Clouded Distance

Chapter Eighteen

Letting it Out

Hana stood at the end of the pool, her breaths coming to her in ragged gasps. Her hand hands clasped themselves above her head as she tried to make things easier to breathe for herself, allowing easier access of air to her lungs. She felt as though she were made of jelly.

How hard have I been pushing myself? I haven't felt this exhausted during a normal practice for quite a while.

She breathed out heavily, followed by a sharp breath inwards. Breathe in, breathe out. Hana repeated the routine, her heartrate and breathing rate slowly beginning to return to normal.

"Hana, you're working hard. Take a break."

Hana looked up, and saw Gou crouching on the edge of the pool. Her friend's eyes were narrowed slightly and she pursed her lips, assessing Hana's exhausted state.

A break sounded so lovely, so tempting, but Hana resisted the urge and shook her head. "I can't," she stared firmly. "Prefecturals are just around the corner."

Gou raised one eyebrow, and folded her arms over her chest. Hana gulped a little. She hadn't dealt with Gou in this mood for some time now, and it wasn't something she wanted to experience right now.

"You're exhausted," Gou pointed out. "If you won't have a proper break, then at least take the time to have some sports drink to keep your energy up."

There's no arguing with her while she's in this frame of mind. Though her determination was definitely an asset as manager, it turned Gou into someone you didn't want to argue with. Hana thought back to that incident with the bento inspections and shuddered. After that, she had taken special care and thought while preparing each and every one of her meals. She was definitely eating better now.

Left with not much choice, Hana heaved herself out of the pool, wrapped a towel around her body, and followed Gou so she was seated at one of the benches surrounding the pool. Gou handed her a sports drink. "Thanks, Gou," Hana murmured, uncapping the bottle and proceeding to take a large gulp.

It wasn't until the liquid passed down her throat that Hana realised just how thirsty she was. It took all her self restraint to not down the entire bottle then and there. The flavoured water wasn't as refreshing as normal water, but Hana knew the sugars would kick in soon to give her that boost of energy.

"Any reason you've been training so hard lately?" Gou asked, while Hana continued to sip at her drink.

Hana swallowed her current mouthful and paused. She thought over her words before speaking. "Well... I'm behind everyone," she murmured. She absentmindedly spun the cap of her drink bottle around the rim. "And when I say everyone, I mean everyone. I doubt anyone competing will have such a short experience to swimming like me. I only have a limited time to close that gap. I want to use each second to my advantage."

"Aren't you taking it too seriously? If that's all you think of, swimming is going to become boring."

"It won't." Hana looked at her friends in the pool, and then at the friend sitting beside her. A smile lit up her face. "I've got those guys, and you, by my side. Swim club is what I look forward to each day. I want to spend as much time with you all as possible in the pool... and that's why I'm training so hard. So I don't have to quit as soon as prefecturals finish. I want to go as far as I can."

Gou smiled. "You've still got your joint manager position," she pointed out. "It's not like you'll have to give up the swim club entirely."

"It just won't be the same, you know?"

There was only two or three mouthfuls of her drink left. Hana brought the bottle to her lips and gulped it all down. She gasped once she'd drink it all, since she'd done it in one breath.

Placing the now-empty bottle to the side, Hana smiled at her friend and stood up. "Thanks for the drink, Gou. I'd better get back to training."

"Okay. Train hard!"

Her smile widened into a grin. "You know I will."

After readjusting her cap and placing her goggles over her eyes, Hana took her place by the edge of the pool. She crouched down into her diving position, narrowing her eyes in concentration.

Then she leapt from the edge and plunged into the water. She resurfaced with a gasp, and continued her training.

*          *          *

Training continued. Hana pushed herself harder each session, determined to keep up with the others and to make it through prefecturals. She was managing a steady time, which Haru, Makoto and Gou all assured her was a good time and would most likely get her through prefecturals and into regionals.

Hana felt a little guilty about neglecting the writing club - she'd talked to Hikaru, but he told her that he understood. They were managing fine without her. He told her she could pop in whenever she could spare the time - her big writing piece was out of the way, after all, and she needed to focus on her swimming.

Finally, there was one day left to go. Training had been hard that day, with everyone making their last minute preparations and fine-tuning their strokes. Hana was pleased with her progress and hoped it would be enough to get her through to regionals.

When practice finished, Gou had them all gather around.

"At last, the prefecturals are tomorrow!" Gou declared, her voice loud. "Everyone, please make sure to get plenty of rest today! And Hana," Gou's eyes met hers directly here, a hard glint to them, "do not stay up late." Hana flushed and siddled a little closer to Haru. "We'll meet tomorrow in front of the venue at eight o'clock sharp! Tardiness is strictly prohibited! Is everyone ready?"

