Either I can woman up and confront my problems or jump off the nearest cliff with middle fingers high laughing fuck this shit as I plummet.

There's no cliff around here.

I checked.

I watched him from across the street while I hugged myself, staring at Harry as he simply bought a bag of mangos, conversing with the fruit stand man.

Turn around and drop those mangoes.
Turn around and drop those mangoes.

We've seen it in all those cheesy movies, where the lovers haven't seen eachother in years and the first thing they look for is their eyes, or smile, or even hearing the soft sounds of their laugh.

I was waiting to look at that ass.

There was a little voice in the back of my head saying 'what ass,' as I narrowed my vision to the black skinny jeans Harry was wearing but from what I remember my vanilla man sported a really cute ass.

Sometimes he'd be in our shower with his like back facing me, and even though his ass was small it was so tightly packed and firm.

Like a little FedEx package that has the word fragile stamped onto it.

Harry suddenly dropped his change, bending over to pick it up, his hair slightly longer than the last time I saw it, not fully reaching his shoulders but curling just perfectly at his jaw.

Hell yeah...

Two years since I've last seen my ex husband after I'd left him, since we've last talked or even heard from one another and the first thing he'll see after all this time apart is me wolf whistling across the street checking out his ass.

I always checked with Georgia or Carlos on how he was doing though.

Him, like himself and his life not his ass.

Okay sometimes I ask how his ass is looking these days over the phone but it's -it's me.

I could never really truly leave Harry completely and moving on wasn't an option, my goal was just to get myself better, to ease the panic attacks and to recover from my depression and fears after having a still birth with Olivia.

So now I was back here in our town where Harry stayed even after I left him with just a letter and my wedding ring on our bed.

It wasn't the best decision, it was stupid actually but I knew my state of mind would never get better being with Harry, watching him struggle to throw or give away all of the toys and furnitures we bought for our baby that would never live.

Catching him stare longingly at a family, a random mom and dad holding their baby in their arms when we're in public.

He wanted something that I couldn't give him, because I was just that afraid to try again.

I knew I was holding him back from having the family he's always wanted.

But now I'm back, I'm healthy, both mentally and physically and I feel like my old self again.

My happiness was Harry among other things but it was mainly him, just thinking about seeing him again without wanting to cry because I felt like I disappointed him in some way really helped motivate me.

"Hey, remember me? Your ex-wife, ha yeah, what's good man?" I nervously began to mumble under my breath, pulling down the sleeves of my sweatshirt to cover my shaking hands as I began to cross the street, keeping my eyes trained on Harry who was still looking around the outdoor market, not seeing me through the crowd.

Another step.

"S'up, those mangoes in your hand look really ripe. Almost as ripe as your ass." I said, whispering to myself and rewording whatever I was going to say when I approached Harry, shaking my head and trying to think of something else to say.

"I-" I began, my voice catching in my throat as I stopped in the middle of the road when I saw Harry take a small sample of little coconut chunks from one of the stands through the crowd of bustling shoppers.

He didn't eat it, he just stared at the small plastic cup of coconut before he closed his eyes and leaned his face down, inhaling the scent before he brought his head back up, opening his sad green eyes with a lost expression on his face that made me want to just run over and tackle him to the floor.

And that's when I knew exactly what I was going to say.

"You don't have to keep smelling coconuts anymore cause I'm here and you can smell me because I really love and miss yo-"

And then I got run over.

That's what I get for standing in the middle of the road like a fucking dumbass ready to be dramatic and reconfess my love.

I crashed to the ground along with the first three bicyclists who collided into my body while the rest of the blind marathon bikers ran us over in the middle of the street.

"Forward my brothers! No disability will stop us!" The leader in the front who long passed me on the ground announced as the rest of the blind bikers cheered, running over my toes, legs, arms, the wheels even tangling into my afro as I screamed, trying to crawl out of the way.

