Clouded Distance
Chapter Twenty-Five
Falling Apart

The race was over. All the other swimmers had clambered out of  the pool, and Haru got out last. Hana flinched as she saw the way Haru walk - all eyes were on him, and she could hear the whispered conversations in the stands. 

Without any further prompting, the brunette spun on her heel and sprinted in the direction of the locker areas.

"Hana!" She heard Makoto yell, and caught sight of her friends scrambling out of their seats to spring after her, but she didn't care. Haru was going through something difficult, and she needed to be there for him.

As she dashed through the halls, thoughts flew through her mind. Why didn't I notice how he was feeling? I should've noticed! I'm his girlfriend, I'm supposed to be there for him! Hana winced, recalling those telltale signs Haru had displayed before Regionals. I should've noticed. I should've been there for him! I should've helped him... how come I only realise now, when it's all too late?

Blood pounded in her ears and she made the cast corridor to the men's locker room. She gasped and clutched the doorframe, looking inside, needing to see Haru. What saw witnessed, however, caused her to lose her breath.

It wasn't until the blood receded from her ears that Hana was able to make sense of the situation unfolding before her.

Haru and Rin, at close quarters. They were arguing, and Rin was yelling. In the corner of her eye, Hana was aware of Makoto, Nagisa and Rei approaching, but all her attention was on her two friends in front of her.

"Then what do you swim for?" Rin was demanding, his voice rising with every word.

"I swim for myself and for my friends!"

Rin clenched his fists. "Then swim for those friends, and for your own sake! Do you not understand that what you do out there is going to impact your future?" His voice was increasing with every word, Don't you have a dream? Take this more seriously! I know you could -"

Haru's teeth were clenched, and his eyes had narrowed with every word Rin said. Then, in a sudden action, Haru slammed his fist again a locker door.

The sound rang in Hana's ears, vibrating through her body. She inhaled sharply and fought back tears. She had never, ever seen Haru as angry as that. What had happened to make him break down like this!

"You're the one that doesn't understand!" Haru yelled back. "What dream? What future? It's you who cares about all that! I'm not you! I don't have any of that!"

Rin was frozen in place. Haru's words might have just been a slap in the face. Without looking back, Haru turned and made his way toward the exit.

Hana stepped forward. "Haru..." She whispered. She reached out to grab his hand, then retracted her own as she thought better of it.  

Haru sighed. "You guys were in here?" He closed his eyes. "It's okay. Nagisa, Rei, Hana, Makoto. I'll swim the relay with you. That's what I've come this far for."

Hana frowned and wanted to speak more, but a warning hand was placed on her shoulder. She looked back to see Makoto shaking his head slightly. Now isn't the time to be pushing it, his eyes seemed to be saying.

"Come on," Makoto said. "Nagisa and Rei still have their races."

*          *          *

Rei's butterfly race had just come to a close. Hana sighed and leaned forward, resting her head in her hands.  Despite Nagisa putting every ounce of effort he had into his swim and Rei achieving a personal, best, it still wasn't enough to qualify for Nationals. Hana bit her lip. They'd all trained so hard... it was hard to see everyone's downcast expressions at the end of their races.

But it's not over yet. We still have the relay!

... The relay I'm not even sure Haru would be okay for.

Despite claims that he would be fine, Hana was still worried for him. No one had brought up the incident in the lockers - they probably wanted to address it later - but Hana wasn't so willing to let it slide by so quickly. She wanted to be there for Haru and talk to him about it, but wasn't sure how to go about it.

The next race was called; Rin's race. Hana watched her red-haired friend take his position on the stands. She glanced out of Haru in the corner of her eye, but he showed no change of expression. 

When the race started, Rin quickly started to pull ahead of the others. He really was in a league of his own, Hana thought, as he only put more and more distance between himself and the others. 

She was so enthralled in her friend's race that she almost didn't notice Haru turn and walk out of the stands. 

"Haru!" Hana called. She leapt forward to follow him, but was pulled back by a sudden grip on her arm. The brunette whipped around, and wasn't surprised to see it was Makoto who had grabbed her.

Makoto's eyes were distant and sad, but still he looked at her and said firmly, "Hana, it might be wise if you left him alone."

