Shubman could bring himself to speak after several long minutes, and only because Ishan sounded far too much like a zombie.

"Ishu? You...."

"Can I come to see you?" Ishan asked, in a small voice, but still like a zombie.

"I am not the one who waits for you to ask permission before coming," said Shubman, and immediately felt terrible. "No! No-I didn't mean-I would be honoured if you come..." That sounded too sarcastic, so next Shubman simply went with, "Yes, please!" 

"Straight to that relative's place?" Ishan sounded a little less like a zombie now. 

"Okay, um..."

"I wish I didn't have to see anyone on the way." Then Ishan might have added under his breath, "I love you," but Shubman wasn't sure.

Before he could say, "I love you, too," the call was dead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ishan was feeling removed from reality by the time his flight landed. He pretty much had no idea what he was doing with his life. He just wanted to see Shubman.

Shubman made that part easier by showing up at the airport.

"Hello," Ishan said, wondering if he sounded as scared as he felt.

Shubman's eyes were soft and normal now, and certainly not lifeless like in the TV, because they were filled with love. They were overflowing with love.

And love was the farthest thing from lifelessness. Love gave you life.

The realization that there was no reason to be scared brought a lump to Ishan's throat.

"Um, hello," said Shubman. "I don't remember saying hello to you much. We're not going to be all weird and formal, are we? Formal makes me nervous."

The realization that Shubman's behaviour hadn't changed a bit made that lump a bit more painful.

Ishan's voice was thick when he said, "No, of course not." 

They tried to offer each other a hand to hold at the exact same instant and froze. Normally they didn't offer, they simply took it. But this was okay too....it didn't take much effort or much long to close the distance when they knew the other wanted the same.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They reached a silent agreement not to talk much in the cab drive to Shubman's relative's house.

They kept their hands woven together tightly. Ishan felt like he was about to burst into tears any moment till Shubman gave him the first smile.

His smile was always so beautiful.

Ishan smiled back.

After that, they held hands and kept smiling at each other every so often till they reached their haven.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Instead of talking first, they chose the easy way again.

Ishan was glad Shubman allowed it. Or even initiated it.

His phone started ringing when they tumbled down on the bed, holding each other desperately and kissing still more desperately.

Ishan ignored it.

"Oh, Ishu," Shubman moaned. "Oh, Ishu, I-"

"I love you, Shubi." Ishan had never known how much he had craved to say that the past few weeks. "I love you, Shubi. I missed you so much. I love you."

"I missed every inch of you."

Shubman's voice had started going hazy to Ishan, and continued that way when Shubman made his intention of kissing every inch of him quite clear.

Ishan's phone rang again. This time, he pulled away reluctantly.

"I suppose I should tell bhaiya," he said. "I don't want to put him through what you put Shahneel di through."

Shubman groaned and tried to hold him in place.

"Just a quick call," promised Ishan breathlessly.

It was just too damn difficult to breathe with Shubman so close to him, looking at him like that. This was the sort of eyes he liked. Ishan smiled at the thought.

Not the awful, blank, lonely, awful ones from the interview.

There were some calls from his parents, but Ishan chose to pretend they weren't there. He called his brother.

"Bhaiya, I'm-"

"Are you all right?" Raj asked.

"Yeah," said Ishan.

"Where are you?"

"Well," said Ishan. "I'm sure you know where I am. I'm not going to repeat it to you if you've got Papa and Mumma-I mean.... I mean... If you've got your parents on speaker."

Shubman squeezed his hand.

"No, seriously, where have you gone now that Shubman's getting married?"

"What?" asked Ishan.

"Um, what?" asked Raj.

"What did you say?"

"You don't know?" asked Raj. "It's, uh, all over the news. The engagement and all...."

"All over the....the news?" Ishan turned to Shubman, who looked back questioningly. "Okay, bhaiya, I'll talk to you later."

"What's all over the news?" Shubman asked.

"Who are you getting married to?" Ishan asked, stunned.

"I don't know," said Shubman. "Ask my mother, maybe."

"How-how can you not know? My brother said the news says the engagement is done!"

"Yeah, I figured I could just as well give my parents the classic Indian arranged marriage...with a wife, yeah... where you don't see the bride's face before the wedding and shit like that. It doesn't matter anyway who she is."

Ishan felt like the world was swinging rather dangerously.

"Oh my God," he said. "You are completely crazy, Shubi."

"Took a couple of lessons from you, Ishan," said Shubman fiercely.

Ishan looked away. Shubman spoke quickly.

"It doesn't matter who she is. I'm going to see you all the time, anyway. Let anyone try to stop me."

"Do you have any idea how wrong that sounds?"

"WRONG? I AM SUPPOSED TO SEE RIGHT AND WRONG NOW? WHAT ABOUT WHAT THEY'RE DOING TO US? IS THAT NOT WRONG?"

"What about the girl, then?" demanded Ishan.

"Oh, yes," said Shubman hysterically. "Yes, you care about the unknown girl now! Innocents are hurt in any war...and all wars are not fought on the battlefield, you know, Ish!"

"You're treating this as a war against your parents." Ishan groaned. "You can't get back at them like this."

"I'm getting back at the whole world by doing whatever immoral, ugly thing I want to do, all right? I don't care anymore."

Shubman pulled Ishan towards himself roughly and kissed him on the side of his neck not very gently.

"So every time I make love to you, I'll know I'm spiting them all."

Ishan protested half heartedly as Shubman pushed him down on the bed still more roughly and straddled him.

"That doesn't seem the right spirit-"

But then Shubman was kissing him again and God, he had missed him so much he didn't care if anything was in the right spirit anymore and he didn't mind giving in till they were almost senseless.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Ishan could think straight again, he forced himself to say, "If you're engaged, we can't do this anymore, I won't wrong anyone like that, even if you want to."

"All right, here's a perspective," said Shubman. "She's being wronged. You're being wronged. I'm being wronged. Can you tell me who the fuck is being righted in return of so many people being wronged?"

"I-I don't know," said Ishan.

"I thought so." Shubman rolled over to turn his back to Ishan.

Ishan, ridiculously, found himself smiling. He saw happiness after a very long time, no matter if it turned out to be transient, as it probably would.

All that mattered was that he could simply reach out to put his arm around Shubman and hold him as they went to sleep.

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