Jennifer sat playing with the hem of her knee length black dress as she awaited the arrival of her date. At the age of twenty nine she had gathered the courage to start dating again, after five years of being locked in her room on Friday nights.

The idea of going out with another person was something she forced herself to believe would be fruitful, but deep inside her heart she knew she could never let go of Kade.
Her late husband, one she knew since her diaper days, one she vowed to be with till death do them apart. Well, now it had yet why couldn't she stop seeing him in their apartment?

"It's been five years, Jen. Get over it." She mumbled to herself, glancing at her wrist watch. Since she started the whole blind date her friends at work suggested, she always landed a couple of minutes early just to prepare herself to not back out.

Her colleagues came up with the brilliant notion of setting her up with whomever they saw fit.

The previous ten dates she had been on made her question her decision, none of them caught her eye.

Maybe because your eyes are still living in the past. Her inner voice reasoned.

"Hey, th- Jen?" As soon as the deep voice registered in her brain, she got the feeling of familiarity.
"Xavier." She said as she looked into his warm shocked filled brown eyes. She couldn't help but take in all his features, time had done him well.
His eyes left her face for a moment and not so subtly looked at her left hand. The moment he did that, she felt her heart squeezing. Xavier and Jennifer went way back, high school was spent as best friends and so was college. He was invited to her wedding though he didn't show up, not like Kade was a stranger to him, he too studied in the same school. True they ever saw eye to eye but they were acquaintances nonetheless.

"I'm surprised to see you here." He said in a soft voice as he sat down opposite to me on the booth.

"What would you like, sir-ma'am?" A smartly dressed waiter stood over their heads sucking a little bit of awkwardness loaming over them.

"I'd like a Chicken Alfredo, Jenny?" Her heart let go a little upon hearing the nickname he had given her a decade back.

"Same, actually." Jennifer felt her cheeks heat up as his brown eyes settled on her, giving her a warm smile. The waiter left the two with a soft nod.

"How have you been?"

"On and off." She answered truthfully, placing her hands on the table. "Still taking photographs?"

"A hobby that now rests in the past, I'm afraid. The business world is cruel." She didn't want him to stop speaking, his husky voice brought feelings she thought she buried with the dead.

"How's Kade?" He addressed the green elephant in the room in a nonchalant whisper. Xavier knew of Kade's fate and it touched her that he still spoke of him as a person.

"I'd like to think he's well, finally with the stars." Her eyes glossed remembering how her husband dreamt of standing with the stars in a white astronauts suit. Once again her heart squeezed, milking out every painful memory.

"I'm so sorry, Jenny." A genuinely concerned hand placed itself on her paling hands. She hadn't realized she was looking down till his gaze burned a hole in a forehead.

Knowing it's best to face her fears Jennifer looked up, those powerful eyes stared into hers, begging her to love them.

"It's okay. It was a long time back." Though his hold felt good she withdrew and planted her hand on her lap.

"Still in touch with Stella?"

"Scared she'll hit you with a bat again for trying to hit on me?" They both laughed at the memory of her best friend accidentally hitting him with a baseball bat for slipping his hand on Jennifer's unsuspecting waist.

The entire evening was spent in laughter, the awkwardness that pulled them apart no longer stood between them.

"I'll take you home." Xavier offered putting his coat over her shivering form as they stepped out in the cold New York City.

"I'm just a few b-" She couldn't finish as he held her face and brushed a stray hair behind her ear. The couple stood amongst the rushing crowd, lost in a word of their own. No dead past haunting.
"I want to, Jenny." He took her cold hand into his considerably warm ones and tugged her towards his black Audi.

He pulled out the passengers door for her, somehow small things like that turned her into mush.

"Remember the time when we thought we'd grow up and live in the tree house we made up in the woods?" Xavier let out a small chuckle, still holding her hand on his lap. She joined in, the amateur wood work and random posters from her past a stark contrast to the high rise buildings they were cruising by.

"I actually did tell mom that I wanted to live there, and my fourteen year old self thought I had convinced her." She replied. Her mother had always adored Xavier as her own, and she could say the same for Xavier as he asked about her not a few minutes back.

She gave him directions leading her to apartment building and as the car stopped infront of it, she didn't want to leave.

"This has been amazing, Xavier." Sometime along the way he had let go of her hand and she hated it.

"It really has."

Xavier, being the true gentleman he was, came to her side of the door and pulled it open.
"We should do this again, Jenny." He said as he leaned in a little. His tall figure bent over hers, a good amount of distance between the two.

He looked in her green eyes and cupped her face, inching closer.
Jennifer thought she stood seconds away from cardiac arrest, the moment when his lips brushed against hers she pulled away.

"I can't." She knew why, heck he knew why. Her heart belonged to Kade, always will.