"Alone?" she repeated. She seethed and narrowed her eyes. "Does he look like someone who should be alone?"

"No, but -"

Hana ripped her arm free of Makoto's grasp. "No, Makoto," she said through gritted teeth. "Haru needs me. I'm not leaving him alone."

Before her friend could say anything else or before anyone else in their group noticed their argument, Hana spun on her heel and made a dash after Haru.

In her brief talk with Makoto, Hana almost lost sight of Haru. But as she ran into the corridor, she caught sight of him slipping outside. She ran after him.

Outside, Haru had found a bench to sit on, in a rather quiet, secluded area. Hana approached and took a seat next to him. She covered his hand with one of her own. "Haru?"

He looked at her. "Hana."

Hana blinked. "Why'd you lie to us?" She asked in a whisper, her voice cracking. "I only wanted to be there for you..."

He wasn't able to meet her eyes. "I'm sorry."

Hana frowned. She hadn't been able to decipher his tone of voice. But she decided not to push it. She wanted to talk to Haru about it, but if he wasn't ready to open up... Maybe, just being there for him would be enough. 

"You'll be able to swim the relay, right?"

"Of course. Please, don't worry about me."

Hana chuckled weakly. "It's my duty to worry," she murmured. "Not just because I'm your girlfriend. I happen to care for you deeply and be concerned for your well-being. I only want you to be happy, Haru."

She squeezed his hand. After a pause, Haru squeezed it back. Hana rested her head on his shoulder, having no idea what else to say. What could she say without making it feel like she was pressing him?

Well, actions were supposed to speak louder than words. If she just let him know she was there and that he wasn't alone... would that help at all?

Hana hoped that it would; she didn't know what else to do.

The two of them sat there, the sun warming their backs. The air was silent apart from the occasional call of a bird or rustle of leaves in the gentle wind. Hana rubbed circles on the back of Haru's hand, trying to remind to him that she was there. If the events of Regionals hadn't just happened, Hana would've thought of this as a very relaxing situation.

The brunette closed her eyes and allowed herself to believe for a split second that it was just herself and Haru, sitting in the sun and enjoying the peace and each other's company. For a fraction of a second, she was able to convince herself that's what this was; a peaceful moment with her boyfriend.

However, their peace wouldn't last forever. Hana just about jumped a Mike when a voice suddenly yelled, "Answer me, Sousuke!"

Hana's eyes widened upon recognising the speaker. Rin. Why's he yelling at Sousuke?

After exchanging a quick look with Haru, Hana peered around the corner of the vending machine. Rin and Sousuke were standing just behind, with Rin glaring at his friend. "Why did you lie to me and transfer back to Samezuka?" he redhead demanded heatedly, hands clenched into fists by his side.

Hana gasped slowly and retreated back behind the vending machine and out of sight. She knew that if she was seen, it would only make the situation worse. This was a moment between Sousuke and Rin they probably wanted to keep anyone else from overhearing, considering that they'd brought their conversation all the way out here.

We shouldn't be out here. Hana knew that, but she somehow couldn't bring herself to move. A quick glance at Hary let her know he felt the same way.

Squirming with her guilt, Hana continued to listen on.

Sousuke sighed. "The two of us are rivals. It's better if we're not on the same team," he began. "That's what I always thought. That's why, when you transferred to Iwatobi, I didn't say anything and just watched you go.

"I continued swimming hard all throughout middle school. Since you were fighting hard all on your own in Australia, I thought I had to work hard to make my own dream, too. Even when your letters stopped coming after awhile, I never lost faith that you would break through any wall you faced."

Hana bit her lip, thinking back to what Rin had told them about his time in Australia. Why wouldn't he have confided in Sousuke, who sounded like he was Rin's closest friend?

"When I got to high school, I intensified my training even further, so that I could make my own dream come true," Sousuke said. When he next spoke, Hana was sure she could hear the small smile in his voice. "And I was sure that when I finally stood on the international stage, you were be there too, Rin.

"So I continued my brutal training every day. By that time, there was no one left who could beat me." He paused, and a heavy silence fell over their area briefly. "That was when it happened.

