Taehyung and the other guys are kicking it into high gear now, preparing for the live-streamed Permission to Dance concert, their first since Sowoozoo. I resign myself to a month of plenty of alone time, and try to think of ways to entertain myself.

I haven't spent much time in the mountains lately, or even outdoors, to be honest. Tae and I can't really just go walking around town, and I would rather be with him when he's available. But these weeks seem like a perfect opportunity to address my nature deficit. I decide that daily hikes in the lovely fall weather are in order.

The first day, Taehyung is up at 7:30 for an 8 am rehearsal, although "up" might be a slight exaggeration. His eyes are barely open and he's just sitting at the dining room table, slumped over a plate of toast. He doesn't look safe to drive himself, so I steal his phone, unlock it with his thumb, and text the manager to please send a car for him. I give him kisses and a quick hug, then head out to explore Namsan Dule-gil, which is not too far from home. The air quality isn't great, so I pop on an N95 mask as I walk to the bus stop.

I decide to do the loop trail, which is partially paved and relatively flat, but over five miles long. It's sort of crowded, but very pleasant, and I am enjoying just walking around and nodding to strangers. By about mile three, I'm getting tired. 'Sheesh, I am so out of shape!' I scold myself. 'I'm with a man who is basically an endurance athlete, and I am puffing after walking three miles...' I silently vow to use the fitness center at work a few days a week, from now on.

I make it around the mountain, enjoying the pretty little traditional buildings set amidst the forest all along the way. After my hike, I decide to take the cable car up to the tower and have some lunch. I get an N Burger for carryout, and sit outside on a stair to eat it. After this hasty lunch, I take a peace sign selfie with the tower, and send it to Tae, laughing at myself. He responds about 15 minutes later with a kissy face selfie, and I'm happy to see that he looks cheerful and his eyes are fully open now.

The city view is amazing, but I really want to take my shoes off and massage my tired feet. 'Tae would just go ahead and do that,' I think, and smile fondly. 'I love him and his aversion to shoes!' I wonder how rehearsal is going. 'My poor love looked so sleepy this morning. We weren't even up too late last night. I wonder if he slept OK? I didn't notice if he was struggling, because I just conked out right away.' I sigh, and vow to pay more attention tonight. 'Sweetie man. He always plays it so cool, but I think he gets really nervous before performances. I guess that never goes away...'

I watch a harried mom trying to corral three small kids as I finish my soda, then I take the cable car ride back down to the city. As I stare at the buildings slipping past the bus window, it occurs to me that I have time to make a more elaborate dinner than usual, so I start looking up recipes on my phone. I settle on dak galbi and mak-guksu, and make a quick shopping list. 'Should I go home and shower first, or hit Emart on the way?' I wonder. 'Might as well go on the way. Then I can just take a bath and a nap without worrying about having shopping to do. I don't think I'm too sweaty...'

I text Taehyung

Babe, what time would you like to have dinner tonight?

Let me ask, just a minute...

OK

They're saying we should be done around 7 or 7:30, so 8:00 for dinner? What are you making? 😋

How about dak galbi and mak-guksu?

Yuuuummm! We'll be in Gangwon-do tonight, hm?

Oh, are those Gangwon-do dishes? I just randomly picked from recipe sites! 😄

You're so cute, Birdie. Oops, gotta go! Love you!

Love you too!

Shopping goes without a hitch, and I put the groceries away and then luxuriate in a hot bath before crashing out for a two-hour nap. When I wake up, a song about the wind in the trees is mostly-formed in my head, so I hurry out to the living room to record it on my phone and get the lyrics typed into my laptop. Songwriting accomplished, I grab the top book from my to-be-read stack and flop down on the sofa, savoring the quiet leisure time. Lulu comes out from the guest room and lies down on the sofa arm by my feet, and I feel honored that the little brat wants to be in the same space as me.

Taehyung is hyped up but exhausted when he gets home, in an unusually talkative mood. He sits down at the table, filling me in on the set list, funny choreo bloopers, and all the guys' shenanigans during rehearsal. I put him to work chopping veggies while I prep the other ingredients for dak galbi - the mak-guksu is already finished and in the refrigerator.

We cook the chicken on a little portable table-top grill, and enjoy the noodles plus a wider variety of side dishes than usual, thanks to Tae's mom and her recent visit. He eats like he's never seen food before, after singing and dancing all day. "Ah, this is so tasty! Thank you for cooking this, Birdie! I am eating well." He crams a huge wad of noodles into his mouth and chews with his adorable duck-lips face.

I eye-smile at him. "You're welcome, lovie! I like cooking for you, because you're so appreciative. Also because you do the dishes for me." I laugh.

Taehyung eye-smiles at me, his mouth stuffed with more noodles. When he's finally able to swallow, he says, "Well, you had a busy day, too. Hiking, shopping, song-writing - I want to hear your song, by the way. I would be fine if you want to do delivery food instead, but your food is always tastier."

"Maybe I'll cook every other day for the next month. How does that sound?"

Tae nods, shoveling chicken and sweet potatoes into his mouth. "Sounds good to me!" he says with his mouth full.

I notice Tae stretching his back and grimacing as he's setting up to wash dishes after dinner. "Is your back tired, love?" I ask him.

"Yeah, it's just kind of tight," he says, shrugging.

"Where, across here?" I start to massage his middle back.

"A little lower... yeah, right there." I knead his lower back. "Aaaah, that feels so good, Birdie! Thank you!"

