It took Shubman three days for it to sink in.

Not that they were breaking up. He didn't let that sink in...why would he? There was no way they were breaking up.

It took him three days to sink into him that Ishan had even used that word for them.

Those three days also clashed with a wedding of a relative in the neighbourhood for which he and his sister were kept busy constantly. The little time he got to text Ishan, he got back curt, unfriendly, discouraging replies. His calls were mostly answered and rewarded with an excuse straightaway-I'm busy, I'm sleeping, I'm outside. His attempts to even bring up the B of the break up were met with a wall of ice instantly.

Shubman couldn't figure out what Ishan was trying to do.

Some of it must have shown on his face, because even very distant relatives at the weddings occasionally asked him, "Are you alright, beta? Not feeling well?" and Shahneel gazed at him warily for the most part of two days before finally asking, "Is Ishan's side not going well there?"

"No," said Shubman. "Not really."

"Aw, come here." She pulled him into a hug and pinched his cheek, as always harder than needed just to annoy him. "I'm so mad at this whole parents business right now for making you two go through this. But Ishan's parents have to accept it eventually, like ours did."

"Di," said Shubman. "Ish...Ishan was saying....he thinks....he's, he's sure his parents are never going to accept it."

Shahneel let him go to look at him.

Shubman closed his eyes. "But that's not possible, is it?"

"No!" said Shahneel. "That's not, that shouldn't be possible."

Shubman was glad for her support. But maybe if she was convinced, she would have spoken a little less forcedly.

"Di?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think there are people who love each other, I mean, when the love isn't the problem at all, who actually don't end up together because of....of parents, society... all that? Like. Like religion. Like caste. Like gender..."

"Well," said Shahneel. "I-I hate to say this, but I think very few people who love each other actually end up together."

"That shouldn't be how it is," Shubman said, pleadingly. "Love can't be such a....fragile, futile...thing."

"Love isn't the problem, Shubi. The world is."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When it had sunk in fully and the stupid, tiresome wedding was over, Shubman collected all his arguments in a systematic manner inside his head. Only then did he dare to book a flight. He wasn't going to go unprepared.

He ran them over in his head over the cab journeys and the flight. Persistence. Secrecy. Adults. Love. Happiness.

Yeah, he could remember all that. It wouldn't be very hard to.

The day was nearing noon when he was within a block of Ishan's house. He called Ishan.

"What?" Ishan asked sleepily.

"Morning," said Shubman. "Actually, afternoon. How late are you sleeping in?"

Ishan groaned.

"Get up quickly," commanded Shubman. "And come out. I can't come too close to your house."

"What? You're here?" Ishan seemed to have woken up in a hurry. "Why the hell are you here without telling me, Shubman?"

"I have a lot of points to discuss," said Shubman. "And you were not cooperating on text or call."

"And what makes you think I'll cooperate in person?" Ishan sounded seriously annoyed. "Your first series as captain starts in two days, who asked you to travel?"

"Ishu, will you please just come out?" said Shubman. "You can yell at me all you want in person."

"I'm not going out," said Ishan. "Firstly I can't go out without ensuring my parents won't probe or follow. And I don't want to go out anyway. If we keep meeting, we're never going to accept the break up."

"There is no break up!" said Shubman. "Look, if you come for a bit, I'll explain it all to you...."

"Shubman, please go back."

"All I'm asking for is ten minutes of your time." Shubman found himself half laughing, half crying at the memory. "See, you were so angry with me that time, years ago, but we made it out of that. We will make it out of this, too."

"That time I was angry but I was angry by choice, Shubi," said Ishan. "This time I don't have a choice."

"Why do you think so, Ishu?" pleaded Shubman. "I know they're been harsh now but how can you say they will not give in eventually if you persist?"

"Oh. God. Will you stop asking the same thing again and again?"

"You got scared after three weeks of persistence," said Shubman fiercely. "I thought we were prepared for all the years it takes! I was!"

"Don't you dare say I got scared," Ishan flared up. "My father asked me directly to choose. If I am his son, I had to stop it with you. Otherwise I'm not his son at all!"

"What? You didn't say that."

"Whatever," said Ishan.

Shubman felt it was unfair of him to use that tone with him.

All the same, if his father had used such a jerk move, Ishan was probably furious at everyone in the world, and Shubman could hardly blame him.

"All right, I'll stop asking the same thing again and again," said Shubman. "I'll even stop repeating that we can't break up. Will you just come out once?"

"No," said Ishan.

"Ishu, will you stop being so stupid and stubborn?"

"WILL YOU?"

Shubman was in despair. "If you don't come out, I'll go and ring the bell."

Ishan was silent, then said in a desperate voice, "If you do that, you would be making everything a thousand times worse, all right? Don't you-dare-do that." 

"I don't see how it could be worse," said Shubman.

Ishan proved how it could be worse.

He disconnected the call with a cold, angry, "Bye."

And then he refused to pick up any further.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shubman paced around the street, trying very hard to gather all his courage in his hands. He needed to hold the courage to make up his mind to go and ring the bell.

His courage had a bad habit of failing him when he needed it the most.

Every time he made up his mind, he remembered what Ishan's parents had said. They'd asked if Shubman had drugged or forced their son. They thought Shubman was playing a power game with their son.

He simply did not possess the courage to go and face them.

So he chose to believe Ishan would come out. Surely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun travelled steadily down from overhead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shubman found a ledge to sit and waited for hours and hours.

Surely Ishan would get tired of his stubbornness and come out once.

Once. 

For ten minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun approached the horizon steadily.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Was it possible he actually wouldn't come?

Could he be that stubborn?

Where did he get it from?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Night fell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ishan was seriously not coming.

Not even for ten minutes.

And Shubman could not go and ring the bell.

So he chose to walk all the way back to the airport.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He reached home when dawn was breaking the next day. His family, one of early risers, had just started to sip their tea.

"These up and down journeys will spoil your health, son," his mother scolded.

"And you've to leave for the series tomorrow, remember?" added his father. "You need the rest....you could have just asked Ishan to come over, since he's not playing."

"It's over," said Shubman. "Me and Ishan."

There was a shocked silence.

"For good?" his father asked.

"Dad?" said Shahneel.

"I meant, with finality?" their father corrected.

Of course not. Of course it could not be over with finality so long as we love each other.

But he discovered he couldn't say it. Somehow today, he couldn't believe in it anymore.

"Yeah, I think so," said Shubman. "I....I know so."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What is grief, if not love persevering?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~