A couple of weeks have passed since I moved out of Nadine's apartment, since I read the letter. I've gone back and forth with myself, torn between reaching out with a letter of my own and just leaving it to rest. In the end, the latter option won out, although not really by my own choice.

I squint painfully behind my sunglasses, my eyes raw and swollen. My heels sink in the soft soil of the cemetery, the heat beating down on me extra strongly, dressed head to toe in black. Father Jack reads one of Nana's favorite Bible passages but I barely hear the words, too busy staring at the dark wooden coffin in front of me. If I hear the words, they'll be real, and I'm not ready to let go of Nana just yet.

I guess I knew the end was coming, and Nana had always said she just wanted to live to see me graduate from college. So I can't really complain, but still, the emptiness I feel in my chest begs to differ. Nadine squeezes my hand tightly as Gemma leans her head on my opposite shoulder. Kim rubs slow circles on my back to comfort me, but I'm barely aware of my friends presence. Not that I'm not grateful, I just can't think of anything except how hard it is to breathe.

As we bow our heads to pray, I blink back tears, knowing it's much harder to keep them back when no one is watching. My chest aches, I miss her so much. I thought losing Mom and Dad was hard, but losing the last family I had left is even more devastating.

The priest calls me forward and I place a single red rose on her coffin, taking a moment to truly say my goodbyes. "I'll miss you forever, Nana." My voice cracks before I step back to let others lay down their roses. Abigail from the nursing home, along with other staff and some other families with loved ones there, step forward and I'm reminded that Nana was loved. Not just by me, but by so many others. The thought is slightly comforting, but ultimately doesn't do much to numb the ache.

I take a deep breath, feeling a tear glide down my cheek. Tuning out most of the services, I try to focus on memories of Nana that make me smile. Her insane obsession with professional baseball and wool socks, her loud laughter and witty comments, the way she could make any situation seem like a positive. After I'm not sure how long of distracting myself, the crowd begins to thin and people drive away, leaving me standing in front of the freshly dug grave.

"I'll wait for you in the car. Take all the time you need," Nadine kisses my hair and squeezes me tightly before walking away and giving me space to mourn in private.

I slump into a park bench a few feet from the grave, the sight of the overturned dirt making me nauseous.

Closing my eyes, I tilt my head back to the sky, letting the sunshine fall on my face and dry my tears. I can do this, I remind myself firmly. I am not alone. Even if it feels like it right now. I've got Gemma and Nadine, and Kim and Val when our work schedules allow. Even Riley sent me a message expressing his condolences. I try to remind myself that even if Nana is gone now, too, I still have family.

The sound of someone approaching grabs my attention and I jerk my head in their direction. I was sure everyone had left already.

My breath catches in my throat as I'm met face to face with a particular bed head that at one point, had grown so familiar to me.

Unable to help myself, my mouth pops open in shock. All of these years later and the first time I ever saw him comes rushing back. Long dark hair that was always in his eyes is pushed off his forehead now, and a few more tattoos creep out from the collar of his shirt, but still, he will always be the same to me. The same crazy guitar player I fell so hard for.

"Emma, I hope you don't mind that I came. I'm so sorry for your loss," Beau's voice is soft and calm, no sarcasm or anger at all. "Peggy was a great lady,"

"You remembered," I whisper as he takes a seat beside me on the bench, causing the hair on my neck to stand straight up. "What're you doing here?"

He grins sheepishly and a million images flash through my mind - the very best moments when Beau helped me find myself in ways I never knew I could, and the very worst when his very actions had me feeling my lowest. "Sometimes I book studio space out here," he shrugs casually. "It's quiet,"

I chuckle once. What are the odds? I inhale deeply and his scent is intoxicating, setting off a series of memories in my mind. Waking up beside him, kissing him as soon as he got off stage...

"I just saw the obituary in the paper and I couldn't not come." He searches my face intently but for the moment, I'm at a loss for words. "I notice you aren't around much," he bites his lip, eyes full of emotion that I can't quite place. I smirk as the breeze picks up, blowing his dangly cross earring against his tattooed neck.

