Having a mate and not being around them sucks. I know I need Connor, and I even accept it, but he hurt me. If he can't trust me to be true to him, then how can he trust me with anything else? I need to know he understands that this isn't just some small mistake, but possibly the biggest wrong thing he could ever do.

That being said, this is the worst day ever. I have a major headache, and my level of irritation is through the roof.

"Soph?" Lily sits down beside me as she places her plate on the table. "Are you okay?" I respond eloquently, which, in my state, means that I grunt at her like a gorilla. She turns to Trish, who in turn sighs at Lily.

"She is having withdrawals. It happens when you're away from your mate. It can eventually drive people insane." Trish looks me over carefully. "Hopefully they'll make up before this gets to that."

Lily nods and begins stuffing her face. We three sit in silence, but then I feel a strong burn in my chest and the entire hall falls to a hush. I lift my head to see Connor walk in, looking just as miserable as me. Hunter is walking beside him and they seem to be chatting. Connor notices me and I look back down at my food. I miss him so much. It's hard to sit here, and stay here, when he's in the same area, but I have to. I am probably being stubborn, but so what? I haven't given him any signs that I would leave him. I've always been with him, even to the point of possible smothering. How could he even possibly think that I, of all people, would leave him for someone else? Trust is huge, and I deserve to be trusted.

I hear footsteps approach me from behind and turn my head to see Hunter. "Hey, Soph, can I talk to you?"

"I'll be right back girls." I say as I stand up. Trish and Lily nod and I wave then turn to give Hunter a small smile. "What do I owe the pleasure of talking to you about today"

Hunter guides me out of the room and out into the hallway. When we stop, he turns to me. "I was worried about you. It's no secret to me as to what happened and I just want to know if you're alright."

I sigh and nod. "I'll be just fine, I'm just running a bit low on energy."

He nods quietly and glances back to where we just came from. "Connor didn't sleep much last night either. He also hasn't said a word since yesterday." A bubble of worry forms in my stomach and I have trouble swallowing it. "I was hoping that maybe you could get him to talk?"

For a few seconds I just stare at him. Sometimes things are more difficult than you want them to be. "I guess I'll see what I can do."

Hunter nods and gives me an encouraging smile before he escorts me back. "He's your mate Sophie, he's bound to get jealous. If I remember correctly, you've had your moments of jealousy too. It's a normal feeling, you just have to understand that it's not him believing you're going to leave him, it's him believing that Philip will convince you to leave him."

I groan and when we walk in, Hunter gives me a motivational pat on the back before shoving me towards Connor. 

I send Hunter a quick glare, then, as quietly as I can muster, I approach Connor and take a seat. "Hey." I say in a soft voice.

Connor's eyes flick up to me and his facial features relax just a bit. "Hey, is everything alright? Are you okay?" He begins visually searching for anything, but I shake my head and try to hide a small giggle. He's still as concerned and adorable as ever.

"Yeah, everything's fine, I was just worried about you." Connor's slight smile falls and he nods.

He clears his throat and looks back down at his untouched food. "Oh. Well, I'm doing alright. You don't need to worry."

I let out a frustrated sigh and get up to place myself beside him. "Stop. Just, stop." He looks up at me, confused. I let out another frustrated noise and place my hands in my hair. "It hurts that you don't trust me, but we need to talk. I don't know what to do to make you trust me. All you seem to want to do is get jealous and angry all of the sudden, along with keeping secrets. I don't hide things from you. You know everything, yet you keep things from me. I should be the one having problems trusting you!" I yell out loud, forgetting where we are. Connor quickly pulls me up and out of there, but he stops only when we're back in our room.

Connor begins to pace and runs his hands through his hair, He grumbles at himself, pretty much looking insane. Eventually he looks at me and comes towards me to grab my hands. "It's not that I don't trust you, I do. The problem is that I.." He stops himself and begins mumbling again.

I look up at him and notice the anger mixed with frustration. It's something that I've seen in him more often than not recently. "That you what, Connor?"

His eyes focus on me and he sighs in defeat. "I have done some stuff that you might not approve of, and I'm afraid you'll leave once you know. The competition isn't helping."

My face scrunched up in confusion as I stare at him. "There is no competition, and some stuff? Like what?"

Connor pulls me towards the bed and we sit down. "When you died, I took off. I couldn't stand seeing you dead. I wouldn't. I was gone, for days. I didn't know you were alive until I came back, and even then I didn't believe it. I had watched you die in my arms." I nod at him and place my hand over his. Goddess only knows how I'd react if he were to die. "Those days that I was gone, I was pretty messed up. I didn't care about anything. You were gone, and that meant that I wouldn't see you smile ever again. I would never get to kiss you again. Most importantly, I would never get the chance to truly be with you. That messed me up more than anything, never getting to have kids or see you walk down the aisle straight towards me. My whole idea of how life would go was shot down, cut up, and served to me on a silver platter." Connor watches our hands as I rub tiny circles on his hand. He gently lifts my hand up, and places a kiss on it. "I thought I had lost you, forever."

Connor remains silent and I look him over. Just talking about this is giving him problems. "What happened when you left, Connor?"

He looks up at me, a silent plea in his eyes. "I can't tell you. You'll leave."

I stand up and kneel down in front of him, holding his hands. "If this were the other way around, there's no telling what I would do. You had basically gone rogue, it's not your fault. Your wolf was upset and did whatever it thought would make things even the tiniest bit better. Stop thinking I won't understand and tell me." I lean up and kiss his cheek. "Even if I don't like it, it's in the past. You've moved on and have grown. I'm alive, we're both healthy and safe, and we're both here, together."

Connor nods slowly and stands up to get off of the bed. I sit back down and watch him. "I was angry at that man." He looks to me, a desperate look in his eyes. "I wanted to kill him, I actually still do." I nod and gesture for him to go on. "In my anger, everyone looked like an enemy. I was set to kill... and that's what I did. I killed rogues, and I didn't care. Then I came across a man. I didn't care that he was human. He was flesh and blood, and I was so angry that I couldn't push past the red and see that what I was doing was wrong." He looks down at the floor, his arms hanging limp at his sides. "I killed a perfectly innocent and healthy man. It still haunts me, to this day."

I stand and walk to him. "Good, it should be a bad memory, but that doesn't mean I'm going to leave you for it. You know it was wrong. You feel guilty and remorseful. That itself is enough for me to know your wolf was acting on impulse, not you." I grab one of his hands and weave my fingers through his. "I'm not happy about it, but I probably would have done the same if I was in the same situation." I smirk at him. "You act like I'm not one of the most understanding people on this planet."

Connor smiles with relief and pulls me to him so he can bury his nose in the crook of my neck. "I love you, Sophelia Sinclair Desperte."

Being so far away from him, seeing how torn up he is, I can't ignore him. I'm the only person that can make him feel comfortable. With him going through all of this, I can't just abandon him. Besides, I still need to find out the deal between him and his dad.

I run my fingers through his hair slowly. "I love you too, Connor. I love you too." And I'll always be right next to you.