"Jeez, talk about a bumpy pavement ay Phil." One of them said as they rode over my calf, readjusting his black glasses as his friend nodded.

"They really need to fix this street." Was his partner's answer as the sound of their bicycles faded away, making me weakly raise my head from the road, only to find Harry gone and out of sight on the other side.

I dropped my head back on the ground and sighed, rolling closer to the sidewalk but finding my body too sore to actually get up as I rested at the side of the street, letting out a sigh while people gave me strange lingering looks as I closed my eyes, facing the sky.

Well, can't get any worse than this.

I don't really remember much that happened afterwards, it was kind of a blur and I only recalled a few bits of pieces.

I think I remember someone nudging my foot while I was splayed out on the ground with tire marks on my skin, opening my eyes to find Dennis, one of my frequent customers I used to tattoo when I worked at Georgia's place.

Then I remember catching up with him at his place, telling him about my problems and then eating some really good ass cookies he made.

Like they were really good.

Then I just... kind of blanked out... and had the best dream ever.

I dreamt of Harry, of us finally talking and seeing eachother after all these years, of him actually forgiving me and confessing he still loved me.

I opened my eyes, shifting my body on the foreign mattress that I was currently sleeping on, not knowing when or how I got there in the first place as I scrunched my face up at the feel of cookie crumbs on the bed.

I brushed them off the sheets, propping myself up by my elbows, scratching at my head in confusion.

"God my head..." An unfamiliar masculine voice groaned out from besides me.

"You said it." I sighed in agreement, rubbing my face with my hands before my head suddenly shot up, my wide eyes staring at nothing in particular in front of me as the realization began to sink in.

Oh no. Oh no no no hell no hell to the no no no.

I slowly turned my head to the source of the voice, my whole body freezing at the sight of a light skinned guy, laying butt naked besides me in bed.

It's okay Nat- it's fine, totally fine because it's not like you're naked and you haven't been with anyone after Harry, you'd never-

I looked down at my body, only to find myself completely nude underneath the blankets, hickies and love bites marked on my skin as my jaw dropped at the sight.

Totally fine, totally fine, totallyfinetotallyyyyytotallyfine-soFuckingfine.

"Morning sunshine!" Dennis opened the door, the wood slamming against the wall making me jump and scream, hugging the blanket to my chest in surprise.

Dennis lingered at the entrance in his slicked hair and bright blue sweater vest, a mug of coffee in his hand as he flashed me a white colgate smile that really did match his persona on the local news whenever he had to deliver the weather.

"Oh, well I see you've met my roommate Aaron, naked Aaron, meet naked Natalie." Dennis grinned in his usual nasally cheery voice as the man besides me stirred, taking a deep breath and rubbing his eyes before he turned on his side to face me.

"Morning naked Natalie." He simply greeted, not even bothering to cover up as I looked at his face, shifting my wide eyes between him and Dennis, completely freaking out while Dennis loudly sipped at his coffee at the door.

"Morning clothed Dennis." Aaron yawned, turning his attention to his friend.

"Morning naked Aaron, morning naked Natalie-"

"You all shut up. Ya'll need to shut up right now." I snapped, getting fed up with their awkward and cringy greetings as I pointed at the two of them with a stern face of a scolding mother.

"Ohhh... someone got up from the wrong side of the dick last night." Dennis cooed, covering his lips and giggling into his hand as if it was too early for him to be saying such, what he liked to call, "naughty" things.

"Dennis tell me, please tell me what happened last night." I begged, hoping he would see the rare serious look on my distressed face.

"Like you don't know you wild card." He giggled again, swatting his hand in the air at me as I slowly blinked at him, giving him a deadpanned expression.

"By the way sweetie you owe me two grand." He simply said, cradling his mug close to him as he nodded and pursed his lips together while my jaw dropped at his words.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, watching Aaron's hand creep up across the bed over to my side from my peripheral view to lift the blanket off my body.