"Totally!" Nagisa exclaimed before anyone else had a chance to open their mouths. "We're fired up and ready to go! We even got our new matching swimsuits!" Nagisa indicated to his and Rei's new swimsuits which were, indeed, matching.

Makoto laughed. "True. Then, let's go over the schedule one more time." Suddenly, he was in captain mode. "The first day will be for individual events, and the second day is the relay. Our individual entries are: Nagisa in the one-hundred metre breastroke and Rei in the one-hundred metre butterfly." The two of them nodded in conformation.

"Hana's in the one-hundred metre freestyle." At this, Hana grinned, but butterflies filled her stomach at the reminder. She was ridiculously nervous for the next day. The nerves she felt for the public tournament were nothing compared to what she felt now.

"Haru will swim the one-hundred and two-hundred metre freestyle, and I'll do the one-hundred metre backstroke and two-hundred metre freestyle," Makoto finished.

"But Tachibana-kun, why did you choose the two-hundred metre freestyle instead of the one-hundred?" Miss Amakata asked.

Makoto laughed wryly. "Because I have absolutely no chance against Haru in the one-hundred metre."

Hana too chuckled at this, but her eyes travelled over to where Haru stood. An unreadable expression was on his face. She frowned momentarily. She had never considered how Haru felt about racing against Makoto. 

Anyway, why was Makoto swimming freestyle anyway? Backstroke was his speciality, and he achieved his best times in the backstroke. Why the sudden desire to swim free? And, more importantly, why was it so important that he swam against Haru?

"Makoto-senpai, you've worked really hard and spent more time training every day to prepare for the freestyle, haven't you?" Rei voiced. Hana dragged herself from her thoughts to pay attention once more to the conversation.

Makoto laughed. "Though I still fell like it isn't enough to compete with Haru." Despite his light attitude, Hana caught something in Makoto's eye, something she couldn't quite place.

Their conversation disolved soon after that, and they headed to get changed. Once she was wearing her school uniform again, Hana checked the time. When she got home, she planned ony to blow-dry her hair before she turned in early. She'd need all her strength for tomorrow. 

When she rejoined the others, they all conversed easily - until they had to separate. While Gou, Rei, and Nagisa left to head to the train station, a strain settled over their remaining group of three. Hana bit her lip, instantly knowing the cause of it. 

Tension was high in the air as they walked home. Hana walked slightly behind Haru and Makoto, her eyes flicking between the two of them. The tension was so thick, she could've taken a knife and cut through it. She tried breaking it on several occassions by attempting to start conversations, but her attempts always fel flat. She wasn't very surprised. They were poor excuses for conversation starters, anyway.

Hana eyed her boyfriend and her best friend with narrowed eyes. What is going on between these two? They've never been like this around each other. They know each other so well.

The waves crashed against the beach next to them. Makoto slowly brought himself to a stop. Surprised, Hana did too, and it took a little longer for Haru to realise Makoto was no longer beside him. He turned around to look at Makoto, questions in his eyes. Hana bit her lip

"Hey, Haru." Makoto lifted his eyes, staring at Haru's directly. "I have a request."

A request? Hana's stomach twisted. She was ready to intervene should the situation become too tense.

Haru stared at Makoto with wary eyes. Makoto cleared his throat before he spoke. When he did, his was staring directly at Haru, his eyes narrowed slightly, and his voice surprisingly firm. "In the two-hundred metre freestyle tomorrow, I want you to race me for real."

Hana blinked. What? Whatever Makoto had been going to say, she had most definitely not been expecting that. 

Haru barely showed emotion, but Hana could pick out changes to his facial features: the slight widening of his eyes, and the shocked glint they held. "Why?" he demanded, after a fairly lengthy pause. Haru's eyes narrrowed in determination, wanting to get directly to the point, "Why did you suddenly decide to compete in freestyle? Do you want to battle me that badly?"

Should I cut in now? Hana sucked in a breath before deciding against it. Makoto needed to get this off his chest. 

"When this summer's tournaments end, we third-years will have to retire from the club," Makoto said, his voice still even and firm. "So before that happens, I wanted to have a real race with you."

Haru still didn't look fully convinced. "Why do you swim?"

Makoto smiled. "Because I want to swim with you, and with Hana, and all my friends. But, tomorrow -" Makoto paused, and his expression hardened slightly.

"I will swim to best you."

*          *          *

They spent the rest of the walk in awkward, uncomfortable silence. Hana walked between her two friends, sending sideways glances at them both.

