Author: mireyasatura

Reviewer: OutOfMyImagination

Genre: Romance/Comedy

Hello, and thank you for requesting a review from me. Since you didn't have any specific requests, I am covering the key aspects of the story; overall impression.

The cover relates to the story title and the first line of the book description. It doesn't give hints about the story, though, and I would expect something a bit darker with such a story. The story description is appropriate and tells us enough to know what to anticipate while reading the book. I would suggest rephrasing the first part of the description, specifically removing the "Written from the perspective of" part since it feels a bit out of place for me.

The first and second chapter has a bit of an info dump which could be divided into other parts since some of them feel out of place as well. For example, the story about Elijah's bracelet, it's a sweet story and shows his love for his sister, but it takes us out of the current story. Considering the same thing happened at the start of the first; same chapter, it disrupts the flow of the story.

The best way to show the characters' backstory is by connecting it to the current situation. You need to add a scene in which certain things would be relevant. So if I take the bracelet story as an example again, if that woman would ask about the bracelet or just comment on it, then the origin of it would be relevant to the current story as well. I hope that makes sense. You could apply this to the backstory about the parents as well, maybe when Elijah is dropping off Sasha at a friend's house.

The story flow is good apart from those parts where we see a bit of info dump. What I strongly advise is to look into Wattpad guidelines. At the moment, your book is barely not crossing them. Considering the Elijah's age when he started to work, it's just barely not banned content. If you would have scenes when his age is at that point, then it would be banned content. Read over your book and change things if needed. Making him older won't take away the shock, sadness, and dark parts of the book, however, it will secure your book more.

The plot seems interesting, and the psychological toll Elijah feels real. His love for his siblings looks natural. However, it's not clear how the parents died, nor the debts they had. How much it was or for what?

For the more technical side, your grammar and vocabulary are good. I would advise to look into dialogue punctuation though. I struggled with this concept as well, so I know it can be hard. A simple Google search for examples can shed light on the best way to punctuate dialogue. They also need to be in separate paragraphs, so make a new paragraph for each speaker.

I would rate this story three out of five stars. I see huge potential in this story, but it needs a bit of polishing and minor adjustments.

I would recommend this story to people who don't mind darker subjects, or enjoy complicated main characters.