cw: mention of animals in captivity, mention of bad mental health

—1

sometimes,
i go on with life doing the same old things i always found myself doing— and it's reassuring, of course.
but it actually isn't. it's like i've wrapped myself up with ribbons, tied up to a certain place on the ground without being able to move an inch. i'm afraid to move. i see the clouds, moving fast. they're not afraid. do they feel what i feel?

—2

animals in captivity show stereotypic behaviour. they may pace or spin or dance or do whatever, just because they're used to it. oh, it's also a sign of bad mental health.
you'd think, for a person who could add "over thinking" to a list of skills, i would think about stuff like that. i haven't. not really. i refuse to, because i'm afraid.

—3

oh to have the courage— no, not the courage
to have the bravery! no, no
(to have the heart)
if only i had what i should have in order to step ahead, things would be great.

—4

people who are spontaneous
are so ethereal
they speak their mind and heart freely, without second guessing everything
i've always immediately adored these people
they don't let any rules dictate their life
they don't let routines push them to a corner
worries is not something they have
people tell me i am spontaneous and that it's a wonderful quality. but why don't i feel like what i just described?