So this is actually the first fantribe OC to be submitted into this book.

Just a disclaimer - I don't really like reviewing fan tribes, they're pretty annoying in excess and seem to be overtaking the fandom. But you're perfectly welcome to submit a character if you want to.

Thanks to ECDAdancer03 for submitting their character for a review!

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BASIC DETAILS;;

------ Name: Borealis.
Cool! Aurora borealis, I'm guessing?

------ Age: 4.
Neat.

------ Gender: Femalw.
I, too, am femalw.
(sorry I had to leave this typo in here I laughed).

------ Sexuality: She doesn't really know yet.
That's good! Having questioning OCs is fun.

------ Tribe: MoonWing. Although she pretends to be an IceWing and SkyWing hybrid.
Interesting. What is a MoonWing? I need some details about the tribe. Why does she pretend to be a hybrid? Can she get away with it easily? How?

------ Abilities: Her tribe can breathe crystals that can only be broken with diamonds or another MoonWing.
... oh? That sounds pretty similar to the enchantment on Foeslayer's cuffs in Winter Turning. Why can the crystals only be broken by other MoonWings? I can stomach the idea of crystals that can only be broken by diamonds, but how do MoonWings have the ability to break those crystals?

They are all born with a gift. Hers is a mental shield. She's immune to mind reading and animus magic.
That sounds a bit over-the-top to me. Firstly, immunity to animus magic and mind reading is a pretty heavy power - it basically protects her from every single magical ability in Pyrrhia. Secondly, you said a mental shield; how does a mental shield protect her from animus magic? Thirdly, what kind of gifts do MoonWings get? Do they all get insanely magical gifts (in which case, I would recommend changing this tribe really fast), or is she just special?

------ Relationship Status: No relationships.
Not surprising, given her age.

------ Occupation: She constantly traveled around, she tried not to stay in the same place for long, but now she goes to Jade Mountain.
Huh, I don't recall them having a place for MoonWings at Jade Mountain Academy. Why was she travelling around so much as a dragonet?

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PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION;;

------ Scale Colour: She has the coloring of a IceWing except the colors are more pronounced. It basically means she has scales that are a bit brighter than an IceWing.
Very good description, but is this common to her tribe? What colour are MoonWings usually?

------ Eyes: Brown.
Not complaining here.

------ Build: Small and wiry.
Isn't every female OC small and wiry? Then again, I can't be that pedantic.

------ Height: Quite a bit smaller than regular dragons since MoonWings are generally smaller than other tribes, but she's a runt so she's even smaller.
I like the addition of detail about MoonWings - if you're going to make a fantribe, you need to include this kind of information just about everywhere - but I have to say, you've contradicted yourself a bit with the "runt" thing. Runts are, generally speaking, small and unhealthy. So she wouldn't be wiry, she'd be scrawny: wiry implies agility and sinuous muscles, whereas scrawny implies weaker stature, which would be more appropriate to a runt. She may grow up to be wiry, but currently she's a dragonet - so she wouldn't have developed that build yet.

------ Wings: She has disproportionately large wings. Although they aren't as big as a SkyWing, she can fly pretty fast. But not as fast as a SkyWing.
I'm very glad you've clarified the extent of her abilities. No complaints here. Also, a small dragon with large wings would look a bit disproportionate, which is to be expected of a runty dragonet.

------ Other: She has a small glass bottle around her neck that she protects with her life. It holds a bit of her brother's power in it that she uses in emergencies. The contents are only visible to MoonWings so it looks empty. She has the silver teardrop scales like a NightWing, but no NightWing powers.
This detail is very good, but I don't really like the idea of storing power. Is that also something MoonWings can do? It sounds a bit far-fetched to me.

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PERSONALITY;;

------ Paranoid, submissive, jumpy, will try and help others from being hurt. Will get very hostile if you touch her bottle. Surprised when people are nice to each other.
This started off good and got progressively worse. Paranoid, submissive, jumpy? I like it. These are all very good traits and would make for some interesting interactions. Trying to help others from being hurt? Not so much. If she's submissive and paranoid, why would she jump in like the hero to save dragons? Surely she'd be too scared? More importantly, why does she try to save others?
And why is she surprised when dragons are nice to each other? If she's constantly trying to help others, surely she'd expect she's not the only compassionate dragon in the world?

