I can't believe that it's already time for the final performance of Permission to Dance Onstage in LA. As I walk in, an ARMY volunteer hands me a white placard with a red heart in the middle, which has "Jin" written in hangul in the center. 'Oh, that's right! His birthday is tomorrow, Seoul time, isn't it?' I think. Another ARMY tries to give me a paper crescent moon cover for my lightstick, also in honor of Jin-shi, but I regretfully tell him that I don't have an ARMY bomb. My seat for this show is at the front of the lowest balcony, looking straight at the stage. As I settle into place, I look around and feel thankful to have this birds-eye view of the fourth show.

I wouldn't have thought that it could be possible, but the guys turn up the energy even higher than before for their first set, dancing like their lives depend on it. The waves of love and energy pouring back to them from the crowd are so intense that I start to cry and hyperventilate, my heart spasming inside me. 'Should I go out and take a breather?' I wonder, briefly. 'No, this IS my happy place. Just calm down, idiot.' Fortunately, nobody else can hear the weird crying/laughing noises I'm making; they're covered by the sounds of DNA at 100 decibels.

I manage to stop panicking by the time they come back out for Blue & Grey and Black Swan, but I'm still a weepy mess for much of the rest of the show, and I can't explain why. I mean, how crazy-emotional do you have to be to cry through Boy With Luv and Dynamite, for peet's sake? By the time the guys start singing Mikrokosmos as an encore song, I have to pull a second bright purple paper facemask out of my stadium bag and switch the original one out, because it's totally soaked in tears. Namjoon doesn't help any with his 'ments, in which he keeps saying things like "This is our last concert!" "The final concert!"

'He just means in LA, right? Or did talks fall through for the Seoul concert? Are they leaving for the military soon, right after this?' My knees buckle and I sit down, suddenly. 'Tae wouldn't leave without giving me some warning first, right? Maybe the hyungs have to go, but the maknaes still have time...' I start to hyperventilate again.

The middle-aged man standing next to me looks over and yells, "Are you OK?"

I sniffle and nod, eye-smiling at him with my puffy red eyes, and yell back, "Yeah, thanks! It's just hitting me hard tonight!!" He nods and turns to watch the stage.

Chris Martin makes a surprise guest appearance and they sing My Universe as the final song, which goes better than it did at the AMAs.

And then it's over.

I can tell that I'm not the only audience member who feels the onset of post-concert depression. A lot of fans linger in the stands, picking up bits of confetti, chatting with one another, and just generally looking reluctant to leave. I remind myself that I could be the only person in the building who gets to go home to one of the actual BTS members, and this thought motivates me to go out and get into my rental car for the long wait to drive home.

Tae and the guys have a private champagne celebration this time, toasting to the completion of the concert series. He sends me a couple of funny still photos of the festivities, while I'm still in the parking lot. It's almost midnight by the time I get back to my hotel, and Tae is draped over the couch waiting for me.

"There he is, my superstar international K-pop sensation sunshine rainbow traditional transfer usb hub shrimp lovie-man boyfriend!" I say, laughing as I kick off my shoes.

Taehyung giggles too. "I'm not a shrimp, Birdie!" he says, sitting up and looking at me through his bangs. "Your eyes look like glass. Are you OK?"

"Oh, shit." I rub my eyes and then blink a bunch of times, smiling at him. "Yeah, I just cried for most of the concert, for some reason," I chuckle and look away, embarrassed.

Tae stands up and walks over to hug me. "It's OK. I'm sad that it's over too. But we made so many great memories!"

I squeeze him. "You're right, love. I'll never forget this trip with you!" I smooch his chest, and then smile up at him.

He smooths my hair back and tucks a loose curl behind my ear. "We're going to be busy with filming and press and then the show tomorrow, but Saturday is a totally free day." I smile up at him. He continues, "And we're going to be apart for a long time after that, like six or seven days, so I think that you and I should just spend all day Saturday here..." He licks the side of his mouth and grins.

"Mmmm," I hum, tucking my hands into the back pockets of his shorts. "I like that idea!" I grin at him. "We can pop some popcorn and have a movie marathon!"

Tae rolls his eyes and lightly swats my butt. "Yes, that would be the best way to use our time. Definitely." We both laugh, and he bends down to kiss me. Suddenly he stands back up straight. "Oh, I want to see what you bought for the night club! I've been so curious!"

I giggle. "You already saw it, but I can model for you, babe!"

He gives me a concerned look. "Uh, OK?"

"Wait right here!" I command, and push him gently back down onto the sofa. Trying to snicker quietly so he won't catch on, I go into the bedroom and pull the blue corset dress out of the bag. I rip off the tags and put it on, then put on my new heels. I don't bother with underwear.

I sashay out into the living room, then strike a sexy pose in front of Taehyung.

