For the first time in my life, I tune into the Dispatch live stream of BTS at Incheon Airport. It feels surreal to see Tae in the same Louis Vuitton outfit that he left the house in a couple of hours ago. I smile fondly when I see his toes sticking out of his sandals. 'My sweetie man would fly barefoot if he could,' I think. 'I'm still not sure about those pants, but love the shirt. He'll be really comfy on the flight, anyway. I wonder if I can just quietly move that shirt to my part of the closet when he gets back?' I chuckle evilly at the thought.

Taehyung is waving to the cameras, walking with his brothers and their bodyguards. I suddenly realize that I have extreme cognitive dissonance from seeing my boyfriend this way, and decide to turn off the computer and go take a bubble bath.

My phone pings from the edge of the tub.

Tae: 😘We're boarding. Love you!

I send him a pic of my knees and toes poking out of the bubbles.

I'm bathing. Love you, too! Have a great time!

A few minutes go by, so I set my phone down. As soon as I put my hands underwater, it pings. I laugh and dry my hand again.

🥵

🧜

Jin-hyung wants to know whose legs those are. Should I tell him?

Nah, message me his number and I'll send him pics, too.

BIRDIE!! 😱

I'M KIDDING, I'M KIDDING! 😂😘

He's not even your wrecker!

So you're saying I should send the pics to Namjoon-shi and Yoongi-shi, instead?

NO!!

I send him a photo of my mouth, laughing.

I love you so much, funny man. Have I ever told you that?

A few times, but you can tell me again.

I love you a ridiculous amount, Kim Taehyung-ah.❤️x♾️

I love you more.

That's mathematically impossible. 🤣🥰

I can, because I'm magic. You always tell me so.

Ooh, using my own words to defeat me! 🧙OK, OK, I surrender. But I still love you more!! 😍💞🥰

We're supposed to turn off our phones for takeoff. I love you the most! Bye! 😘

I chuckle and set the phone down again, then sigh. 'What the bleep am I supposed to do now? What did I do before I met that man?' I try to remember. 'Mostly moped around and listened to BTS songs, I think.' I laugh at the thought. 'I need to come up with a new hobby, stat!'

I pick my phone up again and get on the group chat with my friends in Pohang.

Eunen Sae: Hey, ladies! It's been a while. How's everyone doing?

Colleen: Wow, you're still alive! We were wondering. Pohang is the same old, same old. How's Seoul?

I pause. What am I going to tell them? I can't really tell them much about Tae...

Eunen Sae: Crazy! But my group is a little busy being international diplomats right now, so I have some free time to catch up with my friends. 😉

Kyung Hee: I saw that on the news, and thought of you!

Eunen Sae: Hi, Kyung Hee! You're here too!

Amanda: Me, too. My notifications started going off in a department meeting just now, so I pretended it was an emergency.

Eunen Sae: 😆 It IS an emergency. I NEED to know what you've been up to!

Amanda: Well, not hanging out with special presidential envoys, so...

Eunen Sae: Yeah, I'm real fancy now. You guys wouldn't believe how fancy. 😆 I attach a photo that Tae snuck and took of me at the Hybe party. See? Fancy, huh?

Colleen: Gosh! You look like a celebrity!

Kyung Hee: You're a Seoul hot girl now!

Amanda: Is that Bang Shi-hyuk behind you?!

Eunen Sae: Oh, yeah. Boss man, with the photobomb! Lol

Colleen: What are you doing for Chuseok?

Eunen Sae: Well, I'm not sure. No Bangtannies to hang out with, so... I considered coming to Pohang, but then I remembered what holiday traffic is like. Oh, hey, there's a new American choreographer here. Maybe I'll see if he wants to hang out.

Amanda: American choreographer?! Is he hot?!

Eunen Sae: He's handsome, yeah. And very talented. I guess I always assume that most male dancers aren't straight, but he could be interested in women, who knows? 😆

They all answer simultaneously.

Amanda: So true!

Colleen: I can't believe you said that!!

Kyung Hee: Is that how it is, in America?

Eunen Sae: I think so, yeah, Kyung Hee. Every rule has exceptions, though. 😉

Colleen: Well, it's almost time for our 2 pm classes. One last question, how is KTH doing these days? 🙂

Eunen Sae: Swathed in Louis Vuitton, probably snoozing on a plane over the Pacific, I would guess. Ha ha. I admit, it's kind of boring around here when he's gone...

Amanda: Oh? 🤨

Eunen Sae: Yeah. Nobody to write songs with... sob!

Amanda: Mmm-hmm... OK, sure. Well, we have to go teach! Catch you later, Seoul girl!

Eunen Sae: Bye bye!

"What time is it in Oregon?" I ask aloud. "Ten pm last night? I guess it's too late to call my parents. Can't call the twins, either, because it's even later in Colorado and North Carolina. Hmmm..."

I suddenly realize just how much time I've been spending with Taehyung lately, and just how restless I feel without him. "Shit. I can't be lonely already, he's been gone from Korean soil for like 45 minutes now. Pathetic." I slouch down in the water, and laugh at myself.

_________________________________

After my bath, I decide to go out rather than just moping around the condo. I head to Marronnier Park to look at some outdoor contemporary sculpture. 'Might as well get some culture, anyway!'

The sculpture includes several family groups in different media, dancers, a bull covered with metal washers, and a large rusty metal tripod that reminds me of the large-scale art that graced every open space on my undergraduate alma mater's campus. 

