note: listen to the music once you reach the beach scene... it makes everything a lot more emotional!

Clouded Distance
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Breaking Point

Of course, her parents were ecstatic that she'd been accepted.

With hugs and kisses and many 'I'm so proud of you's,' Hana felt like she was being smothered. She didn't bring up her conflicting reactions to the letter, knowing that her parents wouldn't understand. Instead she kept her facade through dinner, smiling and accepting their praise as they'd expected her to.

As soon as dinner had finished, Hana told her parents she was going to visit Makoto. Her acceptance letter in hand, she dashed out of the door before they could respond. She needed to talk to him; he'd understand why she was in such turmoil.

His parents invited her right in, and she quickly made her way to his room.

"Makoto!" she cried, not even knocking before she entered.

Makoto was seated at his desk when she entered. He lurched upwards, swivelling his chair around to see her. Once his eyes rested upon her shaking, fearful frame, he was over by her side in an instant. His arm around her shoulder, he gently guided her to his bed and sat her down. "Hana? What's wrong?" he murmured, gently rubbing her shoulder.

Hana produced the acceptance letter she'd just received, placing it into Makoto's hands. "Read this."

Hana was silent while Makoto took the letter, reading it over. Shortly after reading it he looked at her with widened eyes. "You were accepted?" he exclaimed. "Hana, that's great! Out of everyone who applied - what's wrong?" he inquired, upon realising Hana was still as shaken and upset as she had been upon entering the room.

"But that's the problem, isn't it?" she whispered. She stared blankly at her hands. "I've been accepted... What am I going to tell Haru?"

A soft inhalation of breath came from Makoto, and she knew he realised the same thing she had. "Oh..." he murmured. Gently, he wrapped an arm around her, squeezing her gently. "Come here."

Hana bit her lip, momentarily trying to fight back the tears, but she gave up almost as soon as she started. She buried her face in Makoto's shoulder, letting her her frustration and worry out as she cried, her sobs filled the room.

"I'm so scared to tell him when he's already so unsure about his own future!" she cried, her body shaking with her sobs. "How will he react? I'll be in Tokyo while he still has no idea how to deal with his life!" She squeezed her eyes shut and gripped tightly to her best friend's shirt. "I don't know how to help him, Makoto, I just don't know! I'm his girlfriend but I still don't know how to help him!"

"It's okay, Hana," he murmured, gently rubbing her shoulder. "I understand."

Hana sniffed and wiped at her eyes. She lifted her head slightly off Makoto's shoulder. "How could you understand? You said you were going to the local university... You're not going all the way to Tokyo!"

He smiled at her sadly. "But I am."

"What?"

Hana blinked, stunned momentarily. I hadn't been expecting that... he'd told me it was likely he'd be headed for the local university. What happened to make him change his mind?

As though sensing her thoughts, he elaborated. "After helping out at the swim club... I realised that's what I want to do: the teaching side of swimming. I'm going to a university in Tokyo to be able to do such a job."

Hana gasped. "You're going to Tokyo too?"

"Yeah."

She sighed, her shoulders slouching forward. She braced her weight with her elbows on her knees. "We're both leaving this place, then," she murmured.

"Leaving Haru."

Hana looked up at Makoto from his side. "Is he going to be okay with this?" She buried her face in her hands, feeling at a complete loss. "Oh Makoto, I'm worried about him! What can we do?"

"I don't know, Hana," Makoto admitted. "I don't know."

***

It was strange, heading for a celebration festival after everything that had happened recently.

Yet there they all were, headed for the beach where lanterns were being released into the air. She, Makoto, Rei and Nagisa had agreed to it the previous day, and decided to drag Haru along just to get him out of the house. 

Hana almost felt silly as she'd dressed up and put ribbons in her hair. What did she really have to celebrate recently that required her to dress up? Besides, dressing up in yukata made her think of the festival last year, when Haru called her beautiful for the first time. It was funny, she thought almost bitterly. They hadn't even been dating then, and she'd felt closer to him then than she did now, when they were dating. 