------ Strength: She's pretty good at hunting although she's not a pro. She will do anything she can to stop others from being forced into something they don't want to do.
Why? Why is she so helpful? I need an explanation.

------ Flaws: She is a horrible fighter. She isn't that strong.
This makes sense, given her small stature. But just keep in mind that hunting and fighting are pretty similar - unless she hunts via stealth or trapping, in which case you should mention that.

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BACKSTORY;;
Because of her size, Borealis was a ClawWing at birth. ClawWings are the lowest-ranking dragons in her kingdom. They are dragons with disabilities, runts, or submissive dragons.
*inhales* Love me some ableism in the morning.
What are ClawWings? Are they a type of MoonWing, labelled thus by other MoonWings? (Similar to the way MudWings have a bigwings?). You need to clarify this. Also, just pointing out, the name "ClawWing" sounds a little bit silly: a claw is a part of a dragon's body, and so is a wing. Combining them doesn't make sense; it's be like having a subspecies of human called the ArmNeck. Why don't you call them LittleWings, because of their size, or ScapeWings (scapegoat, ScapeWing, I dunno; also it relates to the word moonscape pretty well, which ties in with MoonWing) or something like that?
I like that she was born lower-down because of her traits. It's good consideration on your behalf.

They aren't allowed to fight any other dragon, even in self defence, or go to a public school so she was homeschooled by her family. Her family loved her very much but that couldn't to anything against the rules of their tribe.
Huh, that's a bit extreme. Why aren't they allowed to fight?
More importantly, why did her family help her? I know most Pyrrhians would kick out a weak, low-ranking, unable-to-fight dragonet without batting an eyelid. Are all MoonWing families this loyal to their dragonets, or is hers special?

One day her brothers persuaded her to leave the MoonWing kingdom to see if she could have a better life than she did here. They gave her a bottle with a bit of their powers to use in emergencies.
... oh. Why did they want her gone? Were they being cruel or compassionate?

She goes around Pyrrhia pretending to be an IceWing and SkyWing hybrid to avoid suspicion since MoonWings aren't known in Pyrrhia.
They aren't? Where do the MoonWings live? How did she get to Pyrrhia? Considering she's still a pretty young dragonet, surely the journey would've been a bit difficult?

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COMMENTS;;
------ The good...
I think you have a good starting block with Borealis. Your descriptors are solid, and you have several interesting concepts and strong traits beginning to creep through. I'm also very interested in these MoonWings.

------ The bad...
Borealis has a lot of aspects that want for explaining. Most majorly, your portrayal of MoonWings: where do they live? What are they? What are their normal powers, names, customs, colours, etc? All the powers you've given her are pretty extreme: immunity to mindreading and animus magic, and she's a runt? What kind of powers do stronger members of her tribe possess? It all seems a bit much to me - as if you've overdosed on "exotic"  because you couldn't think of anything else. Have some confidence! Borealis has a lot of promise: you just need to rein a few things back.
Your personality is also pretty inconsistent. You said she's submissive and jumpy, but that she's altruistic and always tries to help others. Surely if she's so shy, she'd be too nervous to help out? Her family helped her despite her position as a ClawWing and showed nothing but compassion to her throughout her life, but she's shocked when others are nice to her. Either she's an unreasonable dragon (which can be a very good flaw, as long as you acknowledge it) or you need to check your writing for inconsistency.

------ How you can improve!
First things first, you need to look at the MoonWings: in particular, their powers. They seem a bit over-the-top for a Pyrrhian fantribe. Of course, if the MoonWings aren't your fan tribe, there isn't much you can do, but you can still make an effort to alter your OC.
Secondly, think about her personality. I've mentioned the issues up above - what with the inconsistencies etc.

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OVERALL RATING;; 6/10.
Holy moons I have so many more OCs to do. Why am I like this.

On the bright side I did just get back from a nice little fairground thing. Lots of animals and the such. Pretty nice.

- Siri Mom.