When they reached Makoto's house, he farewelled them in his usual cheerful demeanour and disappeared. Haru moved on, but Hana lingered, her eyes glued to Makoto's door.

"Hana?" Haru's quiet voice caused her to look back around. 

Hana sent a small, apologetic smile his way. "I'm going to talk to him," she murmured. "I'm worried about what he just said."

Haru didn't even look surprised. Maybe he had expected her to do something like this. It wasn't like her to just stand by when she knew there was something wrong with one of her friends. "Okay."

Hana walked up to him and they embraced, she burying her face in his shoulder. "I'll see you first thing tomorrow." She looked up, planting a brief kiss on his lips before reluctantly pulling herself away. "Goodnight," she murmured.

"Goodnight. Sleep well."

"You too."

Hana watched Haru leave, before she turned and walked up to the door.

When she knocked on the door, she was met with the smiling facings of Ren and Ran. Makoto's parents hardly bat and eye when she entered. They knew her well, and were used to her turning up at odd hours to talk to her oldest friend.

After briefly greeting his parents, Hana made the trip upstairs to Makoto's bedroom. The door was open, and she lingered in the threshold. Makoto was lying on his bed, and was staring blankly up at the ceiling.

"Makoto?" she called softly.

Makoto looked across and gasped. "Hana," he greeted. He sat himself up. "What are you doing here?"

"You know very well why. "

Hana walked over and dragged a seat next to Makoto's bed and plonked herself down. Crossing her legs, Hana rested her elbows on her thighs and leaned forward, peering intently into Makoto's face.

Her friend flushed slightly, and looked away. He knew exactly why she had come here. "Hana..."

A sighed passed her lips. "Makoto, that wasn't like you at all. Why..."

"I don't know." Hana opened her mouth, quite ready to say she was most definitely not just going to take that for am answer, but fortunately Makoto continued to speak. However, she noted that he found it difficult to meet her eyes. "I've never had the chance to swim a serious race against Haru... and, since this is third year, it's my last chance to do so."

Hana stared at her friend for a while and then laughed, shaking her head slightly. "Makoto... you idiot," she sighed. She leaned forward a little more. "Why do you want to have a serious race, anyway?"

He shrugged. "I don't know."

"You'd better not be hiding anything from me, Tachibana Makoto! I've known you since childhood; I'll be able to tell."

"You're one to talk, Hana. You're keeping something secret, as well."

The words hit home. Shoot. We do know each other too well. Hana struggled to maintain her calm, steely composure, but couldn't stop the instinctual nervous bite of her lip. "What makes you think that?" She winced at her voice. She detected the slight tremor behind her words - something Makoto would pick up at once.

Sure enough, Makoto's green eyes narrowed. "Something has changed about you, ever since that day our literature teacher called you out after class," he murmured. "Don't try and lie and tell me it was nothing. I've also known you since childhood, you know."

Hana paused, biting down a little harder on her lip. A small taste of blood entered her mouth - she'd bitten through the thin skin there.

After a while, Hana sighed and rested back her her chair. A rueful smile crossed her lips. "Makoto... you know me too well."

It was Makoto's turn to lean forward and study her with a critical, observant eye. "So? What is it that you're so desperate to hide?"

Knowing there was no backing out now, Hana explained the scholarship situation to Makoto; how she'd sent it a week and a half ago, and knowing the university she was applying for would've received her work and would be reading and comparing it to the works of others by now. She found herself rambling on about it to the point where she had to force herself to stop, or she and Makoto would have been sitting there until the time they had to meet at the venue the next day.

And if that had happened, Gou would be very, very mad.

When she finished her explanation, Makoto's eyes had widened and he grasped her shoulders. "Hana, that's great! Why are you hiding something like that that from us? Opportunities like that don't come around very often, you know."

She sighed, looking down at the floor. "I know. But... I'm scared about telling Haru." She flushed. "I just, don't know how he'll react. His reactions to anything related to our futures outside of school haven't been the best. I don't need to tell him now, I mean, it's really unlikely I'll get the scholarship anyway, since lots of other talented writers are competing for that position... I'm sorry, I'm rambling now."

"Hana." Makoto's voice was gentle, calm. A large, warm hand was placed on her shoulder. "Calm down."

Hana looked up, and gasped as she found herself being pulled into a hug by her best friend. She didn't even hesitate to wrap her own arms around him. She squeezed her eyes shut and inhaled the scent of his shirt. His familiar scent calmed her right down. I have Makoto, that scent reminded her. I'll always have Makoto. We've had each other's backs since we were little. No matter how crazy things get, we'll find a way. We'l all find a way.

"I understand," he murmured. He squeezed her gently, and the last of the tension in Hana's body dissolved.