The sky had been beautiful when they'd arrived, alight with the glow of hundreds of lanterns. People stood by the shore, watching the lanterns pass, the glow reflected in their own eyes. 

"It's so beautiful," she breathed. She wanted to just look at the lanterns forever and forget what had happened over the past week. 

"Hey, Haru-chan," Nagisa said. His voice was lower and more serious than usual. Hana had hardly ever heard Nagisa adopt such a tone to his voice before. She bit her lip and she knew at once the issue he was about to bring up. Reluctantly she tore her eyes away from the spectacle in front of her.

Haru looked across at him. "What?"

"Before we swim at nationals, there's something we want to say," Nagisa continued lowly, looking at Haru straight in the eye. "Because I get the feeling we can't swim as a real team there unless we do."

Hana's stomach clenched. She already knew what the two were going to bring up. It was something she'd been wanting to do for a long time but had never had to courage to.

"Haruka-senpai... both Nagisa-kun and I have admired your swimming for a long time. Watching the way you swim so free and unbound by anything, I found myself wishing I could swim that way as well. But now you're no longer able to swim freestyle, your swimming just isn't like you anymore. We want you to be able to swim in front of the whole world, so that more people can see your swimming. And then, if more people were able to see your swimming and be moved like us, and wish they could swim like you, too... I couldn't imagine anything more wonderful."

Haru stared at them. Hana's breath was caught in her throat. Would he listen to them? Did he have any idea just how worried they all were for him? Would he let them in?

Her brief, desperate hopes were soon shattered with Haru's muttered, "I don't understand you."

He turned and walked away from them without saying another word.

"Haru-chan..." Nagisa murmured.

Hana stared at the staircase where Haru had left, her chest tightening. I can't leave him like this, I just can't. He may not know it, but he needs us, more than ever. She went to go after him.

"Hana." Makoto placed a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, and saw he wasn't looking at her. Instead he was looking in the direction Haru had disappeared. "Let me talk to him."

"But -"

"I've know him as well as you, Hana." He squeezed her shoulder lightly. "I'll handle this, don't worry."

Hana bit her lip. What Makoto was saying made sense. He'd known Haru the longest out of any of them, and was probably the one who understood him best. Even though Hana understood him well, she couldn't make up for the years Makoto had known him.

So she smiled sadly and nodded. "Okay."

Makoto squeezed her shoulder one last time and went to confront Haru.

*     *     *

Hana sat on the beach, her knees drawn up to her chest. She had wanted to be alone and had told Nagisa and Rei not to follow her.

The light sea breeze pushed back the loose strands on her face. She had been fighting back tears the entire time; tears of frustration, hopelessness, fear and sadness. 

Hana had selected a place where Haru and Makoto had disappeared, so she could see when they came down. She sighed, rubbing her forehead and resting her chin on her knees. She pressed her knees closer to her chest, as though that might be able to help chase away the emptiness in her heart.

A flicker of quick movement caught her eye. She raised her head slightly and saw a figure run down the stairs. She peered closer, unable to make out who it was in the shadows. The figure slowed to a walk when they reached the end of the stairs, and Hana gasped as the moonlight fell on them, and she recognised who it was.

"Haru," she gasped.

And Hana didn't know what impulse she was acting under, but she had scrambled to her feet and was running after Haru as though her life depended on it. She nearly tripped over the hem of her yukata numerous times, but she wouldn't let that stop her. Her sandals were annoying her, but somehow they managed to remain on her feet as she ran.

"Haru, wait!" she yelled.

Fortunately, he turned, ocean blue eyes widening slightly as she came to a stop in front of him, her hands on her knees as she regained her breath. "Hana? What is it?"