"I started sending something was wrong with my shoulder. I ignored it and kept in swimming. But it made itself known more clearly by the day." Sousuke sighed. "How could I give up over something like this? I still had a long way to go to get stronger and faster than anyone else." He exhaled heavily. "And then, at last, my shoulder broke down completely. It happened in the summer after tenth grade." Sousuke laughed bitterly. "Of course it broke down.

"It was around then that I heard from Gou. She said you had come home. But I didn't want to see you. You were the one person I couldn't bear to see me broken down like that." He breathed in shakily. "Physical therapy, breakdown, physical therapy... I repeated that pattern everyday. I even started to miss tournaments because of my condition." Hana winced. She could hear the pain and all the regret in Sousuke's voice, and it was pulling hard at her heartstrings. "My teammates started surpassing me. My impatience grew by the day. I was miserable. Then one day, I realised that my dream was never going to come true."

Sousuke's voice faltered slightly. A pregnant pause hung in the air before Sousuke drew in a deep breath and finished.

"I decided to give up swimming."

Hana slapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her gasp. Beside her, she saw Haru stiffen. Their eyes remained locked for a moment, blue focused on brown, as the weight of Sousuke's words sank in.

I knew his shoulder was bad, thanks to Kisumi... but I never imagined it was this bad! I thought it was a minor injury, something that could be fixed after treatment and physio... I didn't think he'd have to give up swimming because of it!

Hana's heart went out to Sousuke. To think, he'd spent his life training and devoting his life to swimming... he'd set his goals and dreams for the future, and it had all revolved around swimming. To learn that he couldn't keep those

"Give up... swimming?" Rin choked out, breaking the silence that had fallen.

"Yeah," Sousuke confirmed sadly. "But before I did, I went to see you swim one more time. It was last year's Regionals."

"So you saw that race..." Rin mumbled. Hana bit her lip, recalling last year as they watched Rin struggle and come last.

"Since you shared the same dream is had, I wanted to watch you swim one last time," Sousuke said. "But what I saw was you in pain. I couldn't imagine how you'd become like that. I'd always believed you could over come any obstacle and keep pushing forward. So what had happened to make you this way?" He lowered his gaze. "But I heard you. You said you'd quit. I wanted to call out to you, but I couldn't. But then, during that relay with Nanase and the others..." His tone sounded a little brighter, more alive. "You came to life, and swam like you were a totally different person. You looked so different, laughing together with your friends. In that moment, a new hope was born in my empty heart. As tiny as it was, it was a new dream. A dream to swim with you again. Back then, I wasn't able to see how precious it was to swim with friends. I'm going to give up swimming, but before I do... I want to truly become your friend. Rin, your friend!"

There was silence momentarily.

"Why didn't you tell me this for?" Rin yelled, though he voice was breaking. "Why did you hide it? Why?"

There was a pause, and Sousuke smiled. "Because I knew you would cry."

"I'm not crying, you idiot." But contrary to his claims, it sounded like Rin was struggling to speak through his tears.

"Hana, let's go," Haru murmured suddenly, standing up. "It's not our place."

"Oh, right." They'd eavesdropped for long enough. They needed some time alone to process the information. Hana nodded once and stood up, her hand still holding on to Haru's.

With one last look over her shoulder, Hana followed Haru and quickly and silently as she could.

They headed back for the venue. Hana briefly checked her watch. It was almost time for the relay to start.

They stepped indoors again, and continued to walk side by side. When they reached the stands, she paused in her tracks."I need to leave here." Hana smiled softly and stood up on tiptoe, pressing a brief kiss to Haru's cheek. Her hand held on to Haru's and she squeezed it, desperately trying to convey just how much she cared for him in those simple gestures.

Haru squeezed her hand back, which raised Hana's hopes a little. Dropping back down to the balls of her feet she whispered, "I'll see you later. Tells the others I said good luck."

"I will." Haru turned around and headed in the direction of the pool.

Hana lingered in the entry to the stands. For a moment her eyes remained glued to Haru's retreating figure, unable to tear her eyes away.

He'll be fine, she told herself. He has the others to support him, there's no need to worry.

With that, she turned and headed back to the stands.

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sorry for the rushed ending! i ran out of time to write it, but i'll come back and edit it soon!