"Try it and I will backhand you so hard google won't even be able to find you." I threatened, not even looking at Aaron as I brought my hand up ready to slap the shit out of him before his hand froze, ever so slowly retreating back.

"Oh honey, weed doesn't just grow on trees you know. I mean well, technically they do but not on trees but you get my point, and after you scarved down that whole batch of cookies I mean it's only fair." He explained, my whole face paling at the realization as I clumsily stood from the bed, keeping the blanket wrapped tightly around my bare body as I shuffled to him.

"They were weed cookies?" I blinked at him in disbelief as he fixed his bow tie.

"I may not look like a drug dealer, but that's what makes me so good at it." He whispered mischeviously, giving me a wink before he turned on his heel and left the room, still running his mouth about having to leave early for work to steal a co-worker's parking before I drowned him out.

I felt like I had just cheated on Harry, despite the fact that we weren't together anymore.

I only love Harry, I must've hallucinated- just like last time with Carlos when I ate those fucking brownies.

"Roll your weed into a joint, not into the cookie dough that I'm going to eat!" I yelled out, clinging onto the door before my chest rose and fell rapidly as I tried to steady my breathing, thinking about Harry if he had ever found out about this as I placed my hand on my wrist, absentmindedly running my fingers over the tattoo of Olivia's name on my skin.

It was something I always did to help calm me down, that and thinking about Harry yet that only seemed to make things worse as my eyes searched the floor, desperately looking for any open or ripped condom package before I checked the trashcan at the back of the room.

None.

No fucking protection.

"So Natalie right?" I heard Aaron's voice ask from the bed behind me as I blinked down at the empty trashcan at my feet, hugging the blanket closer around my body as I frowned, wiping my nose with the back of my hand and sniffing slightly as I thought about Harry.

And that was how I, Natalie Kaufman, single handedly ruined any chances I had left with the only man I love.

++

Either I can just man up now and face her or throw myself into the nearest trashcan and start a new life in the landfill to become rat king, never having to face my problems ever again.

"Sir, for the last time pleast stop trying to stick your body into that trashcan." The barista at the front counter called me out, making me freeze as I slowly turned to look at him.

"I was just uh- just trying to find something I dropped in here." I said with a tight close lipped smile, watching as the man crossed his arms over his chest with an unconvinced expression on his face.

"Yeah? What'd you drop?" He questioned with a nudge of his chin.

I glared at him, sucking in a sharp breath as I looked away and mumbled "my dignity," before raising my upper body from the trashcan and taking a few steps away from it until the barista finally layed off me.

I ignored the stares from the customers in the cafe because right through the window just across the street from this place was a gym.

And from the front windows of that gym I saw her.

She had her black hair tied back, dressed in a black sports bra and basketball shorts as she continuously and vigorously beat the shit out of the punching bag that was in front of her with an angry expression on her beautifully adorable flushed face.

My Natalie.

A part of me wondered what had her so worked up, I knew that everytime she was ever stressed or pissed she would let it out by boxing and fighting at the gym.

But most of me didn't care, all I wanted to do was run up and kiss my wife, to scream punch me instead because I just missed you that damn much with a big number one fan logo on my t-shirt.

I don't care if she left the ring, the signed divorce papers, the letter, she was and always will be my wife in my heart no matter what.

She practically owned my dick as well, I could tattoo the words "property of Nat" on it and it would make no difference.

It's been two long, sad lonely years without her.

"Hey Nat- hey it's your husband- uh ex husband technically. Wow you look really sweaty, sweaty and hot... So hot..." I swallowed, nervously running my hands through my hair and keeping my eyes on her inside the gym from across the street.

No you idiot, you can't fucking say that to her are you serious?

I paused on my feet, watching Natalie turn, her back facing me as she bent down to grab her waterbottle from the floor.

Fuck that ass.

Which I have.

Natalie would've laughed if she was by my side right now.