His eyes are huge, and his face flashes through lust, worry, lust again, jealousy, and some other emotions I can't catch as his eyes take it all in. His mouth is just hanging open, wordlessly. I do the classic Marilyn Monroe on the steam grate pose and blow him a kiss, but then decide that I've tortured him enough.

Through my laughter, I say, "I'm just kidding, Tae, this one is only for you! It was on sale, so I got it, too."

Taehyung heaves a huge sigh and stands up. "Ohmygod, Birdie!! You are evil! You gave me a heart attack! I was trying to think of what to say, so I could be a supportive boyfriend, but nothing was coming to me!" He throws his head back and laughs.

I walk up to him and run my hands up under his shirt. "Sorry, love, I couldn't resist!" I giggle.

"You're a bad girl, and need to be punished!" he says, lightly spanking my butt. "Wait..." he runs his hand up under the minidress and feels my bare buttcheek. "Unh!" he moans, and bends down to kiss the side of my neck, his other hand cupping my corseted bosom. "Oh, shit, you're too sexy..." he breathes into my ear. He traces the round top of my breast, then drops to his knees and lifts my left leg up, tucking it over his shoulder.

I gasp and bury my hands in his hair, throwing my head back and moaning as his tongue makes contact with me. He groans against me and draws figure eights on my clit with the tip of his tongue. When he slips a finger into me and expertly presses my g-spot, my knee buckles and I almost fall to the floor, it feels so good.

Some time later, I am running my hands languidly through Tae's wavy hair. My head is nestled down on his chest. My body feels so blissful, like it would just float off the sofa, up to the ceiling, if his arms weren't holding me in place.

"Hey Birdie?" he says, finally.

"Yes, Tae?"

"This dress is crazy sexy, but it's not very comfortable to snuggle with. It's poking my chest."

I laugh. "Yeah, it's not very comfortable to wear, either, to be honest. Silk lingerie is nicer!"

I sit up and climb off of him, and then hold out my hands to pull him up, too.

"Can you help me with the zipper, love?" I ask, and he carefully unzips the back for me, humming the Bruno Mars song Versace on the Floor. I look at him and giggle when I recognize the tune, and he grins, pleased with himself.

https://youtu.be/-FyjEnoIgTM

Suddenly he stops singing and his eyebrows furrow. "What is this here?" He gently runs his finger down my back, just under my shoulder blade.

"I don't know, babe, what does it look like?"

"It looks like you're hurt! It's a pink line, where your skin looks hurt!"

I crane around and try to look, but of course I can't see it. "Must just be where one of the corset stays was kind of digging into me. It's a tiny bit sore, now that you mention it, but I don't think it's a big deal."

Tae leans over and tenderly feathers little kisses along the rub mark. "This dress is sexy, but I don't like that it hurts you. I don't think you should wear it anymore. I mean, I will still have the dressing room picture to look at, anyway!" He wolf-grins at me.

I scoff and shake my head. "Yeah, or if I do ever wear it again, it will just have to be for a couple of minutes and you can take it off of me before we really get going!" He growls, and I lean over to kiss him, then crawl off the sofa and let the dress drop to the floor.

Taehyung eyes my naked body, a slow smile spreading across his face, and reaches to the side table to grab another condom.

We're cuddled up spoons-style afterward, and I am almost asleep when Tae blearily says, "Oh, you never showed me your real dress for night clubbing!"

I sigh and mumble. "Oh, that's right. I didn't get a dress, I just got a shirt and some pants. I don't want guys to hit on me."

Tae squeezes me gently. "I'm glad," he murmurs. "But you'll still be sexy. You just are."

I giggle. "Not Kim-Taehyung-with-a-paperclip-on-his-tongue sexy, but I do the best I can." We both chuckle as he gently picks me up and carries me into the bedroom.

____________________________________

Tae has to hustle away to his hotel at 8 am, but he promises to come to my place after JingleBall. I walk him to the door and smother his face with kisses, which makes him laugh, then go back to bed for another hour.

Tamika texts me mid-morning to say that we have an eight-thirty dinner reservation at Bestia, and then we'll be dancing at Exchange, where one of Bennie's friends is DJing. I suddenly get a vivid mental picture of the last time we were there, years ago, with all the flashing lights, writhing bodies, and the deafening music. 

I sigh, and wonder if I can just have dinner and then fake a headache or something; three nights in a row of large-scale entertainment feels pretty overwhelming, after my quiet covid-times life, and I already know that no nightclub show could even come close to matching a live BTS concert. Sighing again, I grab my concert earplugs out of my stadium bag and tuck them into my purse. Then I grab my bathing suit from the shower curtain rod, and put it on for a morning swim.

_____________________________________

Tamika and Bennie squeal and yell when they see me walking up to the door of the restaurant.