"Sure, babe. Any other sore places?"

He laughs. "Basically my whole body! But my neck and shoulders are really sore, and my feet. I feel my age today..."

"Aigo, my poor old man! So creaky and decrepit at twenty-five!" I say. "I think I'll have to wait until you're sitting or lying down to massage those other places, though. I wouldn't have any leverage on your shoulders, because you're too tall."

"Heh! Shorty." He smirks at me.

"Oh, yeah? Well forget it, then, you don't get a massage if you're going to be rude!" I laugh, swatting his butt.

"No, I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it! You're really tall! Actually really tall! For a short person."

"KIM TAEHYUNG! You are such a brat!!" I dip my fingers in the faucet stream and flick water at him.

He laughs and retaliates, but I decide to call a truce before the whole kitchen gets flooded.

Dishes done, Tae puts on his relaxation playlist and plops onto the sofa face-down so that I can massage him. I spend about forty minutes working on his whole body, trying to get the knots out of his shoulders and legs, and soothing his poor tired feet. He groans and sighs as his muscles gradually loosen up. Then he rolls over onto his side, his back against the couch back, so that I can lie down with him. We cuddle, chatting about this and that, sometimes singing along with the playlist.

Tae says, "It feels strange to be doing concert prep again, but I like it so much better when I get to come home to you." He gently strokes my hair, tucking a curl behind my ear. "Remember during the Sowoozoo rehearsals, when I invited you to walk on the beach?"

I open my eyes really wide and look at him. "Ohmygod, I was so scared! I thought you were going to tell me that I was fired or something!" I laugh.

"What?! Really? Why?!"

"I don't know, you suddenly called me out of the blue while I was buying cat food, and said, 'I want to talk,' so I was like, 'Oh, shit, I'm going to get fired!'" I smile at him. "But then we just went for a nice walk on the beach."

Tae is looking at me with his mouth hanging open. "I had no idea! I just really missed you so much, but we weren't together yet, so I decided to ask you out on a date." He laughs and wraps me up in his arms. "You did seem nervous, but I thought you were just shy about going on a date, like I was! I didn't know you were thinking that!"

"Yeah, at first I was waiting for the boom to fall, but you were just telling me about rehearsals and your costumes and stuff, all friendly. Honestly, it still didn't occur to me that you might be interested in me romantically. I didn't know it was a date." I giggle.

Tae laughs. "Aww, my poor Birdie! I didn't know that I scared you like that. I'm sorry!" He kisses my forehead.

"It's OK, love, I know you didn't mean to!" I eye-smile at him and give him a squeeze.

My legs and feet are still a bit sore, so I happily climb in when Tae asks if I want to share his warm bath. I sing him my forest song, acapella, and he suggests that I should make an album. "No, you're the idol, babe, I'm just a song-writer. Maybe I'll offer that song to Namjoon-shi."

He nods. "It's his kind of song, for sure. I'm not sure if it would go on his next album, though. I think it's going to be very different from Mono..."

"Oh?" I ask, eyebrows raised. "Is it going to be harder, like RM?"

Tae boxy smiles at me. "Maybe?" he says, his eyes twinkling. "I know you don't like to spoil the surprise, so I won't tell you too much." I pout at him, and he chuckles, then kisses the end of my nose. "I haven't heard it, anyway, I've just heard him talk about it a little bit," he clarifies.

I am sitting on the edge of the bed in my pajamas, massaging the bottoms of my feet, when Tae comes out of the bathroom after his skincare routine and tooth-brushing. "Oh, let me do that, Birdie!" he says, kneeling down in front of me and gently grabbing my foot. His dexterous fingers knead my tired muscles and bones.

"Ah, that feels so good. Thank you!" I say.

"It's the least I could do, sweet girl." He smiles up at me, his eyes glowing. I run my fingers through his damp hair as he switches to the other foot.

"You know, I might go hiking every other day, too. Maybe I'll alternate cooking and hiking, rather than trying to do everything."

"That makes sense," he says, kissing my big toe and making me giggle.

Our life settles into this new routine over the next few weeks. A few times, on their lighter practice days, I go into the studio to work and Tae and I have lunch together. Most days, I don't see him for twelve or thirteen hours, but it is such a comfort when he comes home each night, worn out but happy. He gets more and more keyed up as the big performance draws near. He also eats less and less, which worries me.

"You have to eat food to have energy, love. Why aren't you eating?" I scold.

"I have to be light on my feet to dance!" he claims, watching every bite of pasta marinara I take travel from the plate to my mouth.

"Sweetie, this is K-pop idol nonsense. ARMYs just want to see you guys healthy and fit, not all scrawny and worn out from starving yourselves!" Taehyung makes a wry face, shakes his head, and goes out into the living room to play a video game. The pasta tastes like cardboard to me, since Tae feels like he can't have any, and I put the rest into the freezer for later.

It's the morning of the dress rehearsal, and Taehyung claims that he is too excited to eat breakfast. He dashes to the elevator when the driver comes to pick him up, then turns around and runs back to give me a kiss. "Have fun! Be amazing!" I call out as the elevator doors close behind him.

"Love you!" echoes up the elevator shaft to me, and I chuckle.

As evening falls, I am just starting to prep ingredients for dinner when my text notifications chirp with a message from Jimin.

Eunen Sae-shi, Taehyungie got hurt and he's going to the ER.