Hello, peeps! I know I have not updated this book in a while and I know this is affecting my sexiness. But sadly, the case will stay the same for a while.

Before we start this chappie, I wanna say something. I'll keep it short (i'm fucking lying).

There is this one unpublished chappie of CCE, titled "Black people stories be like" since 2019. I was about to publish it but then i didn't. Firstly 'cuz i'm not black and I cannot set apart an actual black person and  a fictional cliche-d Beyonce's sister. Similarly, I was reluctant to touch upon Christian, Spiritual, Indian, white, and a lot more because I didn't felt 'educated' enough to set apart fiction from reality. Even though I can touch upon 'Cliches in Muslim/spiritual books' or 'Asian books'; I won't. Why? BECAUSE I DON'T READ THOSE BOOKS. Therefore my half-assed opinion might seem stereotypical, offending, and uneducated.

I always talk about how this book is not mine, rather it belongs to everyone who reads it, enjoys it and comments on it. Everyone want things to be inclusive, which in itself is a good idea. 

So, can we make CCE more inclusive and more representative to it's audience? 

Do this all by asking 'real' people to share their saltiness and smexinesss in this book?

If you are interested, feel free to PM me. The only criteria is: if you are pointing cliches for Muslim content, you should be a Muslim and SOMEONE who has actually read books with #Muslim tag. I'll add some salt and pepper, and grill it in my unholy oven. 

Best part? You'll get the credit. :)

Shit... 264 words already? 

I hope you understand what I'm saying and help me make this book more 'representative' and a voice of more than just one person. Also, we'll keep this going i.e if more people come up with more cliches under a 'published' heading, then i'll just add their stuff (with appropriate credits) to that existing chappie.

Currently these categories are open for '-be like' series: Muslim, Christian, Black, Atheist, White, Asian, Mexican and gimme ideas, guys. 

Okay okay, let's start this chappie.

INDIAN STORIES BE LIKE

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THIS SMEXY INDIAN POTATO: SiaEnoch

Uh so-

MY DEAR GUMMY BEARS. hewwo:3

My name is Sia, and people also identify me as the aunt across the street that spreads unholy gossip about Mrs. Sharma, and this is a special segment by me about the over used Indian tropes.

1. Thicc accents:

Yes, my fellow pineapples! in our wonderful wattpad community (not sarc) Indians are almost always depicted as the nerdy boy who wears cargo shorts and has a thicc-er accent than  Heidi Klum's booty. Example:

"The expanshun raite of the shraks excretta whole ij fwor twendy percent. Vee vill newar gyet out of their alive" I look into his Indian colored orbs.

"By golly! What in the world do you mean, Rajesh?"

No.No.we hell to the definitely do not talk like that. Some of us at least.

First of all, If an Indian character lives in the UK for his entire life, he most definitely will not have  such an accent.

Second of all, we know what slangs are. Heckin' do not tell us that we don't know how to swear. If so then you guys should go see the traffic in Hyderabad. 

2. Satan's Yoga (AKA flippity-flappity):

Well, it's either that or the beautiful and smart bronze beauty who appears to be Priyanka Chopra Jonas's long lost sister. Example:

Well, maybe that was a bad example but it was an example nonetheless. And contrary to popular belief not all Indians have big bewbs. Horniness of Facebook, yeah. But not boob's as big as balloons.

 Continuing the idea of the above screenshot,  before ya know it, the characters would be doing satanic yoga while walking to the refrigerator.

4. Diversity

Believe it or not. WHITE. PEOPLE. EXIST. IN. INDIA. Like have you seen foreigners! We also have certain areas where people are as pale as White peeps (the Kashmir area).

Then there are Nepalis. They are wonderful people who honestly look more oriental than Indian, but that's just because of their geography.

Most of the times, just for the added #diverse  tag, the author puts in characters that have no background whatsoever and knows only one language. Hindi. Not normal Hindi mind you. Google translate Hindi. Which is a whole 'nother thing. And somehow the character always has some easy-to-pronounce Indian name like Raj, Ravi or Rita. Uncannily always starting with R.

Da faq?

5. Beauty and the Cadillac:

Despite what Raj from the 'Big Bang Theory' might suggest, most of us are measly middle class families, unlike you spoiled rich kids. We don't get pocket money to buy a laboratory which will somehow stop the end of the world.

Aditya drove up in a red Cadillac with an entire science lab tailing behind him. What a loser! His curly brown locks bounced in rhythm to the thrum of the smexy engine.

He raised a greasy eyebrow at me

"Wat are joo shtaring at?????111!!!!"

I shudder, my luscious blonde curls dangling down my scalp like the strands of hair from the bald dog down the street.

"Oh, nothing sire, was just fantasizing about your crimson hued auto-mobile"

Then before you know it, the MC and the Cadillac would have done Satan's yoga fifteen times already.

Welp. That's it. If you liked this rant then, check out The big book of sugar honey iced tea

#evenmoreshamelesspromo

I rant, give you overused sci-fi tropes, stupid advice, book inspo, and extra-virgin-olive-oil-orb-dousing-worth childhood stories. Now that was a sentence.

Vote. comment. Follow Lizzy and me ( if you haven't already, what are you doing with your life?)  and then proceed to vote on the next few chappies.

Meat you on the other side of asphodel,

Until next time.

Sia (SiaEnoch )

 Be sure to check out stuff written by SiaEnoch and contribute to this new '-be like' series. Ya'll are sexy and you should know it.

Love,

Lizzy