"Oh my god, gurl, it's been too long!!" Tamika shouts, while Bennie just keeps yelling incoherently.

I laugh and shake my head at them. "Hey, chicas, nice to see you!!" We do cheek kisses and then I hold Bennie at arms' length. "Damn, that's a tiny dress! Are you on the prowl tonight, B?"

She snarls at me. "Always, honey-girl. Always!" We all laugh.

"And Tam, you look hot, too!" She has on a dark purple bandage dress that shows off all her assets. I tsk and shake my head at her.

"Yeah, so why are you dressed like an auntie?" she asks, making a face at my outfit.

"Well, children, I happen to be in a committed relationship, but I don't want to talk about that. Let's go get seated, I want to hear everything you've been doing for the last five or six years!!" The two of them exchange significant looks, and then force a passerby to take a pic of us on Bennie's phone before we troop through the front door.

"Hope they let you in the club anyway, tia," Bennie says, tweaking my sleeve and rolling her eyes at me.

I laugh, and think to myself that I would actually be OK with being turned away.

____________________________________

We sit down and order drinks. I blanch at the $17 price tag on cocktails, and get a $10 glass of hard cider instead. Tam orders the beef tartare crostino for us to share while we decide on mains, as well. 'Wait a minute... I'm the not-fun friend, aren't I?' I think, and laugh to myself.

I choose the saffron gnocchi, and set the menu aside. Tam sets hers on top of mine, and then leans in with a serious look on her face. "OK, now. Your man. Spill. Photos. The whole nine."

I raise my eyebrows and smile at her. "No can do, chica." Bennie looks at me over her menu, surprised. "I signed NDAs." I sip my cider demurely.

They exchange shocked looks and both lean forward further. "Wait, is he a celebrity?! Are you dating an actor?! No, who is it? We won't tell anyone." I just raise my eyebrows higher and shake my head, smiling.

"Shit, is it a politician?" Bennie says. "I bet it's a politician. Look how she's dressed."

"Or... royalty?" Tam says, her eyes huge. "Do they have princes in Korea?"

I laugh. "Tam, girl, I know you went to college, because I was there too. They don't have princes in South Korea! They have a presidential system!"

Bennie looks at me for a moment and then her eyes get huge. My heart drops - she's a radio DJ, and I think she just put the pieces together. "They do have princes in South Korea. And they're here in LA right now. Bangtan Sonyeondan..." I try really hard not to blush.

Tamika looks at her, confused. "Say what now?"

"Christ, Tam, BTS! The biggest music group in the world! What rock do you live under?!"

"Oh, those cute Dynamite boys? Yeah, yeah, OK!" She rolls her eyes.

They both look at me. I look at them with a completely blank face, then pick up my cider and take a big swig. Just then the waitress comes over to take our dinner order. I am thankful for the reprieve.

As soon as she walks away, Tae texts me with his usual impeccable timing: We already sang, and this show is pretty fun, Birdie. How's the club?

I grin and text back, We're still at dinner, love. Haven't gotten our food yet, but I think you would like this place. I'll be home late, probably after midnight.

OK, have a great time!

You too! I wish we could dance together tonight, babe! 😚

We will later! 😜

I blush and chuckle, tucking my phone back into my purse.

"Oooooh, daaaamn! Girlfriend has it BAD!!" Tam yells.

I scrunch my nose at her, but I can't make my mouth stop grinning. "Shut it, T!" I laugh.

Bennie takes a big swig of her highball and eyes me over the rim. "Is it that cute little one, what's his name? Jimin?"

I sigh and just look at her.

"The tall drink of water leader guy? RN? No, RM?" I snort, but say nothing. "That swaggy rapper with the lyrics... Sugar?" I give her a pained look. "Or one of those pretty singer guys, the three with the dark hair who kind of look the same?" I cackle out loud, but don't reply. Bennie counts on her fingers. "I'm missing one..." she says.

I can't help it. "Yeah, you're missing the third rapper and dance leader. With the sunshine smile." I sit back and smirk at her, then look off into space theatrically.

"Shit," Tam says. "You know how she said she worked for a music agency, Ben? She's working for BTS! And working it with BTS..." I give her a pained look, but maintain my monastic silence.

They stare at me for a very uncomfortable thirty seconds. Finally I sigh and say, "You know Korean music agencies are really secretive. NDAs cover the private lives of all the employees, basically. So I could be dating a manager or a stylist or a driver, and I couldn't tell you about it. Or I could be CEO Bang Si-hyuk's side piece. You'll never know." I crack up.

Tamika glares at me hard across the table. "Nah!" she declares. "He ain't no driver. The way you were flirting with your phone, just now? It has to be one of those pretty BTS guys!"

A busboy comes by with more water, thank goodness.