Hana gave herself a moment - both to catch her breath and her courage. After a few breaths she straightened up, looking imploringly into Haru's eyes. "Where are you going? Why are you acting like this?" she asked, putting as much of her desperation and heartache into her words as possible. Tears threatened to spill but she ploughed on. "What's wrong, Haru? Why are you shutting us out? Why are you shutting me out?"

Haru turned away. "Not you as well. I'm not -"

"But you are!" Hana all but screamed at him, knowing full well what he would've said next. "How long is it going to take for you to understand this? We're not forcing you to do anything! We're just worried about you! We want to find something you're happy doing because we care for you! We love you! I love you!"

Her voice cracked on the last sentence. It was strange. They'd been dating for a year, but Hana never had the courage to mutter those three little words. Now she was screaming them at him.

When I told Haru I loved him, I didn't think it would be in a situation like this.

Haru rounded on her. "Why are you all shoving this down my throat when you don't even have your future planned?" he demanded, his own voice breaking slighlty.

The words hit her, a full-on slap in the face. Hana lowered her eyes, and her gaze became fixated on her feet. Her throat was thick and she didn't know what to say. 

Suddenly, she realised not telling Haru about her scholarship application was the worst mistake she had made in her life, and that included not going near the water for several years. By not telling Haru... goodness, she was going to hurt him so much after she told him this.

Her heart beat erratically in her chest. Her hands shaking slightly and her gaze still locked on the ground in front of our feet, Hana swallowed and choked out, "But... I do."

She tensed up after she spoke, as though preparing for retaliation. Instead, all she was met with was silence. Hana apprehensively lifted her eyes and saw Haru was staring at her, incomprehension in his blue eyes.

"What?" he asked her eventually. Hana didn't like his tone; it was deathly calm, like the calm before the storm.

She shifted her weight from foot to foot. "I... I just got accepted for a scholarship, for this university in Tokyo," she murmured. "It's got a really good writing course and could really help me with my future..."

Hana's words trailed off as she looked him directly in the eye. His eyes were a mixture of hurt, anger, sadness. They were like the sea during an uncontrollable storm.

Haru turned his back on her. "Do what you want," he muttered, already starting to walk off.

"Haru, wait!" Hana lunged forward and gripped on to his arm. Haru tried to rip free of her grasp but she held on like it was her lifeline. "Please!" she begged, trying to convey all her desperation through her words. "Please! Don't just run away! We need you! We need to to get out of this, to feel better!"

Haru wrenched his arm free of her grasp. Hana cried out and lunged for it again, but this time her hands grasped only empty air.

"Stay away, Hana!" Haru yelled. It broke Hana's heart to hear his voice: she sounded so broken. "Just stay away! I don't want to hear anymore of this, I don't want to see you!"

Hana gasped. "Haru -" she whispered.

"I don't need any of you to tell me this! I don't need you, Hana!"

Hana blinked. She was stunned. The were like a punch to the face, and she had received the brunt of its impact straight away. She wasn't shocked - more numb than anything - and the words didn't take time to sink in. The words were a punch in the face, a stab to the heart, all at once. The water was closing in on her just like it had when she was a child, and she couldn't breathe, couldn't comprehend what was going on.

But Haru wasn't there to save her anymore. He couldn't pull her out from this.

"Fine," she whispered. Her voice was cracked, hoarse, and her throat was thick. She was struggling to speak; she could feel hot tears burning in the corners of her eyes. "If that's how you feel. I guess I shouldn't bother you for much longer, then."

Without even looking back, Hana spun on her heel and walked away as quickly as her legs would allow. Then, when she rounded a corner, she broke out running. 

She didn't care where she might be going or who might see her, all she cared about was getting as far away from Haru as possible as the tears began their steady path down her cheeks.

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we all knew something like this was coming...
haru reacted like that because 1, he's under a lot of stress and 2, he's just had the fight with makoto... he isn't exactly in his best frame of mind at the moment, unfortunately </3
but hana really isn't feeling good at the moment... any thoughts about what will happen in the next chapter? there are only a few more chapters left to go...