"I got a job just outside of town, I'm always passing through." I admit. Is that hope in my voice?

Beau nods. "So you did it, huh, went to school and everything?" He nudges me playfully but sparks of electricity shoot straight to my heart. Perhaps sensing the same thing, he pulls his hand away slowly and returns it to his own lap.

I nod, "You called it - an exciting dream of becoming an academic, I think you said?" I smile half way, not sure what to expect. Not sure if I want to expect anything. He smiles too and I continue, both thrilled to talk with him and surprisingly disappointed that he's been so close and yet so far. "It was everything I ever hoped it would be, you know?" Beau's eyes light up at the statement but there's something else there, too. I change the subject quickly. "And you, your solo career seems to be treating you well," I raise my brows at him.

"You heard about that?" He looks away quickly, and somehow I know we're both thinking of his song - the one he named after me. "Yeah, well. It took some getting used to but I kinda like having things my way," he grins the Cheshire Cat smile that I'd grown to love and my insides twist involuntarily.

"You don't say?" I smile too, despite the many nights I spent crying over that same stubbornness. "Thanks for coming," I place a hand on his forearm and hope he knows how much I appreciate it.

"I know how much she meant to you," His deep voice is soft and I close my eyes, willing myself not to cry in front of him.

After a few moments of quiet, Beau speaks again, drumming his long fingers on his thigh. "I thought about what you said a lot, you know? The day after you left I woke up in a jail cell for destroying something  - I couldn't even remember what and I heard your words in my head, you know, saying how you'd never go so low as to date someone like me." I flinch at the memory but he continues anyways. "At first I got so pissed off, but then I looked around and I realized you were right."

I shake my head, sending blonde strands flying around my face in the breeze. "Beau, I didn't mean it."

But he continues uninterrupted. "You were so good to me, so good for me. And there I was, with nothing to offer, except maybe some good music." He winks mischievously. "I pretty much sucked at everything else."

"You didn't," I protest, happy for a distraction from the lonely feeling of missing Nana.

He rolls his eyes and I finally see how much healthier he looks - his skin is brighter, no more dark circles, and his eyes are clear. "But I'm working on that," He nods more to himself than to me. "I got a therapist who suggested I get a dog, to teach me responsibility." He chuckles. "That dog doesn't listen at all, never does what he's told." Beau shakes his head as I burst out laughing. He rolls his eyes at me but sighs, "Karma's a bitch, I guess."

His green eyes search my face, like there's something he wants to ask. How long have I secretly hoped to see him again? And now I'm tongue-tied, about to miss my chance. But what if he's moved on? He seems like he's doing so well, what if he just wants to leave everything in the past? Can I blame him?

Is that what I want - to put everything behind us once and for all?

Beau let's put a deep huff and stands up from the bench. "Well, I won't hold you up. It was really nice to see you, Emma, even though I wish it wasn't like this. I'm sorry about Nana, you'll let me know if you need anything, right?" He stands and runs his long, tattooed fingers through his dark hair, still long even if it's not as crazy.

Wishing there was a way to prolong the conversation, I wave half heartedly, unsure how to say all the things I've wanted to for so long. "Thanks for coming, Beau. See ya around,"

With one last smile, one that reaches his eyes, he turns to walk away and I feel what's left of my heart break in my chest. To lose him once was bad enough, I can't just sit back and watch as it all slips away again. "Hey Beau!" I shout, springing off the bench and jogging to meet him half way, heels sticking in the soft soil.

He turns, a hopeful grin on his face. "Yeah, Em?"

I stop only when I'm right on top of him, tilting my head back to see his face. "Would you maybe want to get a coffee some time?" I barely hear my words over the hammering of my heart as I wait for his reply.

Beau's eyes light up in a way I've never seen before and his smile widens. "I'd like that."

Letting out a sigh of relief, I bite my lip to hide the goofy grin growing on my own face. "Great, I know just the place."

THE • END