Two years since I've last seen my wife after she left me, since we've last talked or even heard from one another and the first thing she'll see after all this time apart is me pressing my face against the glass window of the cafe across the street, pushing my nostrils up against the window with wide eyes like a child, fogging it up and checking out her ass.

"I missed you, missed you a lot. It hurts to look at you- not cause you're ugly no but because- because I just don't understand why you left me but it hurts even more to not have you with me." I breathed, trying to get my feelings in check, not knowing what the hell I was going to say to her as I began to head towards the exit of the cafe.

"I still love you, do you uh- do you maybe still love me-" I suddenly bumped into someone right as I opened the door to leave, a small gasp escaping the person's lips before I tore my gaze away from Natalie across the street.

"Harry." Cynthia breathed out, my blood running cold at the sight of her blue eyes and the sound of her voice as I fought the urge to shove her to the side and make a run to the gym.

"Cynthia," I acknowledged with a distracted nod, trying to maneuver my way passed her.

"Harry we need to talk." She cut in, stepping in front of me and blocking the entrance making my whole body immediatly tense with annoyance.

"No, we don't." I countered back with a cold tone, meeting her eyes.

"About last week-"

"About nothing." I interrupted her with a sharp expression.

"What happened last week between you and I was a mistake, just like I had told you before. I was drunk and so were you, I don't even remember anything that happened that night, we were complete strangers and it was a mistake. So I'm going to tell you one more time. I'm married." I said, my voice thick with aggravation as I advanced forward to get through only for her to stay put in my way.

"Cynthia get out of my-"

"I know you're not married. Anymore that is." She tried to say in a sympathizing tone, still holding that determined look on her features as my jaw locked at her words, making her look away when I glared down at her while she rubbed the back of her neck.

"I know she left you, it's a small town. I know you still wear your ring as well and still address yourself as a taken man." She said with a shakey voice, her eyes drawing to my ring finger confirming her assumptions as I cleared my throat, stuffing my hands into my pockets.

"What's your point."

"I personally think it's sweet that you do that." She admitted with a genuine voice, finally looking up to my face as I tried to look over her shoulder at the gym.

"But maybe, do you ever think it's time to move on..." Cynthia trailed off with an awkward breath, fidgeting with her hands as I snapped my gaze back to her making her blink in shock at how quickly the rage formed over my features.

"Who the hell do you think you are that you can-"

"Excuse me," A guy cleared his throat, catching both Cynthia and I's attention.

"I don't mean to interrupt your conversation but you guys are kind of just standing there blocking the door." He simply stated, making me close my eyes and inhale before I grabbed Cynthia by her arm, taking her to the back corner.

"Where was I." I grit out, letting go of her to glare at her as she sighed.

"Who the hell do you think you-"

"Who the hell do you think you are?" I cut her off, shifting on my feet and pointing at her as she patiently looked up at me.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," She apologized, shaking her head at herself.

"No you shouldn't, now I've got someone to see." I told her, turning for the exit without another glance.

I reached my hand out, my vision trained on Natalie from across the street still inside the gym, my palm pressed against the door ready to push it open until I heard the sound of Cynthia's voice behind me from across the cafe.

"Harry I'm pregnant."

I froze at the exit.

The customers froze.

I slowly turned back to her, also finding the barista at the back behind the counter gaping at the two of us, pouring coffee and spilling it onto the floor continuously since his hand that was holding the cup was a good few inches to the side while all the customers looked up from their books, phones, drinks, and laptops.

"Oh shit, Jude Ima have to call you back," One customer at the side whispered, ending the call to watch.

I looked at Cynthia's face, trying to search for any hint of humor or any trace of dishonestly only to find none.

"You're..." I trailed off with a shakey voice, my eyes wide with horror and disbelief as my gaze fell to her stomach, as if that would be more of a confirmation.

"I have the proof, if that's what you're looking for." She said with a shakey voice, taking out a closed pregnancy test from her shoulder bag.

