reality of how I lived my life. I wanted her to remain in her ignorance and keep telling herself everything would be fine. But I didn't want to lie to her. "I wouldn't want to tip anyone off as to where you were."
"So how would I find out if you left me somewhere and something happened?"
I half shrugged my shoulders. "I just wouldn't come back."
"Kazu..." I realized I had answered her more directly than I had meant to. I had meant to spare her feelings, even the slightest. They way she said my name was almost mournfully, and I knew she was genuinely upset at the thought that every time we parted ways, the painful truth was that she might never see me again. Just the way she said my name made me feel like I needed to offer her something.
"Akari, the only reason I wouldn't come back to you is if I was dead." Not if I was with someone else, not if I was tired of her, not if I was injured or too far away. The only reason I wouldn't return to her was if I was dead.
When we arrived at the electronics store, I took her hands and untangled us, then gave her a gentle push to encourage her. "Go crazy." I said to her. "Take a look at everything, and pick whatever one you want."
She started walking slowly, but cast a look over her shoulder at me as I lingered in the doorway. "Whatever I want?" I nodded once. "What's my budget?"
"Akari!" I laughed at her display of shyness. "Whatever you want."
I had turned my phone off. I didn't want to be called, I didn't want to be tracked, and I didn't want to do my job. I had turned it off days ago, and the peace it gave me was addicting. I took it out of my pocket to glance at the black screen, a hint of my reflection in it, and wondered what I was doing. I knew what I was doing, though. I was going rogue because I didn't think I could trust anyone. I was going to cut my way through every obstacle until I discovered the reason why I couldn't trust anyone, and I was angrier still at whoever or what ever it was that put doubt in my mind of even the woman with whom I shared my bed.
I kept my eyes on her, as she toured the few rows of devices, picking them up to inspect them, leaning over to the read the description cards. I was aware that I had stopped surveillance on the area around us, stopped caring what type of person passed by, stopped looking for any faces in the crowd that I recognized. I was only concerned about her. I was only concerned about the dress she was wearing that flattered the curves of her body and the colour of her skin. I was only concerned with how neatly her hair was brushed, how dainty her makeup was. It seemed pointless to care about anything other than that. I also became aware that I was allowing myself to form habits of a person on the run.
"Kazu!" She called for me and waved, indicating that I should stop hovering in the doorway of the store and join her. She was holding one of the model phones, and pointed to the description card next to it. "I think this one is best for me. What do you think?"
Since she was asking for my opinion, I read over the card and searched deep into my limited knowledge on the subject to try to give her an honest answer. I wouldn't have bothered to burden her with my thoughts, but she asked. "It's a good phone." I said. "It has good specification, everything you need. But don't you want something a little more luxurious?"
She pointed at the price tag. "This one is enough, don't you think? I don't need luxury."
"I did tell you not to worry about the price, though, didn't I? You don't need luxury, sure, but you have me." I didn't want to have the conversation in the middle of the store, so I said enough, and I hoped she caught the deeper meaning. I leaned in a little closer to her, kissing her cheek to make anyone watching uncomfortable enough to stop. She enjoyed the closeness though, and pressed her back into my chest. "I'm the reason you need a new phone anyway, so just use me for my money this one time." I said quietly into her ear.
She breathed a laugh through a beautiful smile, and reached up to place her hand gently against the side of my neck. It was the kind of smile, the kind of gesture, that only a woman in love with a person would display. "Fine." She said. "Since you insist. You've just done so much for me already, I want to be careful to never take advantage of your kindness."
"You're hilarious." I let go of her, trying to retake my position in the doorway of the store, but I realized she had a hold of my suit jacket. "You realize we're here for the day. You're going to have to let me buy you a few other things."
She was already waving the shop attendant over to tell him what phone she wanted, still with her fingers curled into my jacket. Even as she followed the shop attendant to the counter, she pulled me with her, and I made no arguments about it. I paid for the phone in cash, thinking about the possibility of opening myself up to being tracked if I used a credit card. We went to sit in a coffee shop close to the store to give her time to set up the new phone, and give myself time to familiarize myself with our surroundings again. The hit of caffeine in such a delicious format with such beautiful company was just an added bonus.
"Kazu, are we...family?" She had been quiet, staring at her phone. She had taken my calling card out of her purse and was holding it, I assumed because she wanted to put my phone number into her contact list.
"Hm?" What a deep question she had asked without realizing.
She turned her phone to me so I could see the screen. The contact list was displayed, as I expected, and I saw my name at the top. It was still my full name, Obata Kazuhide, typed in the accurate kanji characters. She hadn't bothered to give me a nickname or try to hide me at all. I wondered if she had a sense of pride for having my name so close to her. "My new phone wants me to put all my contacts into categories. Look, family, friends, work. There's no category for boyfriend."
"Put me under the work category." I knew the look I was giving her as I spoke was a little too intentional.
She laughed. "I will not."
"Why are you using my full name?"
"Why wouldn't I? It's your name."
I decided not to pester her on the topic. It was useless. She was innocent to what my name represented, and no matter how many times I would tell her to be careful about her association with me, I had already put her in danger. "You call me Kazu now, so why not put me in your phone as that?"
She looked at her phone, then back to me. "Oh. I don't know. Giving you a nickname seemed disrespectful. You told me to call you Kazu, but you didn't tell me I could refer to you as Kazu to other people." She held her phone out so I could see the screen again. "So what category do I put you in?"
"Akari, listen." I reached across the table and took the card out of her fingers, holding it up so she could see it. "Do you realize what this means? Do you really understand who I am?"
She took the card back from me and held it against her chest. She put her phone down on the table and leaned back in her chair. "I used to." She said. "I used to be scared of you."
It wasn't the answer I had expected. "The Yakuza is a family before it's an organization. It's even more of a family the higher up in the ranks you get. And I'm about as high up as I could be. Even though I'm not the leader, I'm doing all the work of the leader. I'm being set up to take over. We take care of each other, we watch each other's backs, we don't disrespect each other. And there are consequences if someone breaks the rules. We respect each other's ranks, and we share the wealth. We all earn, we all take care of our families outside of the organization. It's like one big blended family with all the members."
Her attention was steadfast on me, either trying to learn as much as I would offer her, or waiting for me to make my point. I thought it must have been both. I kept as much of my work from her as I could, but I began to wonder why I felt the need. I wanted to protect her. I wanted her to know nothing so that she would be useless to anyone who wanted to get to me, but that tactic was out of date as far as she was concerned. She was a stronger woman than most, and she was prepared for whatever I had to throw at her. She wouldn't be satisfied knowing only half of who I was. She was patient, but I knew she didn't want the novelty of who I was in a suit to wear off. She had been waiting for me to reveal it all.
"You've been trying to stay out of reach." She spoke cautiously, as if she was trying to get a reaction from me before she was finished speaking. "I've noticed that your phone is off all the time, and you haven't been going to your businesses."
I nodded, but I knew it was evident to her how embarrassed I was. "I didn't do it on purpose. I just don't want to be found right now. There's something going on in my family that's corrupt, and I need to find out what it is. I'm tired of pretending that everything is running smoothly while we're struggling to keep control of our assets and our opposing syndicate can so easily infiltrate us. That means no one is really that loyal."
"I can see that you have a lot on your mind a lot of the time." She said. "Is that what you've been thinking about?"
"I know what needs to be done, but I'm just working up the courage." I breathed a laugh, but it was only because I couldn't believe what was running through my head. "That's all I'm going to say about it for now."
She nodded firmly, a gesture to say that she understood the topic of conversation was closed. "Well then, boyfriend. I'm going to put your contact in the family category."
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