"Hey. Hey." He said, trying to bring back her attention, "It's okay, baby steps, Jenny. I will see you soon."

Maybe the definition of soon differed for them both by a mile because it had been a two weeks and Jennifer had vetoed date nights curled up at home.
She wasn't destroyed with just one meet, she wondered would she ever love anyone else?

Friday night came by as she sat in her most comfortable sweats and watched reruns of Game Of Thrones. A minute away from criticising a character, the doorbell sounded.
It was unusual that unexpected guests came over, she always knew because she had to buzz them in.

Nonetheless, she pulled the door open and her breath hitched. Xavier stood leaning against the mahogany frame wearing a black full sleeved V-neck a visible contrast to his blonde hair. He wore a navy blue denim and held a bouquet of lilies, her favourites, in his hand along with a bag of Burger King on the other.

"Do I get permission to enter, sweetheart?" His cheekily smile showed off his adorable dimples that she couldn't resist. Top that off with an endearment and any girl is a goner.
"What's the password?" She stood blocking the door as he shook his head. It was tradition for entry in the tree house.

"Jennifer is amazing." She laughed out loud but stopped abruptly as she caught him staring at her.

Clearing her throat she opened the door a bit more, beckoning him to come in.
He looked around the apartment, as she stood behind him fiddling with her fingers.

Her two bedroom flat looked like it was home to newly-weds, pictures of their honeymoon and other places still hung by the living room wall. Many more clattered around the kitchen island too. The wedding rings sat proudly in their cases on the television stand.

She felt uncomfortable in a way, Xavier could clearly see that she was hung up on the man she lost. But he didn't seem to mind, just smiled softly at it all.

"Ever wondered what Kade would want?" He asked in a small voice after close inspection.

"Everyday." She whispered back. At her answer he turned around and once again captured her in his eyes. A place she often found herself forgetting about everything else.

"You know he wouldn't want you to live your life halfheartedly ." Xavier pulled Jennifer towards the couch and sat her down. He held her hands, something he found himself doing rather frequently.

"Then he shouldn't have left with mine." Her voice was hardly audible, but it stunned them both. She hadn't let him go and Xavier realized that time may never come.

"He didn't have a choice, sweetheart. But you do."

"He could have stayed with me that night, Xavier, I told him. He still left, I should've tried harder, I-I," She whimpered as tears ran down her cheek. Not being able to stand the sight of her crying, Xavier brought her to his chest, whispering words she hoped she could decipher.

"It wasn't your fault, sweetheart. He was a grown man, made his own decisions." He said no more but only held her in his arms till the tears stopped and leveled breathing could be heard.

"I'm here for you, Jenny, I'll make you mine." He said in the stillness of the night.

Jennifer didn't know why her headache was beyond repair nor did she know why her house smelt like pancakes. Though, soon enough she didn't care as her stomach growled. Last nights events came tumbling down on her in a slideshow of embarrassing confessions. She always avoided talking about Kade in that way, she wasn't strong enough for it.
She went to the washroom ignoring her stomachs protests and took a glance at herself in the mirror and cringed. Her hair stuck out in every direction and her eyes were swollen red with bags under them.

Fixing herself up and she left to go see who the chef was.

"Good morning, sweetheart." He greeted her but that's not what made her choke on her breath.
A six foot tall, bare chested Xavier stood over her stove flipping perfectly circular pancakes. His back muscles flexed as he moved his hand expertly. His blonde hair was tossed carelessly and a genuine smile decorated his slightly stubble filled face. He turned around and her hormonal side went on a frenzy. He stood there with a chiseled chest and defined muscles with tiny hair leading to a place she knew she shouldn't be thinking about.

"Wha-" she cleared her throat as her voice cut off, "What are you doing?"

"Making food because you slept without eating anything." He gave her an innocent frown as she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Xavier. You know what I mean, where are you clothes?" At her words he just shrugged and brought out two plates.

He placed one infront of her and planted a kiss on her cheek before she could protest. Her hand immediately went up to her cheek as she looked at him with wide eyes.

"Xavier, I can't do this."

"Sweetheart, I'm not giving you a choice." He smirked at her, then brought his hands to cup her face, " I'm not trying to replace Kade, Jenny, that's not possible. But, I know your heart is big enough for us both. Let me be there for you, baby." She gasped a little at how straightforward the man infront of her was. Then she wondered, could she? Let her past stay and carry on with the future, with him? She knew Kade would want her to do whatever makes her happy and here stood a man offering her just that.

"Maybe." She replied with a hesitant smile as he pulled her close into a kiss she wished she had taken before.

Perhaps we love more than once.

*******
Hey, guys! Just. Watch. Video. Beautiful.
Love,
Rojesta. 💜