Taehyung leaves for France on Friday, and I am surprised by how nervous he seems, along with his excitement about it. As we're kissing goodbye, I ask why he's anxious, and he tells me that he doesn't want to disappoint the fans.

"It's not a performance, though, love. You're just going to watch some models walk around, right?"

He rolls his eyes at me. "It is a performance, though. I have to represent myself, BTS, and the Celine brand. I've never done it before!"

I study his eyes, then smile. "Just be your usual beautiful, amazing self, babe. That's more than any fan could ask for." He squeezes me. "You're going to be there with Blackpink Lisa and... I forgot the actor guy's name..."

"Park Bogum," he says, smiling down at me.

"Park Bogum, that was it!" I laugh apologetically. We kiss again. "Well, have a wonderful time, my love! Call me if you get a chance. Safe flight!"

He steps into the elevator. "I'll call you for sure, Birdie. I miss you already!"

"Miss you, too!" I blow him kisses as the doors close.

Once again, I watch the Dispatch footage of him at Incheon. He looks so cute in his leopard print shirt! I chuckle fondly and blow him more kisses through the TV screen. 'It's amazing how you can get used to things,' I think. 'It's not even freaking me out to see my sweetie man waving to screaming fans at the airport wearing the same thing he just left the house in, anymore.' I watch him turn and head inside with his bodyguards and manager. 'He was so offended when I didn't even know who Hedi Slimane was.' I laugh. 'Why would I know that? Silly bear.'

___________________________________

I feel sort of tired and listless over the weekend, and don't really get anything done. I watch online news reports about Tae and Lisa and Park Bogum being greeted by screaming crowds who had camped out since midnight to see them, and another about Tae choosing his look for the fashion show. He looks incredible in a black sequined shirt, a red leather jacket, and black leather pants, with an asymmetrical diamond cascade necklace. Lisa has a black dress on, and looks painfully skinny to me. 'Gosh, if I knew her, I would nag her to eat, too!' I think, and laugh at myself. I feel faintly sorry for Park Bogum, because he has the fewest people yelling his name from the crowd. He looks nice, though, in a black outfit with a similar necklace to Taehyung's except straight across and with smaller gems.

The entertainment reporters are naming off all of the celebrities as they arrive at the venue, and I have never heard of any of them. I shake my head, and look at Lulu. "Who are these people, and why do they care about clothes so much?" I ask her. She has no answer.

Tae and the others pose for a bunch of photos before the show begins. I am amused to notice that he is the only person who is bopping and drumming his fingers to the background music when the models start prancing down the hall. 'He looks more handsome than a model, but he's still a musician. This is so weird and kind of awkward. Why are they doing the show in a hallway, instead of one of those, whatchamacallit, catwalk things?' I frown at the screen. 'This is the actual show, right? It must be.' As soon as it's over, I think, 'OK, come home now, babe!' and laugh at my own impatience. Then I remember that his family wants him to start picking a bride when he gets back, and I grimace and sigh heavily.

I am eating an early lunch in the employee lounge on Monday, after meeting with the songwriters. Tae was supposed to be home this morning, but his flight was delayed until early afternoon, so I'll head back as soon as I'm done with my meal. 'Shit, what am I going to do about his family?' I wonder. 'We haven't even been together for a year. I know that Korean couples sometimes marry after a few months, but this is so fast by American standards.' My heart is pounding as I absent-mindedly twirl my chopsticks around in my japchae.

"Eunen Sae-shi?" a voice says, breaking into my gloomy thoughts.

"Oh, hi, Jin-shi! How are you?"

"Can I sit?"

"Of course, of course! Please have a seat!"

Jin bobs his head and smiles shyly. "You look like you're thinking hard. I try not to do that," he jokes.

I chuckle. "Yeah, I've got trouble in paradise, I'm afraid." I study his world wide handsome face for a moment. "Jin-shi, how would your parents react if you came home with a foreign woman and said you were going to marry her?"

Jin's eyes go wide for a moment, and then he shoves a prawn into his mouth to give himself time to think. "I don't think they would be excited, at first," he says. "But if I really loved her, I would persuade them."

I feel panic creeping up, and my eyes are filling with tears. I swallow my bite of japchae, and ask, "What if that foreign woman also had a panic disorder, and freaked out and started hyperventilating every time you mentioned marriage?" I rub the tears out of my eyes, and laugh humorlessly. "Even though she loved you like crazy?"

Jin nods. "I would persuade her, too." He gives me an elder brotherly look. "Why do you think that happens, though?"