I am starting to feel a bit hungry, so I look up restaurants on my phone. Unfortunately for me, there is a cold noodle restaurant, but then three buildings away, there's also a samgyetang chicken soup restaurant! I'm so torn that I almost flip a coin, but it occurs to me that I can make cold noodles for myself. I've never tried to make samgyetang, so I go for that. It's a little nerve-racking that they only have indoor dining, but no other customers are there during the gap between lunch and dinner, so I settle down to enjoy my chicken/ginseng/chestnut/rice soup.

My notifications ping as I am separating the chicken meat from the bones and stirring it up. I glance over, and see that it's a text from Tae. 'Isn't he still on the plane? Surely he is.' Then I remember that the fancy private plane has good in-flight wifi.

Tae: Birdie! What are you doing now? I miss you already.

Eunen Sae: I miss you, too! I just looked at some sculptures and now I'm eating samgyetang. What are you doing, Tae? Why aren't you sleeping?

I can't sleep without you. Are you eating samgyetang alone?!

Yeah, why? Is that bad luck or something?

For me, yes. I want some samgyetang, too.

😄 Sorry, babe. It's very tasty. We should come here together when you get back. If you can't sleep, why don't you get one of the other guys to cuddle with you? Surely one of them would be willing. I'm worried that you're not going to sleep before your big performance.

I'm so used to sleeping with you, I'm afraid that I might try to kiss them or something...

🤣🤣🤣 Who would be most OK with being smooched? Hobi? Jimin? Or you might try to grab them inappropriately. Who has the nicest breasts? I think Namjoon. Too bad he's not a snuggler...

Aah, Birdie, stop! Now I miss your breasts, too. Stop!

They miss you, too, babe. I would send you a picture, but the restaurant owners might be shocked if I took off my shirt right now. Plus I don't want Jin to look at my breasts.

😳😆

ㅋㅋㅋㅋ! I guess you'll have to settle for a pillow, love.

Now I'm going to cry, too.

Wait, are you teasing me about this morning?! 😡 Come back here, I want to spank you!!

😂😂

My soup is getting cold, lovie. And I want you to get some sleep, if you can... Talk to you later? 💕

OK, enjoy your meal. I'll just be here with this stupid pillow... 🥺😘

Sweet dreams! Love you! 😘

______________________________________

Back at the condo, I take a nap, using Tae's pillow that smells faintly of jasmine and chamomile. He has a keyboard set up in the living room, so when I wake up I sit down at it and start a new song. For the first time ever, all the lyrics pour out in Korean rather than English or a mix of the two.

"Why is the sea so wide? Why is the sky so cold? Why does my heart ache so, every time we say goodbye?

These feelings are as old as time / But babe, they were never mine/ Your love has changed me/ And I don't know how to cope.

We're together and I float like mist/ You leave and I sink like stone/ I've never feared solitude/ But I'm afraid to be vulnerable.

Why do my eyes cry? Why do my knees give? Why does my heart ache so, every time we say goodbye?

I've been safe for all this time/ Wrapped up in armor made of fear/ My heart locked tight/ Secure in my rib cage.

But your voice called to me/ Your eyes saw through me/ You reached for my hand/ And now I'm laid bare in your sight.

And I know that you had to go. The world needs you, just as I do. And I know that you'll return to me. The waiting makes me crazy, though.

Come back, across the sea so wide. Come down from the sky so cold. Come soothe my aching heart, and be here with me.

I never thought I'd feel so strong/ I know now where I belong/ I want to be with you/ I want you here with me.

It's your love that can set me free/ You're the one who sees me/ Please take me in your arms/ And show me how you rise.

Come dry my eyes when I cry/ Come kiss my trembling lips/ And promise me that we'll never be apart.

I've been afraid of the heights/ Worried that I would take a fall/ But your sweet heart makes me brave/ For you, there's nothing I won't risk.

I'll let go of these worn-out fears/ That kept me in prison for all this time/ Strip off my rusty armor/ And give my beating heart to you.

And hand in hand we two will go. Together we'll set the world afire. I can't see the future plainly, but I know I love you dearly,

And I will until the end of time.

The end of time... 'Til the end of time."

'Sweet Jesus, that's mushy,' I think, shaking my head. 'Sentimental bilge. I wonder if Tae will like it?' I mop the tears off my face, laughing at myself. 'He left the house eight hours ago, and I've already turned into fucking Celine Dion!' I groan out loud, and laugh again. 'I don't know if I should even show him this one, it's crazy mushy. Embarrassing.'

My phone rings, and I fully expect it to be Taehyung calling, since he always has impeccable timing. I'm shocked when I see my mom's number instead.

"Hello? What are you doing calling so early?!" I say.

"It's not early there, it's late!" she replies, laughing.

"Yeah, but isn't it the crack of dawn there?"

"Oh, that's true. It's about four in the morning. I was just awake, waiting for the sunrise, so I thought I would give you a call."

I laugh. "I wonder if I'm ever going to have an old person sleep schedule like yours. I don't think you're old enough to be doing that, yet, though. You're supposed to be, like, seventy or eighty, not fifty-five, when you go to bed at 8 pm and get up with the birds!"

"Now, honey, don't give me any grief! I'll just hang up on you!"

I laugh again.

"Your sister said something the other day that made me think you might have some news..." mom hints.