It can't be.

This can't be.

But Natalie.

"Look, I'll take care of the baby, I will take responsiblity but I-"

"I'm getting an abortion." Cynthia said with a slightly pained expression, causing the rest of my sentence to die in my throat as the whole cafe gasped.

There was a crash at the front counter.

The barista had dropped the coffee pot to the ground, still gawking at us with a slack jaw.

"An abortion." I echoed out after her in confusion, blinking at her in disbelief as panic began to seize my entire body.

"You, you would kill the baby, my baby?" I breathed, taking a shakey step towards her as our eyes locked, my fingers brushing against the tattoo of Olivia's name on my wrist for a moment as I felt bile rise in my throat just at the thought.

"It's my baby too and you have to know that I don't want this just as much as you," She quickly tries to defend herself, touching her stomach and taking a small step back from me as I neared here.

"You can't just kill the baby!" I exploded, my loud booming voice bluncing off the walls of the place as my breathing grew labored, my hands clenched into tight fists and my whole body shaking as she flinched at my tone.

Not another death.

"You can't just..." I trailed off, trying to calm my racing heart as I swallowed, my mouth suddenly becoming dry as flashbacks of Olivia came into mind, of her still, small, lifeless body in my hands.

My daughter, my first child.

"You have to know I come from a proud uptight family Harry. That night you were drunk, so was I. I never would have done that, I'm not like that at all and if my parents ever found out- if they ever found out I had a child and I'm not married," She began, looking as if she was about to burst into tears at any second as I glared at her.

"What are you trying to say."

Cynthia bit her lip, readjusting the strap of her bag hanging from her shoulder before she finally looked at me.

"I promised myself and my parents I wouldn't do anything like this until I was married. Until I had a substantial life and husband." She sighed, now taking a step forward.

"Maybe, maybe if we start over, if we really got to know eachother." She continued as I felt my gut twist in disgust at her words.

"I can't, we can't- I have someone to-" I stuttered out, blinking at her as she stood there in front of me.

"What are you going to tell her when you find her, that you got someone else pregnant in her absence is that it? I'm going to get that abortion if you decide to move on, if you can move on I can as well. It is also my baby and my choice, in this you really have no say." She concluded, my palms sweating as I looked at her, my mind slowly making her blonde hair and blue eyed features become similar to that of a pure monster's.

She was threatening a child's life if I didn't stay.

Not any child but mine, although not with the woman I loved it was still mine nonetheless.

I brought my gaze down to my Olivia tattoo, staring intensely at it, deep in thought before I brought my head up to look over at the gym across the street.

Natalie was gone.

I felt my heart and hope deflate.

What would I say now if I faced her, that I now have a child with someone else but still love her.

Aw don't be mad Nat, I was probably thinking of you when I came inside her- not like I remembered any of it since i was drunk as hell but now I'm a baby daddy.

Just not yours.

I gulped, feeling my eyes sting a bit before I looked over at Cynthia who was still waiting for my answer.

I took in a deep breathe.

"I'll... I'll think about it." I finally said, my voice hoarser than usual.

"You'll think about it?" She repeated with a raise of her brow as she crossed her arms over her chest.

I grit my teeth, trying to control my temper.

"I'll take you out, next week... Just, just don't kill my child." I said, knowing she could hear the desperation in my voice as she walked over to me with a small smile, making me look away when she got too close for my comfort as I felt her place a hand over my tattooed wrist where I was unconsciously tracing the inked letters of Olivia's name with my fingers.

"Our child." Cynthia said before her smile grew into what would normally come off as a warm and understanding gesture as everyone in the cafe errupted into a chorus of cheers and claps, hooting and hollering in celebration that everything turned out alright.

But it wasn't alright, nothing was anymore.

I felt nothing inside.

And that was how I, Harry Styles, single handedly ruined any chances I had left with the only woman I love.

AN: Wowww what a start though....