I exhale hard. "I just get freaked out whenever I feel any really strong emotions, actually. Which is no fun for me or Tae. He has been so sweet and patient about it, so far, but how long would you put up with a girlfriend who literally had an anxiety attack when she tried to talk or think about a future with you?"

Jin looks distinctly uncomfortable. "Eunen Sae-shi, you should ask somebody smarter these questions!" he says, doing his fake laugh. "Go talk to Yoongi or Namjoon! Even Jimin-ie!"

I laugh. "OK, OK, I won't pester you anymore, Jin-shi! I do appreciate you listening to me kindly. Tae's going to be home soon, so I should probably go and just try to figure everything out. I'm sorry to leave you here alone. Enjoy the rest of your meal, and thanks again, Jin-shi." I give him a head nod, and he returns it with his eyes bugged out and a noodle hanging out of his mouth. It works. I laugh again.

By the time I pack up my things in the studio and head out to the street to hail a cab, Tae is already texting me to say that they're on the ground. Self-quarantine has finally been lifted for asymptomatic travelers, so we won't even have to stay in the condo for the next ten days this time, thank goodness. I feel slightly nauseated, worrying about what we're going to do about his parents' demand. It gets worse when I pull out my phone and see a tweet about how he didn't even acknowledge the fans or cameras at Incheon - he just got straight into the vehicle without a single wave or bow. 'Shit, is he distracted because he's worrying about it, too?' I wonder. I spot a florist's shop and ask the cabbie to stop so I can get him some flowers.

Taehyung gets home about 40 minutes after I do, and his tired face lights up when I greet him at the elevator with the big bunch of red and pink peony blossoms. He wheels his suitcase into the closet and then comes out to the kitchen where I am arranging the flowers in a vase, and scoops me up in his arms.

"Tae!" I laugh. "Where are you taking me? Let me put this last flower in!"

He laughs and leans closer to the counter so I can place the final peony in the vase, then carries me into the bedroom and closes the door.

His voice is husky and tinged with sadness as he says, "I just wanted to be with you, Birdie." He lays me on the bed and smiles down at me. "I want to be with you forever."

I smile up at him, tears springing into my eyes. "I want that, too, Taehyung-ah."

He takes off his shirt and t-shirt and lies down. We turn on our sides, facing each other, and snuggle close, kissing gently. I run my fingertips over his chest and shoulder, and then down his back as our lips and tongues caress one another sweetly. He cups the back of my head and strokes my cheek bone with his thumb. He reaches down and tugs at the hem of my shirt, and I sit up to take it off, then unhook my bra and remove that, too. Tae sighs deeply, pulling me down again and sweeping his fingers across my breasts and then leaning over to suck them. I run my hands through his hair, massaging his scalp as he laves my nipples with his tongue, neither of us in any hurry. I stroke his cheek and smile down at him, gasping quietly, as his fingers tenderly trace patterns across my skin. Tae's hands travel down my abdomen, and he unbuttons my jeans as I sketch little spirals around his nipple with my index finger. I roll over on my back and lift my rear end off the bed so that he can pull down my jeans and underwear, then I kick them away. Turning back toward him, I unbutton his trousers and pull the zipper down, kissing his chest as I tug his trousers down past his hips. He pulls his boxers down, as well, and sits up to yank his feet free, throwing the clothes on the floor.

We turn on our sides again, smiling at one another, and then our bodies meet as we start to kiss again. I run my fingers along the smooth skin of his stomach, while he caresses my hip and then pulls my top leg over his. I move my hand down the front of his thigh, softly stroking it, and he sighs, cupping my buttcheek and allowing his middle finger to tease the lips of my vagina, making my whole core tingle. I gasp, and shift my hand over to flutter my fingertips across his testicles. The head of his erect penis is gently rubbing against the inner thigh of my bottom leg, and he pushes his finger in to rub my clit, then moves it down to draw circles around my opening. "Are you ready? You're wet," he breathes, reaching for a condom.

I reach down to stroke him. "Yes, please..." I whisper, and guide him into me. He sinks in up to the hilt, groaning quietly, and then wraps his arms around me and hugs me close to his chest. I drape my arms around his waist and twine my top leg with his as we begin to oh-so-slowly thrust together. I close my eyes and just let waves of love pour out of me. After a while, he pulls out and gently rolls my body over so I'm on my stomach.

I laugh and grab my pillow, putting it under my abdomen to elevate myself a bit, and Tae pushes back in from behind. "Ah, ooh, so deep. Why haven't we tried this before?" he laughs.

I gasp and laugh, too. "I don't know, but it feels so good!"

