Would you rather die young or die alone?

As with most things, Rafe Cameron is on his way to the best of both worlds. At twenty-one years old, he's snorted so much coke that the price tag exceeds the wealth most people amass in a lifetime. The poison starts from within. The white powder erodes his insides until his breath and the words that ride on them are rotten. His bloodshot eyes only see red, and his hands are perpetually fisted as long as he wants the tremors to subside. Addiction is violent and desperate and nostalgic.

It all comes back to Natalie Sahal. Maybe it's because she, too, knows about early, lonely death. Maybe it's because even if Rafe Cameron dies alone, she'll kiss his cold forehead when they finally find it.

For Natalie, running away to college helped abate the violence and the desperation and the nostalgia. She'd hoped that for Rafe, running away from college would do the same.

He wasn't meant for school. It's not accepting of decaying words, red-seeing-and-looking eyes, and fighting hands. Anyone could have called it; where Rafe collapses, Nat prospers. He drops out of Chapel Hill before he can fail out, and Natalie gets two degrees from Columbia in three years.

Her arrival back in the Outer Banks is early for most—for the people who had been anticipating four years of reprieve—but it's late for Rafe. He's gone, gone, gone when Nat finds him, muttering about treasure in the Outer Banks as if he hadn't been the trove she was coming home to. Maybe he has always seen gold beneath the red, and this is just the first time Natalie's clear-minded enough to hear him. Either way, the poison in Rafe lights his veins up in a way Nat can't miss this time. He pulls her in with his violent, desperate, nostalgic hands, so she sends him away.

Rehab does for Rafe what school did for Natalie. When he comes back, he's different and maybe better. He's more subdued and aware and sad as a result, and now Natalie can't help but wonder if all that made Rafe nostalgic was his addiction. Rafe can't help but wonder the same thing about her. They've never loved each other sober.

Is it possible for two young souls to die alone in the same room?

NATALIE LAYNE SAHAL.
Cleopatra in Cutoff Shorts. Evil Genius. Home for the Holidays. Notorious. Moonlit. Crooked like a raven. Web weaver. Spun silk.
Dark eyes, darker mind.

RAFE CAMERON.
Mark Antony with a Million-Dollar Trust Fund. Boxing Glove Heart. Do or Die. Liability. Almost something. Hole digger. Self-soother.
Red eyes, redder fists.

NATALIE SAHAL / Alisha Boe.
RAFE CAMERON / Drew Starkey.
SERENA SOMMERS / Olivia Rodrigo.
HALLE SOMMERS / As described.
BARRY AMATO / Nicholas Cirillo.
MARGARET SAHAL / As described.
BOWEN SAHAL / As described.
MICHAEL MARCH / Mike Faist.
LUCKY ADIL / Riz Ahmed.

KOOKS & POGUES / Outer Banks cast.

Publishing this is the most irresponsible thing I could do short of causing serious harm to myself or others, and maybe that's what I'm looking for these days.

I have no plan, very little context, and a stomach ache: the perfect recipe for a good book!

This is an alternate universe where Rafe is present at the very beginning of season one but then Nat comes home and gets him help so he's gone for the rest. I'm going to write about the beginning of season one where Nat first comes home and then skip to when Rafe comes back because neither of them will be very involved in season one's events. From there, we've got full Pogue Rafe, but there's a lot of messiness in between. They're the most situationship situationship to ever exist, so you can imagine how that will be!

Also, if you couldn't tell from the description, I aged Rafe up so he's twenty-one. It won't really impact the plot; it was just so his age would line up with Nat coming home from school!

I honestly don't want to say too much more (because I know very little and I have to keep some shreds of mystery for myself), so I'll leave it there. Anyways, I'm so incredibly excited for this book. I've never written anything like it before, so please stay patient and stay tuned if you're interested. So many thank yous already for even clicking on this book!

XO,
Mada