He relaxes down over my back and thrusts slow and deep, filling me completely. My feet are tingling, and my back arches against him as he plunges into me. I feel like I'm floating above my body, going airborne with bliss. I sigh heavily, "Tae, this feels amazing, but I want to see your eyes."

He pulls out and I turn over, smiling up at him. "Your face is pink like the flowers, Birdie," he teases.

I chuckle. "I blame you, sweet man," I smile up at him as he sinks into me.

"Oh, oh, why haven't we done this with the pillow before?" he asks. "This feels so good!"

"Mmmm, yes... Oh, damn, so good!" He boxy-smiles down at me and starts to thrust a bit harder and faster. I gasp and grip his ass to pull him deeper into me. "Ah, uh, yes!" I groan.

"Uh, Birdie, unh," he pants. "I'm gonna, I can't..."

"Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease AHHHHH!" I scream and jerk. He throws his head back and growls as he comes, then collapses down onto me. I sigh and turn my head to kiss his pretty neck, then whisper, "That was amazing, my love."

"Yes, it really was." He just chuckles and tangles his hand in my hair. Then he props himself up and looks down at me, telling me sheepishly, "Birdie, while I was flying home, I had this weird fantasy about just tying you up forever so you can't leave me."

I give him a 'what the hell?' look and laugh. "That doesn't seem like a great plan. For one thing, it's a felony. Probably a few different felonies. For another, it's really unnecessary. You know that my heart is already tied to yours, right?" I smooth his bangs back from his forehead.

"Is it?" His eyes are huge as he looks at me.

"Of course, love," I say. "How can you not know that?"

He smiles. "Well, that's OK then." He relaxes onto me again, laughing quietly.

"You are so weird, Tae, but that's why I love you," I say, giggling.

______________________________________

"KIM TAEHYUNG!" I bellow from the living room, trying to sound angry. He hurries out of the bedroom, looking very worried. "What the FUCK, babe?!" I say, but can't keep my straight face and start laughing.

"Birdie, what?!" he asks, looking confused but also starting to smile a little bit.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry," I say, trying to control my giggles. I hold up my index finger and bend over, puffing out big breaths through my pursed lips. Then I put my right hand up in front of my face, fingers spread and palm facing me, and bring the tips of my fingers together to indicate that I am focused and ready to try again.

Taehyung is really laughing now. "What are you doing?" he asks.

I nod at him and raise my eyebrow to make sure he's ready to try the skit again. He just waits. "KIM TAEHYUNG!!" I snort lightly and start to lose it, but manage to go on, thrusting my cell phone out at him in an accusatory way. "What the actual fuck, man? I knew you were dating Blackpink Jennie, but now you're also with Blackpink Lisa?!"

Tae leans in to see the gossip site headline and then just wordlessly shakes his head at me, his mouth hanging open in a still slightly confused and wary boxy smile.

"This article says that you have been rumored to be together for six months, love. Another one said three years. I don't know how the FUCK you have time, honestly." I 'tsk' and shake my head. "Or energy." I lick my lower lip and give him a flirty smile.

Taehyung laughs and says, "I was actually scared for a second! You are so mean!" He walks over and gives me a hug, then spanks my butt. I giggle and squeeze him.

"Well, I know how you pop stars are. Sheesh. Bunch of man hoes. You're living with me but dating half of Blackpink at the same time? Such a player."

Tae laughs, and says in his deepest voice, "Well, you know, a man has needs!" Then he bites his lip at me and leans down for a kiss.

I laugh at him. "I've noticed that about you, love. But what about my needs? What if I need to go pole dancing with you, too? Or is that you and Lisa's special thing?"

Taehyung's smile fades. "Oh, you saw that. Are you really mad, Birdie?"

"I saw it, yes. But why would I be mad?" I laugh and squeeze him again.

"I've been a little bit worried that you might have seen the videos and gotten angry at me."

I smile up at him. "Hmm, well, I guess I need more information before I decide if I'm mad. Did you put your tongue, or fingers, or dick into anyone else's body while you were in Paris?"

"What?! No!!" He looks appalled.

I nod. "OK. And did you see someone across a room and fall madly, hopelessly in love with them, so you're still obsessing over them although you didn't even touch them?"

"NO!" His eyes are huge.

I cup his face in my hand. "Well, why would I be angry, then?"

Tae sighs heavily and smiles at me. "You weren't jealous, though?"

"Oh, no, I was definitely jealous, love. I was insanely jealous of the people who were there and got to see you pole-dancing in person. You were so fucking adorable! You looked so shy!!" I throw my head back and laugh, and he joins in, shaking his head.